When I first started seeing Mark, he didnt know I was forty. Honestly, I thought we would call it quits fairly quickly, but things got much more serious than I expected. We decided to marry and move in together. But theres one problem Mark wants a child, I sighed as I wrote this.
Mark is forty-three. Hes been married twice, but has no children of his own. His first marriage was a mistake he and his wife only lived together for a few months before realising they didnt love each other and parting on good terms.
The second time, Mark was twenty-six when he went down to the registry office. His new wife already had a child. They stayed together for nine years. He provided for, raised, and loved another mans child as his own, but his wife didnt want to have a child with him.
She was afraid Mark would leave her like her first husband did, and then she would have two children to bring up on her own.
After their divorce, she struggled financially, still repaying her ex-husbands debts, and before her son was born, Mark seemed to her the perfect man.
Thats why all of Marks promises couldnt soften her heart. She deliberately dodged the issue, always putting it off until later. In the end, they divorced.
It was then that he met Monica. Mark became so besotted that hed have done anything for her. The only problem is Monica doesnt want to have children either.
She feels as though her time for that has passed. She may not look her age, but shes convinced her body is no longer suited for childbearing. Mark only recently worked out that Monica was his peer he always thought she was about thirty-five at most.
Her youthful appearance comes from years of carefree living everything would be different with a child.
Monica worries deeply that having a baby would take away her spark. She doesnt think shes up for sleepless nights and all the associated struggles. Motherhood never appealed to her, even when she was younger, and certainly not now. Shes full of fears, so doesnt even want to discuss children.
At the same time, she dreads losing Mark because she truly loves him. Shes never fought so hard for a man before, and she has no intention of letting him go. She didnt want to deceive him and admitted truthfully that she didnt want a child.
Marks come up with a solution, Monica told me, a hint of disbelief in her voice. Hes suggested he could father a child with another woman, someone who wants a baby on her own. Hed sleep with this woman, and shed raise his child, with Mark helping out financially and being involved in the childs life. Apparently, there are women out there eager for this sort of arrangement he reckons someone would agree. And besides, Marks fairly well-off his child would want for nothing.
Can you imagine? Is that really a reasonable decision? Would you accept it if your husband wanted to have a child with another woman while you were still married and not via a surrogate, but the old-fashioned way?
Still, were both adults there needs to be some sort of compromise if its gone this far. Perhaps, in that way, Monica will be happy and so will Mark. But writing this, I cant help but wonder would I really find peace in a situation like this? Today Ive learnt that honesty in relationships is crucial, but so is understanding what we ourselves can truly accept and live with.
