Boomerang
What on earth did you say to my boyfriend?! bellowed Sophie down the line, so loudly that Alice jerked the phone away from her ear.
Me? Nothing, Alice replied calmly, clutching her mobile like a sleepwalker gripping a door handle in a dim corridor.
Oh, dont be such a liar!
Then Sophie unleashed a squall of accusations that seemed to echo around the room in odd angles. Alice stared at her phone in disbelief and then ended the call. Sophie rang back at once, but Alice wasnt going to pick up. Why would anyone volunteer to listen to insults that spin in impossible, circling patterns in the air?
Who was that? asked Harry, Alices brother, appearing at the kitchen door wearing a dressing gown printed with red apples.
Sophie. Seems like somethings happened between her and Max. Maybe a row? Somehow I got dragged into it.
Alice drifted to the window and gazed at the odd, melting shapes of Londons rooftops.
Harry, what could I possibly have said to Max? I havent seen him since his birthday, and even then I hardly spoke to him.
Harry shrugged, as if his shoulders were swans’ wings.
No idea what shes on about, honestly.
Their mum swept in, arms full of laundry, looking dreamlike and soft around the edges.
Well now, did you two eat? Whats the plan for today? she asked in a tone that was both brisk and echoing, as if spoken underwater.
Same as usual, Alice replied. Music lessons and then Mrs. Long for A-Levels prep.
And Ive got my rehearsals, Harry chimed in. Might pop round Maxs, too. He glanced at Alice and winked, but his eyelid seemed to ripple like a coin dropped into a pond.
You two grew up so fast! Mum sighed and the room stretched out, long and strange, as if time itself was made of soft toffee. It feels like just yesterday I brought you home from the hospital, and now youre leaving school and thinking about university
At least now youve got some free time, Harry snickered, Not chasing us round clubs and after-school lessons all afternoon.
She waved a hand, fingers dissolving slightly as she moved.
Oh Im sure Ill have grandchildren soon, so Ill be busy again in no time.
All day, Alice was buffeted by a foggy uncertaintywhat could she possibly have said to Max? And, most importantly, when?
The truth was spilled like tea leaves by Harry, who went round to see Max, as hed said he would.
Imagine this, all that dramas over a message you sent me yesterday, he announced grandly, as if presenting an invisible object.
What? What are you talking about? Alice frowned at her brother, everything wobbling around her like jelly.
Dont be thick, Alice! Yesterday afternoon you texted to say you and Sophie were at that café on the high street, and that shed gone home so you were heading out, too.
So?
We were out together last night, remember? I told Max your meet-up was over, so he dashed off to meet Sophie at hers. Maybe wanted to wish her goodnight, or sneak a kiss. It was always so romantic or so we thought
So whats happened?
Well, she turned up home two hours later than he expected. Said shed gone for a walk. Thats all.
Alice stared at Harry, sensing that time inside the room was moving in hesitant, blocky jumps.
Mmm Right. Makes sense.
You reckon she was meeting someone else, dont you? Harry asked.
I do, Alice nodded, feeling a strange drift in her stomach.
To anyone looking at them, youd think it was true love Alice, dont blame yourself. Actually, its good you always let me know where you are. Keep doing it.
Of course its not my fault. If she wanted to meet someone and not tell Max, she could have at least warned me Though, knowing me, Id still have texted you to say our meet-up was done, so really, she should have picked a different time for her secret adventures.
Following this strange tangle, Sophie was deeply offended by Alice. Sophie probably thought Alice had done it on purpose, but Alice had always kept her brother updated, because she liked feeling safe, knowing Harry could come meet her and they could go home together through prismatic, dawn-lit streets.
Alice tried two or three times to patch things up, but Sophie wouldnt speak to her, arms crossed in some ghostly, unreachable place. It turned out Sophie really had been seeing someone else, and after some peculiar investigation on his part, Max had broken up with her.
Oh well, if she doesnt want to make peace, then thats that, Alice thought, watching motes of dust spin and tumble in the sunlight.
This rift twisted Alices future plans in new directions; she decided to apply to a university further away, in a much bigger city, not the one she and Sophie had once dreamed of together. She chose a different courseone she liked for herself, not the awkward compromise theyd agreed on.
And she got in.
(Taken from daydreams and the Floating Library.)
Alice, are you really sure about living on your own, and in a hall of residence? Mum fretted, her voice a half-whisper, half-wind through treetops. Are you sure you want to study all the way over there, darling? Alice
Mum, honestly, Ill be fine. Alice tried her best to sound confident, like a voice echoing in an empty cathedral.
Her dad ruffled her hair, his hand huge and warm on her shoulder. Shes rightyouve raised a good one, Ann. Our very own Alice: picked her own course, her own uni, all off her own back. Clever, thats what she is! Dad beamed.
Its just, Harry was always by her side. I felt safe, Mum said quietly, shadows pooling beneath her eyes.
Harry cant always be there, love. Alice needs a chance to start her own life. Dads voice was firm, but seemed to come from deep inside a clock.
I know, I know By the way, Alice, do you remember Aunt Martha? Shes got a daughter about your ageher husband used to work abroad all the time…
Vaguely, Alice replied, though she had no image of them at alljust a faint sense of umbrellas and rain.
Theyve just come back from France and theyre living in that very city. Maybe I could write to her and you could stay a while, or pop over for a visit? Aunt Marthas my cousin, after all
Oh, Mum, please dont. Thatd just be awkward for everyone, Alice shook her head, feeling like her voice was floating away.
Are you sure you dont want to rent a flat? We could try to pay for it Mum suggested, her shadow long against the breakfast table.
No, Mum. I know itd be expensive for you and Dad. Ill be alrightlots of people live in halls. Itll be an adventure.
Simon was leaning against the window, peering at the procession of students below as if he were a lighthouse keeper watching dancers on a fog-wrapped beach.
Hows the new first years, Tom? Any worth meeting? he asked his colleague.
Oh yeah. Always plenty, Tom grinned, eyes flickering, his tie somehow too bright.
I bet youve already charmed all the nice ones, eh? Simon laughed. Spill, Tom!
Maybe, Tom snorted. You just need to show up to work more often, mate.
Jealous? Simon yawned, dreamily. You know, Im barely even on the payroll. So, did any of the first years agree to go out with you?
Nope, Tom shook his head. A few have boyfriends, a few just werent interested.
Oooh, interesting! I might have to chat to them myself. Youll point out which ones turned you down?
Tom smirked. Simon, youre terrible. Want to prove youre better than me AND ruin things for the girls? Why, though?
I want to, and I will. Its life experience! Next time, theyll learn to value the person right beside them. And those who refused you well, I want to win them over. Beat you, and all that.
Alright then, have at it, Tom moved away from the window. Im off to work. Lunch later.
When lunchtime arrived, Tom and Simon shuffled through the canteen, loaded their trays with meals that tasted like soggy postcards, and sat in the corner.
Go on then, tell me about the girls, Simon nudged. Tom began listing them, voices blending with the silverwares musical ringing.
The canteen door opened and Simon sawnot a girl enter, but a beautiful figure that seemed to float into the room, hair glimmering like polished honey.
Whos that? asked Simon.
That thats Alice, Tom murmured, tones full of velvet secrecy.
Simon shot him a sharp look. Youre not in love with her, are you? Has she said yes?
Youre right. Shes wonderful. But she isnt interested. Im simply not her type. Or maybe, shes just too focused on her studies.
On studying? Really. Did you ever ask about her parents, where she lives?
She lives in halls.
In halls? Tom, youre seriousshe knocked you back and lives in a student hall? Does she not realise youve got money, could help her pass her exams?
She doesnt care about money. And as for examslike I said, shes studying hard, and means to get through on her own. Thats just how she is, alright?
Simon was silent, staring at Alice, feeling her presence twine through his mind like the tune of a half-remembered song.
I bet shell say yes to me, Simon finally declared.
No, Tom interrupted, his tone snapping the air like a ruler. Leave her alone.
Alright, if you say so Simons smile was shark-like. He already knew hed challenge her story.
Alice strolled back to her residence. She didnt mind the oddness of student life: sharing a room with two other girls, having to cook for herself, the endlessly slippery showers down the hall. It was all fine, drifting and new. The main thing was to work hard, maybe earn a full scholarship, and soon pick up a research job.
Oi, sweetheart!
A dishevelled boy grabbed her arm, his face blurred and swirling like it belonged to last nights dream.
Come with me!
Alice hesitated. He tugged her determinedly and she stumbled along, even though resisting.
Let me go! Alice tried to cry out, but her words came out muffled, tiny, the way they echo in the dreams thick air.
The boy just laughed and pulled her harder.
Are you alright, miss? called another lad, stepping into their pathhis face clear and edge-sharp.
No! I dont know him! Alice gasped.
Husband, Im her husband! the scruffy one declared fiercely.
Can you prove that? asked the new boy, folding his arms.
The scruffy lad faltered; his grip slipped. Alice tore her arm free and ran, ran back to the halls, her heart fluttering.
What an idiot I amHarry told me a hundred times to carry a spray she thought.
Spray wont help, said the second boy beside her, suddenly there and running at her side.
She stopped and turned.
Its all fine, he smiled softly. Can I walk you back?
Yes of course, Alice nodded, feeling gratitude buzz oddly through her limbs.
And maybe a cup of tea? As repayment?
That sounds alright.
In that case, lets duck into that café at the corner. Its a nice place.
Alice nodded.
By the way, Im Simon.
Alice.
Lovely to meet you.
Time slid sideways, and before long Alice and Simon were officially dating. They saw each other everywhere, in buses made of clouds and parks shimmering with unseasonal daffodils. Alice started thinking perhaps, this summer, shed take Simon home to meet mum and dadmaybe even get engaged.
Ugh, who eats porridge like that? Alice burst out, stepping inside her room and practically tripping over the heavy aroma. Oddly, shed never noticed it before.
Whats the fuss? If you dont like the smell maybe you need a pregnancy test, her roommate said.
Whats that got to do with anything?
If youve suddenly gone off things, could be somethings up. Pregnant, or just gone a bit loopy. Pregnancys easiest to check.
Alice shot her a look, feeling queasy, and escaped the room, her stomach whorling.
Later, as they sat shrugged together on a bench, Alice broke the silence. Well, thats it. Of course, we planned something like this, just not so soon her words wobbled. She felt she was urging Simon to approve of her news.
Wow, really? How far along? Simon asked, eyes wide like windows in a storm.
Eleven weeks, Alice lowered her head; shed been so lost in study and love she hadnt noticed the days passing.
Excellent! Whats the doctor say?
Says all is well
Then heres what well do, Im off on a business trip for two weeks, then you move in with me for good. Deal?
Deal! Alice felt like the happiest girl in the world, drifting up like a red balloon.
But after two weeks, everything tumbled. Simon called, said hed changed his mindthe child might not be his, and she was free to go her own way. Alice tried to find him, but the flat hed been living in was gone, and his phone number vanished, as if it had dropped off the edge of the world.
What are you going to do? asked Alices roommate, as they loitered outside the lecture theatre, the sunlight warped and wobbly on the marble floors.
I dont know I think Ill take a leave of absence. What choice do I have? Alice sighed, helpless.
There are other ways her flatmate said meaningfully.
No, Alice shook her head. Its too late, anywayand I couldnt do anything like that, even if I wanted.
The bell rang, soft and echoing. The door swung open. Alice picked up her bag and followed the shoal inside.
Hi! said a boyTom, the one whod pestered her when she first arrived.
Hello! Alice managed a brittle smile.
Hows things? he asked.
Fine. (A lie, or maybe just a half-dream.)
Fine? Youre expecting, your blokes vanished, and thats fine? Tom said mockingly.
How do you know? Alice narrowed her eyes.
I know Simon.
RightTom, Tom was his name.
And you know, Im glad it happened like this. You let me down, made out you were all about your studies. All Simon had to do was play the hero and, bang, he got you. And now youll look at that kid every day and remember your mistake. Ha! Tom chortled, his mouth twisting like a broken umbrella. By the way, it was me who got Simon interested in youset you up, just to see what would happen!
Waitso this was revenge for me saying no to you? Are you going to torment every girl who turns you down? Youre a monster!
Alice dashed away, but Tom grabbed her arm.
Wait, thats not all! Simons got marriedjust a couple of days ago, Tom laughed, showing Alice photos of Simon standing at an altar beside a beaming, unknown bride.
Married? Alice stared at the pictures, feeling her sense of self shrink.
Her familys loaded, you know. Simon will ruin them too, just like he ruined you.
Alice straightened her back, voice sharp and clear. That has nothing to do with me now. And you, Tomand Simon, toothe wheel will come round for you both, sooner or later.
Yeah, yeah. Dream on!
Alice turned and left, her heart a pebble in a river of bad luck.
Now Alice rarely left her room or showed her face at lectures.
You cant go on like this, Alice, her flatmates pleaded. Youve got to live your life.
Alice nodded. Yeah, I know. But how? How do you trust people after this?
Start by eating. And going to classesyoure having a baby, you need to look after yourself, and you need to finish the year. Come on, get it together.
Alice knew they were right, but the world seemed to drift away from her fingertips.
I just dont have the energy.
Her friends exchanged glances.
Alice, since Simon got marriedmaybe you should find his wife. Tell her. Maybe she ought to know the truth
Alice sighed. Shes in love with him. Shed never listen. And anyway, what would be the point? It wouldnt help me.
Well, listen, let us know if you change your mindare you sure you wont go to class?
No, leave me alone, Alice said, sinking back onto her bed.
Once her housemates had left, Alice scrolled through her phone, searching for the brides profile, then tossed it aside. With a spark of will, she gathered her things and left for the university, feet feeling like they were wrapped in moss.
Alice wasnt sure how she managed it, but somehow she finished her exams.
Blimey, Alice, youve landed yourself in a right drama! Harry chuckled as he loaded her bags into the family car, ready to bring her home for the holidays. And you didnt tell anyone Not sure how Mum and Dadll take it.
Harry, Im scared too. But, well, its life, and theres no undoing it. Besides, there are upsides, Alice said, voice quivering just a bit.
Oh? Go on then, tell me. Harry grinned.
Im nineteen and Ive got a childthat means I wont need maternity leave once Ive found a job. My baby will be growing up and wont get sick all the time. Ill have to work hard so I cant be sacked, since Ill have someone depending on me. Andmost of allnow whenever I meet men, having a child will show right off whos worth my time, and who isnt!
Harry laughed, light catching in his eyes.
Glad you havent lost your optimism. Itll all work out, Alice. Ill always have your back.
At home, a surprise was waitingAunt Martha and her husband had come to visit.
Oh look here, our daughter just got married, Aunt Martha trilled, passing Alice her phone loaded with wedding photos. Alice peeked quickly, about to hand the phone back, when she realised she knew the groom.
It was Simon.
Well, I never, Alice thought. Simons gone and married my cousinnot a close one, but still.
Honestly, I dont see the marriage lasting long, Aunt Marthas husband added. He only married her for our money, Id bet anything. But he wont get away with it, not with us.
Alice smiled quietly. She wasnt sure what to do with this tidbit, or if shed ever use it. But she knew, deep downa boomerang will always come back to the thrower, sooner or later.
