Oh, look, Emily, guess who just walked in? The man of your dreams!
It was lunchtime at work, and I was sat with my colleagues when Rebecca nudged me, grinning. I glanced over my shoulder and there he was: Christopher Ashcroft. He greeted people here and there; a nod, a smile, a word, all with effortless charm. He looked as handsome as ever and, oh, how I envied those lucky ones who had caught his attention. Hed never once spared me a glance, not that I hadnt tried. I fancied him terribly.
Well, so what if hes here? I shrugged, feigning indifference.
Hes got you smitten, hasnt he? Anna chimed in, her eyes twinkling.
Oh, come off it, girls, said Sarah, jumping to my defence. Let Emily be. She likes Chris, what of it? You, Rebecca, moon over Tom all day. And Anna, youve got a soft spot for old Mr Bennett. Not to mention, youre married!
Alright, alright! The laughter swelled, and, thankfully, the topic faded away.
***
Not long after work, I was heading to the Tube when, out of nowhere, a young lad on a scooter crashed straight into me. Pain shot up my shin, and I realised my tights were torn. Brilliant.
Oh, Im so sorry! the boys mum rushed over, flustered and apologetic.
Its fine, honestly, I muttered.
Let me reimburse you for your tights, she insisted, fumbling through her handbag for some pounds.
No, please, I promise, its alright, I reassured her.
They disappeared into the rush of the city as I drew in a shaky breath and prepared to carry on. Then, quite unexpectedly, Christopher appeared at my side.
Need a hand? he offered. Ive got my car here, could give you a lift?
My heart hammered in my chest. I wanted to cheer and do a little dance, but instead, I kept my cool.
No, thanks. Im alright, I replied briskly.
He walked away, leaving me stewing over my own stupidity. Why on earth did I always clam up and act so icy around him? By the time I reached the Tube station, Id decided I was a complete foolpassing up such a chance with the man Id daydreamed about for ages.
At least now he said hello to me at work.
Time drifted on. Lives changed around mecolleagues got new jobs, one got married, Anna divorced and started seeing Mr Bennett. Everyone else moved forward, except me. My little crush on Chris lingered, a constant shadow.
Then one dreary afternoon, fate tripped me up again. A car splashed filthy water from a puddle right over my legs as I walked to the Underground. And, like déjà vu, Chris popped up at my side, asking if I was alright and needed help. Again, I refused, and spent the whole journey home berating myself for my lack of nerve.
The very next day, an email landed in my inbox from Chris himselfa group message, thanking everyone for the memories and letting us know he was leaving the company.
So that was that. Tears pricked my eyes. Id never see him again. End of story.
Oi, Emily! Suddenly, someone was shaking my shoulder.
What? I startled; it was Rebecca.
You saw the email? What are you going to do? Her eyes were wide with expectation.
I panicked. What was I supposed to do?
Er, I dont know…
Well, hes the bloke youve been mad about for God knows how long. If it was me, Id have sorted something already. You always hang back…
I sighed. Rebecca was fearless, always the first to take a leap. Me? Not so much.
Seriously, you just going to let him go? she pressed.
What could I do? I said, feeling hopeless as my safe world wobbled.
Write to him. Say it was lovely working together, andwhy not suggest a leaving do? Not a party, just a little send-off. Go on!
I dont know, Rebecca…
Oh, enough dithering. She plonked herself at my computer and typed out a reply before I realised what she was doing.
Done. Sent, she declared.
Wait, what have you done?
Chill out! Youll thank me. Get ready for your goodbye drinks.
I sat there in shock, doubting this was at all proper, but deep down, I had to admitshe had a point.
The date for Chriss farewell approached. I kept changing my mindone minute determined to go, the next convincing myself not to. I longed for Rebeccas confidence, almost resenting her for it.
Then suddenly, a new group email arrivedChris had been asked to stay another fortnight as theyd not found a replacement. The uncertainty returned, two more weeks of torment.
Just relax, please, Rebecca said, trying to steady my nerves. I wasnt convinced.
After another two weeks, Chris wrote that he and the boss had reached an agreementhe would stay on indefinitely, but the leaving do was still happening.
On the evening of the gathering, I was packing up when Rebecca called out,
Wait up, lets head to the pub together.
Youre coming my way? I asked, surprised.
Were off to the same placethe pub!
The pub? I stammered.
Rebecca laughed loudly.
What, you thought youd skip it? Not a chance. Youve been pining for Chris foreverdont you think its time you found out if hes the one? Or are you waiting until youre forty-five and realise you missed your chance because you were too timid?
I bristled, but then I saw the sense in what she was saying. It was time to stop sitting by, watching life go past.
Alright, lets go, I said, as decisively as I could manage.
***
How do you feel? Rebecca asked the next day at lunch.
Strangely pleased, I told her. Im glad you dragged me along. At least I know Chris is exactly as I imagined.
Hello, ladies! Chriss voice rang out.
Rebecca winked. Speak of the devil…
I tried to laugh as he joined our table.
Mind if I join?
Of course! we chorused.
That was how Chris and I slowly became friends.
***
So, whats up between you two? Rebecca quizzed me later.
Nothing, I sighed. Were just friends. He walks me home sometimes, pats me on the shoulder and says, Great night, should do it again.
I even mimicked his deep voice and Rebecca cackled.
Have you asked him out for a coffee?
No.
Perhaps you should.
I sighed again. Werent men supposed to make the first move?
And so it went onchats, cinema trips, theatre, concerts, all pleasant but nothing more. I started to wonder if Chris simply wasnt the one for me, that maybe, somewhere nearby, the right person waited, someone Id care about just as much, if I only looked up and noticed them.
One evening, I decided to stop pining. After another walk through the park, as Chris was about to say goodbye, the heavens suddenly opened and it bucketed down with rain. We dashed, shrieking with laughter, down the street.
My place is just round the cornercome on! he shouted, grabbing my hand. We splashed through puddles and skidded into his building and the lift. Without a word, we both reached for each other and finally kissed.
Who am I to you? I asked, breathless.
He smiled, My favourite girl. I just never quite believed I could meet someone Id dreamt about.
Sometimes the lesson comes late, but its simple: youll never know until you try. Ill not make the mistake of holding back, or waiting for happiness to come to me again.
