The Perfect Suitor
Ellie! Malcolm is a highly respectedand lets not forget, establishedgentleman. Most importantly, theres not a hint of a problem with money. So youll have, darling, a three-bedroom flat in Chelsea, a shiny new car, and a wardrobe rammed with posh coats. Mink, no less! A whole closet stuffed with them. Honestly, the man is the perfect catch. Youre not going to bag a better onewhat on Earth are you waiting for? I simply dont understand why youre hesitating!
I… I dont know, Ellie murmured, staring solemnly out the window.
And, truth be told, she really didnt know.
When Malcolm, after almost six months of rather persisting courting, unexpectedly popped the question, Ellie found herself a bit thrown.
Shed grown used to men who started things but never really made it to the end. She was, lets face it, quite a sight, and people would always say she had the lot. Brains, beauty, a sort of charm that made men on the High Street practically snap their necks trying to catch her eye.
God only knows what ran through their heads.
From nursery to school to university, Ellie was used to being at the centre of male attention. Even at her new jobnot two months inshe had more admiring colleagues than she could shake a stick at.
Yet, come thirty, the goddess (as the office lads called her in the kitchen when they thought she was out of earshot) was still single.
Her mother, Margaret, was positively incandescent about it all.
Ellie, love! Why are you dawdling? How long do you intend to be officially available? Beauty fades with the seasons! And, frankly, youll miss your last chance if you keep turning up your nose. Youre thirty. No husband. No childrenits just not right!
Ellie agreedsort of. But what was she supposed to do? The men around her didnt exactly seem in a rush to propose. Well, most of them werent. Some prized their freedom, some already had wives (and stamps in their passports), and some were just ticking boxes, racking up trophies.
Everyone liked Ellie, but they all preferred non-serious arrangements. You knowthe sort that come without any strings, maybe a bit of hand-holding for show, a posh meal out, a late film. Some even dangled trips to Greece for the week, though future together wasnt exactly on the menu. And, despite the apparent crowd of suitors, no one wanted to bank on forever. At nearly thirty, Ellie the goddess was still in the market.
Which, for her mother, was less of a disappointment and more of a national emergency.
But perhaps we could just see each other once a week? asked one of her more hopeful admirers.
Ellie just grinned. No thanks, I think the gym once a week will do me more good.
And so, not six months after starting her new job, Ellie managed to catch the eye of a certain Mr. Malcolm Bennett.
Like every other chap in the office, he was besotted with herbut unlike the others, he had actual clout. Second-in-command, big corner office, and the sort of managerial prowess only found in the more robust issue of the Financial Times.
So, lunches at the Italian across the way became a regular occurrence. Flowers and chocolates appeared almost daily on her desk, and somehow she found herself frequently deserving a bit of a bonus, though for what she never quite understood. She worked neither harder nor less than anyone else, but the only one with extra noughts on her payslip was her.
Ellie, darling, wont you have me round for tea one evening? drawled Malcolm on a Friday, voice as smooth as clotted cream.
For dinner? Ellie mulled, eyebrows raised.
Well, yes, weve known each other a whileits high time to take things to the next level, wouldnt you say?
Oh! I wasnt aware wed gotten to a next level just yet, Ellie replied brightly. But, youre more than welcome! I actually live with my mum. If thats not too frightening, come by.
Ellie smugly expected the mention of living with mum to be the kiss of death for Malcolms enthusiasm.
No such luck. He promised to show up with bells on.
What a persistent man! she marvelled.
Its true, Malcolm was determined. Most blokes barely lasted two months before the notion of meeting mum had them running back to dating apps, but Malcolm was unphased. He persisted.
How did Ellie feel about him? Well, it was complicated. It was flattering, of course, being courted by someone not only successful but also brave enough to go through a motherly grilling. On the other hand, Malcolm didnt exactly set her heart racing.
Still, he was an upstanding sort, neat suit, hint of tummy but only to show a healthy appreciation for Sunday roasts, and an air of distinguished about him. Not unattractiveif youre into budding senior management.
Malcolm had the age fudge down. Claimed to be thirty-five, while reality put him closer to forty. No one really mindedmidlife men in pinstripes always seem a hot commodity for ladies seeking security.
But Ellie played the waiting game, curious just how long Malcolm would chase her, and, more importantly, how her mother would take his age.
Oddly enough, Margaret was smittenperhaps even more than Malcolm.
She barely stopped herself from exclaiming, What a man! If only I were forty years younger!
He showed up with a banoffee pie in one hand and a massive bouquet of English roses in the other, kissed Margarets hand, showered her with flattery, and slipped so easily into the family that Margaret was left speechless (and a little pink in the cheeks).
Ellie quietly snorted, Well, at least someones in love.
Malcolm showered Margaret with odes about Ellies ethereal beauty and heartfelt speeches bemoaning his own intolerable lonelinessall very romantic, and only slightly rehearsed.
I have a lovely flat, a car, money in the bank, but no one to share it with. No wife, no kids, he sighed.
Oh, the poor man! murmured Margaret, throwing do something! looks at her daughter.
Malcolms visits became a fixture, and soon enough, he popped the question.
Margaret wouldve accepted on Ellies behalf, had he asked.
While Ellie sat there blinking, processing just how far things had gone, her mother clung to Malcolms proposal with the glee of a Black Friday bargain hunter.
If I were you, Id snap him up, she said, beaming.
I… will think about it… Ellie stammered weakly.
She thought and thought, for almost three weeks, yet made no decision at all.
It was clearly time to settle down. But was it right? Did she even love Malcolm? She couldnt say.
Ellie! Malcolm is quite the gent! And never mind all the resthes well-off, too, Margaret insisted. Youll have a Chelsea flat, a shiny new car, and more coats than youll ever wear. Hes the ideal husband! You wont find better, not in this lifetime. I just dont get why you cant see it!
But hes older than me, Ellie protested, feebly.
And what of it? Margaret scoffed. Your fatherrest his soulwas twelve years my senior. Age is just numbers on paper! Knock off the attitude or youll be left with only cats for company into your dotage.
Ellie was rapidly besieged on all sides.
Malcolm, Margaretwith nowhere to run, she finally caved.
Malcolm, after all, was hardly a disaster: loving, caring, generousand he was the only one brave enough actually to propose.
The deal was done. Ellie accepted. A diamond ring sparkled on her finger, and all that was left was to say I do in the registry office in just under a month.
Margaret set about wedding-planning with industrial fervour, choosing dresses, finalising the menu, sending invitations to every relation theyd ever met and a few they hadnt.
Malcolm assured her the reception venue could fit 100 guests, so bring everyone. Even the neighbours.
Things, it seemed, were going swimmingly.
Except Ellie wasnt feeling the least bit elated. More like a fish out of water.
No excitement, no tears of joy, not even the tight, silly smile shed expectedjust a persistent doubt eating away at her.
Are you sure youre not walking away from the best youll get? scoffed her best mate, Lucy, when Ellie confessed her jitters. Not every day you land a loaded, caring man. Prince Charmings a fable. Love? Look aroundeveryone just muddles through. Better to have a holiday in Spain every year and a fancy wardrobe than be out in the cold. And that ring! Its worth more than my car! Youre being mad, Ellie, I mean it.
Margaret, too, doubled downraving that Malcolm was a dream-come-true and shed be barking not to say yes.
*****
So, in a shiny white Rolls, bedecked with ribbons, Ellie sat in her wedding dress and tried extremely hard to look delighted. She focusedjust as her mother had instructednot on Malcolms actual face (a pair of button eyes uncannily reminiscent of cherries), but on his soul.
Everyone, her mother insisted, has a beautiful soul. Odd, though: the more Ellie tried to catch a glimpse, the less she was convinced he had one at all.
Time ticked on. Half an hour till the ceremony at Chelsea Registry, about the same time to get there.
They left lateEllie had dragged her feet with a dogged reluctance worthy of a bolshy mule.
But the pressure from Malcolm and her mother got her in the back seat.
Drive on a bit, will you, mate? Malcolm called to the chauffeur, his impatience palpable. We dont want to be late to our own wedding.
Ellie, meanwhile, was hoping for a traffic jam, a flat tyre, anything. She wouldnt have minded if the engine just gave up then and there.
Something felt off, and it was only getting worse.
Shed noticed Malcolms increasing displays of possessiveness recently. Dinner with friends, client partieseverywhere they went, he seemed determined the world knew: Look but dont touchthis stunner is mine.
And what if I wasnt so stunning? What if tomorrow he met someone more beautiful? she wondered.
Too many questions now. None of them reassuring.
As the car picked up speed, she was doing her best not to cry into the expensive makeup.
What am I doing? How do I get out of this? Thoughts pinged chaotically.
She needed a good reason to bolt from that car and avoid disaster.
And suddenly
A screech, sudden brakea shot of adrenalineMalcolm tumbled onto the floor, emasculated on all fours like an oversized Jack Russell. Ellie, clinging for dear life, almost burst out laughing.
What are you playing at? Malcolm snapped at the driver. Where did you get your licence, a Cornflakes box?
Sorry, sirtheres a kitten in the road. Tiny thing, apologised the driver.
A kitten? Cant you just drive round it?
Its dashing aboutone minute this way, next minute that.
Well, let it! If it ends up under the wheels, thats its own silly fault. Move along, weve a wedding to get to.
Malcolm! How can you say that? yelped Ellie.
What? Were already late! We cant miss our own wedding because of some stray moggy. The guests are waiting. My mother-in-law is waiting.
We cant just ignore it! We have to help!
We need to get married, for goodness sake! Malcolm retorted.
Ellie scowled, peering through the car windows to spot the frightened little animal darting between tyres.
And then, as soon as the driver tried to move off, she yelled for him to stop, swung open the door (nearly losing a stiletto), and took off, elegant skirt and all, onto the tarmac.
Ellie! Come back! Dont you dare! bellowed Malcolm, lumbering after her.
But Elliewell, Ellie was done listening. When Malcolm caught her arm, she yanked free of his clammy grip.
In her bright wedding dress, she dashed around cars and managed, finally, to scoop the trembling kitten into her arms. Its heart juddered so fast she thought it might burst.
Malcolm stood scolding her, aghast at the state of her glorious white dress.
What will people say? he gasped. Thats a designer! What were you thinking?
Oh, its a bit of dirt, but at least the kittens not squished, is it? Ellie shot back, bristling. Would it kill you to care?
For a kitten? Malcolm scoffed. No, but for that dress, yes. It cost a fortune! Have you any idea?
And now its about the money, sighed Ellie, gazing at the kitten. Well, that settles that.
Ellie, darling, we have to go! Leave the creaturesomeone else will pick it up. Weve got a wedding to save!
Im not leaving it. The poor things had a rough morning already. Ill take him. You can head to the registry without me if youre that keen. Rather a shame I never saw your beautiful inner worldturns out its rotten.
You what!? Have you lost your mind? Im calling Margaret. Shell sort you out.
Too latesorting is cancelled. I dont want to marry you, Malcolm. And here, you can have your ring back.
She wrenched off the platinum-and-diamond sparkler and lobbed it into the middle of the road.
While the driver and Malcolm dived after the thing, Ellie, clutching her new feline friend, strode purposefully towards the pavement.
Her phone started vibrating in her bagMalcolm, her mother, maybe both at once.
But Ellie couldnt care less. She knew exactly what theyd saypleading, guilt-tripping, manipulating. Enough of being someone elses puppet.
Ellie, after all, had simply had enoughjust like the little cat in her arms.
Time to live for herself.
Who, after all, had ever stopped her having a kitten at home? Her mother when she was little. Now, her nearly-husband. And Malcolm had nearly ordered the driver to run the thing over.
No, she really had to steer clear from men like that.
Ellie, wait! Malcolm roared behind her.
She glanced back as he stomped after her, swelling with the intention to drag her back to the car, wedding or no wedding.
Ellie broke into an awkward run. You try sprinting in satin and heels.
Just as Malcolm almost caught her, a dark blue Mini pulled up alongside, the passenger door flung openand the driver, curly-haired, grinning, waved her in.
Hop in, unless you fancy being tackled in a wedding dress, he called out, chuckling.
Ellie gave Malcolm a final look, rolled her eyes, and dove into the carkitten and all.
Instantly, their escape was underway.
Changed your mind on the wedding, then? said the driver. Im James, by the way. Couldnt help but notice the commotion.
Im Ellie. Yesin a word, Ive come to my senses. No idea what I was thinking. If it werent for this kitten, Id be stuck for life.
Hes a looker. The kitten, I mean.
Ellie snorted. Hes adorable. No idea what to do with him, though. I live with my mumshes not a fan of pets, especially after todays shenanigans. Cant think wholl take him till I get my own place.
Well, I live alone, and have a decent-sized flat. I could look after him for the time being, if youd like.
Ohseriously? You wouldnt dump him out on the street?
Course not! Why would I? You can check on him whenever you wish. Even every eveningthough I am at work during the day.
Oddly, Ellie trusted himmaybe because hed rescued her from a fate worse than boredom, or maybe because he was one of the very few who regarded her as a person and not a party piece.
On the way north, they chatted. James seemed decenttrustworthy, even.
He dropped her off at home, then took the kitten. Gave her his number, said she could call whenever.
She did. That very night, in fact. And, wielding a bag of kitten food, a rubber mouse, and a litter tray, showed up at his flat.
Thought you might need a few supplies, she smiled, brandishing the so-called welcome pack.
Thank you! I, er, hadnt thought ahead and, well, hes already crowned the bedroom carpet twice. Tea?
Id love some.
They quickly became friends, bonding more over the grey, fuzzy rascal than anything else. Soon, visitations became a nightly routine. James told tales of the kittens latest exploitslike eviscerating the bedroom curtain in three placesand instead of being grumpy, just laughed.
Ellie liked that.
Is Murph a good name? Its got a nice sound, she asked one Tuesday, curled up on his sofa.
I like it. I was thinking the same! Hows that, Murphsuits you?
Meow! Meow! replied the kitten, dashing from under the table and fixing them with a soulful stare.
I wonder when theyll finally move in together? thought Murph, as he launched himself after a new catnip ball.
James wondered the same, if truth be told. After Ellie called off the wedding, six weeks passed. She tried flat hunting, but to no avail. Eventually, James mustered up the courage to suggest she move in.
This time, Ellie simply said yes. Living with her mother, still fuming over her madness, was hellish. And Malcolm, still in mild denial, kept coming aroundforcing Ellie to hide in her room. In the end, she quit her job tooMalcolm wouldnt leave her alone at work either.
I will! she said to James proposalthis time, for real. Half a year after moving in, they decided to get married, quietly, with only their nearest and dearest (and obviously Murph) in attendance.
Margaret, still stubborn as an ox, refused to come or even call. But that was her choice.
Ellie, James, and Murph, though, were perfectly happy. Somehow, the three of them had found each other in this chaotic world.
And thats how the story goes.
