Betrayal
“I love you so, Katie. So much,” Alex whispered into his wifes shoulder, his voice barely audible amidst the darkness of the cinema.
With Kate, Alex felt enveloped in warmth, almost overheated, as the subtle sweetness of her perfume filled the air between them.
He leaned over, pressing a kiss to Kates lips; a chorus of shushing from behind reminded them of their surroundings.
“Is that so? Youd do absolutely anything for me?” she teased, her smile glimmering in the faint light.
“Anything,” Alex vowed.
They seemed the perfect coupleso close that words werent needed, sharing glances so deep they threatened to drown in each others gaze.
“Those two are really lucky,” whispered friends from behind. “Young, strong marriage. Never seen them arguecouldnt be better suited!”
“Well see how it goes,” shrugged Marina, Kates friend. “If you ask me, Alex is spineless. And hes oldthirty-five to her just-over-twenty. Of course he dotes on her, terrified shell leave. Shes ambitious, just like her mum. Hell be bending over backwards to keep up. I hear hes even found a second job to bring in more money for Kate. Honestly, hes a pushover.”
Marina seemed to relish saying things about her friends husband.
“Youre only jealous,” sighed Grace, a delicate, dreamy girl who spent afternoons reading poetry and listening to love songs. “Theyre one. Theyd each do anything for the otherthats what marriage is.”
“Oh, what do you know about real life?” Marina scoffed. “You try to force your poems on the world but thats not how things are, right? Theres no such thing as love! First comes passion, then day-to-day routine, and before you know it, youre happy enough in your little burrow, eating yesterdays stew. Silly! Thats not living.”
Grace said nothing, just shrugged her dainty shoulders
They were supposed to take the tube home, but Kate hesitated.
“Lets take a taxi, Alex,” she yawned, her tone heavy with fatigue.
“The tubes much faster, Katie! Come on,” Alex replied, helping her with her coat.
“Please, Im exhausted and my backs killing me. AlexAlex!” she whispered more urgently. “I might even be pregnant already. Thats probably why I feel so drained. Have some sympathy!”
Alex froze, his eyes huge, grasped her hands and kissed them, already flustered and excited by the thoughtno, the certaintythat Kate was having a child. Their first.
He couldnt help but smile like a fool all through the taxi ride.
Boy or girl? Maybe even twins? That happens, surely. What should he do? How to help her? What else to buy?
These thoughts whirled in his mind until they reached their block. Thats when Kate announced she fancied a beer.
“Kate, is that wise? Probably not for the baby!” Alex protested uncertainly.
“For whom? Beer? Are you cracked?” Kate laughed, heading to the corner shop and buying herself a can.
“For the baby. You just said” Alex trailed off, glancing at the barely-there curve of her stomach, of which Kate was especially proud.
“Oh, Alex, you gullible thing!” she rang out, her laughter like bellsa sound he loved. “You really believed me? Silly! How should I know if Im pregnant? I only said it to make you fuss. Never mind, herehave a sipits cold. Its good!” She pressed the can into his hand; he shook his head. “Upset? Sorry, just a poor joke, dont sulk!”
She leaned in for a kiss but he resisted. Kate frowned and strode ahead.
Disappointing as it was, Alex kept reassuring himselfa baby would come, all in good time. Still, he felt the tiny flame inside him snuffed out, leaving only coldness where warmth should linger
Six months on, Kates doctor delivered the news.
“Pregnant. Eight weeks,” Dr. Ingleby announced, hands freshly washed.
“You must be joking,” Kate blurted from behind the curtain, struggling with her tights, her skirt forming creases, a familiar wave of fatigue washing over her.
“Theres no joke,” the doctor nodded, producing a scan and blood test. “How are you feeling, Mrs. Barton?” Ingleby asked, settling behind her desk.
“II dont feel anything really,” Kate mumbled, finally sitting down opposite the doctor, her eyes darting to the nurse, Anna, fussing with jars in the glass-fronted cabinet. Something about that young nurse unsettled Kate. “Is theresome other way? You understand”
She gave Dr. Ingleby a guilty glance.
The clink of glassware answered her. Kate winced.
“Why, Mrs. Barton? Youre married. Whats the issue?” Anna turned, boldly, disapprovingly.
“Not your concern! Do I really owe you an explanation? Its just too soon, Im not ready. Alex and I have other plans, no room for a baby just now. So, Dr. Ingleby? Can you help me? I could always call Mum, but Id rather not draw her in. Surely I have the right tothis?” Kates voice steeled. She came from connections; her mother could sort out anything. But she didnt want her involved.
“You do. Youre the womanits your call. But what about your husband? Does he know?” pressed Anna.
“None of your business!”
“None at all,” Anna shrugged, nose back in her papers.
“Kate, think for a week, then come back. Youve got a little time. Not much, but enough to decide. Youll need some tests in the meantimethe details are on this sheet,” Dr. Ingleby handed her the forms.
Kate tossed them in the bin outside the clinic. She had already decided, long before
Afterwards, Dr. Ingleby scolded Anna, “You cant guilt them, Annathey have the right”
“But its cruel, unfair! Like Mrs. Grayshe and her husband have been trying for years, cant get pregnant. And thisthis madamgets the choice, but says its not time! Doesnt want to gain weight, cant be bothered. She wont even tell her husbandhe might want the child!”
“They all do, Anna,” Dr. Ingleby replied, calmly sharpening a pencil over a test results sheet. “But then they leave, or dump everything on their wives. They boast to their matesthree kids already! But at home, their wives are prisoners, maybe wishing theyd never married. Or else, the children end up in care. You know all about that, dont you? Which is better?”
Anna drew herself up, face hardened. She had her own conclusions now, and no longer dwelled on her own childhood.
“I make my own choices, Dr. Ingleby. I read books, go to museums, fall in loveas I please. My mother, whatever she did, gave me life. Thats that. I wont live anchored in resentment. Its done. Im going homeclinic hours are over.”
Anna left swiftly, coat over her arm. Dr. Ingleby sat in silence. Cynicism had crept into her work long ago; she marvelled at none of it anymoreneither new mothers nor their squalling, beaming husbands, expensive flowers and chocolates in tow. For Ingleby, it was a conveyor belt. No point in caring; there was simply too much. Conception, pregnancy, birthall difficult, all natural. Ingleby herself had suffered through pregnancy and vowed never to repeat it. Anna, still young, would burn herself out with misplaced sympathy. All for nothing
Two days later, as Alex walked in from work, Kate informed him shed be spending a few days with Marina in Reading.
“Let me run you overI dont want you lugging that suitcase on the train,” Alex insisted, wrapping her in a hug. “Everything alright? You seem quiet”
“Im fine, honestly! Fry some chips for tea, will you, Alex? Ive got a craving,” she wriggled free. “Ill be fine on my own, Marina will meet me, shes got her car. By the way, when are we getting ours? You promised”
“Mr. Phillips at work says hell sell his to me, but Im still saving. Just wait, Kate, itll happen soon!”
Kate already had lotsa flat, for instance, Alex having convinced his gran to move in with his parents so he and Kate could nest in peace.
“Well, Alex, lovemay your lives be full and happy, may children fill your home just as ours once did,” Gran Doreen declared before leaving.
Kate had rearranged everything straight away, junked whatever she thought outdated, even a cherished antique sideboard that Alexs gran loved.
“Lets keep it till we can afford better,” Alex pleaded.
“Then go live with your gran! Im not keeping our crockery in that old thing,” Kate snapped. “Well have all new things, throw parties, start living, not just existing!” She pulled Alex close, the sideboard forgotten.
When Alex returned from two days in Portsmouth, the sideboard was gone, replaced by a chipboard cabinet, bought with money hed hoped to save for their holiday.
Kate always had a logical explanation for everything and demanded only what a wife was due. Flat, car, cookware, dresses, boots, a fur coateverything for her own comfort.
But the fur coat proved a stumbling block. Wandering through John Lewis, Kate tried on one after the other, but the prices
“This one, Alex! Isnt it gorgeous?” she pouted.
“I like it, but its expensive. I havent been paid for two months, you know. Well save up and come back,” Alex replied quietly.
“What? Oh, of course. You can treat your mother and Auntie Nina, you buy yourself suits, but Im supposed to freeze all winter in rags?!” she hissed into his ear.
“Take it, sir! Finest quality, fits your wife like a glove! Shes a queen! Whats your name, my dear?” the shop assistant purred. “Kate? This coat is made for you! Oh, your husband is so mean! A woman like you should be pampered! And herethis stole sets it off perfectly!”
Kate soaked in the flattery and, perceiving Alexs discomfort, sighed, slipped the coat off and handed it back.
“Well come when weve saved for it,” she said cheerily. “Come on, Alex. Got laundry waiting.”
Alex blushed, turned away; all the way home he apologised for embarrassing herforcing her to walk out empty-handed. Later, he did the washing, hung it out to dry. Kate ignored him all evening, sighing in her grandmothers old armchair, quietly relating to her mum on the phone how cold shed be this winter.
A week later, he brought her the coat.
“Got your pay at last?” Kate tightened her lips.
“No, I borrowed. But I couldnt bear how much you wanted it. Please, try it on,” he pleaded.
That afternoon, Kate set off to Marinas in her fur coat, finally shaking off her husbands fussing, his sudden protectivenessinsisting on taxis, carrying her bags, refusing to let her go alone.
“Will you ever give it a rest?” she snapped. “Said Id go myself, so I will. Ill call, alright? Goodbye.”
She left, fear clutching at her. This journey was more than a visit; Marina had arranged everything with the local hospitalthey would “relieve her of the burden.” No Ingleby, no Anna, none the wiser. Easier this way.
Still, Kate dreaded the pain, dreaded what Alex would feel if ever he found out.
He was thirty-six alreadyprime time for children, in everyones eyes. Kate was only twenty-eight. She wasnt ready, wasnt even convinced she wanted a “family.”
Shed never thought of her relationship with Alex as a family. They lived together, were marriedbut the paperwork didnt mean much. Life with him felt like a dress rehearsal; the real show, she imagined, was yet to begin. Alex was just training wheelssomeday shed meet the man she was truly meant for and move on.
Did she love Alex? In a way. He was her first. She liked his kisses, liked that he danced to her tune, afraid that she, young and lively, would leave. Liked that he forgave everything.
Her parents had always been strict, especially her mother. Never a soft word, always, “for your own good.”
“Shes right, in a way,” Kate laughed, sitting in Marinas kitchen, sipping liqueur. “She made me run away to Alex. Hes such a pushover. If I asked for pineapples in winter, hed find them. Look at the coathe borrowed just to make me happy. Works two jobs. Thats chivalry, right? Shame about the child though Not the right time.”
“You didnt tell your husband anything? Wont you regret it later, when the recovery hits you hard? What then?” Marina lit a cigaretteshed taken to smoking a lot lately.
“Oh, its not the middle ages, were going to the hospital, not a back alley,” Kate waved a dismissive hand. “Ill manage. If I need to, Ill say I caught a virus.”
It was done. Kate checked herself out after two days, catching the train home, face flushed, feverish at intervals.
“Some bug, Alex. Marinas ill too,” Kate said weakly as Alex met her at the station. “Lets taxi, I cant bear the tube tonight.”
Alex nodded silently, took her bag and walked ahead.
“Careful, Alexits icy, hold me, would you?” Kate squeaked uncertainly, adjusting her collar. He had never been so cold.
He returned, grabbed her elbow firmly, and steered her towards the cars.
The cabbie chatted non-stop, laughing at his own jokes, but the couple in the back had nothing for him but the occasional nod.
“Somethings wrong. But what?” Kate thought, searching Alexs gaze for answers, finding none.
He spoke only once they sat at home, eating a quick sandwichunusual; Alex was normally a decent cook.
Kate choked when Alex told her the clinic had called, wanting to know when shed come in for her prenatal check.
“Well, theyre thorough!” Kate didnt bother to deny anything. “Life goes on. My mother had five terminations before she had me. Who called, anyway? Probably that monstrous nurse! What did you say?”
“Said I didnt know,” Alexs tone was icy. He poured himself more tea, ignoring her cup. “Because I didnt. Why, Kate? Why? And Marina called, too. She told me everything, afterthe procedure. I can barely speak the words”
He remembered that call.
“Alex, sorry for bothering you. Forgot which train Kate takes. Have you seen her? Take care, shes only just hadwell, you know, the procedure went fine, but keep an eye out. Youll have children, Alex, just later. If you ever want to talk, call me!”
All those days at Marinas, Kate replayed this conversation in her mind; each time it went wellAlex forgave, adored her as before, she fluttered around him. What had she planned to say, now?
“Dont stress, Alex! Just wasnt the right timeyour job, your worries, you said so yourself. I handled things, isnt that good? Well have a childwhen I want. Alex, I missed you in hospitalso many miserable women in there, I was terrified Id look like that. And the smellhospitals, you know I hate it. But I love youcome here”
She tried to cuddle into his lap, but Alex jerked away, striding to the window.
“Wasnt the right time. Wonderful words, Kate. When you decide. Time will never be right with you! I wanted the baby, now! Didnt I deserve even to know youd made this decision? I thought I was your husband, someone decent. You treat me like a servantnot to be consulted! I told you from the start, I wanted kidsno more pointlessnessI want a family. But” Alex yanked the curtain aside, staring into the street.
“Well, I like things fine as they are!” Kate slammed her fist on the table. “Good grief, what a fuss! I did what I thought best, just as Mum always did. Im not sorry. And youre hopeless, Alexyou cant even argue! A snap of my fingers and youd be back at my feet. You cant leave, not really, you believe in love. Which means youll forgive me and kiss my handswhere else would you go? Who else wants you, thinning hair, soft round the middle, no money? No one!”
She screamed, uncaring about the thin walls.
Alexs fists balledthis time he would strike her. But he just left, slamming the door. Spineless.
They lasted another three months; Alex worked late, came home drunk, raucous, nothing like himselfsitting up in bed with the TV blaring as Kate tried to sleep.
“Have you lost your mind? Turn that off!” she yelled, but his only reply was scorn.
Alex could forgive every slight, every whim, every sharp jabeven when Gran wept that her beloved things were gone, even the park paintings. It was all just stuff. Not worth fighting over. Alex loved Kate.
But betrayal crossed the line. Beyond thatwas a chasm.
Deciding for both of themand for their child, toowas betrayal.
That April, Alex filed for divorce and asked Kate to move out.
“What? Still sulking because of that? Let it gowe move on. Ill get pregnant again and keep it if you like. Where am I meant to go? Mum will eat me aliveshe warned me about you, you know.”
“Dont fret, Kate. Its nothing. Divorce isnt the end of the world. I cant stand to see you anymoreyou betrayed me. Please just go. Forget your mum, your friends, all the people you told Im a wet blanket. I dont care!” His last words rose like a wave. “Im off on a business tripwhen I get back, I want to come home to an empty flat. Leave, while I can still keep my temper, Kate!”
He clenched his fists so tightly it hurt. Kate darted about, packing her things in fearful silence.
He called her every foul word he knewwords hed never even thought before. He hated her now. Rumour had it shed left London for good, living out in the sticks after falling out with her mother.
Alex no longer cared. She had betrayed him.
Marina rang, unexpectedly, wanting to meet.
“Im busy,” Alex shot back, about to hang up, but Marina insisted.
“Shall I come to you? Shall we meet at a café? PleaseI need to talk.”
They met in a sushi bar near Alexs office.
“You actually eat this stuff?” Marina eyed the menu. “I never dared.”
“Lets get on with it,” Alex snapped.
“Alright. Kates pregnantfound out after your divorce. Andshes in hospital, things are complicated. You should visit, Alex. I know youre angry, but she needs you. Its your child tooyou wanted this. Maybe you could put it behind you, try again? The doctors arent saying much. Shes completely lost. She wont have me near her anymore. Alex…”
“Im sorry, Marina. I want nothing to do with Kate now. And as for the childthats not proven, is it? No reason to believe its mine. I dont like hospitals or sick children. Kate made her bed. Im done.”
Alex stood, tossing a stack of pounds on the table. Why invite trouble? If Kates child was sick, why bother at his age? His new girlfriend had promised him strong, healthy sons.
“She made a mistake and now understands. Yes, she betrayed youmeanly. But now youre betraying herand the child!” Marina shoved his money back, paying herself. “Maybe its best. Shell bring the child up alone. You’re no better now, Alexyour love was worthless if this is all it took! You already have a child, like it or not.”
Alex ground his teeth but Marina was gone.
Kate gave birth to a little girlearly, frail, bald, blotchy, but beautiful all the same. That first moment together, Kate would never forget. She named her daughter Sophie; Alexs name did not appear on the certificate.
They say Alex married that nurse, Annathe determined one. With her, he now lived like a soldier in barracks. Good for him. Kate would manage alone. For Sophie.
Something in Kate had changed; brokenor perhaps matured. Lying in the ward, day after lonely day, listening as the other women shared stories, prettied themselves up for visiting husbands, Kate cried, raged, but then, jaw set, forced herself to believe things would turn out alright.
“I love you, Sophieyoure the best girl in the world,” she whispers, rocking her daughter.
They face a long life together, and Kate hopes it will be as bright and kind as Sophies smile, with past mistakes left behindforgiving is easier than carrying the weightSophies tiny fist clutched Kates finger, grip fierce despite her size, as if even now she knew shed have to hold on hard in this world. Outside the ward window, springs first sunlight glanced across rooftops, stubbornly returning year after year no matter the storms before. Kate thought of everything she had lost, everything shed flung away in the desperate rush to keep her life untouchable, neatand felt, finally, the weight of her own choices settle not as punishment, but as freedom.
Because when she sang quietly to Sophie, voice shaking but clear, it was the first time shed ever spoken a promise and truly meant it. There were no more mothers to please, husbands to appease, or friends to impressjust this baby, her own, whose sleepy mouth made the shape of a smile.
Kate leaned down, brushing her cheek against that downy scalp, breathing in hope beneath antiseptic tang. Alone did not mean unloved, and Sophie cooed softly, her own heart thumping in time with Kates song. Somewhere far away, Alex woke beside another and Anna watched her own life unfold in clean, orderly lines.
But here, in this quiet room, a future cracked openunknown, but hers to give. Kate wiped a tear and smiled down at her daughter, at last understanding: love endures past betrayal, if only you choose it again, and again, and again.
Sophies eyes blinked open, blue as midsummer, searching, and Kate bent close so the little girl would see herself reflected there. “I am yours,” she whispered. “And you are mine. From this day, we begin.”
