Today shes gone on holiday again where does she get the money?!
Emily tapped the screen of her phone, zooming in on a picture. Sarah in a straw hat, turquoise sea behind her, white sand, palms. A perfect snap. A perfect life
They had once lived exactly the same. In their first year of economics they shared a dorm room, cooked spaghetti for two, dreamed of big careers. Then Sarah married, had Lucy, divorced and their paths diverged. Emily chose another road: a stable job as an accountant, a reliable husband, a mortgage, a child, a weeklong seaside break each year. All normal. All as it should be.
Sarah, after the divorce, seemed to snap free from a chain. Some design courses, odd graphicdesign gigs, clients from Europe and America. Emily laughed then. Freelance was unserious, unstable!
Five years later Sarah earned more than Emily and James together. Three times more. She could work from anywhere. She could stroll with her daughter in a park while ordinary people sat in offices. She could fly off for a month to a warm country just because she felt like it.
Mom, when are we going to the sea? Ethan appeared silently, peeking over his mothers shoulder.
In July, love. As always.
Only a week again why just a week? Lucy says they stayed a month by the sea. A whole month! There were hills, they climbed and saw clouds from below. Can you imagine?
Emily imagined. Too vividly.
Everyone does it their own way, love. Go to bed.
And Lucy said in Wales they say bore da, that means hello. She already knows twenty Welsh words. Shes also learning English with a real American online. And me, Ill learn English?
Something ached in Emilys chest. She ruffled Ethans hair, trying not to show what roiled inside.
Sure, youll, son. At school.
Ethan left, and Emily stared at a spot. School. Ordinary English at an ordinary school. Not with a native speaker on Skype, not at a language camp in Malta, not a monthlong immersion. Ordinary. Like everyone else.
Why had like everyone else become a synonym for worse?
She tried to recall when she started comparing. Probably after that meeting six months ago, when Sarah visited London between trips. They sat in a café, Sarah talked about a new project for a California startup, how great it was to work three hours a day and earn more than a full weeks wage. Emily nodded, smiled, and thought: why not me?
Since then that why not me had woven itself into her life.
Emily started calculating. Sarahs new laptop £1,150, not less. Lucys courses £200 a month at minimum. Flights to Thailand for two £800. Rent there unknown but certainly not cheap. And that was just the tip of the iceberg.
She did everything right: worked, saved, planned, didnt waste. Sarah a single mother, no husband, no stability travelled the world, while Emily chose between a coffee at work and saving a few pounds.
James came back around nine.
Hey. He kissed her cheek and opened the fridge. Whats for dinner?
The usual. Chips and mince pies.
Great.
He sat down, started eating. Emily watched James and thought: theres my husband. Reliable and predictable. Eight years in the same place. Same salary as three years ago, only adjusted for inflation. No ambitions, no plans, no desire to achieve more.
Sarahs off in Thailand again, Emily said, almost offhand.
Mm, James mumbled, not looking up.
Third time this year.
Good for her.
Good? Emily snapped. Good that she, on her own, earns more than the two of us? Good that she can afford things we can only dream of?
James lifted his eyes. A flash of fatigue crossed them.
Emily, what do you want from me? She has a different job, a different life. She took a risk and won. We live steadily.
Steady as beggars!
Were not beggars. We have everything.
What do we have? A flat? A job? Living paycheck to paycheck? Ethan cant even see properly while Lucy?
Emily, enough. Im tired. Can we just eat?
But she could not stop. Words poured out, months of bitterness and resentment. Why doesnt he look for a better job? Why doesnt he develop? Why doesnt he learn English, take courses, try to change something? Sarah managed alone, with a small child. And him?
James listened, chewed, stayed silent, then set his fork down.
Im not Sarah. Ill never be her. Remember that.
He stood and walked to the bedroom. Emily was left alone with a burning anger inside.
It went on for a week, two, a month. Conflicts grew like a snowball on a mountain slope. Emily snapped over anything: the dishes not washed right, keys misplaced, late arrivals, early bedtimes. Everything became proof of his inadequacy, his inability to give the family a decent life.
James first defended himself, tried to reason. Then fell silent. He stayed later at work, went out with friends on weekends, returned when she was already asleep. He drifted apart physically and emotionally, building an invisible wall.
Emily kept comparing. Every post Sarah shared was a punch to the gut. Every photograph reminded her of what she didnt have and never would. Envy ate her from within like acid, turning ordinary things into symbols of defeat.
The climax came in April.
Youre a loser! I wasted my life with you! While normal people build a future, you sit in your office for pennies!
James stayed silent for a long moment. Then he got up, went to the bedroom, grabbed a bag.
What are you doing?
Im leaving.
Where to?
To Mums. I need to think. About us. About whether this we even exists.
He packed methodically: shirts, jeans, razor, charger. Emily stood in the doorway, stunned.
You cant just walk out!
I can. He zipped the bag. Im tired of being blamed for not being a millionaire. Tired of hearing about Sarah every day. Tired of not being theHe left, and the house fell into a silence that would never be broken.
