How I Made a Fool of My Mother-in-Law. She Probably Still Remembers
This story took place right at the beginning of my married life, when my wife and I had just tied the knot.
I noticed something odd back then, but didnt give it much thought at the time. The strangeness wasnt from my wifeshe has always been, and remains, my ideal. Instead, it came from her mother, my mother-in-law.
It all started at our wedding. She looked more sullen and on edge than anyone should be at such an eventmore fit for a funeral than a celebration. Afterwards, things only got stranger, and since we were both young and didnt yet have our own place, we ended up living at her house.
From the moment I stepped through her front door, shed give me this pitiful look, which at first made me think she was just feeling emotional about our happiness or perhaps in poor health and thats why she looked so out of sorts at the wedding. But underneath her half-hearted, sorrowful smile was a layer of passive aggression, with a touch of mockery. Shed make sly little digs, barely loud enough to hear, as if trying to upset me.
For instance, she started getting up in the middle of the night to wash the dishes Id done the evening before. One night, I caught her at it and asked what she was up to. She put on her most innocent face and told me she was just cleaning dirty plates.
So my cleaning wasnt good enough, was it? I remember thinking that, and from then on, I began to doubt her kindness.
For ages, I took her subtle criticisms as simple, if awkward, motherly advice, even confiding in her about my disagreements with my wife.
As fate would have it, a good mate of mine worked as a driver at my mother-in-laws office. Through her female coworkers, he overheard the gossip and rumour-mongering about our family life: suddenly, my wife was the scoundrel in the story, scheming after the house, while I was painted as the poor, long-suffering soul clinging to his mother. Thats when I finally wised up and realised that my mother-in-law wasnt my ally at all.
She had always been a stickler for cleanlinessher home was as sterile as an operating theatre. She expected the same from me and my wife. We did our best, but nothing ever truly satisfied her.
When she was due to go on a two-week work trip, she made us swear up and down that the house would be kept spotless in her absence. The tiniest bit of fluff on the carpet or a stray hair in the bathroom set her nerves on edge. As for dirty dishes, she acted as though she might have a heart attack over them. My wife and I would do our level best to keep up whenever she was around.
But, those two weeks she was away, we decided to finally relax and only give the place a thorough clean just before she came back. She, however, knowing us too well, gave us a false return dateclearly planning to return earlier, and, to really put the boot in, she brought some friends to witness our supposed disgrace as housekeepers.
Luckily, my friend at her workplace got wind of this sneaky little plan and gave me a heads-up. That made me furious, but it also gave me time to think. I decided to clean the flat top-to-bottom in preparation for her early arrival.
When she showed up, she brought along not just her friends but also her grinning driver. She turned her key in the lock, tiptoeing in, her companions stifling laughter as they followed. It must have been quite the sightlike a pack of nosy neighbours on parade.
How surprised she was to find the place immaculately cleancleaner than shed left it. Her friends began nudging each other, whispering and giggling behind her back, while I stepped out casually (swiping sweat from my brow and quietly putting the Hoover away), greeting them with, How do you like the look of that spotless carpet?
My mother-in-law was entirely put out. She pursed her lips till they almost disappeared and inspected every nook and cranny, but I silently cheered myself on, Go on, you wont find a thing!
And so, my mother-in-law had the rug pulled out from under her, and everyone at her office was soon hearing about it. The gossip faded, andwouldnt you know ita fair few ended up taking my side. I can only imagine the dent it put in her pride. And now, even after seventeen years, its probably a story she still remembers.






