My Stepson Says He Has Enough and Refuses My Help, So I’ve Decided Not to Put Up with It Anymore For the past thirteen years, I’ve raised my wife’s son from her previous marriage just as I’ve raised my own daughter. My daughter and I are similar in character and goals—we share some views on life—while my stepson is a mirror image of his mother. For him, everything is always “enough.” When I ask my children what they’d like for their birthdays or what gift they want under the Christmas tree, my daughter always prepares a list to make it easy for me, but my stepson says he appreciates any gift and is generally indifferent. If my daughter is going out with friends, I ask if she needs extra cash and she never refuses, but my stepson always insists he has enough and refuses my offer. He won’t take a single penny from me, claiming he’s fine. I know he’s not being honest because he eventually goes to his mother for things—but never to me. We’ve lived together so long, and he’s still embarrassed to ask me for anything? I’ve raised him as my own, but he seems ashamed of me and always turns to his mother for support. He doesn’t have contact with his biological father as his mother’s ex-husband is out of the picture, yet he still acts like a stranger to me. Now, at sixteen with the deadline to choose a school approaching, the family is discussing his options. He’s confident he’ll be accepted at the state school he wants to attend, while I encourage him to consider other options, including private schools, which I’m willing to pay for. Yet my stepson insists there’s no need. He’ll manage on his own or find another way. Such arrogance and unwillingness to cooperate with me as a parent is deeply hurtful. If he wants to be so independent, then let him go it alone. If he doesn’t want to accept my help, then so be it. My wife responded ambiguously, saying that I’m being childish, but I think my stepson is acting far too grown-up. So what am I supposed to do to get through to him?

My stepson said hes had enough, so I decided not to press on any longer.

For the past thirteen years, Ive raised my wifes son from her previous marriage just as I have my own daughter. My daughter and I share a lot in commonpersonality, ambitions, outlook on life. My stepson, on the other hand, takes after his mother in almost every way. Hes the sort of lad for whom everything is always sufficient.

Whenever birthdays or Christmas come round, I always ask the children what presents theyd like. My daughter will go so far as to write out a list to make it easier for me, but my stepson always tells me that hed be pleased with whatever he gets, showing little real interest. When my daughter goes out with her mates, Ill offer her some pocket money and she never turns it down. My stepson, though, insists hes got enough, no need for any more from me. I know full well hes not being honesthell go to his mother later on if hes shortbut never to me.

After all these years living together, he still feels awkward asking me for anything. Ive raised him as my own, yet he still hides behind his mothers apron strings when he needs something. He doesnt have any real contact with his own fathermy wifes ex-husband has been out of the picture for yearsyet my stepson continues to treat me as if Im a stranger.

Hes sixteen now, and with the choice of what school to attend looming, the whole family has been caught up discussing his options. He seems utterly convinced hell get into the state school he wants, but I encouraged him not to rule out other possibilities, even independent schools, and offered to cover the fees if he preferred. Still, he says theres no needhell sort it himself, or figure something out.

That sort of pride and refusal to work with me as his parent is, to be honest, quite hurtful. If he wants to be so independent, let him get on with it. If he doesnt want my money, he can do without.

My wifes reaction to me saying all this has been rather vague; she thinks Im being immature. But to my mind, its my son whos acting far too grown up. So how am I supposed to respond to him? How else can I stand my ground?