THE CUNNING SONS PLAN
Diary Entry December 31st
I spotted Grandma through the kitchen window today Mum and Dad were helping her with her luggage, getting her out of the cab. Dad was hauling her suitcase onto the front step, and I asked Mum where she was going.
If only youd listen to us once in a while, Mum said, shaking her head as if Id always been oblivious. Your grandmas moving in with us for good, Charlie.
I was stunned. Why?
Mum was already reaching for the front door. Because shes struggling on her own, and we cant visit her every day. Youre impossible to drag round to her house, so shes coming here. Ive made up the spare room next to yours for her.
Honestly, Mum, Ive got work. I barely have any spare time. I muttered my usual half-hearted defence.
Thats exactly why shes here! Mum insisted, shutting it down.
I suppose Ive always been the centre of things the only child, spoiled as much as my parents could afford, in our semi-detached on the edge of Bristol. Not that we were ever ridiculously rich, but I never went without.
Thats when it hit me: Grandmas old flat in Bath must be empty now. Surely Mum and Dad wouldnt rent it out to strangers, not when their grown-up son is right here? I could get them to transfer it to me maybe as a wedding gift! It was just too tempting.
I started to hatch a plan to get the flat for myself, but I knew Id need Ellies help. Ellies my girlfriend weve been together three years, though Ive dragged my feet about proposing. She lives with her own nan in a little bungalow outside Bristol. We only get private time when her nans away at her bridge club or spending summer out in the garden.
Truthfully, Ive liked keeping my options open. Marriage and responsibility arent exactly thrilling especially the thought of children. But the dream of that flat outshone any anxieties.
So after work I rang Ellie. Fancy a walk tonight?
She was surprised; I rarely suggested outings. Usually it was just evenings in at her place with a home-cooked meal and a film. We’re both out of uni now Im twenty-five, shes twenty-two full adults, technically.
Is anything wrong? Ellie asked, cautious.
Nothing yet… but maybe soon, I replied, keeping it mysterious.
Ellie was buzzing with curiosity and practically sprinted down from her office. I met her right outside and linked arms.
No flowers theyd freeze, I joked as we headed for the nearest café. Its nearly January. Frost everywhere.
She smiled anxiously, probably wondering if I was finally going to propose. We ordered tea and sank into a booth; everyone seemed to be sheltering from the cold.
It took me ages to work up the nerve. Finally, I blurted out, Weve been together three years. Maybe its time we stopped sneaking around like teenagers. Shall we get married?
She stared at me, mouth open I don’t think she believed it for a second. Her nan had grilled her before: Is that young man ever going to make up his mind? You dont want to end up waiting until retirement age! Often wondered if she expected me to ditch Ellie after all these years if I didn’t sort myself out.
But here I was, finally asking. Ellie looked flustered, pretending to need to think about it. I could tell she was over the moon but hiding it. She played coy.
Whats there to think about? I pressed, a bit desperate my imaginary flat slipping away if she hesitated. Lets put in for a registry slot after New Year, get on with it. Isnt that what you want?
She agreed, all bashful smiles shed have married me next week if it were up to her.
Brilliant! I grinned. Well tell Mum and Dad at New Years.
Ellie flew home on cloud nine. I heard she bounced into her nans kitchen, shouting, Nan! Nan! Guess what!
Her nan appeared from the cooker, Did you get promoted?
Better than that! Ellie was glowing. Charlies asked me to marry him!
Her nan couldnt believe it, hands on her face, Has he lost his senses?
Ellie protested, Its not fair you dont like him!
Nan smirked, Doesnt matter if I do as long as you love each other and he treats you right. You deserve kindness, pet, no matter what.
Ellie swore hed treat her well, and nan just sighed, God willing.
I decided to prep Mum and Dad: Ellie and I have decided were submitting papers to register after Christmas. Shes coming to ours on New Years, so we can celebrate together, I said, trying not to sound smug.
Mum looked unconvinced. Never felt she saw me as madly in love. Ellies always been civil, even sweet, but Ive kept some distance emotionally.
Dad just shrugged, leaving the matter to Mum. She didnt object out loud.
New Years Eve arrived Ellie wore her nicest dress, packed presents for my parents, and after a goodbye kiss to her nan, made her way to our house. I was waiting outside.
On the stairs, I stopped her. Lets say youre pregnant, I whispered conspiratorially.
Ellies eyes nearly popped out. She went to protest, but I hushed her with a finger to her lips.
Just imagine the joy. Mum and Grandma have both wanted grandchildren forever. Grandma would be thrilled to be a great-grandmother! I spun the fantasy.
But Charlie, what happens when there is no baby in nine months? What are you going to say? Ellie questioned, confused she was far more sensible than me.
I brushed it off. People make mistakes. Besides, maybe by then things will change. I grinned, tapping her coat as a joke.
Oh, Charlie, Im really not sure… She hesitated, uncomfortable.
Leave it with me. Everything will be fine, I reassured her. Ill say I misunderstood.
Inside, Ellie was welcomed warmly. The table was packed with food roast beef, Yorkshire puddings, mince pies galore.
When I figured everyone was jolly enough, I dropped my bombshell: This is how well always celebrate soon and with additions to the family too.
Ellie went scarlet. Mum and Grandma gasped.
Is it true? They turned to Ellie, wide-eyed.
Absolutely, I interjected, not letting her get a word in. Just found out.
Dad raised a glass. Well, lets drink to that!
Grandma snatched Ellies wine away, No drinks for the mother-to-be!
Ellie handed out her gifts: a leather wallet for Dad, a woollen scarf for Grandma, a trinket box for Mum, and headphones for me. Perfect choices all round.
Mum, feeling festive, unlocked the big present: a thick envelope handed to me.
I expected a velvet box with house keys to my own flat. But inside was an impressive wad of pound notes.
Whats this? I asked, genuinely confused, scanning the room.
Its the deposit. For your first place together, Mum said, misreading my disappointment.
And the flat? Grandmas flat? I fumed, tossing the envelope like it was rubbish. Why havent you gifted me the property? I deserve it!
Grandma looked stricken. Charlie, darling, we sold my old place. Bought a cottage in the Cotswolds. Whats left goes to you and Ellie.
Why on earth do you want a cottage? I exploded. Now Ill be slaving away for years paying off a mortgage. You only care about yourselves! I was counting on that flat after all I told you I was getting married! Couldnt you have just given it to me?
Ellie tried pulling me back, Charlie, wait! This is so much money. Your family are generous, you should be grateful. Well work up to a flat together
We? Whos we? I snapped. Forget it! Were finished. Thats the end!
Grandma was stunned, Mum speechless.
I barked, You can all just get married yourselves! I never even wanted this!
And the baby? Grandma clutched her cheeks, horrified.
Theres no baby! I spat, practically laughing at the mess.
Ellie couldnt take it any longer; she gave me a good slap and dashed out, apologising to my parents as she fled. Mum tried to chase after her, but the front door slammed shut before she reached the hallway.
Dad glared at me, furious. So thats it? The wedding and baby were a scheme to get a free flat? Youd cast her off the day after you got the keys, just like that? If we had handed you the flat, would you have thrown Ellie out too?
I shrugged, insolent. Who said Id go through with it anyway?
Grandma pressed her chest, Barbara, what have we raised? Mum scramble for her medicine.
Dad snatched the envelope, banged the table with his fist so hard the cutlery shook. Pack your bags. I want you OUT. Flats arent handed out for pretty faces! You think youre clever find your own way. Im counting to three, and twos already gone!
I knew Dad wasnt bluffing. I threw some clothes into a duffel and left. Spent a while sofa-surfing at mates houses before getting kicked out and renting a single room in a strangers flat, having learned nothing. I even tried finding a new girlfriend with her own place. Dad never relented.
No coming back ever! Dad warned Mum and Gran, should anyone start feeling sorry for me.
Ellie cried herself to sleep for days. Her nan comforted her, smoothing Ellies hair: Dont waste your tears, love. Life goes on, dont cling to the past. Love yourself first. Happiness will come knocking in time.
Thats when Ellie realised those toxic ties were finally cut, even if it had ended horribly, it was just in time.
Thanks, Nan, for your wisdom. Wish Id listened sooner… Ellie admitted with teary relief.
And so it goes; sometimes the ending is messy, but its better than dragging on for years.
