I understand everything but you need to understand me, too: the truth that shattered illusions
That afternoon, Julia is in the kitchen, as usual, preparing lunchshes chopping meat for a stew. The air is thick with the scent of onions, fat sizzling in the pan, when suddenly the phone rings. Her husbandAndrewanswers it, his voice steady and reserved:
Hello?
Theres a long pause. It sounds as though someone on the other end is speaking without stopping, and Andrew is just listening. Julia wipes her hands on her apron and steps out of the kitchen. The hallway is empty. The phone cord stretches toward the childrens room, and her chest tightens. She doesnt know why, but she creeps forward silently, on tiptoe, almost like a thief.
From behind the half-closed door, she hears his whisperhis voice softer than when he speaks to her.
Rachel, please calm down. I get it, truly. But you need to understand me, too. I have a familyI cant come now I love you, I really do. But I cant talk at the momentJulia could walk in at any second. Ill explain to her, but not yet tomorrow. Please, dont ring me here right now. And yes I love you.
The words hit her like a shock. Her hand, just about to open the door, freezes in mid-air. Her heart beats so hard she can barely breathe. I love you. Hes said itto another woman. Not to her.
Julia doesnt make a scene. Her mums voice echoes in her head: Never make big decisions in the heat of the moment. She straightens herself and goes back to the kitchen, trying to steady her trembling hand as she picks up the knife again. The meat lands messily on the chopping board. At her feet, their cat circlesJulia tosses her a morsel, the only automatic gesture of kindness she can muster.
I love you, too The words swirl in her mind like a curse. She clings to another phrase he said: I have a family Does that still matter? Is it still important?
But thenwhat is she now? Just the mother of his children? The housewife? A habit? The ache in her chest grows. Everything seemed fine between them. Hed been caring, attentive. No signs of distance. He never gave her a reason to doubt.
Twenty minutes later, Andrew comes back into the kitchen, breathes in the aroma of the food, and laughs:
It smells amazing! Lunch nearly ready?
In about half an hour. I chopped the meat smallitll cook quicker Who was calling?
What?he seems puzzled.Oh, work. Asked me to come in tomorrow, need to deal with a delivery.
You get asked to work weekends a lot. It bothers me.
Everyones off, summer holidays
Hmm.
Youre looking sad, Jules.
Im just tired. I thought tomorrow wed spend the day together, go out to the countryside.
But youre working? Well go after I finish.
Andrew
What?
Do you love me?
Of course I do. Love you, Julia. Love our boys. You know how much family means to me.
He stretches, wraps his arms around her, kisses her neck. For the first time ever, that kiss feels unpleasant.
Later, shes lying on the sofa, watching her sons play nearby. The cat jumps onto her stomach, digs its claws inthanks for the treat. Julia squeezes its paws, buries her face in its fluffy fur.
That other woman she needs to disappear.
Julia cannot share her husband. She cant sleep beside him, knowing hes been with someone else. But losing himunbearable. The solution comes naturally: confront the mistress. Herself. No involvement from Andrew.
The next day, after Andrew takes the kids to nursery and readies himself for work, Julia rings her office to say shes feeling ill and stays home. To blend in, she borrows a dressing gown and scarf from the neighbourpainting the walls at work, she says. Then straight to the city park. Minutes later, Andrew emerges. Julia follows, darting around alleyways, careful not to be seen.
He pops into the market, buys some herrings and fruit, then heads toward the area of private homes. Julia realises: this must be where SHE lives. Andrew disappears behind the gates.
Julia sits down on a bench. She waits. And then he comes outnot alone. A tall blonde walks beside him. They stride off towards the woods, the same ones Julia and Andrew used to wander together. Julia heads home, her thoughts in turmoil, her soul in despair.
A few days later, she finally gets a good look at Rachela beauty and a betrayer, around thirty. Then luck: she spots Rachel with a friend. The friend, oblivious, spills everything.
Rachel? Alone, struggling with a sick childher husband left her. Now shes got a lover. Married, apparently. Hes saying hell leave his wife for her, the friend whispers, and rage sparks in Julias heart.
