Over the past couple of months, my extended family has been ringing me up. They keep asking me to look after my grandmother.
My gran was never a kind person, and in some ways, she was downright cruel.
My mum and dad split up when I was really littleI was too young to remember anything about my dad. We moved in with my gran when I was five years old, and she looked after me throughout my childhood.
Gran was a very challenging person to live with. Her main expectations were that I would be obedient and hardworking. I can’t recall a single happy memory of her.
When I hear people say they regret their childhoods, I’m reminded that I dont even want to think about mine. Theres nothing to look back at fondly. My mum didnt help either. There was nowhere for me to runlife in England during the 90s was just that way. I could only dream of having money or a job. I had to be content with what we had. Gran made sure both my mum and I followed her orders, so everything ran according to her wishes.
Thats how we lived. Publicly, of course, we pretended everything was fine.
When I was in year six at school, my mums life improved. She met a man and went to live with him. A year later, she took me to live with them too. My stepfather was never very fond of me, but at least he wasnt mean. After my previous life with granfull of argumentsliving with my stepdad felt like heaven.
Gran didnt approve of the relationship, but my mum simply took the chance to move away from the woman who ruled our lives. Since then, they’ve had no contact at all.
I call my gran every now and then.
I ring her up once a month, but I have to steel myself for it in advance. I chat quickly about something trivial, just to avoid her negativity. I focus on sharing good news, we exchange a few pleasantries, and thats all. Twice a year, for birthdays and Christmas, I take her flowers and a Victoria sponge. Half an hour is more than enough for me. That’s the sum of our relationship.
My life is good nowI have a caring husband, a young child, and a close-knit family. My husband and I have recently decided to take out a mortgage for a flat in another city.
Last year, gran turned 80.
Until recently, she was sharp and capableshe even managed to take care of herself completely. Now, though, things have taken a turn for the worse.
Shes become withdrawn and cant leave the house, let alone cook. Most days shes on the sofa, though she is still able to get about at home. Shes fallen ill latelyher neighbours have helped her with everything. The reality is, gran needs proper care.
Gran has plenty of distant relatives who keep calling me up and criticising! They cant reach my mumshe and her husband are overseas. So, theyve decided its my responsibility.
But I know what a nightmare it will be. Yes, she raised me, cared for me, taught me things. And, in a way, maybe its my turn to repay her. But I dont want to! She didn’t love me throughout my childhood. While I’ve let go of my resentment for her behaviour towards me, I still can’t forgive her. Yet, of course, there’s guiltI know I should help the old woman.
Finding a carer would be ideal, but I simply can’t afford it. I have a child and a mortgage, and my son is poorly quite often.
What am I meant to do?
Is a granddaughter obliged to care for her elderly gran, or is she allowed to refuseespecially when she isnt expecting an inheritance? I dont want the inheritance, or the responsibility of this gran.
