Even though Margaret had been a wonderful daughter-in-law and an exemplary wife, she ruined not only her marriage but herself as well.
Margaret was an orphan, brought up in the grey, echoing halls of a childrens home on the outskirts of Liverpool. She married at just eighteen, having not the faintest idea of what it truly meant to be a wife or to fit into a family, for shed never known parents, nor had friends whod tied the knot. Stepping into her husbands modest London flat, Margaret tried, with eager desperation, to devour all the little lessons about becoming the perfect wife. Her primary source of wisdom was, inevitably, her mother-in-law.
Despite the old tales shed heard now and then about meddlesome mothers-in-law, Margaret naively believed that, since shed grown up motherless, her husbands mother would fill that void and wish her nothing but the best. In truth, her mother-in-law hadnt the slightest ill intent towards her; but, as fate would have it, matters unfolded quite differently. Her mother-in-law, with a certain zealous pride, took the reins of Margarets education and introduced her to the unspoken rules of English family life. If your husband strays, my dear, the blame lies with the wife.
That pronouncement puzzled Margaret, for shed always supposed that only the guilty should bear the guilt. But here, it appeared, the truth was quite otherwise: if a husband was unfaithful it was because, very likely, his wife had neglected herself and lost his interest as a woman. Her mother-in-law insisted it was vital that Margaret keep a wasp waist well into her senior years, so she dutifully jotted down, ‘never get fat’, in her neat little notebook and enrolled at the local health club.
Though Margaret was naturally slim, she became so anxious about putting on weight that she began to lose too much. No sooner had she ticked that box than her mother-in-law shared another pearl: In any proper household, both husband and wife ought to bring home the bacon.
On this Margaret did not quarrel, for she too had always longed for some independence. She was prepared to accept any job that came her way. When she timidly asked her mother-in-law how to balance work during maternity leave, the reply was sharp: Maternity leave is your own problemsort it out as you must!
Margaret didnt make a note of that, but a few years after tying the knot, when she found herself with a small child and on leave from work, she started taking half-time work and looking after other peoples children as a nanny. She took a quiet happiness in it, but soon enough her mother-in-law and husband both began to complain that she brought in too little money.
Margaret thought, perhaps unwisely, that it wouldn’t hurt to spend a little of her own money at the hairdresser, but then another biting lesson followed: While you’re home with the baby, what have you to dress up for? Save your penniesyou can doll yourself up when youre back to work!
Margaret always handed over her modest earnings to her husband, as shed been told a good wife ought to. Another saying rang through her marriage, carried on her mother-in-laws voice: A good wife keeps the house running all by herself.
And so it was. Margaret did everything alone. She was often so tired shed fall asleep on her feet, but she pressed on, handling every chore herself. Fainting gradually became her daily companion. Many a night, after tucking the last child into bed by nine, shed steal into the kitchen to scrub and to prepare for the next day, while her husband, having declared himself exhausted from his job, was already lost in his dreams.
It was little wonder that Margaret found herself in hospital. Shed had no time to heed those aches and pains which, bit by bit, signalled the beginnings of illness. She spent over a fortnight on the ward, but neither her husband nor her mother-in-law came to visitnot once. It was only fortune that, upon arrival, shed had her telephone in her bag and could ring her friend, who raced to the hospital and brought all that she required. When Margaret was released from hospital, she wasted no time in filing for divorce.
Looking back now, it is with a heavy heart that I remember how a kind and well-meaning girl was brought to ruinall because she tried to live up to an impossible standard, imposed by those who should have supported her.
