Well now, is a marriage certificate really stronger than just living together? The men used to tease Nancy about it.
I shant go to the thirty-year university reunion, she shouted down the phone to her only friend. Ill be in a deep gloom for weeks after. Let the ones who go every year carry on; they barely notice how much theyve changed.
But what on earth do you look like now, that youre so afraid to go? wondered Margaret. Didnt we meet five years ago? You were perfectly normal then. Have you put on a few stone or something?
Its not about that at all, I just dont want to, so dont try to talk me into it, Maggie!
Nancy was about to end the call, keen for Margaret to take the hint and ring up others on her guest list. But her old friend wouldnt let her go so easily.
Nancy, there arent so many of us left now.
Oh, has someone met their maker? Nancy blurted out, feeling a pang of alarm. She knew she was no spring chicken, but surely not to the point where old friends were dropping one by one.
No, no, not like that. A few have gone off, moved abroad. The only one who’s passed is Andrew Bush but that was twenty-five years back, he was ever so young. I told you about it.
Oh, dont be stubborn. Everyone from our year is coming four groups, but in truth, just thirty people or so. And your sons married now, isnt he? So why not let your hair down for a change?
Margaret chatted on, but Nancy found her mind drifting to Andrew Bush. He always had dark shadows under his eyes, a heavy gaze, and the boys all thought him weak.
Turns out, Andrews heart was truly frail. He was clever, wanted to build a grand cable bridge in his hometown, but fate gave him no time. What have I accomplished, Nancy wondered.
Shed fallen for George, a foreman on the building site where shed gone to work after university. He worked in London by the week and then went home to his family.
Theyd seen each other for ages; George even introduced her to everyone as his wife. He used to say that civil partnership was a mark of true love you stay not because of a paper, but because you want to.
But when Nancy realised she was expecting, George didnt return from that stint. She found out he already had three children and a sick wife. He resigned due to family reasons without even telling her.
Nancy knew then she couldnt demand anything from a man with three children and a poorly spouse.
She also left the site didnt want anyone to guess. One of the lads joked to her as she left: Well, a marriage certificate lasts longer than just shacking up, doesnt it?
But she was past caring. She took a job at the grocers down the road. An old neighbour from her building helped her get it. They agreed Nancy would do two days a week, even once the baby was born.
Her mother agreed to watch young James since, as she said, her daughter was so hopeless and had thrown away such a good job.
You brought me up this way! Nancy shouted back one day, pushed to the edge.
I hoped youd have more sense. I put you through your degree, and this is what you do, Nancy? Hopeless! her mum railed.
Like mother, like daughter what did you expect? replied Nancy, though she felt bad as soon as shed said it.
Later they hugged and both ended up sobbing, but what of it? Where to turn now?
So when the invite for the five-year reunion came, Nancy simply didnt go.
Theyd be talking about families, jobs, showing off photos, while Nancy cleaned floors in three different buildings: the estate stairwells, the school, and the nursery. What on earth could they talk to her about?
Or rather, she thought, what could they possibly say to her?
For James sake, Nancy did it all he was her one comfort.
When her son started at nursery, her mother decided shed done her duty and went to live with Nancys aunt in the countryside, saying she needed fresh air and felt ill in the city.
Then, by a stroke of luck a few years on, Nancy found part-time employment in her own field. James had started school, so her hours fitted in. She could even pick James up after lunch, which made other mums quite envious.
Later, a man from work began showing an interest, but Nancy put a stop to it. She had James, and to bring some strange man into the house would only bring trouble. He wouldnt be James father, just another complication.
Nancy quietly proved herself at work, and once her son was older, she earned a proper salary working as an engineer full time.
Yet, she never quite felt whole. She dressed simply, never dyed her hair, and from forty onwards, the grey began to show.
She thought she hadnt the right to be happy, not after an affair with a married man and almost taking a father from his own children.
No pretty clothes, no garish make-up, no drawing attention to herself she didnt want anyone looking her way again.
She no longer believed in happy endings. Everyone seemed to be divorced nowadays; she certainly was no better, perhaps worse.
James grew up surprisingly grateful, his mothers sacrifices never made him bitter.
Hed spend summers in the country with his gran Iris and great-aunt Lizzie, helping them no end.
He dug the garden, planted potatoes, beets and carrots with the two grannies, weeded and watered, and in the autumn dug up spuds and helped put away the jars of pickles and jams.
He was strong even as a boy, chopped firewood deftly, and stacked it too. Now, even his grandmother said it was a blessing to have such a son the perfect grandson for her and her lonely sister.
So what use a reunion in some café, to celebrate thirty years since university?
All these well-worn thoughts darted through Nancys mind in a heartbeat.
She scarcely noticed Margarets voice insisting: Are you listening? The café opposite the old halls, next Friday at three. Please come, if only for me Ive nobody else to chat with, you will, wont you?
Margarets voice trembled, and before Nancy knew why, she found herself agreeing.
Yes, Ill come
She put the phone down and immediately regretted her promise. She gazed at herself in the mirror, hand hesitating over the phone she ought to call back and say she agreed by mistake.
But the course reps number was engaged, and, oddly, Nancy suddenly felt rather sheepish.
Late that evening, she opened the wardrobe and took out the blue dress her son had bought her for his wedding.
James and his wife Tessa had barely managed to convince her to buy it. Tessa had traipsed round the shopping centre with her, nagging her to try things on.
Finally, that blue dress suited everyone, even Nancy. They chose shoes too, and Tessa took her to a salon to get her hair coloured and styled.
That was a year ago. James and Tessa lived together now, happily, and the grey was showing again Nancy saw no point in smartening herself up.
Still, she set her hair and donned the blue dress, hanging unused for months. She put a little lipstick on, then wiped it off too bold, she thought.
The café was bustling and noisy when she arrived. Margaret spotted her straight away and rushed over. Nancy, you look marvellous! Im so thrilled youre here!
Margaret herself had put on a bit of weight, but if anything, it suited her gave her a younger air.
They sat together, catching up, until someone called Margaret away. Nancy sat quietly with her juice, eyes darting around, listening to the music.
Someone had put real thought into the playlist every song a classic from their student days, when they were young and full of hopes for the future.
May I have this dance? Through the noise, Nancy just caught the words. She looked up and knew him immediately.
It was Alex Seymour from the year group next to theirs. Hed married in third year, much to Nancys regret shed always liked him.
Nancy, you look wonderful. This is my first time at a reunion, and I dont recognise half the crowd, but I knew you at once!
Alex held out his hand, and Nancy accepted. They took to the dance floor, Margaret giving her a surprised but delighted look.
They danced several times without speaking, until at last Alex asked, Nancy, might I walk you home? To be honest, Ive been divorced quite a while, but if theres someone waiting for you at home, Ill just see you to your door it’s late.
Alex walked her home, and the next day they met again and after that, they never parted.
Tessa helped Nancy choose her dress and shoes for the wedding, her figure already a little rounder Nancy was soon to be a grandmother, and she herself felt oddly bashful to be a bride again.
But this time, Nancy allowed herself to be happy.
Tessa had whispered to her: Mrs Seymour, youre really very lovely! James and I are so pleased for you. You know, happiness is allowed at any age.
And truly sitting at the wedding table that day, Nancy looked at her new husband, Alex, and thought with a shining smile: Perhaps now, finally, its my turn.
At long last, Nancy forgave herself and let herself be truly happy.
