Afraid of Losing You

Afraid to Lose You
This is my place, I smiled, inviting Emily inside. Come in, make yourself at home. Ill be right with you.
Emily stepped over the threshold, looking nervously around and awkwardly lingering by the door. She didnt even take off her shoes. Something was making her uneasy
When I returned to the hallway just a minute later, the look in her eyes was one of genuine terror. Her hands shook, and without saying a single word, she bolted straight out of my flat.
Em, where are you going?!
I stared at the open front door, then at Molly, who stood at my side I never imagined such a lovely evening would end like this.
She just ran off? Didnt even say anything? my friend William asked in disbelief when I recounted the whole story.
Not a word. She just left. Looked like shed seen a ghost.
I picked up my pint thoughtfully, stared at it, then set it down again.
I just cant figure it out Why did she do that? What could have frightened her so much?
Plenty of things it could be. Have you tried just asking her directly?
I would if shed pick up the phone. Havent been able to reach her since last night.
Did you try her flat?
No. I only ever walked her to the gate. Dont know which flat is hers.
Odd, mate. Very odd.
Tell me about it It started so well, and then ended so stupidly.
Maybe it hasnt ended? No need to be gloomy just yet.
She must have changed her mind. Thats all I can think.
Youll see her Monday just ask her then. After that, youll know what to do.
The first time I met Emily was on a packed London bus. No one offered the young lady a seat, so I did.
Then I ended up standing next to her all the way into town, unable to wipe the smile off my face. She made an impression.
I wouldve loved to introduce myself, but I was rushing to work, and truth be told, I didnt make a habit of chatting up girls for all to see. And what would I even have said?
Hullo, my names Thomas. Heres my number, give us a ring after work? Silly and clichéd.
So when my stop came, I didnt wait for her I just headed for the office.
For some reason, as I walked, I felt like she was behind me. But I didnt look round; surely, that would be too much wishful thinking.
Just your imagination, mate, I told myself.
Yeah, I wished it were true. But life isnt a romance novel, where you meet the girl and its love at first sight.
For an hour I sat at my computer, trying to get her out of my head, to no avail.
As I searched an old folder for an Excel file, I kept picturing her eyes. When I opened my emails, I saw her smile. Pure madness.
So when my boss, Mr. John Cartwright, walked in with her and said, Lets have a warm welcome, I honestly wondered if I was hallucinating. Time for a check-up, Tom.
But when it turned out she was real, and now working in our office, I realised it must be fate.
Emily, she smiled, finally reaching me after meeting everyone else.
Thomas. Pleased to meet you.
Thats all I managed to get out. Probably because I was knocked for six and overwhelmed at the same time.
Inside, though butterflies, fireworks, the lot. Something was blooming in my chest.
Whenever I was around her, I felt this urge to do something amazing. Pluck a star from the sky, find a pearl in the deepest sea, move mountains if need be. Anything to catch her attention.
That evening, I met up with William at the local park, where we usually walked our dogs, and I told him all about the new girl at the office.
The way I described her, Will instantly saw what was up.
Youre head over heels, mate! he grinned.
You reckon?
No doubt! Same thing happened when I met Sophie. Saw her, and just knew I wanted to be with her forever.
Thats it! I get that feeling every time I see Emily that Id do anything to make her happy.
Well, do something about it! Ask her out for coffee or a film.
You think shell say yes?
You wont know if you dont try. Wait too long and someone else will beat you to it.
What if shes got someone else? Id look a fool asking her out
If she has, then youll just keep things professional. Still, you need to try. Worst case, nothing lost. Best case
So I did.
After work, I found Emily at the bus stop, smiled (and went red, if Im honest), but managed to get the words out: Would you fancy going out? Maybe a coffee or a film tonight?
She smiled and agreed.
We had coffee at a café, wandered the empty city streets until midnight, and I walked her home. The whole evening went better than Id ever imagined.
Once home, I spent another hour walking Molly since Id missed her evening stroll.
And for the rest of the night, I lay awake, staring up at the ceiling, dreaming
Dreaming of proposing to Emily, of living together, having kids, escaping to the countryside on weekends For some reason, I felt certain those dreams would soon become reality.
Three months passed.
They were the happiest three months I can recall. We dined in restaurants, watched romance films at the cinema, and even kissed under the gentle rain, ignoring everyone else around us.
Emily was brilliant.
Kind, sweet, funny, charming. Proper sensible too. I was grateful life had brought her into mine. But
The only trouble was, after our walks, I still had to take Molly out.
I lived alone, so if I didnt do it, no one would. Sometimes I suggested the three of us go together, but Emily always reacted oddly. Shed go quiet, turn away, and in the end, decline.
Maybe just the two of us? shed say. In case we want to pop into a café cant really bring the dog, can we?
Youre right, Id reply.
Then, I proposed, and asked her to move in.
She said yes to marrying me, but moving in was awkward.
She didnt refuse, but kept putting it off.
Em, I know the weddings not till next year, but cant we start living together now? I feel more at peace with you near me.
I promised my landlady Id stay till the end of the year. Dont want to let her down.
I can pay off the rent, if that helps. Why not come over now, take a look at my place, and meet Molly? Im sure youll like her.
She looked glum but agreed.
Because she loved me, she wanted to try To beat her fear.
This is my place, I smiled as I opened the door. Come in Ill just be a second.
Emily stepped in, still tense, looking around, reluctant to take her shoes off.
Something was bothering her
When I returned to the hall, terror was etched on her face. Her hands shook, and she shot out of the flat without a word.
Em, where are you going?!
I stared at the open door, then at Molly, sitting by my side. Id never expected an evening to end this way.
I kept trying her phone no answer. So I arranged to meet William, just needing to talk and hoping for good advice.
After our chat, I decided Id have to wait till Monday. Emily had no choice but to come into work
I found myself glancing at my watch, staring out at the misted bus windows as each one arrived but Emily wasnt there.
Strange, since she was always early.
What if somethings happened?!
I was about to call Mr. Cartwright and ask for time off to go find her, when I finally spotted her.
She was walking down the pavement. Her hair loose, tears on her cheeks, and the saddest eyes Id ever seen.
Emily, wait up!
She stopped sharply, and when she saw me, the sadness only deepened.
Em, whats going on? Why did you run off? Why wont you answer my calls? Im at a total loss here.
Tom, Im sorry.
What happened?
Five minutes till our shift starts. Lets talk this evening, please?
Youve changed your mind about marrying me? Dont want to live together? I held her hand tight. Ive been stuck in the dark for two days, I cant wait anymore. Tell me here and now. Why did you run?
Sorry, Tom, but I just cant live with you, she whispered, tears spilling over.
But why? Whats wrong? Did I offend you?
No.
Then what?
She wiped her eyes and looked at me.
Im scared
Of what? Love, what are you scared of?
Dogs. Im scared of dogs.
Well, that was a curveball. My Molly? I told you, shes a gentle giant wouldnt hurt a fly.
But already, I thought, Maybe this was about the dog all along.
Its not just Molly, Tom. Its all dogs. When I was six, I was attacked by a bull terrier
You never told me
I know. Im terrified even thinking about it. I was on the playground while Mum was at the shops, and a drunk man set his dog on me, chased me off the bench. I was lucky saved just in time. Since then, Ive just been scared stiff of dogs.
Em
Were going to be late. People wont wait around while we sort out our relationship.
They will Em, I get that you have a trauma, but there are dogs everywhere outside. Youre okay with them out there.
Im not, really. On the street I can cross the road, get near people helps stop me panicking. But living under the same roof as a big dog like Molly I just cant. Sorry, its not you or your dog. Its me.
But its a bit much, isnt it?
I tried, honestly. I did. Thats why I agreed to come over. I thought maybe I could beat the fear. But I couldnt I got overwhelmed. Sorry.
Thats how it is I sighed heavily, recounting it all to Will. Honestly, mate, Ive no idea what to do. I love her, she loves me but we cant live together. Hows that fair?
Surely youre not thinking of giving Molly up? Will looked at me in disbelief.
Of course not! Thats a mad idea. I love Molly. But I love Emily too.
Then fight for your happiness.
How?
Look, Tom, a fear of dogs isnt like an allergy. You can work on it. You have to help her, mate. Try a therapist.
Shes been. Didnt help. Shes going to keep trying but cant make promises.
See? At least she wants to. Some other girls would give an ultimatum: me, or the dog. Emily wants to sort it. Thats already huge. She needs your help. If not you, then who?
If only I knew how
Id say, dont meet at yours for now. Try group walks first in the park, or better, in the countryside where you wont be disturbed.
You reckon? Hope sparked inside me just a little, but still.
Why not? With time, shell see Mollys harmless. You have to try.
Didnt know you had a car, Emily remarked, seeing me beside the Range Rover.
Borrowed it off a mate.
You want all three of us in here? She went pale.
Yeah, but dont worry, Molly will be in the boot. My mates kitted it out for dogs. Youll sit up front with me. Nothings going to happen.
Well alright.
Emily agreed to go to the woods with me and Molly, but only if we could turn back if anything went wrong.
An hour later, the SUV stopped by a clearing. I helped Emily down, then let Molly out but reminded her to give Emily some space.
Its lovely here, I said, to distract Emily from anxious thoughts.
Yeah, it is.
We switched our shoes for wellies itd rained for two days straight and set off towards the woods.
Along the path, I played fetch with Molly, keeping her occupied and away from Emilys side.
How are you doing, Em?
I dont know Its hard to say. She kept her eyes fixed on Molly, who bounded out of the bushes.
Listen, love. Not all dogs are bad, just like people. The one that attacked you that was someone elses badly raised dog, not all of them are like that.
I know.
You dont need to be so afraid. Theyre good. After a few of these walks, youll see how lovely dogs can be.
I flung the tennis ball into the bushes and Molly took off after it.
Woof woof! Molly barked.
Emily flinched; her hands shook. Is she angry?
No, I laughed, putting my arm round her. Thats her happy bark found her favourite toy.
Molly brought the ball back and waited a few yards away, tail wagging.
Want to try? I grinned at Emily.
What?
Throw the ball.
Im scared.
Then close your eyes. Go on, love. Just once.
Emily took the ball from my sleeve, squeezed her eyes shut, and flung it as far as she could.
Well done! I cheered. Molly, fetch!
The dog dashed off, and soon we heard her happy barking in the distance.
See? Shes a clever girl. Understands everything, even half a look.
Tom, shall we head back? I think Ive had enough for today.
Alright, lets go. Molly, where are you?
Molly hadnt come back yet, but kept barking loudly.
Ill see whats up, I muttered. Wait here?
No, Im coming!
Pushing through thick undergrowth, we found Molly barking madly at the ball, floating out on the water.
Got it now, I smiled.
What is it? Emily asked, anxious.
Mollys afraid of water, which is why she cant get the ball. Ill have to wade in. Good thing were in boots.
Mollys scared of water? I thought all dogs loved it!
Theyve all got their quirks. I rescued Molly as a pup from a river on a school trip. Shes avoided water ever since.
Careful, Tom. What if its a bog? All this moss around, and the smell
Its just a big puddle, Em. It rained for days. The marsh is on the other side.
I turned to the dog:
Molly, enough barking. Ill get your toy. Hang on.
I strode confidently into the water and was stunned when I dropped down to my knees.
Molly barked louder, this time with a note of distress.
You alright, Tom?
Yeah just deeper than it looks, thats all. Dont worry, Ill be back in a moment.
I fetched the ball, though I noticed the water was now halfway up my thighs. Time to turn back. But each step, my feet were sucked deeper.
Just a few metres left, and I found I couldnt move at all.
You stopped, Tom. Come on out! Emily called.
I cant.
Tried lifting a foot, then the other but nothing. The water rose higher.
I think you were right, Em, its a bog. A very hungry one, judging by how its pulling me in.
Molly watched me, worried, but wouldnt approach the water. She listened to me, always.
Panic flooded Emily.
I was sinking, and a huge dog stood between her and me
Em, help! Find a long stick or something! I yelled, trying not to move.
Hands shaking, Emily pulled out her phone to call for help but, of course, there was no signal.
Perfect
She didnt know what to do.
How could she go near with Molly there? Her heart felt like itd leap from her chest.
When Molly barked at her, with a pleading look, instead of searching for a stick
Emily started to back away.
Her childhood terror surged in her mind, and all she wanted now was to run.
But Tom? Would she abandon him?
Em, help me please
She was so terrified, she froze, utterly powerless.
Molly, despite her fear, tried to wade into the water but ran back out, yelping. She kept barking now, out of desperation.
It was then that Emily decided that however scared she was, she would not let Tom die.
Looking around, she spotted a sturdy branch.
She grabbed it, rushed to the bogs edge, and thrust it out to me. I grabbed hold tight, and she tugged with all her might, dragging me inch by inch.
She got me halfway out, but that was it then Molly joined us, realising Emily couldnt manage alone.
We were side by side, and at that moment, Emily didnt care that a huge German shepherd was inches away. Her only thought was saving the man she loved.
Together, she and Molly managed to haul me free. Soaked and exhausted, we slumped onto the grass, breathless but safe.
Girls, what would I have done without you? I said, hugging Emily, then Molly. You saved my skin.
I was so scared
Dont tell me youve got a new phobia now? I teased.
She laughed weakly. Yeah, I have. I realised Im much more afraid of losing you than anything else.
Emily looked at the dog and pulled her into a tight hug.
Thank you, Molly. Thank you for sticking by us.
That night, fresh from hot baths and a hearty supper, the three of us sprawled together on the big sofa, watching dog films well into the night.
It was the only thing Emily wanted to watch, somehow.
And neither Molly nor I minded keeping her company.
The best part: we all knew, from that night on, that our biggest fear now was losing each other and that was a fear wed all share, together.