Paradise in a Flat
When Simon handed her the keys to his flat, Emily knew shed finally crossed the finish line. No Oscar had ever been more longed for than Emilys first Adam (even if his name was Simon), especially when he came with his very own flat. At thirty-five and growing ever more desperate, she found herself casting wistful glances at stray cats and window displays for Everything for Crafts. And then there was Simon: single, his youth spent on climbing the career ladder, healthy eating, gym membership, and other such nonsense about finding himself, unencumbered by children. Emily had wished for such a present since she turned twentysomewhere, the Father Christmas of Destiny had at last realised she was completely serious.
This is my last work trip for the yearafterwards, Im all yours, Simon said as he handed her the sacred key to his little sanctuary. Just dont be shocked at the state of my cave. I only come home to sleep, really, he said with a grin, before hopping a flight to another time zone for the weekend.
Emily grabbed her toothbrush, face cream, cotton pads, and set off to inspect this so-called den. The first challenge presented itself right at the door. Simon had mentioned the lock could be stubborn, but she hadnt expected it to be quite this determined. She struggled with it for forty minutesshoving, pulling, jiggling, gently, forcefullybut this jealous brute clearly wasnt ready to reveal itself to its new occupant. Out of desperation, Emily tried a few psychological tricks learned behind the bike sheds at school. Finally, the sound drew the interest of a neighbour; their door creaked open.
Excuse me, but why are you trying to break into someones flat? a concerned womans voice called out.
Im not breaking in; Ive got a key! Emily snapped back, swiping sweat from her forehead.
And you are, exactly? the neighbour pressed, not one for minding her own business.
Im his girlfriend! Emily declared, hands on her hips, turning for dramatic effectonly to see just a sliver of suspicious eye peering out.
Are you now? the woman said, genuinely surprised.
Yes, me. Any problem? Emily threw back.
No, not at all. Just, hes never brought anyone here before (at this Emily warmed even more to Simon) and suddenly theres
Theres what? Emily challenged.
Oh, never mind. Sorry to intrude, the neighbour muttered and closed the door.
Knowing it was now or never, Emily shoved the key in deep and leaned in with her full determinationso much so she nearly took the doorframe with her. Finally, the door gave in.
Simons inner life unfolded before her, and Emilys soul iced over. Of course, one expects some bachelor-level asceticism, but this was a true monks cell.
Poor thing, his hearts forgottenor has never knownwhat comfort feels like, Emily murmured as she surveyed the stark little dwelling that would now so often be hers.
In a way, she was delighted. The neighbour hadnt lied: no feminine presence had ever touched these walls, this floor, this kitchen, these dull windows. She would be the first.
Unable to resist, Emily threw on her shoes and sprinted to the nearest shop for a pretty shower curtain and a bathroom mat, and then, of course, grabbed pot holders and tea towels for the kitchen. In the aisle, temptation struck her in a wave: soon, aroma diffusers and handmade soaps, handy baskets for cosmetics too, had joined her overflowing trolley.
Adding little touches to someones flat isnt cheeky, she reassured herself as she attached a second trolley to the first.
The door now offered no resistance. In fact, it had so completely given up its post that it was beginning to resemble an ice-hockey goalie whod forgotten his helmet. Realising what shed done, Emily spent half the night wrestling with screwdrivers to replace the old lock; by morning, she dashed out to the hardware shop for a new one. The knives needed replacing as well. And the forks, spoons, tablecloth, chopping boards, trivetsoh, and why not curtains, while she was at it?
On Sunday, Simon rang and said hed have to extend his work trip by a few days.
Ill be thrilled if you add some warmth and comfort to my flat, he said with a smile in his voice.
She had already begun to install comfort by the lorry-load, arranging it according to her own mental blueprint. All these years, the desire to create a warm home had built up inside her and, finally unleashed, it just couldnt be contained.
By the time Simon was due back, the only remnant of the old place was the spider by the vent. Emily thought about evicting him, but, seeing his eight startled eyes, decided against itleaving him as a small monument to respecting other peoples belongings.
Now the flat looked like Simon had been married for eight years, been disappointed and, incredibly, found happiness again in spite of it all. Emily didnt just transform the flat; she made sure the whole building knew she was the new lady of the house, all queries to be directed to her. No ring yet, but that was just a technicality. The neighbours had been wary at first, but soon enough shrugged: As you wish, dear, doesnt bother us. Your business.
***
On the day Simon was due back, Emily whipped up a proper home-cooked dinner, squeezed herself into a dress both glamorous and just a touch indecent, set out incense sticks in the corners, dimmed the new lights, and waited. This was the homecoming her Adam deserved. Forget gardens of Edenhere was their own little paradise.
Simon was running late. When the outfit began to dig into the very part of her shed spent six months squatting for at the gym, she heard a key in the new lock.
Its a new lock, Simon, just give it a shove, its not locked! Emily called in a breathless, slightly flirty tone, with not a hint of shame. After all, shed worked miracles in that flatanything was forgivable.
Just as the door opened, a message from Simon flashed on her phone: Where are you? Im home. Place looks exactly the same. My friends warned me youd cover everything in make-up, lol. Emily didnt see the message right away, though, because at that moment, five strangers entered the flat: two young men, two schoolboys and an elderly gent who, upon seeing Emily, immediately straightened and patted what was left of his grey hair.
Blimey, Dad, youre getting a warm welcome. Why on earth did you bother with that spa break if this is on offer at home? the younger man said, earning a sharp nudge from his presumed wife for gawking.
Emily stood by the door, two glasses in hand, frozen in disbelief. She wanted to scream, but shock kept her silent.
Somewhere in the corner, the spider gave a delighted giggle.
Excuse me, b-but who are you? Emily squeaked.
Im the owner of this little paradise. And younurse from the surgery? Come to do my dressing? Thought I said I could manage alone, the old man replied, clearly trying hard not to stare at Emilys revealing, nurse-inspired outfit.
My word, Adam, youve really made things cosy here, said the younger mans wife, peering round Emily. Its a real improvementthat old place was a tomb. And you, dear, whats your name? Isnt Adam here a bit old for you? Mind you, he does have his own flat
EEmily.
Well! Adam, you pick interesting company, Ill give you that.
Judging by his sparkling eyes, Granddad Adam was finding all this pleasantly surprising too.
And wheres Simon? Emily barely whispered, nervously downing both glasses in a single gulp.
Im Simon! piped up an eight-year-old.
Not yet youre not, love, said his mother, escorting both boys and her husband out to the car.
IIm terribly sorry, I think I mustve got the wrong flat, Emily began to recover, remembering her struggle with the lock. This is Lilac Avenue, eighteen, flat twenty-six?
No, this is Birdcherry Avenue, eighteen, the granddad cheerfully replied.
Oh, of course, Emily sighed theatrically, I always mix those up. Please, do make yourselves at homeexcuse me, I just need to step out and make a call.
She grabbed her phone and darted to the bathroom, barricading herself inside with a towel. Only then did she spot Simons message.
Simon, Ill be home soon, just popped to the shop, she typed.
Thats finecould you pick up a bottle of wine on the way? Simon replied, voice note attached.
Emily had planned to, but the only thing shed be bringing now would be her dignity. Gathering up her mat and shower curtain, she waited until the strangers were in the kitchen before sneaking out. Hastily filling a bag with her scattered belongings, she slipped away.
Adam, shes doing a runner! Loves scarpering! she heard amused neighbours call as she hurried past their half-open doors.
***
Ill tell you later, Emily mumbled to Simon, who answered the door at his actual flat, puzzled by her appearance.
Gliding past him in a daze, she went straight to the bathroom, swapped the curtain, laid down the mat, and then collapsed onto the sofa, not waking until dawn had washed the stress and wine from her system. When she finally awoke, there stood a confused young man waiting for an explanation.
Excuse me, what is this address? she asked blearily.
Jasmine Avenue, eighteen.
Sometimes, searching for your paradise means taking a wrong turnor two. But the fondest homes are built not just on comfort, but also on honesty and a generous helping of humility.
