It was many years ago, but the memories still linger. I remember when I had an uneasy feeling that my boyfriend was being unfaithful. At first, I was tempted to look through his laptop or check his phone, but then I thought better of itstooping to his level wouldnt help. I figured I could do something more dignified. So this is what I did:
1. I started paying closer attention to what he said.
People who are up to no good often contradict themselves, and he was no exception. It was subtle, but noticeable. One Sunday, he told me he had to go into work, but the following week, he mentioned that hed spent that day out with a mate. It was a small detail, but it caught my attention.
2. I noticed changes in his messages.
He used to text me frequently. We both enjoyed it. But when he started seeing someone else, everything changed. Hed message less often and take ages to reply. It wasnt like him at all.
3. I spent more time with his friends.
I discovered that the more I was around his friends, the more answers Id find. Sometimes theyd let things slip, but more often, it was the way they acted around him that showed me something was off. For example, after he bought himself a new laptop, one friend asked him where the old one had gone. Hed previously told me he’d given it to another friend, but I later realised it had actually ended up with another woman.
4. I paid attention to his appearance.
Suddenly, he started putting more effort into his looksbuying new clothes and getting fresh haircuts. And he was certainly not dressing up for me.
5. I asked more questions about his job.
Thats when I learned about a new colleague, a woman hed never mentioned before. It became clear there was probably more between them. Whenever I brought her up, he seemed nervous.
6. He began doing things hed never done before.
He abruptly changed his passwords. He started talking about buying a holiday cottage. He was eager to go out with his friends more often and picked up new hobbies. It was obvious he was changing, likely because another woman had come into his life.
7. He stopped noticing me.
While I watched his words and actions more closely, he paid less and less attention to me. He didnt notice when I cried. I felt less loved by him. In the end, it didnt matter whether there was another woman or not. He simply didnt love me anymore.
8. I called a few people.
When he said he needed to go into work on a day off, I rang up his colleagues and asked whether hed been at the office. Of course, he hadnt.
9. Things changed between us in bed.
He had new moves and tried different things, but the emotional intimacy just wasnt there anymore.
10. He never left his phone unattended.
He took it everywhereeven into the bathroom and shower. He kept it locked, and wouldnt let me use it even when mine ran out of battery.
11. My intuition kept nagging at me.
I tried to convince myself his feelings hadnt faded. In the end, I broke up with him, which turned out to be the best thing I could have done for myself.
I tried so hard to persuade myself that his affection remained, but it was gone. Looking back, letting him go was the wisest decision I ever made.
