Pirate

Pirate

Ellie, fetch a glass! What a nuisance! Yes, move along! Kate startled and turned around. Who’s being spoken to? Needs a pinch more salt!

The parrot sat hunched on his perch within the cage, staring straight at her. He looked rather bedraggled. Feathers that were once snow white had dulled to grey and had fallen out in patches. His yellow crest, once perky, now lay limp on his crown, not sticking up jauntily over his keen little eyes.

Hes pined since Paul left us. Wont speak to anyone. And its only you, Kate, hes reacted to like this. Odd… Wont speak to me. Just sits there, all fluffed up and silent, until after Ive cleaned up, given him his food and changed his water. He used to be such a cheerful thing. Chattered all the time, loved a good bath. Paul would plonk a washbasin in the middle of the lounge, and Pirate would splash away, full of life. Parrots rarely talk much, apparently Paul explained why, but Ive forgotten. Pirate always jabbered. Now look not a peep. Mrs. Anne Brown came to the cage and unfolded a big scarf. I just dont know what to do with him. I offered to take him into the nursery at the primary school, but the teachers had a right fit. Everyone knows Pirate. They say hell start cursing and the parents will be after them for it… But I cant take him; my lot of cats would make short work of him. So, I come over every day and look after him what else can I do?

I stepped closer and ran my finger along the cage bars.

Is he old?

Who can say? Paul brought him back from some voyage, must’ve been fifteen years back? I forget now we were just neighbours then, not close yet. Since then hes been here. But how old was he when Paul got him? No idea. Parrots live a long time. Pauls gone now, but the parrot… Pirates still here… Mrs. Brown sniffed, and I realised thered be more tears.

In the two hours Id spent with her since we met, she had hardly stopped crying. Looking at her more closely, I noticed she was, in a strange way, very much like the quiet parrot hunched in the cage: just as lost, just as sorrowful. I suspected she truly loved my dad maybe she didnt just pair up with him out of loneliness after all. Truthfully, I knew little about her, and even less about my father, who I hadnt seen for… seventeen? Eighteen years? Yes, thats right. Mum said he last visited when I was two. After that, we never saw each other again. Only last year did I learn that Dad had wanted to see me, sent gifts for every birthday, and paid maintenance unfailingly. Mum finally confessed:

Its my fault, Katie! He hurt me badly. So I punished him, made sure you never met. I hid you, then moved as far away as I could, so he wouldnt have temptation. I knew he wouldn’t pursue us. A couple of years on, my anger cooled, but by then it was too late. He remarried, and we lived so far apart Wasnt to be.

What did he do, Mum, to make you that angry?

He was a captain, Katie A girl in every port, you know? I couldnt bear that.

How did you know?

People are ever so “helpful. Always have a story to tell, something to show… Mind you, I had no proof. Later, I guessed you cant always believe what you hear, but by then I couldnt undo it…

I pitied Mum and Dad but most of all, I pitied myself, not knowing him at all. After Mums confession, I tried to find him; wrote to his old address, even travelled up there. But the flat had long been sold, and no one knew where Dad was. Id almost reported him missing when Mrs. Browns letter arrived. Two days to sort out everything with uni, and I was on a plane, hoping if not to say goodbye, then at least to speak with someone who truly knew my dad.

Im sorry I called you late, dear, said Mrs. Brown when I arrived. He wouldnt allow it. Didnt want to frighten you. Said if you didnt remember him well, you shouldnt know him ill. His last days were painful, Katie. He and Pirate both cried out together. Earplugs werent enough…

What was he like? Not at the end, just… before?

He was a good man, love. Really good. Id been married twice before him, and none treated me half as well. Always caring, even about small things. If I popped out, hed check I was wrapped up warm She sniffed again. He loved cooking. Always baked cakes and biscuits Id laugh Id never fit through the door, but hed promise to love me whatever. Loved making preserves, too. The balconys still crowded with jars. No talking him out of it hed just say, give it away, if I worried about the bounty. You heard the shouting: Needs more salt! And calling Liza a nuisance not that he meant it harshly. Just a way of letting off steam when he was cross. He could curse a blue streak for an hour without repeating himself! But never around women. Just muttered if he burned himself, or something caught him off guard.

Can I ask you something?

Of course, anything you want. I get it you didnt know him, and he always regretted not pressing to see you. He respected your mums wishes, but felt he shouldve stood his ground. He was brave on the outside, soft on the inside. Easy to hurt, he was frightened youd just push him away and then itd truly be over.

But it was all over anyway. Perhaps he shouldve tried… I grimaced.

Youre right. But people Theyre so different. Im not excusing him, just telling you how it was.

I stroked the bars, and Pirate looked at me intently.

Its strange, isnt it? To some, he was kind and caring loved this parrot but with me, he never spoke a word.

Feeling hard done by? Mrs. Brown perched on the armchair and looked up at me. Youre quite right to be. He shouldve acted if he thought about you so much. I never got an answer out of him over why he never. When he got ill, all hed say: Too late…

Better late than never, I shook my head ruefully. Still, no use being angry now. Time lost is lost. I wont begrudge him.

Im so glad, Katie! Mrs. Brown nodded with relief. I bet hell be happier too, knowing you forgive him.

She stood, rummaged in the sideboard and handed me a velvet box.

This is for you. Paul said to give it to you, if you ever came.

I turned it in my hands, hesitant.

What is it?

See for yourself. And these are the house papers. Tomorrow well go to the solicitor to formalise everything.

Solicitor? I frowned. I thought hed leave it all to you.

Nonsense! she smiled sadly. Youre his only heir. Everythings been willed to you. I insisted; I know you have a life of your own, and its all so rush-rush nowadays.

I stared at Pirate. Fluffed up again, looking for all the world like a bundle of tired feathers rather than a living bird.

And what will you do with him?

Pirate? Not sure yet. I’ll try to find a good home for him, maybe someone will take him.

Dont! I strode to the cage and opened it boldly.

Careful! Mrs. Brown gasped, then fell quiet.

I slipped my hand inside and gently stroked the parrots wing.

Will you come with me?

Softly, I ran my fingers along his feathers.

I know you miss him. I wont pretend I can replace him. I cant even make winter preserves but Ill learn, honestly! Youll help, wont you? Come on, then.

I withdrew my hand, but left the cage open. Pirate considered, then shuffled out onto the table towards me.

Well, I never! Hes never once come out for me, and you just do it like that! Mrs. Brown clapped delightedly. Must sense it, can he? Just a bird, but he knows.

A good bird! I petted him once more. Needs caring for and a bit of healing, hmm?

Tablets? Dont be daft, Ellie! Pirate spread his wings, ruffling them. Pour us a drop! Just a small one, pour it. And a bit of cucumber, too!

I burst out laughing, turning to Mrs. Brown.

Hes coming with me.

That settled, papers signed, I said my farewells and flew home. Arranging the travel papers for Pirate was a challenge, but I managed.

Well, Dad, thats some inheritance, I grumbled, lugging Pirates big cage and my suitcase through the arrivals hall.

Mum was waiting, a look of relief on her face.

Katie! There you are! And whats this?

An inheritance! I set the cage down and hugged her.

Are you all right? Mum peered into my eyes.

Fine! I took out my hair band, my curls spilling messily. Ugh, my heads pounding. Mum, I need a decent clinic.

Are you ill? Mums voice tinged with worry.

Not me. Its the parrot who needs a vet.

Dont scare me! Mum huffed. What do you want a vet for? We havent any animals.

We do now. A bird.

I slipped back the cage cover.

Look, isnt he a stunner?

Pirate straightened up, eyeing Mum.

Hes looking a bit rough, love.

Look at yourself! Nuisance! Said it needs more salt! Pirate muttered on, but I zipped up the cover before anything else slipped out.

Mum cringed away from the cage, baffled.

What is that?

Just a bird, Mum. Thats all.

She found a reputable vet. Within a week, Pirate was making such an impression the practice gave me a loyalty discount, roaring with laughter over his antics.

Havent had a funnier patient!

Or a more expensive one! I sighed. Pirate! Youve cost me half of my next years student loan. Please, can you get better already?

Pirate would listen intently, and the crestwhich had only recently lain sadly flatnow stood up like a golden crown.

Clever bird! Valuable! Pirate would strut up and down, bobbing his head.

Tell me about it! I refreshed his water. Shall I pour you a little bath, like you used to have?

Dont be silly, woman! We barely know each other! Pirate would hop out and pace about on my desk.

With Pirate in the house, time sped by, and soon, it was time for me to go back to university. Now, Mum handled the morning trips to the vet; at night, the first thing I did was greet Pirate.

Hello, Pirate!

Same to you! Whereve you been, menace? Pour me a drop, pour it! Clever bird, good bird!

Mum pretended to be horrified at Pirates colourful language, but Id just laugh.

How can you find that funny, Katie? shed fret, then smile.

Oh, Mum, just listen! Tell me hes not holding a conversation! Most parrots just repeat what they hear, but Pirate? Hes got a mind of his own!

Clever bird! Valuable! Pirate would chime in, bobbing his head for emphasis.

Half a year on, Pirate was totally transformed. Groomed and lively, he enchanted every visitor. My friends from uni snapped selfies with him, and Pirate quickly became a local celebrity.

Theyve even made a hashtag for you, you trendsetter!

Im beautiful! Pirate would preen.

More than me! If only I had your looks and charm, Pirate. Maybe Ben would notice me

Oh, women, women! Valuable bird! Clever! Must love!

Thanks! Id shake my head, curls bouncing. But how do I make him notice me?

Sing a song! Sing for Pirate!

It was an idea. Id always loved singing. As a child, I hummed endlessly, and won the talent show at the seaside holiday park at age six, belting out Greensleeves while mums in the audience dabbed their eyes. You must be sent to music school! Mum always said.

I did, and I loved it. I sang solos in the choir at every concert. Teachers wanted me to study singing professionally, but Id made up my mind.

No, Im going to be a doctor.

Why, Katie? Burying such talent…

I believe in the power of music, Mum, but I believe in scalpels more.

The next three years, as I prepared for medical school, were hard on Mum. She worked her fingers to the bone.

Sometimes it feels like Im asleep while Im awake! shed joke, watching the kettle boil and reaching for some honey.

Me too, Mum! Id gulp tea and rush back to my books.

Dont rush so! Where are you off to in such a hurry?

Chemistry, Mum! Complicated formulas that are waiting for me. After that, biology, with more waiting there.

Tutors, music, lessons, studyI was always on the go. My music still mattered, but now just as a backdrop.

Yet now, Pirates advice was spot on.

Pirate! Youre not just a clever bird! Youre a genius! Say it!

Genius, Pirate! Genius! hed strut solemnly.

Exactly! Id grab my guitar and sit cross-legged on the floor.

Pirate would watch, head cocked. My voice, hesitant, grew with every verse, until Pirate, hearing a full chorus, froze, crest up, wings spread wide in approval.

Well, do you like it?

Menace! hed hop about, for once speechless.

Youre right this is it.

It worked. Ben, looking surprised at this curly-haired girl wrapping up a song on open mic night, complimented me as our friends gathered around.

You sing beautifully! What made you choose medicine?

I crossed my fingers for luck and smiled at the boy Id been half in love with for ages.

We dated a year, trying to puzzle out our future together. Ben was ambitious, with grand plans and I had no intention of giving up my dreams.

Either family or career… Pirate, you tell me, why must women always yield?

Make those jams, winters coming! Jam! Bought too little raspberries! Add more salt!

Not you as well! Id huff at my feathered adviser.

Women! Pirate clacked his beak irritably. Must love, must love the bird!

Thats hardly love if only one persons dreams count. I want to work, to operate. Not just nurse a saucepan in the kitchen!

Mum would peer into my room, then close the door quietly. She never interfered. I made my own choices, thought long and hard about them, and Mum simply waited for me to come for advice.

Mum?

She stood at the kitchen window, biting back a smile.

Yes, love?

I need to talk.

Strong coffee the Turkish type, little cubes of fudge that I loved and Mums wary, attentive gaze.

Whats wrong?

Ben proposed, Mum.

But thats wonderful, isnt it? she asked carefully, seeing my frown.

Is it?

What’s wrong, sweetheart? This should be good news.

It isnt, Mum. I love him, truly. But to be his wife, I have to give up everything Ive planned for.

Why?

He wants us to move to London hes got a job at a top teaching hospital. Hes so talented, perhaps a genius. But, Mum… he doesnt want me to work. Wants me to stay at home, keep house, have children thats his dream for us, Mum.

And your dream?

I dont know! I cant let go of everything Ive studied for. But I dont want to lose him

Mum turned to the window, struggling for composure. Dear Lord, isnt it always the same? This was the very conversation shed had with her own mum, on this very spot. And Dad, who meant the world, had set out his terms which shed taken, only to regret, left alone whenever he was at sea. Shed cried herself to sleep more times than she could remember. Would it have been different with her own career, something to do? She was steadier than me. Her eyes never burned with ambition. She never longed to save the world. Average at school, she only excelled to help me get into my chosen uni. Mum still remembered when I came home, dropped to the hall floor, laughing and crying, to tell her Id gotten in.

Do you love him, Katie? Mums voice was so gentle, I looked up.

Yes.

What is love to you? Mum looked out at the darkness, lost in thought, trying to help.

I fell silent. The kitchen clock ticked steadily. In my room, Pirate clattered about with his new toy a bell inside a ball. Mum would laugh in the evenings, telling me Pirate got up to more mischief than a cartoon villain.

Finally, I spoke.

I thought love was about thinking of the other more than yourself. Now, Im not sure. Feels like a one-way street. If I think of him, all my own plans go. But if he thinks of me, he gives up his dreams about family life Is that fair?

Isnt, really.

Is it possible to make both happy?

I dont know… I couldnt. Maybe you can?

We talked for hours, unresolved. Only two days left before we were to visit Bens parents. Mum glanced at the clock, startled.

If you dont know what to do, take a break. Clear your mind, see what his familys like. Dont rush give it time.

I nodded, exhausted, and went to bed. Pirate grumbled, but I tucked him in and covered his cage.

Night, Pirate.

Sunday was a whirlwind market run, shops, cooking. I dashed round the kitchen; Mum watched me quietly, peeling vegetables in silence.

You have a wonderful daughter, Anne! So clever and pretty, too. Bens a lucky boy! Bens mum Julia sang my praises, but Mum seemed wary.

She watched Julias sweeping gaze of our home, the slight raised brow at her reserved husband.

When they move to London, well need to help. Rentings expensive. Well take most of it, since Ben’s our only. Hard with a mortgage Katiell be home with the baby. We must step in. Dont you agree?

Of course, Mum looked down, fussing with her napkin. No need for a mortgage, actually. Katie has a flat in London. They can live there.

Really? How did that happen?

Inheritance from her father.

Ah, I thought you were a single mum. Julia smiled tightly, then brightened. The meal was wonderful! Katie, show me your room? A little chat?

I glanced at Mum, then led her to my room.

I want you to know, Katie, I like you very much, Julia said, inspecting my bookshelves, and Ben loves you. Says hes never met anyone like you. He wants a wife wholl support him, stand behind him and make him successful. Thats tough, Katie, but women play a huge part. A man needs a happy home to thrive.

And what about the woman?

What about her? Julia looked surprised. Our role is to be there, to accept what they provide and give them space to do it. If Bens happy, youll be happy. Family, children, thats our job. Balancing career and home is difficult eventually youll have to choose.

She nodded at Pirates cage, covered with Mums handpainted scarf.

Thats lovely.

Mum made it.

Really? Didnt think she was the artistic sort.

Why not?

She seems very… down to earth. But this is something else. Rather dreamy.

Pirate squawked so startlingly, Julia snatched her hand back.

What was that?

Pirate. My parrot.

I whipped off the scarf; Pirate glared at Julia, crest high.

What a creature she stammered.

Dont mind him, just chatting, I said quickly, covering him up, but a string of choice words followed Julia as she exited. Pirate! What are you doing?

Soon, Bens family left, and I let out a sigh of relief.

Ill need a proper breather, Mum. You were right! I kissed her and went to console my feathered troublemaker.

Did you really have to, Pirate?

Must love, must love! he fussed at my side as I sorted through lectures and notes.

I know…

Ben and I broke up a week later, after I was offered a job at a top London clinic the final straw.

You want to spend years in hospitals, is that better than being my wife and the mother of our children? Ben snapped, facing down my steady gaze.

It doesnt matter, Ben. What matters is that its my choice. Mine, not anyone elses.

Fine! Thats your idea of love? Mum was right.

As I watched Ben leave, I shook my head.

If only I really knew what love was…

In time, I would. Years later, Id meet my future husband. Hed never set terms, and it would be my hands keeping him from the edge.

You pulled me back from the brink.

Not quite. Im not God yet but Id like to be, Id reply, smiling at the odd patient whod sung under the anaesthetic for the whole operation.

Alex first came to our house on crutches. Pirate eyed him, scratched his head thoughtfully, and declared:

Clever bird! Must love, must love!

Id swap a look with Mum, hiding a smile while taking my parrots advice to heart.

When Mum would ask me, sometime later, Id not hesitate:

I love him, Mum. Now I know for sure.

And soon, Pirates cage sat in the nursery. Our twins would drift off to his gentle cooing. To friends curious questions, Id reply:

Hes never once woken them. If anything, its the kids teaching him bad habits. Hes a clever bird, ours.

And the largest lesson for me? That love should never be about putting chains on someones dreams, and forgiveness for others or for ourselves lets us finally open the door and let our own true selves fly.