Emma, we were planning to stay for two weeks we barely managed to see the family off, I said, halflaughing. Mum has every right to expect our help; shes not a stranger to us.
My mum isnt a stranger either, I replied. But her whats his name Victor? Val?
Its James, my husband corrected, James Whitaker. Decent bloke, Ive met him a couple of times. Quiet, wellread, used to teach physics at a college.
I just shook my head. None of that sat well with me.
The whole mess started, as they say, with a broken pipe. My motherinlaw, Margaret Anderson, rang bright and early while David was away on a work trip, bubbling with excitement that she and her new boyfriend were already in a cab, heading for us. Weve had a pipe burst, half the flat is flooded, we need a full renovation, she explained. Where else could we go but to our favourite soninlaw?
I tried to protest. Margaret, maybe we should wait for David? Hell be back in a couple of days
Oh, Emma dear, why wait? she chirped. Were coming, and thats that!
I felt a wall of snowballing stress heading my way, and the next hour proved me right.
A knock at the door and in walked Margaret, arms wide. Emma, love! she shouted, throwing herself around my neck. Meet James. James, this is Emma, Davids wife Ive told you so much about her!
James extended a hand, a little stiff. Pleasure, Emma. Margaret has spoken highly of you. Hope we wont be too much of a bother. Ill be as quiet as a mouse, as low as the grass.
Just then my sixyearold Lucy peered out of the bedroom, rubbing her eyes. Mum, whats that noise? Is Grandma Lydia here?
Lucy, my sunshine! Margaret cooed, swooping over. Look, Ive brought you a granddad proper granddad James!
Lucy stared at James with that wideeyed curiosity only a child can muster. Why does granddad have a beard like a pirate?
James let out a warm, deep chuckle. Because I can be a bit naughty sometimes. No puppet theatre, but Ive got this He fished a brightcovered book from his bag. Fun Physics for Little Curious Minds. Fancy a few experiments together?
Lucys face lit up. Traitor! she squealed, but I just rolled my eyes.
The first week I tried my best to be a good host. I gave them our bedroom, while David and I crashed on the pullout sofa in the living room. I tolerated Margaret rearranging everything on the kitchen counters to her liking, and I kept quiet when James monopolised the bathroom for a solid forty minutes each morning.
When David finally returned from his trip, he too looked a bit on edge, but Margaret quickly smoothed him over. Shes always known how to slip into that loving mum mode that makes you feel shed give the world for her only son.
David kept nudging me in the evenings as we lay on that lumpy sofa, listening to Margarets booming dramas on the telly. Hang in there, love, hed whisper. Shes trying cooking, playing with Lucy
Im trying! I muttered into the cushion. I cant even use the loo in peace! That James could pop out of any corner with some bizarre fact about digestion!
David just smiled and stayed quiet.
James turned out to be an early bird. By five in the morning he was already shuffling into the kitchen, kettle whistling, radio on low. The old flats panel was so thin you could hear every rustle. By six Margaret would join him, and the two would whisper their day plans in hushed tones.
James, fancy a trip to the market for cottage cheese? The supermarkets only got one brand left!
Sure thing, Margaret. Then maybe a stroll in the park weather looks lovely.
Lets bring Lucy along! She needs fresh air, not just tablets.
Lucy doesnt need to go, I slipped into the kitchen, feeling like a zombie. Shes off today, and so am I, supposedly.
Did we wake you? Margaret said, blinking innocently. We were being super quiet!
Three weeks flew by. One evening I left work early, dreaming of collapsing onto the sofa and sleeping the night away. I opened the front door and froze.
There, on our sofa, sat a spry woman in her sixties, looking bewildered. Beside her, James my gosh! was pointing at scribbles in a notepad, animatedly trying to explain something to her.
On the coffee table, two teacups from my own wedding set sat steaming. James beamed at me. Emma! Meet Rose Whitaker we were colleagues at the polytechnic. Its been ages! I thought, since you and David are at work, we could have a quiet cuppa. No problem, right?
I felt my teeth grind. James, dear, youve forgotten a tiny detail. This is my flat. If you want to meet an old friend, you should’ve asked first. Or perhaps a café?
Rose flustered. Im sorry, I didnt know youd mind James said you were working late
Exactly, I snapped. You thought because I wasnt home I could do whatever you liked?
At that moment Margaret poked her head out of the kitchen. Emma, why are you shouting? We have guests!
Guests in my house?! I shouted back.
James removed his glasses and started polishing them with a handkerchief. If our presence is that unbearable, a simple hint wouldve sufficed, he muttered. There are hotels, rented flats
James, stop! Margaret wailed. Emmas just tired, isnt she? Youll apologise to James, wont you?
That was the last straw.
Ive had enough! I snapped, grabbing my phone. David, get home right now. No, nothings broken, just if youre not here in an hour, Im not taking any more of this.
David sped over in forty minutes.
Whats happened? he asked, bewildered, eyes darting between us and the relatives.
I laid it all out. As he listened, his face grew darker.
David, your wife Margaret tried to intervene.
Emmas right! David cut in, surprisingly firm. This is our home. You cant just bring strangers in without asking us.
But James
Your James is a stranger to us. Weve only known him for three weeks. Honestly
David paused, choosing his words. Mum, you promised youd stay only a couple of weeks. Its been three. When will your repairs be done?
Margaret lowered her gaze. We havent even started. Were still saving up
What?! David and I shouted in unison.
Whats the problem? Margaret raised an eyebrow. Were not bothering you! In fact, were helping I cook, James looks after Lucy
Mum, David said slowly, as if explaining to a child, this cant go on. We didnt agree to this.
Youre kicking your own mother out? Margaret gasped.
Im not kicking you out, but its time to know your limits, David replied. Youve deceived us. Youve got a week to find somewhere else to stay while you sort the repairs. We can help you find a place, but you cant keep living here.
