Valerie decided she simply couldnt bear it anymore. She found herself drifting through corridors of a strange house, forever twilight, unable to understand why David treated her so coldlyhad love vanished like mist over the Thames? That night he came home long after midnight, melting into the dim blue shape of the sofa in the lounge, never glancing her way.
In the dream-morning, David wandered to the breakfast table cradling a mug of tea. Valerie sat straight across from him, as if the table was a chessboard between them.
David, can you tell me whats happening to us?
He didnt answer right off, eyes focused on the swirling milk in his tea.
Whats troubling you?
Since the twins were born youve changed utterly.
I havent noticed.
Weve lived as if we were neighbours, not husband and wife, for two years. Havent you seen that?
He exhaled sharply and shook his head.
What did you expect? Toys everywhere, the whole house stinking of baby porridge, the boys always shouting Whod enjoy that?
But theyre your children, David!
He paced the lilac kitchen tiles, restless.
Most wives have just one, tidy, well-behaved child. They sit quietly in the corner and dont get in the way. Youtwo, at once! My mother warned me. Its all girls like you can do, breed.
Girls like me? What does that mean?
Aimless. Drifters.
But you made me quit university, so I would devote myself to the family!
Valerie slumped in her chair. After a heavy silence, she spoke again:
I think we should get divorced.
David paused, then nodded.
Thats fine by me. But dont go for maintenance. Ill give you money myself.
With that, he left the kitchen. Valerie felt she ought to cry, but the house began to churn; the shouts of the twins spun from the nursery like the wind off the North Sea, demanding her.
***
After a week, Valerie packed their things, rounded up the twins, and left. She floated to a sprawling faded room shed somehow inherited from her grandmother in a crumbling London house share, walls spinning with old wallpaper and muffled footsteps.
The neighbours were strangers: to one side a brooding, not-quite-old man; to the other, a flamboyant woman of around sixty named Geraldine. Valerie decided to introduce herself, arms full of dream-cake.
She knocked on the mans door.
Hello! Im your new neighbour, brought cake, come join me in the kitchen for tea?
Her smile felt painted on porcelain. The man eyed her.
Dont eat sweets,he muttered, and shut the door in a soft snap.
Unruffled, she drifted towards Geraldine’s door. Geraldine agreed to join, but mostly to deliver a speech.
Heres the deal, dear. I nap in the day, watch telly at night. I do hope your offspring wont disrupt my evenings with shrieking. Please keep them out of the corridor and off the furniture!
She spoke for an age; Valeries heart wilted, sensing her future would be tasteless as unsalted porridge.
***
Valerie sent the twins to nursery school and found a job there as a classroom assistant, blending herself into a pastel-tinted world of glue sticks and alphabet songs. The pay was penniesDavid had promised to help.
While the divorce creaked through the dream-courts, David occasionally flickered back with envelopes of cash. But after proceedings finished, he vanished entirely from her pockets. Two months without him meant she couldnt pay for heat or gasthe room grew colder each night.
Her relations with Geraldine sharpened. One evening, as Valerie fed the boys a supper of buttered pasta, Geraldine drifted in, wrapped in a violet satin dressing gown.
Dear, have you sorted your finances yet? Wouldnt want to go without lights or a warm stove because of you!
Valerie sighed.
Not yet. Tomorrow Ill see my ex-husbandhe seems to have forgotten his children.
Geraldine flicked a glance at their plates.
You always serve them pasta Youre a terrible mother, you know.
Im a good mother! And you ought to keep your nose outunless you fancy getting it boxed in!
That opened the floodgates. Geraldine shrieked with the fury of a banshee. Ivan, the brooding neighbour, poked his head in, listened to Geraldines curses fill the kitchen like poison, then retreated. He reappeared a moment later, slamming cash onto the table before Geraldine.
Hush. Thatll cover the bills.
Geraldine went silent, but hissed in Valeries ear as Ivan left:
Youll regret this
Valerie let the words drift by, like indecipherable lines on the Underground. But regret came quickly. The next day in the watery grey streetlight, she found herself in front of Davids door.
Im struggling, David. The children need food.
Not my concern. Feed them however you wish.
Ill apply for child support then.
Of course, do trythe official wage theyll see means youll get tuppence. Dont bother me again.
Valerie trudged home sobbing; the citys dreamscape stretched infinite ahead. She returned to find a police constable at her kitchenGeraldine had filed a complaint. The children, she claimed, were neglected; Valerie had threatened her.
The constable was polite, cool as larkspur, but unmovable.
Im required to inform Social Services.
But Ive done nothing wrong!
Its procedure, madam. Theres been a report.
That evening, Geraldine was back at her door, sharp as a paper cut.
If your children disturb me once more Ill go straight to Social Services!
But theyre only boys! They cant sit quietly all day!
If you fed them decently, perhaps theyd sleep instead of running riot!
Valerie wiped away tears over the stove. She didnt see Ivan step inside, carrying a sack heavy with impossible groceries. He opened her fridge and packed it full, wordless as a statue. When she protested, he leftshadow in the corridor, no reply.
After pay day, she tried to repay Ivan.
Ivan, heres two hundred pounds, please take it, Ill bring the rest soon.
Keep it. Dont worry about it.
He closed the door gently, shutting her out. Just as Valerie turned, shrieks rang through the hall. In the kitchen Geraldine was scolding the boys, waving at spilled tea on the floor.
Scoundrels! Youll come to nothing with manners like that!
Valerie cleared up and comforted the twins, promising theyd find a happier place, somewhere with warmth and kindness.
That evening, the bell echoed like a cracked bell at the end of the world. On the doorstep stood two unfamiliar women, the constable, and another official.
Good evening. Valerie Weston?
Yes.
Were from Social Services.
Social Services? Why?
May we come in, please?
They drifted round her room, poked through the fridge, probed the blankets. Then they told Valerie to pack her childrens things.
What? Are you mad? I wont give you my sons!
The boys clung to her, sobbing, terrified, as the constable gently separated them, passing them to the women who began to whisk the twins away. The childrens screams reverberated, echoing through her marrow like crashing church bells. When the house finally fell silent, Valerie collapsed on the floor, torn open as a wounded fox.
She rose and glimpsed an old axerelic of her grandmothers fireplaceleaning against the wall. With a hollow smile, almost a snarl, she snatched it up and strode towards Geraldines door. The door burst inward; Geraldine scrambled, shrieking, beneath her bed. Suddenly Ivan grabbed Valerie, wrenched the axe away.
Idiot! What are you doing? Youre only making it worse!
Valerie, numb, exhaled.
I dont care anymore nothing matters now.
Ivan lugged her to his room, handed her a pill. Valerie swallowed it, knowing as soon as he turned away shed bolt for the river bridge. But the world became sluggish; her eyelids were iron. She drifted into sleepIvan was generous with the sleeping draught. He left for Geraldines door. There she sat, wild-haired, sipping valerian.
Happy now?
Ivan I didnt mean I thought theyd just scare her off, not this
Gather up all your complaints by morning. Pray things dont turn worse, or I wont stop Valerie next time.
Geraldine nodded, trembling like a leaf.
***
A month vanished. Valerie gathered forms, character references, even took odd medical tests. She simply stopped caring, thinking it useless. Ivan, still taciturn, never left her alone, pressing her onward through her haze.
As hope trickled inher boys, possibly coming homeshe woke up.
Ivan, its all because of you
For the first time, a smile tugged at his lips; sad, but genuine.
I had children too. Couldnt save them, gone five years now. But yoursyours still can be helped.
The night before the final hearing, Valerie lay on his sofa. Sleep would not come. Ivans eyes glittered over her shoulder in the dark.
Ivan will you tell me what happened to your children?
He hesitated, then began, voice flat and distant:
Once I had a family. Wife and two boys. Didnt appreciate what I had. Drank too much after payday, shouted at home. Then suddenly they were gonemoved out to her familys old place. I waited a month, angry, proud. Then the loneliness hit. Went to see them, to make amendsbut too late. The house had burned down the night before. Faulty wiring.
He stopped. After a while, he continued.
I fell to pieces. Fought a lot, ended up inside for three years. Sold my flat to pay for damages. Came back here, worked at the plant again.
Valerie crept over, squeezed his hand. He gently pulled it away.
Get some sleep. Tomorrows the big day.
***
Miss Weston!
Yes, thats me.
Here are your papers. Mind your lifethis cant happen again.
Valerie just stared at the documents. The woman handed them to her with a sudden, warm smile.
What are you waiting for? Go collect your little boys!
Her knees buckled. Ivan held her steady, arm supporting her in the institutional waiting room.
Mum! Mummy!
The twins flung themselves at her, sobs shaking them all. Even Ivan turned away, blinking furiously.
All right, enough tears! Lets go home.
***
Life slowly untangled itself. Geraldine never left her room. With Ivans help, Valerie secured a job as a junior technician at the plant, wages enough for bread and a little extra. Ivan grew quieter, if possible. One day, she dropped his coat; his mobile phone slipped out, screen lighting upher own photo as the background. She smiled, took a breath, and walked to his door. Ivan lay on the sofa, gazing at the cracks in the ceiling, startled to see her.
Ivan, you know Ive always been frightened of saying too much and never told people things I should. Some left, some never needed my words. The worst part is regretting what you could have said before it was too late
What do you mean?
Just this. If you cant say it, maybe I can. Im scared youll laugh, but here goes. Ivan will you marry me?
Ivan stared at her for a long, dreamlike moment, then cradled her face with his broad, work-rough hands.
Im no good with words. Just knowIll do anything for you and for our lads.
