How long are you going to keep this going, at last? Maisie flung a dishcloth onto the table. I just got home from work an hour ago; I havent even managed to change out of my coat!
What are you starting again? I, James, leaned in the doorway, blocking the passage. My mother only popped in for five minutes.
Five minutes? Seriously? Maisie gestured at the mountain of dirty dishes. And the other ten guests just breezed past? All of them together?
Laughter boomed from the living room, and someone cranked the television up to full blast.
Whats with the drama? I grimaced. Were just sitting here, having a laugh.
Youre having a laugh, listening to jokes, giggling while Im slicing the third bowl of potato salad! Maisie waved toward the heap of potatoes. And its already nine oclock. Ive got a presentation tomorrow, mind you.
Another presentation, huh? Just a few slides
Slides? Maisie flushed with irritation. This is a millionpound project! Im
Maisie! a honeyed voice called from the kitchen. Why are you taking so long with the salad? People are waiting.
Margaret Turner, my motherinlaw, appeared in the doorway, smoothing her hair.
Could you at least give us a headsup when you plan to arrive? Maisie tried to keep her tone calm.
Oh, come off it, James. She stuck her hand into a bowl of sliced cucumbers and plucked a piece out. The family dropped by for tea. In our day
In your day there were no smartphones, Maisie muttered.
What now? Margaret squinted.
Im saying the veg is ready, Maisie said, dramatically brandishing a knife and beginning to hack at some ham.
James, Margaret turned to me. Your wifes completely lost her manners. No hospitality, no respect for her elders
Mum, enough, I shifted from foot to foot. Shes just exhausted.
Exhausted, she says! Margaret snapped. I was raising four kids back then, working, cooking, washing, and never complained.
A fresh burst of laughter erupted from the living room. Someone shouted, James, come over, Victors got a story!
Right, Ill go listen, I said, hurrying off.
Thats how it always is, Maisie whispered, watching me slip away. When youve got to answer for something, you end up in the bushes.
Dont talk like that about your husband! Margaret snapped. You should be grateful he married you, given your temperament
Maisie stopped listening. She stared at the knife in her hand, the chopping board, the jar of mayonnaise and then remembered the little bottle of drops shed bought at the chemist that morning.
You know what, Margaret? she said slowly. Youre right. Ill finish everything now. Ill put together a dinner youll never forget.
Finally! Margaret cheered. Ill call in Aunt Doris too, let her swing by. She lives just down the road.
Remember the last time your daughterinlaw oversalted the pilaf? Aunt Valentinas voice floated from the kitchen. We spent the whole night drinking water!
Exactly, Margaret replied, peeking from the kitchen. Maisies cooking in her own special way.
Maisie silently tossed the salad, counting to ten under her breath. The doorbell rang again.
That must be little Lily! Margaret exclaimed. James, answer it!
Im busy! someone shouted from the other room. Maisie, let me in, will you?
My hands are filthy, Maisie replied sharply.
Oh, what kind of wife are you? Margaret called out, waddling to the door. Cant you lend a hand to your husband?
On the doorstep stood not only Aunt Doris but also my sisterinlaw, Marina, with her husband and their kids.
We were just passing by, Marina said, ushering two shouting boys into the flat. I thought Id pop in to see my brother.
All of you were just passing, Maisie muttered to herself, pulling out a fresh packet of mayo. Its half past nine.
What are you mumbling about? Margaret snapped back.
Im saying, everyone, move to the table, Maisie announced loudly. Everything will be ready soon.
She fished a coveted little bottle from her bag. The instructions claimed the effect would kick in within an hour, and that you should stay far from home and the loo while it worked. Maisie smiled and poured a third of the bottle into the salad.
Maisie, will it be hot? my brother asked, eyeing the kids. The little ones are starving.
Itll be fine, she nodded. Everything will be perfect: meatballs, mash, gravy todays special sauce is on point.
Thats my wife! I grinned. Shes stopped cooking altogether these days.
You never help around the house, Margaret tutted from the hallway. Never a hand.
Ill be a wreck today, Maisie said methodically, stirring the salad. This dinner will be one theyll remember for the rest of their lives.
The doorbell rang yet again.
Oh, that must be Victor and Olivia! I shouted. I told them they could come in.
Maisie froze, spoon in hand.
Did you invite anyone else?
Whats it to you? I shrugged. Everyones here anyway. By the way, Victor said hed bring his mother, shes staying with them.
Maisie glanced at the nearly empty bottle, then at the salad, tallying the guests
You know what, she said, pulling another packet from her bag, Ill make a special gravy too, so theres enough for everyone.
Thats the spirit! someone called from the kitchen. Whats a dinner without gravy?
No gravy is unthinkable, Maisie agreed, measuring drops into the sauce. The important thing is that everyone gets their fill.
All right, everyone to the table! Margaret announced ceremoniously. Look at how Maisies gone all out.
The family settled around the spread. The boys darted straight for the salad.
How about we start with something warm? Maisie suggested, feigning concern. The salad needs a moment to settle.
You always make it more complicated, Margaret waved her off. Let the kids eat.
Right, right, Aunt Valentina chortled, loading her plate. Whats with these whims? We used to get by without all this fuss.
Nothing, Maisie smiled. But now itll be different.
Maisie, arent you going to eat yourself? James asked, mouth full.
I had a bite at work, she said, leaning against the doorway. Ive been cooking all day, already full on aromas.
Look at that, Marina scoffed. Now even the family wont eat. All these creative dishes of yours
Speaking of work, Victor interjected. Do you really get paid for drawing pictures? Thats what youre doing?
Maisie watched in silence as everyone piled on the side dishes. Plates emptied at a frightening pace.
Delicious! Grandma Doris declared. Finally learned to cook properly; all those fancy salads before.
Exactly, Olivia giggled. Remember last time her Caesar with croutons? I spent the whole evening with heartburn.
No more heartburn today, Maisie whispered. Completely different feeling coming.
What now? Margaret asked.
Should we put on some music for atmosphere?
Lets do it! I chimed. Ill fetch the speaker.
I slipped out from behind the table, but stopped at the doorway:
Maisie, youre acting strange today.
Im fine, I shrugged. Just watching you all tuck in. Id even say youre eating for the future.
Enough, he (James) ruffled her shoulder. See? Everyone likes it. Even Mums praising you.
The main thing is everyone enjoys it, Maisie said. By the way, I reheated the gravy especially for your mother, made it with love. She has to try it.
She glanced at the clock. By her calculations, the special effect should kick in in about half an hourright when everyone would be comfortably stuffed and relaxed.
Maisie, will there be tea? Margaret asked.
There will, Maisie replied, pulling a bag from the hallway. Only I need to dash off now. Work called, an emergency.
How can you leave? I protested. In the middle of a family dinner? What time is that?
Whats the big deal? she smiled, the first genuine smile of the night. You all arrived without warning; Im leaving without warning. Thats family life.
Thats the modern generation, Margaret waved her hand. No respect for family values!
And in thirty minutes, there was no respect left
James, I feel terrible, Margaret groaned, clutching her stomach.
Im feeling dizzy too, Victor winced, swaying in his chair.
Could it be the salad? Aunt Valentina whispered anxiously, but before she could finish she leapt up and bolted toward the bathroom.
Hey, where are you going?! Marina shouted after her. Im first!
First? Olivia snapped, trying to overtake them. I havent even
Within five minutes a genuine queue formed in the hallway. The line to the loo stretched all the way to the kitchen.
Mum, I feel awful! Marinas kids wailed.
Hold on! Margaret paced, hopping from foot to foot. Grandma Doris, are you almost done?
I just got in! a voice barked from behind the door, mixed with noises that sounded like gunfire.
What a mess, Grandma Doris muttered, leaning against the wall. In my day we never had this
James! Margaret yelled from the bathroom. Call your wife right now! This is all her cooking!
I grabbed my phone, but Maisie didnt pick up. A text popped up: Hope the dinner turned out OK. By the way, the neighbours have a spare loo, and Victors flat is next door. Run, folks, run. You might even make it in time.
She did that on purpose? Aunt Valentina gasped, covering her mouth.
Mum, get out! Marina shrieked. The lines gone right down the corridor!
I cant! Margaret wailed. What did that wretched woman mix in?
At that moment the doorbell rang again. A neighbour from upstairs stood on the doorstep:
Is everything alright? My chandeliers shaking
I cant, the queues a nightmare. Want an ambulance?
An ambulance? I snapped. So everyone knows?
What, should we be embarrassed in front of the neighbours? Marina huffed, trying to push Victor away from the coveted bathroom.
My phone buzzed once more. Another message from Maisie: Just so you knowIm filing for divorce tomorrow.
Divorce? Margaret shrieked, finally freeing the loo. James, she has no right!
Well sort it later! Victor roared, the first to bolt into the nowempty bathroom. We have bigger problems!
Marinas kids wailed in unison. Olivia started phoning the neighbours. Grandma Doris ranted about young people today. Meanwhile my phone kept pinging:
Dont worry about my stuffIve taken it while you were enjoying dinner. Good digestion!
P.S. Loved how you, James, hyped up my pictures. Those pictures will now earn money only for me. And that millionpound project? I handed it in yesterday. So I wont be out of work.
And there you have it: youll have to hunt for a new cook for your precious family, and youll be stuck cooking yourselfno restaurant money left. Ive already cleared the tab on my cardnothing youll object to, right? Were family!
The bathroom queue kept growing. Somewhere down the hall a frantic shout rang out: Neighbours wont open the door!!!
Meanwhile, Maisie was sitting in a cosy café on the other side of town, sipping a cappuccino, and for the first time in three years felt completely happy.
