13April
I never thought the words I married you out of pity would ever come from Victor Harper, but thats exactly what he said yesterday, and I gave him an hour to collect his things.
Working as a courier feels far beneath someone of my experience. At my last job I was respected, my opinions mattered. Here Im shuffling parcels through the streets of Manchester like a schoolboy.
Victor, you said yesterday you were ready to start at any level, I reminded him calmly.
This is all your fault! he snapped, marching around the flat.
Always nagging, Victor, find a job, go to the interview, you promised Yes, I promised, but I also promised to be your husband, not your puppet!
Staring at the coffee ring spreading over the white linen tablecloth, my mind drifted back to our first evening together. A cosy bistro in the city centre, candles flickering, his voice confident as he tried to convince me:
Poppy, with me youll leave all your worries behind. Ill turn your life into a fairytale. I have plans, opportunities.
Back then he seemed solid, dressed in an expensive suit (I later discovered it was a rental), a flashy watch (a counterfeit), and all the mannerisms of a selfmade businessman (gleaned from endless businesstraining videos). His certainty in his own greatness struck me as strength. It was all smoke.
Im going for a walk, get some fresh air, Victor said, ignoring the stain. You should think about your behaviour. Sometimes I feel the problem is you. If you earned less, I might feel more confident.
He went on about how a man must be the provider. When my wife is a director of an advertising agency, it drags down my masculine energy.
He slammed the door. I sank onto the chair, staring at the halfeaten scrambled eggs.
Masculine energy? Honestly, in the years weve been married hes never once nailed a nail. He claims his hands arent meant for manual work. What energy is that?
I sank deeper into memory, trying to pinpoint when Victor changed. The more I recalled, the clearer it became that Id ignored the early warning signs.
The first alarm rang during our honeymoon, when Victor forgot his wallet at the hotel. Then his bank card was blocked. Later, the money in his accounts was temporarily frozen pending checks. I paid everything, soothing myself with the thought that everyone has hiccups.
Strange phone calls followed.
Hello, is this Victor Harper? You promised to repay a loan last month
He brushed it off as a misunderstanding, and I believed himwanted to.
Ive built my own business from scratch. Im used to reading peopleclients, partners, stafflike open books. My insight was praised, yet now it feels as if a fog has settled over my eyes.
Lena, my friend and business partner, tried to help.
Poppy, youre a smart woman, she said, twirling her pen and avoiding my gaze. Dont you see hes just?
What? Just what? I asked, still defending him, foolishly.
An opportunist. He latched onto a successful woman and leeches off her. How many jobs is he looking for now?
Hes in the process! He has several promising options
Come off it! He spends the whole day at home playing video games.
I angryly accused Lena of jealousy over my marriage. She merely shook her head.
Oh, Poppy, what have you gotten yourself into
By the second week of dating, he complained about former employers never appreciating his genius. Later I learned his previous venture collapsed because of a dispute with business partners essentially, hed racked up debts.
Even his mother, the sweetspoken Valerie, sighed when she first met me:
Maybe hell settle down with you, dear.
I cleared the table, attempted to blot the coffee stainpointlessand loaded the dishwasher. The mechanical routine steadied my thoughts.
The phone rang. Victor had left his mobile behind when he went out. A woman introduced herself as Claire, a HR manager.
We were expecting him for an interview today, but he never showed. Is he still interested in the role? Could something have happened?
Its fine. He simply decided that a courier job is beneath his dignity, I replied.
But this was a senior logistics manager position. The salary is competitive, full benefits The résumé you sent impressed us greatly.
A senior logistics manager? I could hardly believe it. Victor had told me hed be a courier. Did he want me to pity him? To tell him dont go, love, thats not your level?
What experience did he list?
Ten years in logistics, senior roles at major firms.
Thanks, Claire. Im afraid he wont be bothering you any longer.
After hanging up, I sat at my computer and finally did what Id meant to do six months agorun a background check on Victor. My contacts made it possible.
The picture that emerged was bleak. His last official role: junior sales assistant at a windowfitting company, dismissed for absenteeism. He owed money to several banks, was subject to a court order from an expartner, and was paying child support for a son he never mentioned to me.
I stared at the screen, feeling an odd calm rather than rage, as if a cloudy lens had been lifted from my eyes.
That evening Victor returned, cheerful, clutching a bouquet from the local supermarketstill with the price tag attached.
Poppy, Im sorry! I was wrong. It just slipped my mind, you know? But Ive thought it through. Im going to start my own business!
I listened in silence as he sketched yet another pipedream. He needed startup capital, which, of course, Id have to provide.
And in six months, at most a year, Ill return everything tenfold! Well buy a house out in the country, you can keep your business, do art, yogawhatever you like Maybe even have children!
Victor, I cut him off. Pack your things.
What? he froze, bouquet still in hand. What do you mean?
I mean you move outtoday. You can go back to your mother or anyone else, but this flat is no longer yours.
You cant! Im your husband! Were married! You have no right to do this!
What marriage? You never wanted kids; you just invented them to sound grand. Yesterday you called children a burden that would ruin your great plans.
Its all because of your money! he shouted, throwing the flowers onto the floor. Youve crushed me with your wealth, your success! Next to you any man feels worthless!
No, Victor. Only someone who believes they are worthless will feel that way. Successful men beside successful women feel like partners.
Who needs you at my age! A lonely careerwoman! I married you out of pity, understand? Out of pity!
His words, shocking as they were, didnt sting. They fell into place, clearing the last of my delusions.
Im giving you an hour to gather your things, Victor, I said. Then Ill call the police.
End of entry.
