With a trembling heart, she knocked at the door. Silence answered her.
With my hands shaking, I knocked on the familiar door. No sound came from inside, so, hesitantly, I fished out the key from my pocket and unlocked it myself. Goodness, how long had it been since I’d set foot inside! Everything looked as it had all those years agonothing had really changed in this once beloved homeyet now, it all felt cold and unfamiliar.
It had been nearly a year since that awful row with Max. Wed had our squabbles in the past, of course. Back then, Abigail would gather our daughter Lucy in her arms, tears stinging her cheeks, and burst straight out to her mothers. Most times, Max, missing her dreadfully, would show up the very next day to make things right. Life would slip back into normalcy and the peace that followed lent a bit of flavour to our marriage. But last time was different.
Pushing these memories aside, I strode over to the wardrobe to retrieve those important papers. The documents were still lying untouched, right where Abigail had carefully tucked them away. For the past two months, a young manhead over heels for her for ageshad been in earnest pursuit. Thered been nothing more than polite conversation between them, but just last week hed officially asked for her hand in marriage.
That entire week, Abigail tossed and turned in bed, unable to settle. She couldnt make up her mind. At first, shed thought the misunderstanding with Max might blow over. Surely, hed show up at the door, as he always had, gaze right through her and say, Ive missed you so.
Days slipped by, then months, but nothing changed. They rarely saw one another now. Maxs warmth had faded; his distance was unmistakable, the gap between them a chasm. Hed pop in only to collect Lucy, quietly taking her hand, the two of them off on some little adventure. Then hed return her, just as silently. Lucy would chatter away with excitement, twirling in front of the mirror in her new dress or shoesgifts from her father. Abigail found herself remembering when Maxs eyes sparkled as he gifted her things, too. But now, he wouldnt meet her gaze at all. Being together felt awkward, so shed slip off to her own room. Abigails mum, never particularly concerned about Max, often said, Whatevers meant for you wont pass you by. Gradually, even Abigail started to believe it.
Taking a steadying breath, Abby glanced around the room, ready to say her goodbyes. Then her heart missed a beatthere, fast asleep on the sofa, was Max. He mustve come home after his shift at the factory. My instinct was to tiptoe out, but something made me stay. Every weary line on his face was painfully familiar, the tired stubble on his chin, those deep shadows under his eyes. I sat down beside him, slowly.
What did I really know of this man I’d lived with for so many years? What truly went on behind that furrowed brow? In my minds eye, the face of a younger Max floated to the surfacethose bright, boyish eyes, his radiant, warm smile. It was that smile, I remembered, that had once swept me off my feet. Was the smiling lad and this weary man really the same person? After all, not that much time had passed. That radiant smile flickered to life in my memory, so vivid it was almost reproachfulat me.
Where had it all gone wrong? I looked around helplessly, searching for someone to blame for what our lives had become. My heart tightened, thumping with melancholy. Our once magical, cosy world had been slowly drowned by petty grievances and disappointment, swelling tides of tears and confusion. Always exhausted, Max worked three jobs to provide for us, not wanting to depend on anyone. And IId finally had time to think it over and admit I hadnt had enough patience, or a gentle, wise touch.
Yet, once upon a time, wed been deliriously happy. That wasnt just some fevered imagination. I bolted to my feet, desperate to prove it to myself. My gaze landed on Maxs hand, lying across our wedding album, right on a photograph where we looked impossibly happy.
My hand shook and the photographs slid softly to the floor. I looked round and found Max was awake, gazing at me.
Abby, youve come back? There was such joy in his eyes that it hurt to think how close Id come to leaving for good just half an hour earlier.
Today, Ive learnt that happiness is fragile, and sometimes all it really takes to save it is a bit more patienceand the courage to look, just once more, for the smile you first fell in love with.
