I have a young mother-in-law, Margaret, whos just forty. She married young and had my husband at eighteen, then his brother arrived a year later. Margaret and her husband loved each other deeply.
By all accounts, my husband enjoyed a happy family life. After finishing secondary school, Margaret took a course in accounting and started work at a small local shop. She later studied part-time and now serves as chief accountant at a respected company.
When my husband was ten, his father died tragically in a car accident. From then on, Margaret raised her boys alone. She taught them independence, firmly stating that once they finished school, her responsibilities would end. When they were pupils, she arranged for tutors, invested in their education so theyd have stable professions and be able to make their way in the world.
My husband and I met, fell in love, and decided to get married. Were both university students. Margaret covered part of the wedding expenses, gifted us a honeymoon, and said, Have a fabulous trip, youre adults now. Then she vanished from our daily lives. Occasionally shed ring and ask, How are things?and that was it.
My husbands younger brother still lives with Margaret while studying, but she stopped supporting him too: I wont bankroll a grown man, she said. If he wants an education, he can work for it. I realise its possible.
After our daughter, Grace, was born, Margaret congratulated us and brought a massive gift box of nappies and toiletries. She kissed us all, and disappeared.
Her social life is very active. At weekends she cycles, goes on hiking trips, enters competitions, and in winter, she skis and pursues other sports. Shes even started a new romance. Sometimes we ask her to babysit her granddaughter, and she replies, Youre adults now. When we need help paying the rent, she says, Youre on your own. I raised my children without grandmas help; youll cope, too.
Is it indifference? When my husband lived alone, he had enough money. But now there are three of us, and Margaret refuses to lend a hand. My parents are retired; Im the youngest in the family, and they dont have enough themselves. Occasionally they give us some fruit and veg from their allotment.
Margaret recently declared, If I want a child, Ill marry again and have one myself. Its up to you to manage.
Sure, she gives us gifts now and then, but its not enough. When I was seriously ill with flu, she cared for Grace while my husband looked after me. But as soon as I felt a bit stronger, she waved goodbye: Now you take care of your child yourself.
Such is my mother-in-law.
