The man I once dreamed of left his wife for me, but I never could have imagined how everything would turn against me.
I first admired him back in my university days. I suppose you could call it a blind and naïve sort of loveunconditional and all-consuming. When he finally noticed me, I utterly lost my senses. By that time, a few years after graduation, fate landed us at the same company. Both of us had studied the same subject, so our paths crossing again didnt seem out of the ordinary. To me, though, it felt like destiny.
He seemed, back then, to be the embodiment of everything I wished for in a man. And, in my youthful arrogance, I was unbothered by the fact that he had a wife. Id never married before and had no idea what it felt like to watch a marriage fall apart. I didnt feel even a twinge of guilt when Matthew decided to leave his wife for me. Who would have guessed it would all lead to so much unhappiness? People do say, after all, that you cant build your own happiness on someone elses misery.
When he chose me, I was over the moon, ready to forgive any flaw. The truth was, in day-to-day life, he was nothing like the princely man he appeared in public. His clothes were always scattered about, he flatly refused to do the washing up, and every household chore fell to me. Still, I was so besotted I overlooked it all.
He moved on from his previous marriage with astonishing speed. Theyd had no children, and the marriage, as it happened, had been engineered by her parents. With me, he insisted, things were different.
My happiness, however, was painfully short-lived. Everything changed the day I realised I was pregnant. At first, Matthew was thrilled. We even had a big family gathering to celebrate, with plenty of well-wishes for our future child. That evening remains one of my fondest memories, and I have no regrets when I look back on it. But from that point on, my blind adoration began to fade.
As my belly grew, I saw less and less of Matthew. I was home on maternity leave, so hed come home late and spend most nights at work or at company parties. At first, I wasnt bothered, but soon enough I found the endless housework exhaustingI could barely bend down to even pick up the socks hed left strewn about the flat.
It was during those days I often found myself wondering: had we rushed into having a baby?
I knew that feelings cooled over time, but I never expected it to happen this fast. He still brought home flowers and boxes of Cadburys chocolates, but what I really wanted was for him to be present.
In time, company gossip over a cup of tea made it clear he wasnt at these work parties for no good reason. A new, young woman had joined the office when Id gone on leave. The department was already short-staffed, and, ironically, my absence had made things even more critical. How fitting.
I couldnt be sure if it was her, but I knew he had someone else nowhe never seemed to have any time at all. It was always work, or another cant-miss company gathering. One evening, I found a note tucked in the pocket of his blazer, signed with initials I didnt recognise. Strangely, I put it back without confronting him. I decided to pretend I knew nothing.
It was dreadful to feel so utterly alone, seven months pregnant, while my husband insisted I was turning overly anxious. Every argument ended with a sigh and him walking away disappointed. I dont know how, but I realised that if I brought up the issue, hed only leave for good. My dread of losing him consumed me. They say if you fear something too much, its bound to happen.
For all his charm, Matthew was no true gentleman. The worst words Id ever heard fell from his lips: Im not ready for a child and Ive met someone else. I barely remember how he told me, but I felt like Id lost my mind at that moment.
Yet, I found a strength I didnt know I had and filed for divorce. I dont think Matthew ever believed Id stop tolerating his behaviour. He surely didnt expect to find his belongings tossed out of our flat the very next day. Thankfully, we were only renting, so there was nothing tying us together any longer.
But the baby? How are you going to provide, all on your own?
Ill manage. I can work from home. Besides, my parents have offered to help since day one. Mother always said he was a womaniserI ought to have listened.
The responsibility for my unborn son gave me the courage I needed. Alone, I doubt Id have ever left.
I knew in my heart I didnt want to raise my child with a father like him.
His betrayal was so cruel that I wanted nothing more to do with the man. It was as if a fog had finally lifted from my eyes.
The first few months after the divorceincluding the birthwere unimaginably hard. I moved back in with my family, who were overjoyed, especially my grandparents, whod always wanted a grandson. I wont pretend I never missed Matthew, but I forced myself not to dwell on him. Deep down, I knew Id done the right thing, and that I could provide the best for my son.
Then, out of the blue, he reappeared.
Matthew is full of remorse now. He wants to meet his son. But do I want that? Or should I start over somewhere newmaybe a fresh start in another city?
My lesson is this: no matter how much you wish to believe in a perfect love, happiness built on someone elses pain never lasts. And when love fades, the strength to do whats right has to come from within.
