Oh look, look, Hannah! Here comes your secret crush!
I was sitting with my usual work crowd, nestled around our tiny table as we grazed on sandwiches. At Sophies teasing words, I twisted round and saw Tom stroll into the canteen. As always, Tom seemed to light up the room sharing his easy grin, waving at a few people, nodding to others. He looked absolutely smashing, just as he always did. I watched with a pang of envy Tom always skimmed past me as if I was invisible, and yet I really, honestly liked him, silly as it was.
Hes just walking in why should I care? I shrugged, trying to play it cool.
Oh, but you do care! Ellas eyes sparkled mischievously.
Oh do give it a rest, girls, piped up Rachel in my defence. Whats the harm in it? Hannah likes Tom, so what? Sophies got a thing for Daniel, and Ella, you keep mooning after Mr. Harper and youre married!
The girls all laughed, the topic finally drifting into silence, much to my relief.
After work, I trudged out into the grey London evening, headed for the tube. Id barely managed a few steps when a little boy on a scooter barreled right into me full speed!
Now, as if my day hadnt been bad enough, my shin throbbed with pain and to top it off, there was a fresh ladder in my tights.
Not exactly the way Id hoped the day would end.
Oh goodness! Im terribly sorry his flustered mum rushed over.
Its alright, really, I replied, trying to sound less pained than I felt.
Let me give you some money to buy a new pair? she insisted, fishing her purse open.
Oh no, honestly Im fine, no need, I assured her, waving a hand.
She and her son hurried off, and I moved to continue my commute when suddenly I caught sight of Tom, standing just metres away.
Can I help at all? Need a lift home? he offered with that gentle sincerity that only made my heart thump harder. I wanted to dance with delight, but I managed the iciest No, thank you. Ill be fine.
Tom nodded and walked off, while I limped toward the station, mentally kicking myself for turning down the one bit of attention from a bloke who made my heart tick. Not that it mattered. He started saying hello to me after that as if Id finally become visible.
Days rolled on. Life happened colleagues left for new jobs, some got married, Ella split with her husband and started seeing Mr. Harper. Everyones circumstances shifted, except for me. Still single, still hoping Tom might one day notice me in more than a passing way.
Then fate threw us together again. One evening as I left the office, a car tore down the street, spraying a wave of water across my legs. Just brilliant, I thought, as Tom appeared beside me from nowhere.
Are you alright? Want some help? He offered again.
I shook my head. No, thank you. Ill manage.
Once more, I walked home berating myself. Why was I so daft? Why couldnt I just accept his help wasnt that what I wanted? I really was hopeless.
The next day, I found a message waiting in my inbox. It was from Tom a polite farewell to the whole company, thanking everyone and announcing that he was moving on.
So thats it then, I sniffled as tears pricked my eyes. Hes leaving. Ill likely never see him again.
Just as I was lost in thoughts, Sophie plonked herself beside me.
You saw the email? She raised her brows knowingly.
Yes I saw it.
So what are you going to do? she pressed.
I panicked. What was I supposed to do?
Me? I dont know! I squeaked.
Well, its not me who fancies him, is it? If it were, Id already have asked him out for a leaving do. Why are you just sitting on your hands?
I sighed. It was easy for her; she had never been shy. I felt my little world caving in.
I dont know I cant just I began.
Oh please, just move over, she said, scooting to my desk.
Before I knew it, she was firing off a reply on my behalf: Lovely working with you, Tom would love to do a little send-off, let us know if you fancy some farewell drinks. Then she clicked send.
Wait, what have you just done?!
Hannah, dont fret. Honestly. Just come along and see what happens.
I collapsed back in my chair. To my surprise, the message quickly drew positive responses, and now Id no excuse. But I was determined not to go.
The close of Toms last day drew nearer. I vacillated endlessly go, dont go, go, dont go. I really did envy Sophies courage.
But then another email popped up: Turns out they need me to stay on for another fortnight while they find a replacement. Farewell drinks are still on!
My indecision dragged out another two weeks.
Relax whats got you so wound up? Sophie tried to cheer me up, but I just sighed my deepest sigh.
Then yet another twist. Tom sent a new message: Company and I have agreed Ill stay on after all. Drinks are still happening though hope to see you all there!
I grinned like an idiot at my desk. Back to square one, I suppose. At least I could keep mooning over Tom from afar.
At six oclock sharp, I packed up my bag to head home.
Hannah, wait for me lets walk together, Sophie called.
I didnt realise you lived my way? I asked, puzzled.
I dont; were going to the pub together for Toms leaving do, silly!
The pub? But I I wasnt I stammered, caught off guard.
Oh come on! You honestly thought Id let you skip it? How many years are you going to pine over Tom? When are you going to stop and actually speak to the man? Are you really going to look back in twenty years and realise you wasted all that time?
I bristled at her words, but deep down knew she was right. Best to finally say something to Tom and see what happened.
Alright then, I said, half-determined, half-dreading it.
Next lunchtime, Sophie found me in the canteen.
So, how are you feeling?
Honestly? Im glad you dragged me along. Now I know Tom is just as lovely as I thought.
At that moment, the man himself appeared.
Alright girls! He grinned.
Sophie winked. Speak of the devil
Mind if I join you two?
Of course not! Pull up a chair, Sophie said.
And just like that, Tom and I started to become friends.
So, is anything actually happening between you two? Sophie pressed me one evening.
I sighed. No, nothing at all. Were just friends. We have the odd day out together, but it always ends the same he walks me home, pats me on the shoulder, says he had a great time, and thats it!
Sophie laughed as I put on my best Tom voice.
Ever asked him out for coffee?
No
Well, maybe you should.
But in my conservative world, the man was always meant to make the first move.
Yet, evenings out with Tom continued films, galleries, concerts. Never more.
Eventually I gave up hope. Clearly Tom wasnt my fate, and I ought to turn my attention elsewhere maybe my Mr Right was someone I hadnt even noticed.
The very day I finally told myself that, Tom and I ended up walking in Hyde Park. He was just about to put me in a cab when a downpour suddenly erupted pelting rain, puddles rising everywhere.
My flats round the corner lets get out of this rain! Tom shouted, grabbing my hand.
We dashed, giggling, through the puddles and into his building, up the lift, dripping and out of breath and before I knew it, we were kissing.
I pulled back for a moment, almost disbelieving. What are we, then?
He looked at me with bright eyes. My lovely girlfriend, he replied. I just never thought Id find someone like you.
and so ends my tale. I suppose, if Ive learned anything, its that sometimes happiness is waiting just beyond your own reluctance youve just got to step out of your comfort zone and see what happens.
