Tanya
No! Please! Dont bring him here! Why are you doing this to me?
A petite, almost doll-like woman with almond-shaped eyes was in hysterics, flailing her arms and pushing away the nurse, who persisted in offering her the baby.
Tanya shifted her daughter more comfortably against her hip and waved the nurse over. Pass him here, will you? Ill feed him.
Thats not procedure
Well, itll be our little secret, then, wont it? Whats a point in formula when theres milk enough for two? Let him enjoy it while it lasts. Tomorrows another day.
Big-hearted Tanya, voice booming through the ward like Big Ben at noon, always got her way. Thats why shed been made supervisor, after alla woman who could sort out both the work and the workers. She was the type people called salt of the earth. Shed point you straight if you went astray and didn’t mind being a bit colourful when explaining thingswhen needed, of course.
If someone doesnt understand plain English, say it in a way they will! Tanya joked, and the unlucky target would scuttle off, well aware things wouldn’t end well otherwise.
By the time shed hit thirty, Tanya had gone from little Tanya to Mrs Tanya Fairchild, and no one dared address her informally. Young girls joining her crew wouldnt even dream of getting cheeky with her. But after a spell with Scary Tanyaas she was known on the construction sitethey realised she was the best sort: always ready for a word of advice, a helping hand, and the odd tenner if you landed in a pickle. For every one of them she always had a kind word, and before long, youd hear someone say, Mum Tanya reckons
Tanya was one of those ageless women; you just couldnt tell how old she was. Couldve been twenty, could’ve been fortydepends on the light, really. She had a bold, classic look, a nose like an old Roman coin, a mane thick enough to supply three theatres, and carried herself like a flagship. Everything about her gleamed, and she liked it that way.
She was fussy about appearances, too. Overalls didnt have to mean mucky old rags, shed tell the girls, whod raise their brows watching Tanya pack her work gear away after every shift for a wash.
Tanya Fairchild, how do you even have the energy? Im dead on my feet after work!
Well, if youre daft about it, youll be stuck washing all week. Ive three setsmakes it simple. Even knackered, onell get washed tomorrow if not today. I just cant abide disorderit makes me antsy. And you wouldnt want that, now, would you? Tanya would chuckle as the girls gawped.
She knew every detail about her team, but Tanyas own private life was never up for gossip. What was the point? It was all plain as day anyway. The site gossiped for a year after her first husband had a spectacular tumble off the scaffoldingit was his own fault, not following safety rulesand only survived thanks to Tanya. Shed nursed him round the clock, pestered every nurse and doctor within earshot, and got him back on his feetliterally. Then, off he went… chasing new love.
At home, Tanya would howl like a bansheehad the neighbours spaniels howling back for companybut at work, shed strut with head held high and eyes dry. No time for sorrow on site! Besides, sulk around and shed only miss a trickand being boss, she couldnt afford that.
The girls would whisper in corners, but no one dared pity Tanya, and good thing too. Shed never stood for self-pity; her dad had raised her better. Old Ted Fairchild brought her up on his own, never fussing about her being a girl.
Ted, honestly, shes just a child, the neighbours would mutter, but Ted paid them no mind. His rules were simple:
Dont take nonsense and dont dish it out. If youre upset, speak up, but dont cause a scenejust say your bit calmly. Cant say it? Keep quiet and dont expect sympathy. Treat others how youd want to be treated. If you dont like being called names, dont fling em first, all right?
Alright! Little Tanya would eat her porridge, listening like her life depended on it.
And if you upset someone, dont do it again. Otherwise, youll be losing friends and gaining trouble. Grudges dont do anyone any favours.
She adored her dad. He wasnt the cuddly sort, but his love was plain as daylight. Even the blokes down the boozer would shake their heads at what a devoted father Ted was.
Fed, what if shes not yours? Nancy had a fair few before you, mate!
For that Ted would throw a punch and twice had trouble with the law, but the old factory manager sorted it out, grumbling all the way. Tanya never knew her mumshed skipped town when Tanya was a babe in arms and never looked back. When Tanya grew old enough, she asked her dad.
She didnt want us, love. Thought wed tie her down. Told me straight she couldnt be your mum, nor my wife.
Tanya made her dad a mug of tea and sat down, determined. Well, good then! Better honest than pretending to love someone every day. Were fine as we are. But
But what?
Is it true what people say, that Im not yours? I dont care about the gossip, youre my dad, end of. But I want to know.
Ted stared hard into his tea before finally meeting her gaze. Youre mine, Tanya. Dont go thinking otherwise. Your mum always told the truthif thered been anything different, Id know. So stop worrying. Youre my lass, Im your dad, simple as.
He stood, hugged her awkwardly, kissed her wild curls, and left the kitchen. Tanya exhaled. Everything was as it should be. As for her mumwell, at least shed given Tanya life. And about her dad? She wouldnt swap him for the world.
Growing up, the whispers stoppedshe was her fathers double. When they walked through the estate, tall and dark-eyed with unruly curls, the grannies on benches would stop prattling and simply watch.
Would you look at them! Like something out of a legendproper giants, the pair of them!
Whyd the girl have to be so huge? Looks just like her dad, but wholl ever be a match for her?
As it turned out, it was Serge who matched her. By then, Tanya was a regular on the building sites, and Sergea lad even taller than she wascouldnt help but notice.
Blimey! Queen among mortals! he whistled, making Tanya blush.
It didnt take long for them to land in the registry officetwo families coming together, plenty of aunts, uncles and cousins for a knees-up.
But the in-laws didnt make things easy, especially Serges mother, whod decided at the wedding Tanya wasnt up to scratch. She told her daughters as much, and before long Tanya realised trouble had come from close to home.
She wasnt naive; flats in London arent known for privacy, and everyones laundry gets aired in public sooner or later. But shed hoped for a bit of maternal support from her mother-in-law, if not her own. Alas, what came instead was nit-picking and constant friction.
Tanya stuck to her guns, just as her dad taught herdont keep silent, explain calmly. But after trying to reason with Serges mum, she gave upno point flogging a dead horse. When she missed a family do, it sparked another row, the mother-in-law storming round on Saturday while Serge tinkered in the garage.
So you think you can turn my son against me, you cheeky cow? Ill
What? Tanya turned from the sink, dried her hands, and faced her, filling the kitchen doorway. Go on, say your bit. But when youre done, Ill have my turn.
The mother-in-law wilted onto a stool. You keep saying Im not one of you, not family. Well, Ive saved you the botherno more forced chit-chat. And as for Serge, hes a grown man, makes his own choices. Ive never bad-mouthed you to him, whatever story youve cooked up. If you want to keep on ranting, do it at your own table. If you come here, be civil, or dont come at all.
Oh, youre full of it, arent you!
Im done biting my tongue or crying on your account. I could say more, but whats the use? If you want tea, kettles nearly boiled.
The mother-in-law, Gwendolyn, was ready for round twobut then Tanya suddenly wobbled, pale, bolted for the loo, while Gwen pressed herself to the kitchen wall.
When Tanya was back, a bit peaky and with damp curls, Gwen already had two cups of tea poured and was slicing bread.
Sit. When did you last eat?
Cant remember.
Typical! Eat up, Ill nip home for some pickles. You want gherkins or pickled cabbage?
Tanya stared, at a loss. Wasnt Gwendolyn shouting a moment ago? Now shes fussing over pickles
Dont look at me like Ive grown a second head. How far along?
Tanya sighedno use hiding it now. Three months.
Youll feel better soon, Gwen said, sliding over the sandwiches. First thing in the morning, nibble a bit of dry toast or bread, no matter what. Helps with the queasiness.
From that day, the uneasy truce Tanya tried to keep gradually grew into something sturdier. When Tanyas son Alex was born, the whole clan showed up at the hospital, quick to forget all past bickering.
Later, when Serge decided he needed a new start and left Tanya, it was Gwen who stood by her.
Shameful, Tanya love, truly shameful! When I see the lad, Ill have words, even if he is a grown man!
No need, mum. Tanya swallowed her tears. Youll just drive him further away. He might have plenty of women, but theres only one mum. And Alex only has one dad. If he wants to be with someone else, what can I do? You cant force love. Ill manage. Just keep him in Alexs lifeevery boy needs a dad.
Gwen tousled Alexs wild curls and hugged Tanya. Dont you fret. Youre still familyalways will be, you and the boy. Well help you whenever you need it.
And Gwen kept her promiseTanya had as much support from her as she did Ted. Serge lived in a nearby town and would come round with the new wife and take Alex for a day out whenever he could. Tanya never objected.
Youre too nice, Tanya, letting your lad see his step-mum like that!
Well, shes the mother of his sister. Why not? Let the kids know each other while theyre youngit cant do any harm.
Ted, always proud of Tanyas wisdom, backed her. Right enough. Siblingsalways better than being alone.
Years passed, and soon the rumour mill was at it again: Mrs Tanya Fairchild, expecting! Who was the father? That, no one could say.
Tanya didnt bother with the gossip. Her seaside holidayleaving Alex with Gwenwas the happiest shed had since Serge left. There she met Alexander, a tall, silver-haired university professor with more knowledge than seemed strictly necessary, and a heartache to match.
You see, Tanya, living with someone when loves long gone is a trial. Ive got two kids, and I cant leave until theyre old enough to understand.
Do you really think it does them any favours, watching their parents live like strangers? Kids know more than you think.
You reckon?
I know.
She never could bring herself to call him Alexalways Professor or Mr Rowlandand on you, never we. Still, it was easy and warm between them, so much so that come departure day, Tanya couldnt even manage a proper goodbye. She just left early, suitcase in hand, memories hers alone.
She told Gwen the truthafraid shed judge, but was surprised.
So what if theres another baby in the house? The more, the merrier! And dont be glum, Tanya. Who gets a lifetime supply of love anyway? Its not like you cheated on a husband. Life happens. What matters is how you handle it.
When Tanyas daughter was born, the nurses marvelled at her calm.
Look at you! Most women scream like banshees, and here you are, smiling!
All in the name of great love, eh?
Here, have your baby. Shes a beauty! Big lass, toojust like her mum.
Thats alright! Big girls catch luck too, sometimes.
Afterwards, Tanya was alone in her hospital room for nearly a day before a tiny, dark-haired woman was wheeled in, silent as a shadow.
There, settle down. Well figure you out later, the matron said.
Tanya, hearing the womans faint whimpers, poured her a glass of water.
Whats your name, love?
The only reply was a delicate sob.
Unfazed, Tanya approached the bed. Thirsty?
The woman guzzled the water as though shed crossed the Sahara.
They starving you out there? Whats your name again?
Asha.
Asha, then. Right. Boy or girl?
Asha didnt answerjust turned away, crying quietly. Tanya let her be; the rest would come. Later, Asha remained curled up, withdrawn.
The usual rattle of trolleys meant feeding time. Tanyas daughter was a solid, contented fuss-pot, but Ashas baby was tiny, teary, and frail in comparison.
Were not having that, Tanya thought and, shoving her daughter towards the wall for space, went over to Asha.
Snap out of it, will you? Your babys struggling and youre wallowing? Up! You cant just give up because youre down. Your little one needs you. Adults can be miserable, sure, but babies? Thats just not on! Up, come onwere making a mum out of you!
The doctor, summoned by panicked nurses, watched quietly as Tanya helped Asha get the baby feeding before slipping calmly out the door.
Leave them for nowbest thing for them.
Ashas story was painfully simplea whirlwind romance, big promises, then the father vanished as soon as he heard the news. Shed been too afraid to tell her parents, and now had nowhere to go.
My dad will never forgive me. Mum would feel sorry for me, but shed never defy him. Its just how it is.
How old are you? Tanya asked.
Eighteen. Just.
Still a child, really
That night, while rocking her baby, Tanya hatched a plan. In the morning, her father Ted went round to Gwens, as requested, picked up a spare cot, rearranged the furniture, and called Gwen to declare things ready.
Sorted here tooall bits Tanya wanted. Not new, but clean and presentable. Enough to start off.
Tanya fretted about how to raise it with Ashaprideful as she was, she might refuse help. But she neednt have worried. That evening, at feeding time, Asha clung to her baby in tears.
I cant let anyone take him! I have nowhereno one!
Tanya answered gently and firmly, Youve got me. Theres room enough in my little flat. Dads put up another cot, and youll have the sofa. No more talk of giving upyoure not alone. And remember, hes just a baby; he needs you not to be afraid. Thats what mums are for, isnt it?
Asha stared in astonishment. Tanya pulled her into a hug. Dont be scared. Ill be your big sisterif youll let me.
Before long, Tanya was barking at the nurses from the doorway, rallying for some sedatives for poor Asha, flustered by it all.
Three months passed; Asha managed to haul the pram, with both babies, out into the courtyard, nodding to the neighbour ladies on the bench.
She didnt see the idling car at firstuntil her father got out, walked over, and she shrank back, shielding the pram.
Stop shaking, girl! Its only your dad, Tanya called, appearing at the last second, fussing with her dress, and greeting everyone. Go talk to himwell walk the babies around. Dont worry! Ive already had a word with him. Hes not angryjust worried sick! Youre his girlwholl love you more than your own parents?
She strolled down the path and, glancing back, grinnedthe sight of Asha being hugged by her dad said it all.
There you go, Sasha, Tanya muttered to the babies, tucking them in, Youre not alone. Youve got a dad, a granny, and more family than youll know what to do with. Things wont be easy, but your mothers found her claws. Try taking you from her nowshes a proper lioness, she is! And if you ever act up, Aunt Tanyall be there to remind you about family and England! And youve got usme, your cousins, Grandpa Ted Always welcome, no matter what.
Two little noses snuffled softly in the pram.
Suddenly the sun, missing all last week, poked out and gilded the pavement. Tanya tilted her face towards the warmth and listened.
Well, I think thats us done strollinghere comes the first May storm! she laughed. Quick, everyone!
The rain caught them at the door, and Tanya handed Sasha to Ashas dad. Third floor, granddadup you get! The doors on the latch.
Asha rushed over but paused, watching her father cradle the baby.
Whats his name?
Alexander.
Solid name! Hell go far. Off we go, then!
Tanya stayed on the step, bouncing her now wide-awake daughter.
See, darling, happiness is a sly thing. Sometimes it walks right by, and if youre not quick, someone else will grab it. Dont wait for life to happenmake it happen. Love your lot, show kindness to strangers, dont expect anything back. If you can givegive. Help, a kind word, your time. If youre lucky, youll get thanks. If notnever mind. What matters is looking yourself in the mirror and knowing you did good. Show the world how its donethats all you can do.A sudden gust blew the door wide, and Tanyas laughter rose above the wind as the little clan tumbled inside, tracking drops and sunshine together. For a heartbeat, the hallway was chaoswet shoes, prams wedged sideways, babies squalling, and grown-ups trying to look dignified but unable to quit smiling.
Ted appeared, tea-towel in hand, doorway filled with his broad frame. I was wondering what had dragged half the market into my front room, he grumbled, but his eyes were dancing as he bent to help with the children. Gwen bustled past, cheeks pink, bearing a tray of biscuits, calling, Mind where youre dripping, this floors just been mopped!
Ashas father lingered awkwardly beside the coat stand, awkwardness turning soft as Sashas tiny hand closed around his thumb. In the living room, Alex, oldest of the bunch, new big-brother pride glowing, bore his little sister around as though she were a crown jewel, guiding her on wobbly steps from chair to chair.
Tanya set her daughter on the rug, knees creaking as she knelt amid the noise and warmth and muddle of familysome by blood, some by choice, but all hers. She caught her fathers lookgruff, proud, impossibly gentleand nodded, a silent promise passing between them.
The kettle whistled, the windows shivered with rain, and the flat filled with chatter and the clatter of mugs and the hush of babies settling. When Tanya finally sat by the window, breath caught up at last, she saw her reflection layered over the city lights: a mother, a daughter, a friend, a lionessthe sum of every story told and every kindness given.
She raised her cup, caught Gwens eye across the room, and grinned. To usmisfits and mothers, and the ones who never quite fit, but always find a home to come back to.
And as the laughter spun and the storm outside faded to a hush, Tanya knewfor all the hard days behind and aheadtheir walls held more than shelter. They held hope. They held second chances. Most of all, they held the sort of love that, if youre lucky, makes you brave enough to give it away, again and again.
Outside, the clouds drifted and the world glistened, scrubbed clean. And from that window, for one perfect moment, all Tanya could see was sunlight.
