DAD, PLEASE LET ME LIVE
No, I said no! I wont be able to accept, let alone love, this child, Williams anger toward his wife was transparent. Lucy is my daughter, and all my love belongs to her. And how could you let this happen? Youre nearly forty, not some thoughtless teenager.
Hear yourself, Will, Emily sobbed, shocked by her husbands reaction. This is your child. Why? Why cant they be born? Just because you wish it? But why?
This conversation is going nowhere. Ive said my piece. We have Lucy, shes fifteen. Suddenly a newborn? Get rid of the babythis is my last word.
And if I dont? Emilys voice trembled, but she didnt back down.
Then youre on your own. My heart will be closed to this child, and I cant promise Ill stay with you if you go through with this.
How can you say this child? Its your childoursnot just this.
Thats enough! Thats final, William growled and marched off to his study, shutting the door with a firmness that ended the conversation.
Emily wept for ages. Peace in her family had always been precious, but the child growing inside her she couldnt bear the thought of agreeing to end her babys life. Torn between the growing life within her and the unpredictable future, if she chose to have the child, sleep finally crept up and claimed her. By morning, it brought no comfort or solutions to the impossible task her husband had set before her.
Sophie, talk to me, Emily called her closest friend.
And Sophie knew: when Emily said, Talk to me, it meant she needed herlike a lifeline.
On my way, Emmy. Wait for me. Well sort it.
Emily waited. She knew wise Sophie would always have solid advice. She tried not to worry her parents with such troubles; their age and her fathers bad heart wouldnt handle such stress. But Sophie
What would I do without you, Soph? My guardian angelmy rock, Emily would say whenever a problem was solved thanks to Sophies counsel.
Come off it! Dont even think about listening to Will. This is your baby. Are you going to vanish just because he threatens to leave? Women survive, but believe me, youll despise yourself if you go through with it.
Emily let the tears roll, but Sophies words emboldened her. The child deserved a chance.
Whats this about a baby? Whos having a baby? Lucy cut in, pausing in the doorway, Aunt Sophie, is it you? Are you having a third? Brilliant! Good on you!
No, pet, not me, Sophie laughed.
Lucys brows shot up in surprise. Mum?
Emily blushed, fearing her grown daughters judgement. If Lucy sided with her father, how could she cope, on her own against two? Would she manage at all?
Mumoh Mum! Lucy ran to hug her tightly. Youre amaze, Mum. Has Dad found out?
He knows. Hes against it, Emilys voice broke again.
What do you mean? Dont cry, its not good for you or the baby, Lucy reassured her. Besides, women should decideafter all, its you who carry, give birth, and raise us. Ill help, Mum. Dont worry. Ill handle Dad.
Darling, I didnt expect you to be so grown up already.
Emily was overflowing now with tears of hope and gratitude. Two womena wise friend and her not-so-little daughterwere steering her towards the right decision.
Emily, any news? Did you go to the clinic? William asked the moment he stepped through the door that evening.
Not yet. Theres still time.
Dont forget the deadline
I wont, but the baby wont let me forget. Therell be a reminder in nine months time.
So youre choosing to ignore what I said? Well see, and then, unable to find words, he spun round to his wife and hissed, Dont say I didnt warn you. Have Lucy bring my dinner to the study.
Dad, were having a baby! Lucy bounced in with his supper, her excitement shining.
He silently dug into his meal.
Im so happy for you and Mum, and well, meall of us! Lucy chattered away. Havent seen a little one in ages.
Nor have I, William responded, forcing a scowl. Lucy, your excitement is beyond me.
Its a baby! Hows that not joyful?
Lucy, I need to work. Take away the dishes.
Of course, Dadlove you! Lucy grinned and skipped out of the room.
William couldnt help but smile to himself, despite the unpleasant words exchanged with Emily. He adored Lucy more than anythingher dad and her love yous always melted his mood, no matter what. He feared what the new babys arrival would change, and the anxiety was inexplicablebut the baby would come, and hed have to get used to it. He had no real intention of leaving Emilya split would mean losing daily life with Lucy, a thought unbearable for him.
So, he didnt turn in with his wife, but instead drifted off tormented by bleak thoughts in his study.
In the morning, sullen-faced William skipped breakfast and headed to work. He had a lot to mull over unrelated to meals. The previous night, a nightmare shredded any sleep hed managed. Hed seen it so clearly, it was as if it were real life.
He dreamt Emily had already given birth and he leaned in to see the baby. The baby smiled up at him with Emilys very eyes, and suddenly spoke crisply, Dad, please let me live.
William recoiled from the cradle, even in dream aware that newborns dont talk. Horrified at his own thoughts, he startled awake, unsettled and unable to sleep again.
He despised himself for reducing his child to a begging voice craving life. He felt utterly wretched.
That evening, he arrived home to find Emily and Lucy on the sofa, giggling over something on the laptop, completely absorbed and unaware hed come in.
Mum, look at these adorable hats with ears! Lucy was laughing her head off.
Lucy, its a tad early for shopping for the babys trousseau, Emily laughed as well.
Mum, lets just dream a bit!
William watched them, so happy, and felt a wave of shame for wanting to rob his girls of such joy. He decided, then and there, to join in their happiness and joked loudly:
Whats all this laughter? he asked, presenting Emily with a magnificent bouquet.
Emily went silent, warywas this a ploy? Would he try again to change her mind, this time with kindness instead of threats?
William saw the worry in her eyesjust like those of the baby in his dreamand his self-loathing deepened.
Lucy, you take this cake, some bubbly, chocolates, fruitset it all up in the kitchen, will you? Were celebrating. The familys about to grow, William announced with a smile.
Lucy squealed and dashed to the kitchen, overjoyed. William turned to Emily, almost tripping over his words in his haste to apologise.
Emily, Im a foolyou can call me anything you like, but please forgive me for putting you through such agony. Ive done some thinking, and I cant believe how I acted, making you suffer like that. Forgive me.
Emily smiled, I forgive you. Its done, lets forget it.
His lovely Emily had forgiven him, though he doubted hed ever forgive himself, haunted as he was by the voice of his unborn child begging him for a chance to live.
Sometimes, it takes staring yourself in the face to understand: love adapts, and real family means letting your heart grow instead of drawing lines around it.
