Ill Always Be Here for You
Oh please dont start again! Weve talked about this a hundred times! Why do we have to come back to this all the time? Emily sighed deeply and turned back to the hob.
The day had been gloomy from the very start. It began at five in the morning, when her son, Daniel, shuffled into her bedroom and tapped her on the shoulder.
Mum, my throat hurts!
Emily, barely awake at all, put her lips to his forehead, and suddenly any hint of sleep fell away instantly.
Youve got a temperature, darling. Come on then! She scooped Daniel up, closed the bedroom door quietly so as not to wake Peter, and slipped into the hallway.
After checking Daniels temperature and giving him some medicine to bring the fever down, she tucked him up in bed. When she glanced at the clock, she realised it wasnt really worth going back to sleep. Shed wait for the GP surgery to open, and call the doctor out. Once shed made sure Daniel had nodded off, Emily drifted to the kitchen, brewed herself a coffee, and stood by the window.
It was a proper winter this year. Thick, soft snow blanketed the back garden, and it had snowed through the night, so the only marks were a few tracks left by the early birds hurrying to work. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted some movement and, smiling to herself, turned to watch. Next-doors cat, Mrs Harriss Tiger, was pouncing up and down in the snow, vanishing ear-deep in the drifts and then popping out again. He really was a character. Nothing would persuade him to use a litter tray, so Mrs Harris was always out opening the door for him at all hours. And when he wanted out, hed howl until the whole close could hear. Even so, the noisy furball never once had an accident indoors. Just the other day, when Emily was heading off to collect Daniel from nursery, shed watched Tiger strutting towards the exit, loudly complaining under his breath.
Oh go on, grumble away! Hello, Emily love! Look at this rascal youd think he was the boss, not me. He is such a little general! I was late back from work and now Im getting a proper earful.
Hello, Mrs Harris! He is quite the man about town, isnt he?
Tell me about it! Must be my luck, always raising serious blokes
Emily had just laughed, nodded, and carried on. It was true, Mrs Harriss son Matthew was always a thoughtful one. Kind, clever, quick with a joke though most people overlooked him. Skinny, shy, always in his specs, he wasnt exactly the one the girls in the village craned their necks after. Emily had known him forever it felt like hed always been there. When Emilys mum died, Matthew had been the only one who really understood.
Her mum, Irene, was hit by a car while crossing the road on a zebra crossing, being careful, like she always taught Emily to be. But that didnt help. That was the worst part for Emily, because she had always believed if you did everything right, nothing could go wrong.
She and Matthew were both ten, and Emily honestly hadnt had a clue what losing someone properly meant until then. She just shut down. Stopped speaking, just cried. If anyone tried to comfort her, shed shake her head and retreat, closing herself off in the bathroom, shutting everyone out. Whenever she was alone, shed fall asleep in any corner she could find. The child psychologist her father took her to was seriously concerned, saying the shock was already affecting her health.
But it was Matthew who helped her back. Hed lost his dad a couple of years before, so perhaps thats why he understood better than anyone. He practically moved in with Emily and her dad. Mrs Harris never minded she always felt awful for little Emily. She and the other neighbours tried to help as best they could, bringing round food, staying with her when Emilys dad had to go out. So when Matthew started spending all day with Emily, reading to her, dragging her to dance and gymnastics things her mum had always begged her to stick with nobody complained. Even Mrs Harris only wished she could do more.
Bit by bit, Emily came around. And the first words shed spoken since everything happened, she’d said asking Mrs Harris for some milk, to feed the stray kitten she and Matthew had found on the street and brought home. Mrs Harris handed her a little bottle, muttering under her breath, Thank heavens, shes back with us.
The kitten stayed with Matthew, since Emilys dad, it turned out, was allergic. But Matthew was always there for her. Theyd grown so close that she saw his presence as a part of her life, just like breathing. Only children, the both of them, they found in each other what they missed most a steadfast friend and ally.
They often didnt even need to speak: Emily could start a sentence and Matthew would finish it. The adults found it odd but let the friendship be, quietly grateful that these two half-orphans had each other while they worked through their loss.
Of course, things changed toward the end of school. Emily blossomed into a clever and striking young woman, with no shortage of attention from boys. Matthew mostly watched quietly from the side lines, not minding at first she never seemed to take anyone seriously. Until Peter came along.
She met Peter after tumbling down the steps to the local sports centre, where shed taken up ballet.
Are you alright? Here, let me help! said a tall lad, holding out his hand. Those steps are like an ice rink! Did you sprain anything?
She looked up at her rescuer, and it was as though time paused. Emily always said she didnt believe in love at first sight, but right then she had to admit she was wrong.
Matthew, Im absolutely lost for words! Hes just
What? Matthew grumbled, but Emily was too distracted and giddy.
I dont know how to explain Hes just the best! She spun around on the spot. Would it kill you to be happy for your best mate?
For my best mate yeah, of course! Im happy for you. Matthew forced a smile, made his excuses, and left.
Emily didnt pay much attention, caught up as she was. She and Peter dated for over three years before deciding it was time to make it official. After letting both families know, they booked the registry office.
Such a shame I have to choose a maid of honour. Why not a man of honour, eh? Whats the point? Emily grumbled in front of a mirror, fussing with her wedding dress for the final fitting.
Matthew, whod driven her to the seamstress, sat on the old velvet sofa watching her. The dressmaker almost threw him out: The grooms not supposed to see the dress, you know!
Hes not the groom! Emily giggled. Hes my friend.
Friend? the seamstress raised an eyebrow. Interesting
Whats so odd about that? Matthew joined in. People can be friends. Come on, Emily, weve got to sort the cake out. I need to make it back to work, too.
I wont be long! Emily dashed off, and Matthew slumped on the settee, waiting.
Looking back later, Emily would wonder how shed missed all the warning signs with Peter. Hed seemed so wonderful at first thoughtful, attentive, everything shed ever wanted. Perhaps shed been so used to having a knight on a white horse around that she expected every man to be one too. But it turns out, not all princes fit the part.
The first cracks had shown when Emily was seriously unwell just six months after the wedding. A nasty bout of tonsillitis she tried to push through, not wanting to be a bother, ended up with serious complications. When her doctor suggested a full (mostly private) check-up, Peter was indignant:
What for? Weve got money set aside for a holiday! Youre young and healthy all these tests are just money-grabbing nonsense!
Emily couldnt believe what she was hearing.
Are you serious?
Of course!
Youd rather have a holiday than make sure Im okay?
Dont be silly, Emily. Theres nothing wrong with you! Bit of sun and rest will sort you out. Youre just tired, thats all! Peter hugged her, oblivious to the fact it was the first time she hadnt hugged him back.
Her dad ended up paying for the tests, not saying a word to Peter, but his opinion was made quietly.
It took almost a year for Emily to recover, and she was never quite the same. The heart problems lingered. So, when Emily found out she was expecting, her doctor immediately put her in the high-risk group.
I dont want to alarm you just listen, okay? You need to really think it through, the GP said, turning through Emilys notes. Pregnancy is a huge strain. Youre fine now, but it could get complicated fast.
Theres nothing to think about. Im keeping the baby!
Alright then well do our very best.
And they did. For the last three months, Emily was in and out of hospital. Daniel was born on time and healthy, but what it cost Emily, only her dad and, well, Matthew truly appreciated. Peter, on the other hand, took the news of the safe delivery as an excuse to have a blow out, disappearing with his phone off for three days, forgetting all about his wife and newborn. In her panic, Emily asked her father to make sure everything was okay, and when he arrived, silent but firm, he simply said:
Its alright, dont worry yourself.
That was the moment Emily knew for certain this wasnt some fairy tale. Shed not be anyones princess here. She only stopped herself from divorcing Peter right away because of how he treated Daniel. He doted on his son, changed nappies, did the night shifts, and tried to make time for him when he could. But he could just as quickly get frustrated, ask Emily to keep the boy out of the way, then two hours later be the best dad in England again. It was exhausting. But for a while, the good outweighed the bad.
As for Peter and Emilys relationship, they might as well have lived on parallel train tracks side by side, but never crossing.
When Daniel was small and often ill, Emily had so much to do she didnt have time to dwell on the oddness of her marriage. She ran to and from surgeries, never wanting to ask Peter for help because she never knew which Peter shed get. Her father taught her to drive, looked after Daniel while she took lessons, and eventually bought her a solid, if slightly battered, little Ford just so she wouldnt always rely on Peter.
Her father had made his mind up about Peter long ago, but said nothing, waiting for Emily to come to her own decisions. Only once, when Daniel was two, did he speak out. Emily, wrung out after several nights tending to a feverish child, at the end of her rope when the medicine didnt seem to help, handed Daniel finally peacefully asleep to her dad, and all but collapsed onto the living room floor. When she woke, her father was waiting.
I dont want to push you, or give you advice. Just know youre not alone, okay?
Thanks, Dad, I know, she hugged him. Im just not ready yet, you know? And I dont want to talk about it until I am. For now, Peter is still my husband.
Her dad nodded, simply hugging her tighter.
Through all of this, Matthew was just always there picking up prescriptions when Peter was too busy or unreachable, taking Daniel to the GP if Emilys car wouldnt start, sorting out the car for her. Emily sometimes worried she was asking too much of him, but she couldnt help it Matthew was still the one person she could utterly trust.
Now, looking at the snowy garden, Emily realised Matthew was coming back from a work trip tonight. If the GP couldnt get round, at least she could ask him for help getting to the surgery; her car had finally conked out again, properly this time. Money was tight lately: Peter insisted it was all tied up in work, and Emilys wage barely covered the essentials, what with all the time off looking after Daniel. Thankfully, they lived in her dads flat hed moved out to his quiet place in the country, away from the city racket.
Emily checked the time and phoned the local surgery. She was in luck their GP was back from holiday and booked her a home visit right away.
She put her phone down and turned to making breakfast, when a bleary-eyed Peter wandered in.
What now? Why was there so much noise last night?
Daniels unwell, Emily replied simply.
And that means we all have to be kept awake? Forget it. Ill shower, get something to eat, and head off loads on today.
Emily just turned back to the hob, making breakfast mostly for Daniel. He was never picky, even ill, but he always looked forward to what he called get well soon food, as Emily had once jokingly named it. Today was drop scones, his favourite and Peters too, so thered be no complaints from him.
Well, have you spoken to your dad?
No.
Why are you dragging this out?
As I said, Im not talking to him about that. Im not asking him to put the flat in our names.
Your stubbornness is doing my head in. How long is this going to go on? I pay for this place and Ive no say; you and Daniel always need money for something or other; I work all hours, havent had a holiday in years and its never enough!
Peter carried on, but Emily had stopped listening. She sensed, clear as day, that something inside her had finally snapped that fine string still tying her to Peter: memories of how it used to be, the early dates, the gentle moments, the wedding, Daniels birth
Carefully, she set the spatula down, turned round to face him, and said quietly,
Im going to say this once. Listen. Tonight, youre going to take your things and leave. Were getting divorced, Peter. I cant live like this anymore, and I know youre fed up as well. Theres nothing to argue about money, the flat Forget it. We need to think about Daniel, and making sure he has both parents in his life, even if were not together.
Peter glanced at her, surprised, tried to argue, then gave up, dropping his fork with a clatter. Alright, fine. Think carefully about what youre saying well talk tonight. Maybe youll come to your senses.
You dont get it. Ive already made up my mind. Youve known me long enough to know what that means.
Oh, so youve lost the plot now, have you? Whos going to want you, with a kid in tow? Right then. When you come round, you know where to find me. Ill be at my folks.
If you say so, Emily turned away, barely holding back the tears.
Peter stomped out, and the sound of the front door closing echoed through the flat. Emily slumped onto the chair and let herself sob for as long as she needed, until she heard Daniels little feet padding towards the kitchen.
And here comes the bravest patient in the world. Ready for breakfast?
Im not that hungry, Mum. My head hurts now, too.
Drop scones might help your head, you know.
Yes! Daniel grinned mischievously. With jam!
As you wish!
When the doctor had come and gone, leaving a prescription and instructions, Emily grabbed her coat and was just about to call her dad, when someone knocked at the door. Matthew, of course. He never used the bell. It was their little code.
Hey!
Hi, how are you two? Matthew handed over a box with a toy car. Emily realised she couldnt remember the last time Peter had bought Daniel anything. All his gifts birthdays, Christmas, Easter shed got herself. Matthew had never turned up empty-handed.
Daniels poorly again. Could you sit with him while I nip to the chemist?
Sure. Or I can go for you? Got a list?
Emily handed him the note.
Hardly had Matthew left when Emilys phone rang.
Is that Emily Carter?
Yes.
This is the Royal Infirmary. Your father has been admitted.
What happened? Emilys grip tightened on the phone.
Heart attack. Hes stable for now, but its serious.
Im on my way.
Everything seemed to blur. Her father had never mentioned heart trouble. It suddenly hit her how you can lose someone you love in just an instant.
Instinctively, she rang Peter.
Peter
What? Changed your mind now, have you? Now I get to
Peter, my dads in hospital. Hes had a heart attack.
And? What do you want me to do? Didnt you just say you want a divorce?
Stunned, Emily just ended the call.
Matthew found Emily in the hall, coat on, close to tears.
Where are you going?
Dads in hospital. Heart attack.
That was all he needed to know. Matthew fetched his mum to stay with Daniel, and in minutes, he and Emily were on their way to the hospital.
They waited in that bleak hospital seating area until evening, neither saying much. After a long while, Emily finally spoke.
Thank you I cant even tell you how glad I am youre here.
Ill always be here for you.
I know, Matthew. I know now
When the doctor finally appeared, Emily was fast asleep, head on Matthews shoulder. He nudged her gently awake.
Your fathers through the worst. Hes in recovery now, and theres a long road ahead, but things are looking better. Check with the desk for visiting hours you can see him tomorrow.
Tears streaming, Emily just hugged Matthew tightly, letting go of all the pain and exhaustion that had been building for so long.
