Kate was a rather oldfashioned young woman, desperate to get married. Nowadays most girls seem to have given up on marriage: why haul a whole pig into the house when a single sausage will do? And sausages are everywhere these daysdifferent types, sizes, flavours. Simple cohabitation is even welcomed now and no longer carries the shame it once did. Moral codes, pride, propriety and a host of other oldfashioned virtues have largely faded.
Even the classic slothful character of Oblomov would no longer be seen as a negative figureafter all, his estate kept sending him regular allowances! A true rentier, theyd say. And if you handed a smartphone to Ian Irving, hed instantly be tagged a successful blogger whos made it big. As for family life, the modern mantra is live as you please: meet in hotels, rent rooms by the houranything is on the table. Theres even the notion of a guest marriage, as if you could skip the registry office entirely. Who knows what might surface after the wedding? Once, a mismatched pair of socks or a failed cabbage soup was the height of tragedy.
Nowadays there are even scarier ailments: infantilism, mumcentric whining, and chronic nothingdoinganything among the gentlemen. Women, too, suffer from nothingdoinganything, only masked by an obsession with their own looks. And lets not forget the endless list of demands from both sexesbeyond bread and spectacle, youre expected to buy your own groceries. Shopping, of course, remains a pastime.
Kate was a pleasant exception: attractive, with no trendy bodymodifications or the like. She held a respectable university degree and a solid job that paid a decent salary. Yet, for some reason, men ignored her, marching past in tidy rows, pairing off with others and stepping right into the same old traps. That didnt mean there were no men interestedshe was pretty after allbut nothing ever got as far as the registry office. She was about to turn thirty next year.
Back when the state still talked about the old motherfigure, the ideal age for a first child was somewhere around sixtytodays young mums. Kate didnt want to have a baby on her own. She also believed in horoscopesmore precisely, in astrological forecasts, which she thought were the clever inventions of opportunists keen to squeeze a few pounds out of the gullible. In those troublesome times, every prediction sounded upbeat: On Tuesday morning youll meet a wealthy magnate! So she kept a toothbrush handy, just in case his intentions turned serious.
Being a Sagittarius, a fire sign, Kate sought a partner whose zodiac matched hers. Aries and Leo also belong to fire, but Sagittarius was said to be the calmest of the three. Her first great love blossomed in her first year at universitya period now dismissed as nursery age for eighteenyearolds, who barely understand anything. Still, they did know a bit about where to go and what to expect; modern sex education is far more thorough than it once was, so the old run in the woods with your pollen jokes are obsolete.
Soon after, reality hit: she had to pay for utilities, transport, and food. The grocery store was no longer a magical pantry she could raid; she had to buy her own meals. Previously her parents had subsidised her expenses, but now she lived alone and two peoples wages werent enough. This revelation unsettled her boyfriend, Victor, who was sharing her flata flat his grandmother had gifted her on her sixteenth birthday.
Dont you think youll buy the groceries? Victor asked, genuinely puzzled.
Why should I? Kate replied, surprised.
But the fridge is yours and Im not the owner here, Victor explained, trying to make sense of the logic.
If thats the problem, Kate said cleverly, Ill hand over all the household duties to youmanage as you wish!
Predictably, Victor vanished from her life, stopped greeting her in lectures, and left her standing alone. It was a perfect example of a Sagittariustype misadventure. Kates wedding plans never materialised, yet she still mournedshe had loved Victor, after all, and he had been her first serious boyfriend.
Time, however, marched on. A second steady boyfriend appeared when Kate was in her third year of university. He wasnt from the same school; they met through mutual friends. Stephen was well over thirty, already divorced, and declared, Well definitely marry, love. He claimed he had permanent intentions, but the reality was that he had no stable job. This was before the modern gigeconomy crisis and before the governments austerity measures hit the country. Yet, even then, Stephens life was riddled with constant setbacks: his bosses were unreasonable, his workload unbearable, and he spent most days hunched at home, searching for food for two.
When Kate suggested he take a courier job to make ends meet, Stephen proudly replied, Im an analyst! She retorted, Can an analyst not also deliver parcels? He scoffed, quoting Mayakovsky, Time is an incredibly long thing. Their banter grew sharp, and Stephens inability to secure steady income became a source of frustration.
Stephen, a Capricorn, was reputedly diligent and reliablean ironic twist given his constant financial troubles. Their third suitor, Leonard, also believed in astrology; they met on an online astrological forum, and their conversation soon blossomed into genuine affection. Leonard kept insisting on calling their signs zodiacs, which annoyed Kate. Why do you keep mangling the word? she asked. He laughed it off, saying it was just for fun. Their dialogue was peppered with quirky mispronunciationsSnekDurochka, Strevadesa, and Dubina Regoviskayathat Leonard considered witty but which eventually wore thin on Kate.
Both had good jobs and were freeLeonards exhusband had an adult son. Leonard was initially shy but grew comfortable, eventually opening up completely. Trouble erupted at a family gathering when Kates grandfather, a retired MI5 officer of Polish descent, heard Leonard refer to the Soviet hero Dzerzhinsky as Zherdinsky and burst out laughing, shouting, Jesus, Mary! Get out of here, you devil! The scene was chaotic, and the wedding plans crumbled.
Leonard turned out to be a Taurus, an earth sign like Kates previous Capricorn boyfriend, and Tauruses are known for being overly sensitive. Thats when Kate met Peter, a divorced, childfree, handsome, reasonably welloff man with a good sense of humour and a modest onebed flat. He was also a Virgoanother earth sign famed for thrift and practicalitymaking him an ideal candidate for a steady partnership.
Peter moved in with Kate, renting out his own flat to earn extra cash. He asked Kate to register him at her address, a modern way of saying add him to the electoral roll. Kate was confused. Why do you need that? You already have an address! she asked. Peter, equally perplexed, replied, Were a family now, so everything should be shared. Their conversation echoed an old joke: Write me onto your lease, please! and then a sudden, Do you believe in God? It felt like love had taken a sudden, comedic turn.
Alright, Kate said after a pause, lets register each other. Peter, surprised, asked, Where? In my flat, she answered. But you dont live there, he protested. Kate suggested a compromise: We could rotateone month in my place, one month in yours. She recognised the absurdity, thinking of herself as a fish swimming in empty water.
Peter fell silent, unable to formulate a clever reply. Kate pressed on, It sounds reasonable, doesnt it? He could only stare, helpless. Their minds raced with the absurdity of trying to register a stranger in someones homean idea that seemed more fitting for a sitcom than real life.
Later, after dinner, Peter asked, Shall we go to the cinema? Kate agreed, relieved that the tension had eased. He then whispered, Will you register me, Pete? She didnt stop him; the wedding never happened, and the conversation fizzled out before any official paperwork could be signed.
Two of Kates three close friends had marriedone for six months, another for a yearwhile the third drifted through relationships like a joke. Kate herself had lived with several civil partners for over a month each, and love was there, albeit more about actions than feelings. None of her suitors truly loved her in the deep sense.
In the end, Kate, now over thirty, stopped chasing marriage. She earned a promotion, upgraded her grandmothers tiny flat to a twobedroom house, bought a new car, and took a short holiday. She concluded that life had turned out well. Modern medical advances had extended the typical childbearing age to sixty, meaning she could still have a baby for herself if she ever wanted. And the streets were still full of sausagesplenty to go around.
The lesson? Happiness isnt a checklist of societys expectations. Its found in the small victories, the choices you make for yourself, and the quiet confidence that you can thrive, whether or not you ever walk down the aisle.
