Nothingness
Andrew, get the house in order today. Cook something special or order in, but no boring stuff! Nicky Harper said, slipping a silk scarf around her neck while adding the final touches to her powersuit look. She barked the orders at her husband as she swept the kitchen.
My balconys a dustcollector, the laptops going to disappear under it. Give it a wipe, she added.
Youve stopped working there, thats why the dust builds up, Andrew replied calmly, emerging from the kitchen. He wore a kitchen towel draped over one shoulder, a childs mug fresh from the dishwasher in his hand, and a cotton apron over a tee. He stepped forward for a cheekkiss, but Nicky brushed him away with a hiss.
Do I have to be the one to grind at home now? Isnt the office enough?
When you were homebased we at least saw you, he said.
Thank heavens thats over! Nicky tossed her handbag strap over her shoulder, puffed out her chest. Tidy, laundry, vacuum, toys, dinnertick every box and maybe say thank you?
Come off it! No need to haul the washing to the river, the dishwasher does its job, the robot vac does the rest, and the girls Andrew sighed dramatically, theyre just kids, theyll be a handful no matter what.
Fine, if you think thats fine. Im more useful at the office than at home. Someone has to bring home the bacon, Nicky snapped, slamming the front door behind her.
Nickys mornings were scheduled down to the minute: up at six, a quick jog (shed only taken up running recently), a contrast shower, breakfast, makeup and hair on the go. London traffic was a nightmare, but she left early enough to avoid any delaysunlike today.
A year earlier Andrews mornings were similar, except he skipped the exercise and lingered in the warm bed a few extra minutes with his beloved wife. His office was nearby, so rushhour was a myth. By six or, at the latest, seven hed be home, helping Nicky with dinner or tidying up, playing with the girls, and often tucking them in. Hed then help clear the living room.
Everything changed a year ago. The younger daughter, Lily, had been in nursery for two years, the endless sniffles of the adjustment period finally behind them. The older, Katie, was a Year8 pupil who walked to school and back on her own, even caught the tram to her dance lessonstwo stops, Andrew had taught her how.
Nicky was offered a return to her old office job. She thought about staying at home, but the pull of people and the promise of a swift promotion convinced her. She accepted.
Three months later she got her first raise, then another, plus extra perks and a flexible schedule she adored. Her relatives barely saw her, but everyone understood; Andrew explained. Nicky could not be everythinghousewife, mother, loving wifeat once. She arrived home late and exhausted.
They talked. Andrew didnt blame Nicky; he knew she hadnt been fired. They decided to swap roles: Nicky would focus on work without worrying about the domestic front, and Andrew would quit his job and take on the unglamorous family duties.
Youll find something remote eventually, Nicky coaxed, almost embarrassed that he, a man, would now be making porridge, hanging laundry, and ferrying the girls to the dentist and speech therapist. Youll manage, I know it.
Youre brilliant, Andrew kissed Nickys crown. Those were their last cosy evenings together. Everythings fine at work and at home for you, he praised.
Andrew plunged into the new routine. The barrage of texts about which detergent to use, what to wash, pickup times, vanished. He handled the chores with ease; the girls didnt irritate him as they sometimes did Mom after a long day. Meanwhile, Nicky thrived at her firm, respected by colleagues and superiors, trusted with any assignment. The compromise let her flourish both as a professional and as a woman. She was on a soaring upward trajectory.
Youre late, dinners gone cold, her daughters greeted her at the hallway as she walked in from work, while Andrew lingered behind. She unfastened the silk scarf, sighing, Another hectic day, love?
The Nechayevs arent coming? she asked, frowning at him.
What? Andrew retorted, annoyed.
You said
Nicky stared at him with a mixture of haughtiness and disdain, as if hed overstepped his bounds.
I said its for the weekend! she snapped.
But you mentioned today, he replied.
Andrew, have you forgotten how to listen to me? she snapped, storming into the living room. Whats this mess? Why didnt you change Lilys shirt? Who snagged the curtain? She tugged at the drapes, Did the kids play ball inside again? Must we ban that on the pavement?
Andrew, Katie and Lily froze, unsure what to say. The girls often blamed him when Mom lost her temper.
Is this the welcome you had in mind for our guests? Nicky gestured at the chaos.
Their kids understand; we were just playing, Andrew tried to explain.
Blimey, Andrew! Look at yourselfshaven, shirt stretched, eyes glazed, Nicky mocked. Andrew, still trying to stay cheerful, winked at the girls: Mums joking, shes tired. He tried not to react to his wifes provocations.
Come to the kitchen, well feed you. Exhausted? he asked gently.
Yes! Im fed up with this attitude! Cant you do what I ask? Even a simple fool could manage. You cant earn a living and also grapple with a mop and dirty plates, Nicky snapped.
Andrew felt a flash of anger, but he kept his cool for the kids. He slipped into the kitchen, where Nicky continued her tirade.
You ordered dinner, werent you thinking of me? I dont like spicy, greasy food. Make me a cup of tea, since Im still hungry.
Make it yourself! Andrew shouted, hoisting Lily onto his back and lifting Katie as if she were a feather. Were off to brush teeth, its late, bedtime. Tomorrow the girls have nursery and school. By the way, Lily had a photoshoot last week; the pictures have been on the mantel for two days. You never noticed.
They left, laughing softly. A few minutes later, the flat was quiet, the childrens chatter faded. Ten minutes after, Andrew returned to the kitchen. Nicky was still at the table, nursing a grudge instead of the promised hot teaher husband simply didnt get her.
Calmed down? he asked. Whats wrong? Work trouble?
No! Works fine, its home
Nicky, youre losing it! Andrew leaned in, his tone stern. Im not your assistant, Im not your secretary, Im not your subordinate. I never nagged you about the little things when you were at home, even when there was room for criticismyoure not a robot, you can slip up, thats okay, well sort it together.
Easy for you to say! I used to juggle the girls and work from home. Now theyre bigger, they understand. You always said the dishwasher does the dishes, the washing machine handles the laundry, we can order foodso why cant you manage the basics? Why?
Andrews lips twitched with fury, but he held himself.
What have you become? A lackey, a nobody, a housebutler. Youll soon grow a belly of your own, he retorted.
Nicky!
Dont shout, I see what youre doing, Andrew warned.
Nicky erupted, storming to the bedroom, grabbing a pillow, and heading for the living room, leaving a final message: Tomorrow Im back at work! Find yourself another house helper.
Coward! Andrew shouted after her, Youre giving up over a few dirty plates.
Andrew slung the pillow over his shoulder and trudged to the lounge. Nicky fumed, then realised that Andrew couldnt return to work just yetnot tomorrow. She didnt chase him that night, apologised in the morning, and reluctantly agreed hed need time to find someone to collect Lily from nursery and help around the house. Her wait a bit stretched to three months; the bosslike tone at home became the new normal. She left daily task lists for Andrew, checking them each evening; any missed item earned a reprimand for him and the girls.
Tomorrow youll pick Lily up yourself, Andrew announced one day.
And you?
Cant. Im out with the lads.
You work until nine or ten, and youre off to the pub with the mates? Im not letting you off! I have a planning meeting at seven tomorrow.
Im not asking permission, Im giving notice. Your schedule is a circus every day, Nicky snapped.
I said no!
Andrew stormed to the hallway, putting on his coat and shoes.
Where are you going? Nicky shouted down the corridor. I wont let you leave!
Im not your employee or housekeeper. Goodbye. He slammed the door, and Nicky hurled a string of curses after him.
That evening Andrew didnt come home. In the morning Nicky sent him a message with a todo list: who to pick up, where to go. He didnt reply. Later, an unexpected call came from Lilys nursery: they needed her that afternoon. Nicky dropped everything, raced across the city, sending angry texts to Andrew, only to be met with silence. He didnt return that night.
Nicky was furious, but not jealousshe didnt need him. She just couldnt believe he could be so callous. The children heard her screaming into the phone, calling him a loser.
Blimey, how did he get those stains out of his sleeves? Katie asked Mom, holding up her school blouse. Whats the trick?
Just a bit of oxygen bleach, Nicky replied, pulling a blue packet from the washing machine. Soak in hot water, then tumble at forty degrees. Works every time; my shirts stay snowwhite.
Its like magic, Katie sighed.
Its just powder, Nicky muttered, remembering how many tiny chores Andrew had taken over to keep her career free of distractions.
Eventually Nicky and Andrew divorced. She set a strict timetable for the girls time with each parent. Andrew still had to collect Lily from nursery and drive Katie to school, doing it calmly without hearing his exwifes tirades behind his back.
Mum, will dad ever come back? Katie asked one day.
Where would he go? Hell sit at Mums, waiting. Who does he need, anyway? Nicky replied, smug.
Katie walked away, understanding that Dad wasnt returning under these circumstances and that Mum wasnt going to change.
Andrew returned to his old job, remarried a year laterapparently he needed a new mop, Nicky thought. He would whisk the girls off for a week now and then; Nicky was fine with that.
The only irritating thing was that her exhusband, a total nonstarter, had quickly landed a decent gig. She, meanwhile, was successful, intelligent, attractive, stylish, but never managed to keep a man beyond a few dates; they usually vanished after the first meeting, leaving no hope or phone number. Thats when Nicky started probing herselfwhat was wrong with her?
