Mabel was a bit oldfashioned and absolutely desperate to get married. Nowadays most women arent that keen why haul a whole pig into the house when a single sausage will do? And sausages today come in every shape and size you can imagine. Even living together without the wedding bells is totally normal now and not something to be ashamed of, as it once was.
Back then there was still a sense of honour, pride, propriety and all those other useless niceties. These days even a lazy aristocrat like Lord Paddington isnt seen as a bad character after all, he was constantly sent money from the family estate, a true rentier! And if you handed a smartphone to Ian, hed instantly be touted as a successful blogger whos made it.
When it comes to family life, the rule is do what you like. Meet up in hotels or hourly flats whatever the market has cooked up for you. Theres even the concept of a guest marriage why rush to the registry office? You never know what might pop up after the vows. In the old days a stray sock or a botched borscht could be a tragedy; now the real horrors are infantlike dependence, mumcomplexes and chronic nothingdoing among the lads. And, of course, the ladies love to brag about their own beauty while demanding everything from the men not just bread and entertainment, but the whole shopping spree.
Mabel was a pleasant exception: goodlooking, without any of the trendy bodymodding fads, welleducated at a respectable university and holding a solid job that paid a decent salary. Yet, for some reason, the men kept walking past her in neat rows, pairing up with others they kept stepping on the same old ruts.
Dont think she never had any suitors she was a pretty thing, after all. It just never got as far as the registry office, and she was soon to turn thirty. In the old days theyd say shed be old enough to bear children now its still young enough at sixty.
She didnt want to have a baby on her own, no sir. Mabel also believed in horoscopes more precisely, in astrological forecasts, which she thought were a clever way for slick marketers to squeeze a few quid out of people. Predictably, the forecasts were all sunshine and rainbows: On Tuesday morning, a fateful meeting with a wealthy businessman awaits you! So she kept a spare toothbrush handy, just in case he turned out to be serious.
Being a Sagittarius, the fire sign, Mabel looked for a partner whose sign matched Aries and Leo were the other fire signs, but Sagittarius was supposed to be the most laidback of the lot.
Her first big crush hit her in the first year of university what the younger generation now calls nursery age a time when 18yearolds think they know everything about love and sex. Those lessons are a far cry from the old sexeducation classes, so she scoffed at the whole flowerandbee talk.
Then reality hit: she had to pay for utilities, transport and food. For the first time she realized shed have to buy groceries herself instead of raiding the fridge like she used to. Her parents had funded her before, but now that she was living on her own, two people worth of money just wasnt enough.
Her boyfriend, Dave, was surprised. Arent you the one who buys the groceries? he asked. Why me? Mabel replied. But the fridge is yours and Im not the owner here, Dave explained, with a logic that made perfect sense to him. If thats the issue, Mabel said cleverly, I can hand over all the household duties to you. Feel free to be the master of the kitchen! Predictably, Dave vanished afterwards, even stopped saying hi in class, which was a typical firesign thing, she thought with a sigh.
Mabel was heartbroken shed fallen for Dave, her first real boyfriend. Yet life kept moving. A second steady lad appeared when she was in her third year, but this time he wasnt from university. His name was Simon, a bit older, just over thirty, and he declared, Well marry, love! He was divorced, but love knows no bounds, right? He did love Mabel.
Unfortunately, Simon didnt have a permanent job. This was back before the whole gigeconomy boom and the current special operations that have made life even messier. He kept losing jobs, his bosses were impossible, the hours were brutal, and he was basically on the couch looking for work while Mabel kept searching for a stable future.
Mabel tried to help. Maybe you could work as a courier? she suggested shyly. Im an analyst! he snapped proudly. Cant an analyst be a courier? she asked. Drive and analyze on the go, why not? Ive already spent my last pounds on food. Ask your mum for a loan, he retorted. Ive been telling my mum about temporary setbacks for two months now! Time is a long thing, he quoted Mayakovsky, flashing a smug grin. What do you think of my erudition, love?
Mabel rolled her eyes. Then dont ask for food either! she shot back, adding, Times have changed, so get a move on! She was sharp as ever.
Simon, a Capricorn, was supposed to be one of the most diligent and reliable signs a fact that made Mabel chuckle at horoscopes for once.
The third fellow, Leon, also swore by the zodiac, and that was how they met on an astrology forum. Their chats blossomed into genuine feelings, though Leon kept calling their signs zodiYaki. Why do you keep mangling the word? Mabel asked. Its funny! he replied. Youre all set without me, she muttered, recalling her grandmothers wise words.
Leons language was a bizarre mix of madeup words Snedurocka, Stervadesa, Dubina Regovitskaya all spilling out of his lips like a comedy act at fortyone. By the time Mabel was twentysix, his quirks started to grate on her. Still, they both had good jobs and were single Leon even had an adult son from his previous marriage.
At a family gathering, Leons father, a retired intelligence officer, made a joke calling a wellknown Soviet figure by a funny nickname, and the whole room erupted in laughter. The old man, who had Polish roots, shouted, Jesus Mary! Get out of here, you cheeky bug! It was a chaotic scene.
Leon turned out to be a Taurus, earthsign like Mabels next prospect, Peter. Peter was a divorced, childfree, goodlooking, reasonably welloff, educated bloke with a decent onebed flat. He was frugal he was a Virgo, the earth sign famed for being thrifty perfect for a future family.
Peter moved in with Mabel and started renting out his old flat. He asked her to register him at her address. Why? she asked. Youre already registered where you live! I get the point nowadays you need an address for everything. Why bother? Peter wondered. We love each other now, were a family, so everything should be shared! He quoted a joke, Write me into your flat, will you? Oh, sorry, wrong start do you believe in God? The conversation spiraled into a lovefilled debate about how wed live together.
Alright, Mabel said after a pause, lets both be on each others lease. Peter looked puzzled. Where? he asked. In my flat everythings ours now! But you dont live there! Peter protested. If thats the only issue, we can rotate: a month in mine, a month in yours, Mabel suggested, trying to keep the peace even though she felt the whole thing was a bit pointless.
Peter fell silent; he hadnt anticipated that. He had no good comeback. Mabel pressed on, Sounds sensible, right? He just stared, unable to argue.
They ended up having dinner, and after a while Peter asked, Kate, want to go to the movies? Sure! she replied, relieved that hed at least paid the restaurant deposit. Then she added, So, are we really registering each other? Im still a bit fuzzy on that. Peter looked away, shuffled, and left without a word. Mabel didnt stop him the wedding plans had already fizzled out before they even got to the registry office.
Two of Mabels three close friends had married well, one lasted six months, the other a year. The third, like the punchline of a joke, drifted in and out. Mabel herself had lived with a few commonlaw partners for over a month each, and there was love there too, even if it wasnt the fairytale kind.
In the end, love turned out to be less about fluttery feelings and more about actions and decisions. As a saying goes in a notsofriendly land she once visited, There are no bad people, just bad choices. Even though the men werent Aries, they were all pretty much the same in their own way.
Mabel, now past thirty, stopped obsessing over a wedding. Shed been promoted at work, swapped her grannys tiny flat for a proper twobedroom place, bought herself a foreignmade car, and taken a short break away. She concluded that life was going well. Nowadays, people can have children up to sixty, so theres still plenty of time to have a baby for yourself if they want. And with sausages everywhere, shes never short of options.
