I remember that day as if it were shrouded in morning mist, settled deep in my memory. Id come home earlier than usuala splitting headache plagued me, the sort that makes you crawl out of your skin. My boss, Mr. Turner, nodded kindly and said, Get yourself home, Alice. Rest a bit. He was always decent that way.
I slid my key carefully into the lock, mindful of every creakdidnt want to rouse anyone if Benjamin was working, crowded over his laptop as he so often was. Ive always loved how he could lose himself in his work for hours, drafting plans as if nothing else in the world existed.
But as my shoes met the hallway carpet, voices filtered from the sitting roomBenjamin murmuring something low, an unfamiliar womans nervous giggle in reply. I stopped dead.
Ben? My voice sounded strange even to myself, as if it belonged to someone else.
The room went silent.
Then, a rustle, hurried footsteps, and the slam of our bedroom door. Someone was hiding. In our bedroom.
Benjamin appeared in the doorway, pale as chalk and eyes darting like a schoolboy caught with pilfered sweets.
Ali, why are you home so early? he stammered, forcing an awkward smile.
Who was that?
Who who? His attempt at a smile only served to make the whole thing more bitter.
Another stir from the bedroomsomeone shifting, trying to conceal themselves.
Ben. My voice was quiet, dangerously so. Whos in our bedroom?
Just then, the door creaked open. Out stepped a womantall, striking, hair mussed and eyes wide. Too pretty, by half.
Im sorry, she started, breathless. Im Olivia. Benjamins colleague. Truly, I had nowhere else to go.
I looked at Benjamin. Then at Olivia. Then back to Benjamin, and the world swung beneath my feet like a storm-tossed ship.
Nowhere else? I echoed, slow and sharp. Except, of course, our bedroom?
Ali, dont think badly! Benjamin took a step towards me, then pulled back. Shes in trouble, her ex-husband
Hes stalking me, Olivia put in quickly. Benjamins just helping out. Honestly.
Helping out. I wanted to laugh, or weep, or shoutor all three at once.
My exhe threatened me, Olivia whispered. Came to my flat last night, drunk and spoiling for trouble.
So, naturally, you ran to my husband, my voice turned cold as winter frost.
Benjamin is the only one who
The only one who understands? Who pities you? Who would take you in? My heart squeezed with something sharp and bitter.
Women instinctively spot what men hide, even from themselves.
Alice, enough! Benjamin raised his voice now, the first time since Id come home. Olivia asked for help. How could I say no?
There it wasthe line that split the moment in two.
Not wouldnt. Not didnt feel I should. But couldnt.
Alice, shes genuinely in danger!
And that is the rub with family quarrelseveryone is right. And everyone is wrong.
Olivia truly did need help. Benjamin sincerely wanted to give it. And I, for my part, had earned the right to jealousy.
We all suffered.
Listen, Olivia took a trembling step nearer, Ill leave. I never wanted to cause any trouble.
No! Benjamin barked sharply. You cantWhat if your ex is waiting out there?
And then I understood. By the way he said, You cant. By the way he looked at her like a shield, edging between us as if to protect her.
He was guarding her.
Not merely helping. Not simply sympathetic.
A man guards what he values.
I see, I murmured.
What do you see?
Everything, Ben. Absolutely everything.
Just then, my mobile rang.
Mum? my daughters voiceEmmatrembled on the other end, anxious and scared. Mum, are you home?
Yes, Emma, whats wrong? I snapped into mother-mode automatically, though inside everything churned.
Theres a man downstairs outside the building. Hes asking about Olivia. Says he knows shes here.
I turned to Olivia.
Hes found me, Olivia gasped. How?
Mum, what do I do? He wont go, and he reeks of drink.
Emma, come straight home. Dont wait.
I cut the call and gripped the phone tightly.
And thats when chaos truly broke loose.
I have to leave, Olivia paced desperately, trapped and panicked. I cant stayhes dangerous when drunk.
Youre going nowhere! Benjamin snapped. Hes right outside!
And what about my family? I said, staring at them both. I didnt invite your drama into our home!
Suddenly, someone banged hard on the front door.
Olivia! a mans hoarse, drunken shout. I know youre in there! Come out!
Olivia! Enough of this! Ill find you no matter what!
That was the moment, the moment I saw what finished me.
Benjamin pulled Olivia into an embrace, instinctively. Just held her tight.
Dont be afraid, he murmured to her, I wont let anything happen to you.
Ben, my voice shook. Let her go.
What?
I saidmove away.
Alice, please, you dont understand
Oh, I understand well enough! I faced him straight on. Youre willing to shield her? Youd risk our safety for her sake?
Alice
Enough. Enough lies. Enough excuses.
Olivia! Ive warned you
Call the police! Olivia cried. Hes out of control!
Why bother? I replied, letting my words freeze the air. Theres a simpler solution.
I strode to the door.
Alice, no! Benjamin caught my arm. Hes dangerous!
To whom? I yanked free. To your precious Olivia?
Then, the unexpected. I flung the door wide open.
Take her, I said to the rough, drunken man outside. And the pair of youleave my life for good.
Olivias ex waved his arms, shouting, demanding and threatening. Benjamin spoke to him quietly, steadying. I watched from the side, seeing everything clear as day.
Saw Benjamin lay a gentle hand on Olivias shoulder, saw Olivia cling to himwarm and familiar.
As though the two of them formed their own separate world.
At last, the ex leftswearing, threatening, slamming aboutand disappeared. Benjamin watched him go, then turned to me, lips parted, ready to explain.
But I understood.
Go, I said in a voice so quiet I barely recognised it as my own. Both of you. Leave. Now.
Alice, its not what you think
Dont you dare, I cut him off, raising my hand. Dont you dare lie to me. I see it. I see everything.
Benjamin hesitated. Looked at Olivia. Looked back at me.
And said nothing.
Pack your things, I said, turning towards the bedroom. And dont come back.
There were no tears. Just emptiness.
The door shut behind them.
I was left alone, in a flat that used to be home, now just walls. I stood at the window and watched them walking away. He held her close, protective.
And I turned away.
It was over.
