Mate, Ive got to be honest, these last few months have been proper strange at home. My wifes seven months pregnant now and, truthfully, I just dont see her as the same woman anymore.
Since she found out she was expecting, its like shes completely let herself go. No makeup, not a bit of effort, barely brushes her hair. Shes in pyjamas or these baggy tracksuits all day, doesnt bother with shaving her legs, never wears perfume, and it genuinely feels like she couldnt care less how she looks when I get in from work.
It hasnt always been like this. We used to go out loads, for walks or grabbing dinner somewhere nice. She always dressed up, did her hair, the lot. Now she just seems exhausted all the time. Everythings, My back hurts, or I feel rubbish, or Im shattered. She says she cant go far, doesnt fancy going out, just wants to nap on the sofa. I keep trying to make plans, but theres always a reason shes not up for it. I was patient at first, I really was, but honestly, now its just getting on my nerves. I feel like Im living with someone who just doesnt want to do anything anymore.
And the thing is, Ive always been clear with her: I never saw myself as a dad. I told her that loads, said I wasnt ready, didnt feel prepared for it. But she kept saying things would change, that once the babys here Id fall in love with it and wed feel like a real family. I just caved in, and now it feels like the whole things landed squarely on my shoulders, while shes just checked out.
Heres something else thats playing on my mind. Weve got a lodger at our place a girl whos the complete opposite of my wife. Shes always put together, always energetic and up for something. Dresses nicely, laughs, chats away, full of initiative. Im not saying anythings happened, but Id be lying if I said I hadnt noticed her. I find myself comparing the two, even though I know I probably shouldnt. I just worry that if anything did ever happen, people would just say its my fault, but honestly, shes really stopped making any effort.
Ive tried talking to her about it. Ive said she could try to make herself feel a bit more presentable, that she cant just give up like this. She gets angry, tells me I dont understand, says her body is changing and she feels rough most of the time. I tell her theres loads of women who still make an effort during pregnancy, so thats no excuse, but it always ends up as a row. She ends up crying, I leave wound up.
It gets to me as well that she never wants to be close, you know the sort of stuff couples normally do. She says shes uncomfortable, that it hurts, that she just isnt in the mood. But I just end up feeling rejected, like shes completely shut me out. It probably sounds bad, but I cant help but start to feel like its just not fair on me. Im still working, picking up the slack, doing what Im supposed to, but she just seems to have thrown in the towel.
I dont want to cheat, and I dont plan on it. I just dont want to live like this. I feel trapped in something I never really wanted in the first place. Sometimes I cant help but think, if anything does go wrong, itll be because shes just forgotten about me as her husband.
Thats why Im saying all this, mate. I dont know if theres a way to help her snap out of it, for her to find herself again and put in a bit more effort. I dont want to seem like the bad guy, but I also cant keep feeling invisible in my own marriage.
Whats someone supposed to do in my shoes?
