Its been ten years now since my husband and I started sleeping in separate beds and honestly, our marriage has never been in a better place.
I know exactly what most people would think: Separate beds? Isnt that practically announcing the end? But for us, its quite the opposite.
The whole thing started a decade ago after one particularly dreadful night. It was three in the morning. I was lying awake, staring helplessly at the ceiling, while next to me, I could hear such thunderous snoring that it sounded as if someone had let a lawnmower loose in the bedroom. For hours on end.
I nudged him gently.
Youre snoring. Again.
I dont snore he mumbled, head already sinking back into the pillow.
Within half a minute, it started up again.
By five in the morning, he was wide awake because of me. Id kicked off the duvet, accidentally jabbed him a couple of times, and ended up hugging the entirety of the quilt to myself.
You thrash about like an octopus in a washing machine, he groaned.
And you sound like a Boeing taking off, I shot back.
Breakfast was a silent affair. Both of us bleary-eyed, irritated, and wishing the coffee would do something miraculous.
We could always he began, eyes fixed on his mug.
Sleep in different rooms? I finished for him.
There was a moment full of tension. Were we admitting defeat? What on earth would our parents say? What would people think?
Lets just try it for a month, he suggested.
I slept like a baby. Honestly and truly deep, uninterrupted sleep. No snoring, no accidental kicks, no fighting over pillows. I woke feeling, for the first time, what I imagine normal, rested people must feel like.
And he, too, woke up completely different. Cheerful. Calm.
A month went by. Then another. And here we are ten years later.
There are a few things no one ever tells you about sleeping separately.
First you start to miss each other. Its like being back at the beginning of it all. These days, going into each others rooms is reserved for when we really want to. Not out of routine, not out of obligation.
Mind if I stay here for a bit? hell ask from the doorway.
That depends, Ill shoot back. Are you planning to snore?
No promises, hell grin.
And thats just it the closeness now means more. Theres intent. Theres choice. Each moment together becomes a little adventure in itself.
Secondly the morning arguments disappeared. No more spats at 7am about the lights being too bright, the noise, or why do you always leap out of bed like that?
Thirdly we each have our own realm. I can read until the small hours. He can watch the football. I like the fan on, even in the middle of winter. He prefers pitch black and silence. Peace for everyone.
Isnt it odd? people sometimes ask me.
Not in the slightest, I reply. Were together now because we choose to be.
Just recently, when he caught a nasty cold, I spent a few nights in his room looking after him.
Youll catch it, he warned me.
I dont care, I replied. Besides, I rather missed all your racket.
Once he was better, I went back to my own bed.
Youre off then? he smiled.
I love you, I said. But I love my sleep, too.
Sometimes a little distance doesnt pull you apart.
Sometimes, it saves everything.
Because every evening, you get the chance to miss each other all over again.
And every morning you get to meet anew.
