I first met Jack when we were both twenty-seven. At that point, Jack had already graduated from university with honours and was preparing to defend his dissertation. He was doing well academically. Beyond that, he had already managed to save enough to buy a two-bedroom flat and a garage. He was even planning to buy himself a car after finishing his studies. A year later, we got married. Eighteen months after that, our daughter was born. By the time we both turned thirty, our little girl was already two months old. Since Jacks birthday was approaching, I suggested we celebrate at a restaurant with his parents. But he refused. He said he just wanted to spend his day with ushis girls.
So thats exactly what we did. The next day, after work, he went over to see his parents. He returned home rather quickly though. He sat down on the sofa and began to cry. I was stunned. Here was a grown man, independent, a father, sobbing like a small child. I tried to comfort him and calm him down. Thats when the truth finally came out. It turned out that, as a child, hed been punished harshly for even the smallest misdeeds: for kicking a football, for getting his clothes dirty, or for a smudge in his writing book. Both his mum and dad would hit him.
When I got older, they stopped with the beatings, but I never heard a kind word from them. I finished college with distinction.
And what of it? Its just college. Youre going to university, they said. So Jack did, even though he didnt really want or need a degree.
He bought a flat.
Its only fifty square metres.
They criticised, despite living in a tiny terrace themselves. He got married.
Some small, skinny woman. Can she even have children?
She did.
No idea whose child that is. Theres nothing of us in that baby!
And finally, when Jack didnt throw them a party for their wedding anniversary, his parents caused a scene.
Ungrateful son!
That was their verdict. And so Jack turned to me and asked
Am I such a bad person that my own parents dont love me? I told him, honestly, there are people in this world who simply cant love. He was unlucky to have been born into such a family. But now hes got me and our daughter. We love him deeplyhes the best there is.
Dont you see how happy your little girl is when you walk through the door after work? And, as the memory of our daughters bright eyes came to him, Jack finally calmed down. Then, at last, he smiled, too.
Looking back, I realise that some people are weighed down by the love they never receivedbut what matters more is the love they choose to give and accept now. Thats the lesson Ill always carry.
