Gingerhead, gingerhead, covered in freckles
Who? That one? Oh heavens, what a spectacle! Elsie, are you mad? How could he and I possibly belong in the same world?
Claire burst out laughing, watching the tall red-haired young man making his way down the corridor. There was nothing especially ridiculous about him: he was tall, well-built, and presentably dressed. But something didnt quite fit. Was it his shock of hair, fiery as a stormy sunset? Or the constellation of freckles strewn over his nose and cheeks? Or perhaps his endlessly cheerful manner? He looked about to hug the world, so wide was the grin on his face. People who passed by couldnt help but smile back. A few even greeted him, mistaking him for an old friend long forgotten. As a professor strolled pasthed be the one marking their examClaire shuddered. She wasnt the least bit prepared, and Elsie asked why shed even bothered coming. Better to skip the exam altogether than get a fail.
The ginger grinned even wider, though it hardly seemed possible, and struck up conversation with the professor. Claire watched in surprise as the professor actually smiled back. She turned to her friend.
Do you reckon they know each other?
How should I know? Ive seen him only a couple of times myself, until he came up to me yesterday asking about you.
Claire shrugged.
And you obliged, did you? Lost your spirit of competition?
Elsie eyed her up and down and snorted.
Youre nothing to worry about, Claire, sorry.
What makes you say that?
A girl should offer more than a pretty face, and youre empty as a drum.
You think Im shallow?
Right nowyes. Youve nothing to your name. No hobbies, no opinions, no friends. Well, I dont count. You just tolerate me.
Claire gazed at her friend, a little stung, but even she had to admit the truth of it. She could hardly take offence. That wasnt her style; she preferred to keep the peace. It was the reason she had so few friendssaying what she thought without a filter, even if it stung, never seemed wrong to her. Making friends came easily, but losing them was just as simple. Only Elsie had cracked the code, answering her with the same blunt honesty, and that was why theyd remained close.
Well, I do have opinions, at least. The restdetails. Who needs a crowd? Ive got you.
Elsie smirked. So, whats your opinion on that chap then? Hes headed straight for us now.
The ginger had nearly traversed the corridor, his grin now outright dazzling. His eyes were on Claire alone. She smiled back at him and stepped into the classroom.
Thats your answer? Elsie asked, tracing her friend to the back of the room.
Clear enough, Id say.
Of course, Claire failed the exam spectacularly. The professor regarded her with thinly veiled pity.
Did you revise at all?
To be perfectly honest, no. I ran out of time. Claire gazed at a spot beyond his shoulder, entirely indifferent.
At least youre honest about it.
With a sigh, the professor scribbled something in her record and waved her away.
Waiting outside, Elsie snatched the booklet and raised an eyebrow.
A pass. Not bad! He must be in a cracking mood.
How marvellous! Thatll do. Claire reclaimed the booklet and busied herself rummaging through her bag. When she looked up again, the ginger was standing right in front of her.
Hello!
Hi Claire glowered at Elsie, but her friend raised both hands as if to declare innocence.
Im Oliver, by the way. Dont scold her!
Who am I scolding? Claire cocked a brow.
Your friend. I swear, she had nothing to do with it. Ive been waiting for you myself. Watched you come in here, actually.
Oh, well done you! What is it you want then?
To get acquainted. Date. Marry. Have heaps of children and grow old together.
Unlikely.
Why?
We dont fit.
Oh, come now. Youre gorgeous, Im rather dashing. Whats the problem?
Different wavelengths. Sorry, but Ive got to go.
Claire finally snapped her handbag shut, slung it over her shoulder, and nodded at Elsie.
You coming?
Oliver watched them walk away, his smile never faltering. So what if she rebuffed him? Wasnt the first and wouldnt be the last. A little effort and his natural charmthat would do the trick. Whistling to himself, he set off; he had no habit of brooding in corridors.
The next day, Claire received first a bouquet of red roses, then a box of her favourite chocolates, and finallytickets to a concert shed been dreaming of, the one that had long since sold out.
Old-hat gestures? Oliver asked, beaming at the entrance.
Tragically so. Nothing original.
Thought you might appreciate a bit of tradition.
And why would you think that?
Your type. Youre not a girl for a quick thrill. Youre made for something real.
Elsie, whod been loitering nearby, snorted and swept past, leaving Claire to consider, then stay.
And so, their romance began. Claire dated Oliver, but it all felt like a game. She couldnt even imagine bringing him home to meet her parents. She could already hear her fathers words: Daughter, what kind of future do you see with a man like that? Be sensible! Stop this nonsense. Her mother would likely reach for her smelling salts and dissolve into anxious sighs.
Maybe thats why Claire never got to know Oliver properlywhat he did, what he liked. She knew he was a student at the same university, and that was enough. Oliver, meanwhile, learned nearly everything about her. Kissing a scar between her fingers, he said, Lets keep a closer eye on our future children. Never thought a bicycle could be so dangerous. Did it hurt?
I dont really remember. What does it matter now? And who said anything about our children?
Dont you want children?
One day, but not now. I want to see the world, build a career, and only then think about kids.
Fair enough. Where would you like to go first?
To Mexico! Claire joked. There was no way to know Oliver took her every wish seriously.
Do you have a passport? he asked a few days later.
Why do you care? Claire was in a foul mood. Her parents were off to Cornwall with friends, and she didnt fancy three weeks with old folks.
You wanted to see Mexico, didnt you?
Youre joking?! Where would you get that kind of money?
Thats my concern. So? Do you want to go or not?
Of course she did! For the first time in their relationship, Oliver truly surprised her. She didn’t tell her parents the truth, only that shed be away with friends. They grumbled but accepted it.
The trip was glorious. Oliver planned it to perfection and made sure Claire saw everything her heart had desiredand plenty she hadnt even dreamed of. When they returned, however, the aftermath was not what Claire hoped.
Im pregnant! she shouted, storming about the room, on the verge of tears. A baby was nowhere on her agenda. Oliver, grinning that perpetual grinnow just infuriatingwas making matters worse. Why are you smiling like an idiot? Do you even get what Im saying?
Of course! Oliver pulled her into a hug, ignoring her resistance. Its wonderful, Claire! Well be a real family!
What nonsense! Look at yourself! How am I supposed to start a family with someone like you? What am I going to havea giant carrot?
Olivers smile faded at last. He stepped back, letting her go.
Why would you say that? Whats wrong with me?
Everything! Claire nearly growled. Why did I ever go with you? What now?
Youll have the baby.
The tone in his voice startled her. Something hard and steely made her instantly drop her anger.
I wont, Oliver. Thats my decision, and Im sorry.
Youre wrong. Well decide together. Its my baby too.
Claire slumped into a chair and started to cry.
Who even wants this? Dont you see we could never work?
Why?
I dont love you!
For the first time, Oliver’s ever-present smile vanished. It was as if someone had switched off a bright light in the room.
Then why? Why did you? he asked, bewildered.
You were persistent, and you were fun. It was better than nothing
That hit Oliver like a blow. He turned away, and for once, Claire didn’t interrupt.
Gathering himself, he spoke: Alright. I understand. Thank you for being so clear. As for me, I get it. But what about the baby? Its alive, Claire.
Its not a baby! Dont you dare lecture me! Ill do whatever I see fit.
Oliver stared at her, unable to comprehend how the same girl could one day laugh sweetly in his arms and the next, stand as a complete stranger. Then, without understanding quite why, he said: What if… what if I propose a deal?
A deal?
Yes. You have the baby, and Iwhat do you want? Money, a flat… anything at all.
Claire narrowed her eyes.
And the child?
Ill take the child if you truly want nothing to do with it.
Oliver didnt look at Claire. He sat, lowering his gaze, mind flicking to the patterns on the carpetseeking familiar shapes as he had in his childhood room. A different carpet, a different time. He recalled lying on the floor as his mum and dad gently talked in hushed tonesthe warmth, the light, the sense that nothing bad could ever reach them there.
His father died two years later, and his mother nearly fell apart. Oliver took a year off his studies to work nights and care for her by day, grateful that his father had convinced him to study programmingit meant he could earn enough. Slowly, day by day, he pulled his mother back from the edge of grief, until she found her feet again, opening her own dance studio at last after dreaming of it for years.
With things settled, Oliver caught up at university and soon built a small business, expanding as much as he could. The money wasnt flowing in yet, but it was enough to live the way he wanted.
He wanted Claire, of course, but she didnt want him.
I agree, Claire whispered hoarsely. But youll do everything I ask.
Oliver nodded in disbelief. He had just bargained for the life of his own child.
It turned out to mean nothing. A week later, Claire said there was no baby after all, and for the first time, Oliver cursed his good upbringing. He stopped his hand mid-air, wanting for a brief moment to strike out, but instead he turned and walked away down the corridor, ignoring everyone who tried to catch his eye.
His mother asked nothing, only placed a cup of tea before him, sitting quietly until dusk fell and the tea had long since gone cold.
Mum?
Yes, love?
How do I carry on? After all this how?
At your very best, darling.
What? Oliver was struck by her reply.
You heard me. You live better than ever beforeso your boots smoke as you walk, as your granddad used to say. Do you think this is the last sorrow youll ever know? Or the last cruel person youll meet? Not a chance. Life isnt heavenno angels with halos here. Letting this break you would be the daftest mistake. Shes taught you something. Thank her.
For what?
For the lesson! Next time, youll look further than a pretty face. You wont rush in blind. Youll find out if you’re truly wanted for who you are.
Who could possibly want someone like me
Someone like what?
Ginger, ginger, covered in freckles
Someone who loves you, son.
Oliver laugheda broken, relieved soundand told his mother everything. About Claire, his love for her, and the deal hed tried to make.
Ive been an idiot, Mum. Not outside, but in here. How could I have done such a thing?
Daft, yes, but only out of the urge to protect. I cant say whether it was right or wrong. Maybe Id have done the same.
Mum, what do I do? How do I clean myself up after this and face the light again?
I dont know… Ah, hold on! I do, actually. Try clowning for a bit, son.
What? Oliver looked at her, not sure if she was joking.
I mean it. One of the girls in my dance group works as an entertainer in childrens wards at the hospital. Shes lost her partnerhes moved away. She needs help. When you bring light to someone in a darker place, it eases your own burdens. Bring some joy to others, Oliver. Maybe then youll see your own light reappear.
Oliver thought about it. Perhaps she was right. And who better to play a clown than a ginger with a heart like his? He smiled wryly.
To his surprise, it was the best thing to happen in ages. Leaving the childrens ward after his first day, Oliver felt dazednot from the noise, but from what hed witnessed. Children, full of laughter despite illness. Mothers, tight-lipped with worry, but thankful for a short burst of happiness for their children.
How do you cope? he asked Olivia, his partner for the daya cheerful, round girl with boundless energy, pulling off her wig.
Easily. Theyve got it tougher than me. What have I got to complain about? I go home to my cats and a hot cuppa, or out with friends. I dont have to wait for test results, or listen to my child breathe and wonder for how long more. I can make things simple for a whilegive a child something to smile for, and their mum a reason to breathe out.
Oliver stared at her, awestruck at her peace with a world hed thought unspeakably hard to bear. How could she stand so much pain so near?
Wondering how we dont go mad? Olivia smiled, collecting the props from his hands. Its hard at first, but you get used to it. Or you dont, and that’s fineno one is forced. If I sense youre taking this too much to heart, we stop. Children need our energypositive, always theirs.
That day, Oliver understood. He made up his mind, and with Olivia, he became a much-loved guest in wards where children longed for joy.
Two years passed. Oliver finished uni, his business flourished, as did his mothers dance studio. Only his love life still fell flat. Olivia married, and Oliver congratulated her warmly, then became godfather to her son. He continued his visits with new volunteers; Clown Ollie was a legend in the wardschildren squealed at his very appearance, and even strict matrons came round when he asked for a half-hour of joy. He gave not just his time but much of his earnings, making sure the sickest children got the best care.
One busy day, Oliver rushed from the office to the hospital, grumbling about his incompetent business partners. Darting through the hospital gates, he nearly knocked over a slim girl skipping up the steps.
Do you ever look where you’re driving?!
Oliver stared, amazed by this tiny, fierce girl on the hospital steps. Thumbelina!
Oh, and now youve got jokes! she huffed, and ran inside.
I didnt mean to upset you! he called after her, yet doubted she’d heard. Checking the time, he hurried on with gifts and supplies.
During the show, a boy in the front row suddenly started coughing and slumped in his seat. Oliver looked up, scanning for medical staff, but the girlhis Thumbelinarushed to his aid.
What are you all waiting for? Help! He needs to be taken to his room.
Oliver followed her, picking up the boy and heading for the ward.
This way! she called, flinging open the door and nodding at the bed. Lay him downdoctor will be here soon.
She fussed over the boy, her care so clear that Oliver couldnt stop watching. As the nurse and doctor arrived, he slipped out, glancing back once.
Your eye caught on Lucy? asked Dr. Bryan, the head nurse and an old friend.
Who?
Lucy Armitage. Sister of little Jack Armitagethe boy you just helped.
Sister? Oliver felt ridiculous asking again.
What did you expect? His mum and dad were killed in a car crash a month ago, bringing him for tests. Jack survived; not a scratch. Lucy wouldnt let them take him into care. Her father was a solicitorshe rallied every connection to keep her brother with her. Shes only eighteen, mind. Jack turns six in a fortnight.
Why is she his carer, though?
I suppose youre wondering about their parents? Not here anymore. But Lucys stubbornness kept her brother at home.
Alright, curiosity satisfied.
Good. Now, indulge mine. Hows business, Oliver? You know Im not one to beat about the bush. Jack needs surgery. Well arrange itbut the aftercare, as you know…
I know. We’ll handle it. I just have one condition.
Whats that?
Lucy mustnt know of my involvement.
As you like. You wish to remain anonymous?
I do.
You have my respect, lad! Shes a remarkable girlbut youll manage.
And Oliver did. Lucy wouldnt even look his way at firstnot because she disliked him, but because Jack came first, always. Oliver understood and respected that. He made no show of helping, just quietly supported where he could, drawing surprised looks from Lucy.
Why do you do all this?
Lets just say Ive got old sins to make up for. I need to do thisplease dont stop me helping, alright?
Alright Lucy was uncertain but grateful.
Gradually, she adjusted to Oliver’s quiet presencea comforting, scruffy young man she could rely on. When Jack finally came home, and Lucy realised the crisis was over, she seemed lost.
Whats wrong? Oliver sat in her tidy kitchen, warming his hands on a cup of tea as snow whipped around outside. He didnt want to leave, and Lucy wasnt asking him to. Suddenly, she sat down, staring at him with wide eyes. He reached out and switched off the stove.
Ollie, are we on our own now?
Why on earth would you think that?
Lucy hesitated, fiddling with her hands. Dont get the wrong idea! Its not that I want more help or to take advantage. Id be mortified if you thought so! Im just
Her voice faltered. Her hands trembled. Oliver couldnt stand it.
What is it, Lucy?
I just cant do without you.
She looked up, and in that moment, Oliver understood everything his mother had ever told him.
I need younot just because of Jack, but because
I love you too! Oliver stood and drew Lucy into his arms.
The wedding was beautiful. Olivers mum waltzed with Jack, asking to be called Granny.
Ive always wanted a grandson like you! Mind if I spoil you silly and love you forever?
Not at all! Jack nodded solemnly, then giggled. But you dont look much like a granny.
Oh, shall I put on a wig and acquire a goat then?
No, this ways good. Can you bake pies?
Of course! The best in England! Ill make them tomorrowyoull see.
Promise!
Lucy watched her brother, tears glistening.
Youre going to ruin your mascara, Oliver teased, handing her a tissue.
Its waterproof, Lucy sniffed.
So you plan to cry all night, do you?
Just a littlebecause Im so happy, some of it has to spill out.
Oh, women! Oliver rolled his eyes, and Lucy tugged playfully at his ginger hair.
Youre so warm. Like the sun. And handsome, too!
Me? Oliver grinned at his wife.
Yes, you. You radiate, Ollie.
A year later, two tiny ginger-haired babies arrived. Watching them take their first steps, Lucy laughed, There are two more little suns in the world, both as lovely as their father. Some girls are going to be very lucky.
They just need to realise that in time, replied Olivers mum, eyes crinkling as she gazed at her grandchildren.
Life taught Oliver that looks arent everything. Its light, love, and kindness that make a person truly shineand those who see it, are the luckiest of all.
