What on earth do you think youre doing?! shrieked Margaret Perkins. Thats my land!
The lands yours! her son-in-law yelled back, ripping off a metal panel with a clatter. But the fence is mine! I paid for it, Ive got the invoices in my boot! And the claddings mine! And Im taking the windows too!
Mike! Do something! Margaret Perkins rushed to her son. Hes going to tear the whole house apart!
At that moment, Margaret was sitting in the kitchen looking tragically put upon, while her daughter-in-law and son became caught up in a family drama.
Right, you two Margarets voice trembled Ive made up my mind. I cant manage this cottage any longer. Im worn out, my health isnt what it used to be.
By the time Ive braved the train and trekked three miles across the fields Last time I ended up with such high blood pressure I nearly passed out.
You have it. Take it over, enjoy it, build, do as you please!
Mikes face instantly lit up. Hed spent his boyhood on those quarter of an acre overgrown with raspberries, surrounded by a rickety fence, and the little house his grandfather had cobbled together in the eighties from whatever he could lay his hands on.
Mum, youre serious? he came to the table, beaming. Thats brilliant! Alice, did you hear? We could put in a cracking orchard! Ill fix the porch myself.
Alice turned slowly. After seven years in this family, she knew that any gift from Margaret Perkins always had strings attached.
Margaret, thats very unexpected, Alice said calmly. But lets get one thing straight.
How are we transferring it? A gift, or are you just signing it straight over to Mike?
There was a tense hush in the kitchen. Mike glanced reproachfully at his wife. Margaret lifted her eyes, coldly.
Alice, youre so practical she enunciated the word with distaste I come to you with all my heart, giving you my blessing, and you start on about paperwork and conveyancing.
Am I not your mother? I said its yours, and thats that. Why add all this red tape? Just lining the lawyers pockets
Because, Margaret, Alice sat at the table opposite her the place is in a right state.
The fence has collapsed, the shed roof leaks, the floorboards are all rotten. To make it liveable would take at least twenty or thirty thousand pounds.
I wont sink our savings into a property that legally isnt mine.
Tomorrow you could change your mind, and wed be left penniless.
How dare you! Margaret clutched at her chest. Mike! Do you hear this? Your wife thinks Im after her money! Your own mother!
Alice, dont you think thats a bit much? Mike muttered. Mum said its ours.
No, Mike. Get the title transferred to you, and well phone builders and get stuck in tomorrow. If not let the brambles keep taking over.
The stand-off lasted nearly two hours. Margaret shed a few tears, invoked the memory of her late husband, accused Alice of being far too materialistic, and finally kicked them out, insisting that she wouldnt trust people as calculating as they were with even an old bucket.
A fortnight later, over a family roast with Mikes sister Irene and her husband Ian invited along, Margaret made a grand announcement:
Since Mikes not interested in the cottage, Ive given it to Irene. Her Ians very handy, theyve already drawn up a full plan for renovations.
Mike spent the evening in silence, gloomily scrolling through pictures of country homes on his phone and sighing heavily. Alice kept her cool, eating her salad. She knew this was only act one.
***
Irene and Ian plunged into work with gusto. All June, the family WhatsApp group was a flurry of updates:
Ordered the new picket fence!
Three tonnes of sand delivered.
Ian dug the septic tank trench himself!
See, Mike grumbled at home, tossing his phone on the sofa Some people get things done, while we sit here, worrying about being taken for a ride. Irene wasnt afraid, and now theyll have a palace, not a wreck.
Time will tell, Mike, Alice replied shortly.
By mid-August, the cottage was transformed. The old place was clad in pale wood, the roof gleamed with new tiles, and a smart fence with brick posts surrounded the garden.
Ian had even managed to roll out part of the lawn and put up a big swing chair.
Everyone was invited to the grand opening. Margaret lorded it over the new terrace in a deck chair, fanning herself.
Well, my dears, she sang, accepting a cool drink from Irene isnt it lovely? Irene, Ian, youve outdone yourselves. Fills my heart with joy. Alice, just look at the fence!
Ian, having shed a stone and looking exhausted after two months of hard graft, brought over a folder.
Yes, Mum, it was a slog. But now, even the kids can play here safely. By the way, Ive got all the paperwork here receipts for the materials, boiler warranty, everything.
Shall we nip into town on Monday then, get the title sorted? You promised, once it was done, youd put it in Irenes name.
Suddenly, Margaret found her nails fascinating.
Oh Ian, whats the rush? Why make things complicated? Just enjoy it, relax! Am I pushing you out?
Irene frowned, setting down her tray of salad.
Mum, what do you mean? That wasnt the agreement. We put nearly all our savings into this, Ian even took out a small loan to get it finished before autumn. You said: do the work the place is yours.
I said, have it to use, Margaret corrected. And you are using it. Come whenever you like. But the title Well, darling, life is odd. Today Ians your husband, tomorrow who knows?
A cottage is the family nest. It should stay in the family, with me. Thats best for everyone.
The silence that followed was so total, even the birds in the woods beyond held their breath.
So, Ian stood slowly you mean? None of this is really ours? Not the £10,000 fence? Not the septic tank? Not even the roof?
Of course it’s yours! Margaret replied, baffled You use it all, dont you? Enjoy it. Ill even let you plant cucumbers next year.
But Im keeping the deeds. Its safer. And if you argue, Ill just take the keys away. Im entitled!
Entitled, are you? Irene burst out. Weve broken our backs, weve gone into debt, and now were treated as tenants?
Dont you take that tone with your mother! Margaret snapped You come waltzing in, and still arent satisfied!
Walking into what?! Ian shot back The whole place was crumbling! I fixed every plank myself!
Without another word, he strode to the shed.
Ian, what are you doing? Irene called after him.
Getting my tools!
A moment later, he was back with a crowbar and drill. Without a word, he set to work dismantling the fence, pulling out screws as if avenging every slight. Mike made to intervene, but Alice calmly placed a hand on his arm.
Leave them to it, Mike. This time, they can sort it themselves.
Watching her husband rip apart the fence, Irene snatched a spade and started digging up the rose bushes her mum cherished.
Here you go, have your precious cottage! she shouted, wrenching a shrub free.
Chaos erupted. Ian moved methodically. Once the fence was off, he set to the terrace. Panels of polycarbonate crashed to the ground.
Margaret dashed between them, at times grabbing Ians shirt, at others shielding the newly painted door with her body.
Im ringing the police! she shrieked, waving her phone. This is robbery! Burglary! Ill have you locked up, you useless son-in-law!
Go on then! Ian hurled a chunk of plastic into the car boot. Let them take a look at a landlady who tricked her own family!
Half an hour later, a police car rolled up. The weary constable surveyed the chaos: half the garden with no fence, heaps of building materials, Margaret sobbing on the step.
Whats gone on here then? he asked.
Theyre robbing me! Margaret jabbed her finger at Ian Hes ruined everything! Stole the fence! Destroyed the porch!
Ian calmly handed over his folder.
Officer, here are all the receipts in my name. No lease, no deed of gift. This lady says Im a stranger here, no rights at all.
If thats the case Im just removing my property, bought with my money. Im not touching the house itself, only what I installed myself.
The policeman thumbed through the receipts, checked the dates, and glanced at Margaret.
Maam, this is a civil matter. If hes got documents proving its his, its not a crime. Take it to court.
Court?! Margaret wailed. Hell take everything!
Hes allowed to, if its his stuff, replied the constable. And you, sir, be careful dont damage the house itself.
The police left. Ian finished loading up all he could salvage into and onto his car.
The cottage now looked like itd been bombed: where a tidy home had stood, only a shabby shell remained, and the garden was churned up with holes where the fence posts had been.
Irene slammed into the car and thumped the door shut.
Thats it, Mum. Youre on your own now. Enjoy your precious nest. You wont be seeing us again!
The car screeched off in a cloud of dust. Margaret stood frozen in the middle of her so-called family home.
She turned to Mike and Alice, whod silently watched from a safe distance.
At least you two she croaked. Mike, darling Help your mother? You see what theyve done? Irenes lost her mind and Ians nothing but a thug Come on, you can fix it. Bring some wood, put up a bit of fence
Mike looked at his mother.
You know what, Mum, he said quietly. Alice was right. You never meant to give us the cottage. You just wanted to keep me on a tight leash.
Wanted us grovelling for a chance to mow your grass, is that it?
How can you say that?! Margaret clutched at her chest again. I only ever did it for you!
No, Mum. For yourself. Come on, Alice.
They got into their own car. In the mirror, Alice saw Margaret slump onto the old wooden bench, head in her hands.
That evening, Mike sat in the kitchen, staring out the window while Alice cooked.
Alice, he said softly.
Yes?
Im sorry. I honestly thought you were just being picky. We nearly ended up deep in debt
Alice walked over and rested her hands on his shoulders.
Forget it, Mike. The main thing is, you see it now.
You know he hesitated Im off to the jewellers tomorrow. Saw a bracelet you once liked, with garnets. I want to get you something special. For being so sharp.
Alice smiled.
Oh, a present is always welcome. But lets agree on one thing: no more gifts from your mum in this family. Theyre a bit too costly, as weve discovered
Deal, Mike pulled her into a hug. Ive even changed my phone number. She can sort out her family nest herself.
***
Margaret Perkins never got that cottage straight when she finally realised no one else would be fixing it for her, she sold up.
Neither her son nor her daughter speak to her now, and among the relatives, its Mike and Irene who get the blame.
Of course, Margaret never mentions the details of the scandal she just says her own children, whom she gave everything for, abandoned her.
