Does it really matter if hes mine or not? Even if someone says hes not, youd have to prove it first.
Dad! Dads back! Hooray! Dad, are you going to take us with you? Please dont leave us here! Grandma Nora said if you dont take us, shell send us to a childrens home! Shes too old, they wont let us stay with her, youre our only hope!
I listened as little Alice, my nine-year-old daughter, chattered on at lightning speed with words that were far too mature for her ageso adult, in fact, they caught me off-guard. I swallowed hard, feeling a lump in my throat, and turned quickly to wipe away a few tears that Id rather no one saw.
I pulled my daughter close, her little head nestled into my chest, that familiar, sweet scent of childhood filling my nose. For a moment, I just held her, wanting nothing more than to cry myself, to rest my head on my own mothers shoulder and admit how heavy all this grown-up business really felt.
Taking another deep breath, I looked down, only to catch the piercing, almost grown-up stare of my son.
Jack, dont hide away therecome and say hello to your dad! I managed a strained smile.
He stood frozen, staring at me warily. The faintest smile flickered on his face, only to vanish just as fast.
Come on, Jack! Alice was smiling and waving him over.
He took one hesitant step, then another, and finally dashed across the room, wiping away tears as he ran into my arms.
Dad, please dont leave me! I love you so much! Grandma Nora said you dont want me, that Im not your real son, that youre only going to take Alice. She said youd leave me at the home! Shes meanI dont believe her! Will you keep me, Dad?
Jack, what nonsense! Of course youre my son! Youve got my surname, dont you? And those earsjust like mine! How could I ever give you away? Were all going home, together, to Aunt Marions. Shes wonderful, youll see.
But Grandma Nora said Marions a witch, that she made you leave Mum and us. She said Marion bewitched you.
Quiet, Jack, thats enough! Dont say things like that, Alice hissed at her brother, her scolding whispers loud as thunder in the quiet country afternoon.
I held the children close. My dear, sweet loves. Will you ever forgive me for being away so long? Will you ever understand me? Will I ever understand myself? I ought to thank Marion for steering me straight and giving me the courage to come backto show me the right path, not let me lose myself among all the gossip and bitterness.
Grandmas only joking, Jack. Marions no witchshes a proper magician! Kind, gentle, loving. Soon youll see for yourself.
Grandma Nora stood on the porch chewing her lip. I nudged the children towards the house. Go on, pack up. Well be heading home soon. They ran ahead, pausing on the step to poke their tongues out at Grandma, as if to say, Dads here, so there!
She half raised her hand for a cuff at Jack, but stopped as she met my eyes.
So you did turn up? Id almost given up and thought Id have to send them off. Im too old for thisI cant keep them, childrens home is all there is. And you? Youll take them both? Alice, fair enough, shes yours, but Jackhes not yours, is he? Why bother with him? Let the state handle it.
Theyre both my children, Grandma. Both of them.
Oh, David, youve always been soft. Alice, sure, shes my granddaughter, but Jack, God forgive meI always knew Jack wasnt your boy, but his mum made me swear not to tell. But now, well, its all come out in the open. Just take Alice, and let this boy go whereverwhy would you want him?
Ill decide, thanks. You know what my mum used to say? Doesnt matter which bulls in the field, the calfs still ours. Ive raised Jack, loved him all these yearsI cant just send him away now.
Just dont regret it later, David. These things have a way of coming back Itll be twice as hard on the boy if you change your mind.
Its all decided, Grandma. Thank you for everything.
***
David, whats really changed for you? Why do you care what the neighbours say? So what if Jacks not your sonare you really planning just to let him go? Youve raised him six years, loved and cared for him, and now? Just because someone spread a rumour hes not yours?
Its not a rumour, Marion. Jacks not mine. I suspected before, but when Paula came out and said it, I knew for sure.
David, you fool! The boys just lost his mum, and now his fathers going to turn his back on him too? Other men raise complete strangers children as their ownare you really going to turn away from this boy?
Are we going to play this game, mine, not mine? Marion shook her head in disbelief. What if something happened to me, would you doubt this baby too? She gently touched her barely visible baby bump and looked up at me with searching eyes.
Dont be ridiculous, Marion! I trust you. But with Jack
But what? For four years you raised him whole-heartedly, loved him, cared for him. Then two years of support, still loving him, kisses and hugs when you visited. And what, now just stop? What sort of love is that? Here today, gone tomorrow?
I just thought, maybe a testso at least I know for sure, put my mind at rest.
A test? Why dont you test everyone then? Alice, the new babyjust so youre absolutely certain. Look, if you take the children, you take both. Raise them, love them. If youre going to carry on like this, doubting all the time, then dont take anyyoull only mess them up.
Marions words rattled around in my head for days. I grumbled to myself, angry and confused. Easy for her to say. Whats a man supposed to do when even the grandmother confirms the younger child is another mans?
No one actually wants to raise someone elses child. Ive probably been a fool, raising Jack all these years, giving him my name, our familys history.
But oh, how Paula and I loved each other once. We married and, within months, Alice was born. Work was hard to come by in our village, and the pay was so poor it was almost shameful.
So off I went, working months at a time on building sites, coming home just for a few weeks before heading back out.
At first, I could feel Paulas love and longing every time I walked in the door. But in time, it grew coldless joyful, less tender.
A few years later, just before another work trip, Paula told me, almost casually, that she was pregnant again and might sort it out. I rushed home early to talk her out of it. And Jack was borncheeky, dark-haired, looking nothing like us fair-haired folks. Maybe from the neighbour? The doubt lingered, but I brushed it asidehe was my son, end of story.
Well, one day, I surprised Paula by coming home early, only to find her in our bed with the neighbour. Alice and Jack were with Grandma Nora in the next village.
I said nothing. Another bloke might have knocked the neighbours lights out, but I left, walked straight to Grandmas to see my kids.
At first Paula called after me, explaining, denying, but then shouted Jack wasnt mine at all. I paid her no mind. Women say all sorts of things when theyre angry.
We divorced. She claimed for child support, and I paid every penny, more than I needed to really. I loved those kidsboth Alice and Jack.
Now Paula lives with the neighbour, and the children are left with Grandma Nora. Paula was an orphan herself, raised by her grandma after her parents vanished on an expedition somewhere. Now shes left her own children to her grandma.
I remarried, and things with Marion are good. Both Paula and I visit the kids with gifts, wagging our fingers, then disappearing again. The poor kids, orphans with everyone alive.
But then tragedy struck. Paula and her new man went off on his motorbike, drunk, they said. Some say Paula was driving, but who knowsshe didnt drive. Does it matter now? They were both killednothing left but pieces.
I went to the funeral, and there Grandma Nora told me the truthJack truly wasnt mine.
Since then, Id shut myself away. I thought of Jack as my own all these years, and now this. I decidedAlice Id take, Jack could go to the neighbours lot.
Id made up my mind, but then Marion gave me a proper scolding, a real wake-up, and told me to get myself together and go to the children. She was rightimagine leaving them with an ageing great-grandma while I sat around feeling sorry for myself.
Does it really matter if hes mine or not? If someone cares that much, let them prove it. Ive got Jacks certificate hereDavid Carter, father to Jack David Carter. Thats what counts!
My mum was rightdoesnt matter whose bull, the calfs ours! And what a good boy hes turned out to begentle, affectionate, caring.
At first Jack was wary of Marion, frightened even. But soon enough, he warmed to her, stroking her belly, talking to his future little sister, even making Alice jealous, saying Marion loves Jack best!
But Marions heart is big enough for all of usme, Alice, Jack, and Katie, whos still yet to be born.
And oh, they talked about Marion too, called her soft-headed for taking in another womans children. But she paid no mind to rumour-mongers, told them to mind their own business. After all, everyones got skeletons in the closet.
Marion may look gentle, but no ones eager to cross her. People soon found something more interesting to gossip about.
And so, life goes onme, Marion, and the children. Never again did I mention Jack not being my son. Maybe the doubts come back on a dark night, but hes my boy in every way that matters. I love him, and he loves meDad, dad, dad is all I hear.
There you have itsometimes, someone elses child becomes your own, more family than you ever expected. Thats just how it is.
