Dont cry!
I cant, sobbed Molly, her voice trembling as she clung to a soft muslin cloth from the babys basket.
Dont cry, I said! What else did she say? Ellen rummaged in the medicine cupboard, muttering quietly as she searched for some valerian drops.
She told me I have to leave Oliver, Molly hiccoughed, grabbing the glass of water her mother-in-law handed over. She brushed the spilled drops off her dressing gown and pressed her chattering teeth against the rim. Take Lara and live with her. She said hell leave me eventually, and then Ill have nowhere to go. Shell never accept me.
And thats whats got you weeping? Ellen scoffed gently. Molly, I thought you had more sense.
I thought so too. But thats not why Im crying. How could she? Shes my own mother. Why be so cruel? I havent seen her in years, and this is what she does?
Does it really matter why? The questions something else, really.
What question?
Why Never mind. Pull yourself together now! No good working yourself up over this. Well sort it out!
How?
Molly! Why do you get in such a state? Ellen knelt beside the sofa, pressing her palm to her daughter-in-laws cheek. Youre not on your own! Theres Oliver, theres me, theres Grandpa. Youre not standing alone in this.
She saidIm not one of you. Not your blood
So what? Are blood ties the only thing that matters? My girl, calm down. Youve lived with us all this time havent you understood anything about us?
Molly stifled another sob, closing her eyes. Whom could she trust?
Ellen listened for a moment, then straightened up.
Laras awake. Stay here! Ill fetch her. Sip your water and get a grip. She feels your moods. Shell start crying too if you carry on. Want your baby to scream like you?
No!
Well then, compose yourself! Its not the end of the world yet.
Ellen was kidding herself. Things were far more serious than she let on. And what to do about any of it, she really had no idea. Her son was away on site, and besides old Roger, there was no one else to turn to. No true friend to confide in since moving to the village. And she certainly didnt fancy gossip spreading at the council office.
Ellen knew well how her colleagues could gossip. There werent many files to move about; when there was little work, tea flowed and so did gossip swapping stories from dawn till dusk.
Ellen tried to steer clear of those chats, earning her the nickname Ice Queen in the village. So be it! So long as they left her family alone. Someone had already let it slip Molly was from a care home, and since then, everyone poked their nose in, asking how Ellen dared take in someone like that.
Someone like what? Just a girl, like any other.
To be fair, the gossips got it right in some ways. Ellen hadnt warmed to Molly straight away. When her son first said he wanted to marry her, Ellen put her foot down.
Are you sure, love? Ollie, you barely know her! How long have you even been together, a month?
Four. I just couldnt say anything before.
Why? Ellen nearly choked on her tea. Since when do you keep secrets? You’ve always told me everything.
This is why. Oliver dabbed the table with a towel. Oops, sorry Mum. Ill do it properly in a minute!
Leave it. But youve still not answered me why?
I was afraid youd react just like this. But shes special, Mum. Youll love her I promise you just dont know her yet.
Ellen didnt reply. What was there to say? That she didnt even want to know this girl staring at her from Olivers phone dark hair, thick fringe, eyes rimmed with heavy makeup so you couldnt even tell their colour. Her face looked so closed, as if shed long stopped loving life. Was it a bad photo, or did she really look like that?
But Oliver was happy with her. Ellen had barely seen him so joyful since his father died a year before.
Those had been bleak days. Oliver had barely known his father. Only two years together, and before that… Ellen didn’t like to remember. So many years wasted, so much heartache, all because of one person: Oliver’s grandmother, Ellens mother-in-law.
When Ellen married, she had been painfully naïveher parents cherished daughter. Spoiled, loved, youngjust seventeen when she met Ian. A year of precious, brief evening walks, then the decision: they wanted to marry. Ellens mother was poorly by then, so there was no fight, and they kept their news from her father for a while.
Both parents passed away within two years. In that time, Ellen became a wife and soon, a mother. Her father got to meet his grandson, her mother only knew a baby was comingnot if itd be a boy or a girl.
Oliver was born frail. No wonder, Ellen thought: so many sleepless nights, caring for her parents herself, refusing any assistance. Ian helped, ignoring his own mothers protests.
This isnt your problem, Ian. Theyre strangers. They have a daughter. They can pay someone to help. Why you after work too? What are you, made of steel?
Mum, neither is Ellen.
My childs you, not Ellen. I must look after you first.
Ellen had heard all of this, sometimes over the phone, sometimes from her husband, who always regretted telling her. Words are like that: they burn into you, leaving scars that last for years, long after the bitter speakers fade away. If youre lucky, love or a childs laughter might soothe the pain. If notit lingers.
There had been so much. Too much.
Ellen, at first, brushed it all offher mother-in-law hardly knew her, shed say. Ians mother was clever, driven, esteemed, and brimming with an iron certainty that the world must bend her way.
I wont let you be happyknow that. My son deserves the best.
Whats wrong with me?
Who are you? Nobody. No degree, no job. A timid house mouse. He needs better.
Who?
Someone who will help his career. Clever, able, wholl mix with the right people.
Which people?
As I saida clever girl!
We have a child.
So? There can be plenty of wives, plenty of children. But only one mother. Hell pay child support, but dont expect more.
Were not planning a divorce.
For now. Wait and see. Dont push it, and dont upset me, or youll regret it.
Later, Ellen always wonderedwhen did she miss the step? Was it even a mistake?
She and Ian divorced before Oliver turned three.
The story was sadly ordinary. His mothers birthday, an old schoolmate of Ians, and a dark kitchen, to which her mother-in-law sent Ellen at just the right moment. She saw nothingjust a weeping woman and a comforting man. The man was Ian, and the way the other woman looked at Ellen spoke volumes. Age, inexperience, and loneliness did the rest, with no good advisor to talk her out of rash conclusions.
She returned that very evening to her parents empty, echoing council flatOlivers things in a bag at the door. She took her son out of his snowsuit and sat on the faded carpet, watching him run from door to door in the dim hallway. Then she broke down. After he fell asleep, she cleaned, scrubbed, washed the old curtains through the night, and next morning took Oliver to the post office to send word to her grandfatherthe only family she had left.
Granddad didnt come straight away; he had to sell up the smallholding quickly, still a slow process.
By the time he arrived, Ellen had divorced, managed to get Oliver into nursery, and found some work cleaning staircases in a nearby block, pondering what next.
Her problems solved themselves somewhat when Michael Thomas, her granddad, turned up.
Youre going back to school.
But Granddad! How will we live?
My pensionfor starters. Then Ill get a job. Theres a little savings pot too. Well make do.
Wholl give you a job?
Theres always work for a caretaker or porter. Ive never been idle, Nell. Well manage. But tell me, have you thought about what you want to do?
Bookkeeping. I like figures and its as good a trade as any.
Courses are good. But think about a proper qualification too, love.
She got her degree in the end, studying part-time, and when she finally laid her diploma on the table, she hugged her granddad so hard he wheezed, Got enough of you yet, girl?
Dont say that, Granddad! What would I do without you?
Im like a fifth leg to a dog. But youre a good one too, Nell. I just wish I could hang on a few more years, see you and Oliver properly settled. Then I could go in peace.
Dont talk like that. Not in front of Oliver!
Im seriousbut youll be alright. Tell me, am I nothing then?
Granddad took off his glasses, rubbed his nose, then put them back with a frown. Pay less mind to foolish people, Nell. I know where that nasty winds coming from. Silly! Nobody is nothing. We all matter from the start. Is Oliver nothing? If I called him that to your facewhat would you say? Exactly! So dont listen to those trying to push you aside. People judge by whats inside themselvesif theyre unkind, misfortune finds them. Around here, we just say, If you havent got sense, youre half-crippled anyway. Treat them as a bit ill. Let them mutter. Your life is your ownlive it! Only listen to me a little, no one else. Understood?
Understood, Granddad! What would I ever do without you?
Oliver moved up to Year Six, and Granddad decided it was time to head home.
Cant leave the house empty that long! You two will be fine youre not babies. But, Nell
What?
If you ever marry again, really think about it, alright? Olivers at a sensitive age. Bring him to see me first. Well chat.
Ive no plans to change a thing!
For now. Life can surprise you. Dont make promises you cant keep.
After he left, Ellen sat thinking. Ian seldom saw Oliver; he sent cards at holidays and paid maintenance reliablysomething her former mother-in-law never stopped reminding her about.
Hes got his own family now, two children.
Three.
Ellen! Youve never been that clever!
Well, there you go. Is that all? Goodbye!
It had taken Ellen time to learn to answer like that; bluntness came hard to her. She never understood why people fought at all when you could just try being happy.
Ah, Nellie, youre a wonder! laughed Granddad. Some folk only enjoy a scrap. Were all different. Youre too soft-hearted for your own goodthats why you get hurt.
I wish it wasnt so!
Dont force it! Some bring a stick through life for fighting; some, a loaf for sharing. Thats the only real lesson.
Ellen kept learning, from her mistakes as much as others kindness and malice. And, slowly, she managed to build a life, as Granddad said with her head.
And then she learned her greatest life-lesson. Out of the blue one day, at her flats front door, stood a small, plump woman, holding two girls who looked just like Ian.
Hello, Ellen. Im Irene, Ians wife. Can we talk?
And talk they didfor hours, wrenching and honest. By the end, Oliver got his father back, and two sisters to boot.
Whats there to divide, Nell? Weve got childrenyours, mine. I was silly once, listened to Motheralways saying you werent right, Oliver was wrong. Then I thought: shell talk about my girls like that if I dont please her. Its not right a boy growing up without his dad. Ians hopeless with his mother, but I want my girls to have someone to lean on, just in case. Big brother is something. If its alright with you? My girls are good. Not just mothers pridetheyre truly kind. Just like their dad. Well?
What could Ellen say? She talked with Oliver and decided to let the future unfold.
A year later, Ians mother passed, and calm truly returned. Irene cared for her to the end, but admitted she was relieved when it was over.
Oh, Ellen. I wouldnt want people to breathe easy when Im gone. Not to cry or remember me fondly, but justrelief? How do you live so that doesnt happen?
You already are, Irene! Anyone would weep for youI know I would!
Chatterbox! Irene fetched another tissue. Still, I pity her. Thats why Ive cried all day, searching for any memories worth keeping.
You found some?
She did love my daughters, in her way. So not a total loss.
Ellen remembered that conversation for a long time.
When Oliver, speaking about Molly for the first time, leaned back in his chair, smiling like sunshine, Ellen knewall shed learned about love and life would be tested now. How she treated this unfamiliar girl would shape everything: her, her own self, and her sons future.
Everything changed when Ellen began to know Molly.
A slight, nervous bird of a girl, peeking out from behind Oliver on the doorstep, tugged at Ellens heart.
Come in, Molly, dont be shy. I dont bite.
Im not scared! Mollys voice trembled.
Ellen smiled. Oh, really? Then why are you shaking? Why wont that scarf come off your neck?
Did you knit it yourself?
I did. Auntie Annie taught me. She was the matron at the care home. Used to show us girls who wanted to, how to knit. She was lovely. She loved us.
So you grew up in a care home?
Yes. Why?
Molly puffed up, instantly defensive, and Ellen leant in kindly.
Its okay. Everyones story is different. Dont mind me asking I just want to know my new daughter a little better. Oliver told me bits, but Id rather hear it from you. As much or as little as you want.
Alright
Molly’s eyes were wary under that heavy fringe, and Ellen nearly gaspedso much hurt in that pretty face. What was she to do with it?
That evening, Ellen learned little more; Molly ate quietly, barely daring to reach for bread, never impolite. Who would have thought a girl brought up out of family could be so well-mannered?
In time, as new family, Ellen got to know Molly better. Grandpa Roger approved straightaway and told Ellen to stop fussing.
Shell prove herself yet. Just you wait. Dont push hershell talk when shes ready.
That time came sooner than Ellen expected.
Slipping on the bus steps, Ellen broke her leg and ended up in hospital. The injury annoyed her, even more so the nursing.
You kids neednt bother! she grumbled at Molly, watching her arrange fruit and Tupperware on the bedside. The foods fine. Nurses are grand.
I know what the cares like in NHS hospitals, Molly replied.
How so?
Ive spent plenty of time herewas ill when I was small. Let me just feed you and dash. Only two lectures today; Ill be back. Will you manage?
That marked a shift. Day by day, Ellen learned more about Molly. She couldnt help but wonder at all the kindness, warmth, and quiet humour that had survived so much hardship.
My mum was sent to prison when I was one and a half.
For what?
Shoplifting, something else. Six years.
And your dad?
I never knew him. There was a grandma, but she wouldnt take mesaid she couldnt cope.
She was elderly? Unwell?
Not really. She and Mum didnt get on, I was told. Maybe thats why. I was just taken away. At first, I didn’t even know what was happeningcouldnt understand where Mum had gone, who all the strangers were. Auntie Annie said I cried all the time. Wouldnt eat, wouldnt play. For ages. But thenI settled.
And your mum? Did she write?
She did. I couldnt read, but people read them to me. I waited for her. She promised, every letter, to come back, to take me home. I used to sit by the window, watching the gates all day. The sills were wideyou could sit for ages, until a carer found you.
To scold?
No, thats where we watched cartoons. Whenever anyone felt sad, wed go there.
Did she come?
No. I turned seven. Then eight Sixteen She never showed up. Wrote though, saying she missed me, that she wanted to see me
I just dont understand. Why didnt she fetch you?
She had another family, Molly said quietly, slicing her apple. I have a half-sister now.
Molly I dont know what to say
No need. I was angry for years. Couldnt forgive hershe left me. So what am I, then? Not a daughter?
Ellen was shaken for a second, back in her old mother-in-laws kitchen, hearing that contemptuous voice.
Dont ever say that! Ellens tone startled Molly so much she dropped her knife. Sorry to scare you, darling. I just Ive heard those words about myself. And I know how much they hurt.
Who said it to you?
Ill tell you later. So what happened then?
She finally came. I was in college, living in halls. I was delighted at first. Thought everything would change. But it didnt. She said I couldnt live with them. It would be awkward, she said. I puzzled over that for ages, was too shy to ask. I barely remembered her and felt ashamed. How can a daughter not remember her own mother?
You were a baby, Molly! No one expects that.
She said I ought to remember. And that I must never forget what shed done for me. That she only stole food to feed me.
Did she really do that for your sake? Ellen was fuming now.
I dont know. Does it matter? Shes my mum. I have nobody else.
Those words cut deep, but Ellen checked herself. This poor girlhow could a soul survive so much without becoming bitter?
Ellen finally glimpsed the strength Molly carried when, a year after she married Oliver, her motherGailshowed up and tried to ruin everything.
Her first visit was brief. Ellen never worked out what exactly Gail wanted.
Were family now, arent we? Lets drink to that, Gail drawled. Ellen only sipped at her wine, not liking the womans tone one bit.
Funny how life turns out, eh? Didnt I just have a baby, now shes married herself! A mum soon, too! Best she learns, then, what its like to struggle and raise a child. They never thank us, do they? Kids they dont know how much we do for them, just giving them life!
Ellen listened in silence. Molly flitted anxiously between kitchen and sitting room, face growing darker.
Luckily, Gail left the next day after some whispered conference with Molly and a scowl for Oliver.
Molly hid away the rest of that day, emerging only at dusk, eyes red, face puffy.
Molly, whats wrong?
Nothing, Ellen. Dont mind me.
Hmph. Its obvious youre miserable! Eat something! Youll pass out at this ratehow will you manage tomorrows exam?
Ill manage, Molly murmured, fiddling with her fork. Not hungry.
You need to eat! Look at youblown in by the wind! Eat, I said! Want some tea?
I will
Time ticked by.
Right before Lara was born, Ellen suggested moving back to her village.
Grandpas got a strong house, and I can stay with him. Well get you a place nearby. Theres an excellent school, nursery, work for you too, Molly. What do you think?
After talking it over, Oliver and Molly agreed.
Good! Everythings easier together.
But fate interfered. Grandpa persuaded them to live in his house and moved to a new annexe himself.
Im at the apiary most of the time anyway. You stay in the house with your mum. The annexe suits me fine. No need to buy anything yet. Mind you, the plot next door is mine toobuild on it if you want. Your home. Why rent someone elses?
And so it was settled.
Gails second visit lasted longer, time enough for rows to erupt. Molly and Oliver, Oliver with his mother-in-law, Ellen at wits end when she caught Gail feeding bacon to six-week-old Lara.
Gail! What on earth?
What? I gave mine bacon at her age, and nothing happened!
Ellen snatched her granddaughter back and carried her to Molly, then returned to the kitchen.
Thats not on. You check with the mum before trying anything with a baby.
As if you check! Dont fool me, Ellen! You think I believe you let a slip of a girl boss you? Shes got everything handed to herwhat right has she to say no?
She doesnt make a fuss.
And maybe she should! Has the baby been registered in this house? Or will you chuck her out and expect me to pick up the pieces?
Gail, what are you getting at? Why are you here?
I want maintenance, Gail sneered.
What maintenance? Ellen blinked, nearly missing her chair.
The legal kindkids owe their parents. I gave birth to Molly; now she owes me. My husband cant work, Im nearly ill myself. And my youngest is nearly sixteenneeds a lot.
And you expect Molly to finance you?
Why shouldnt she? Law says so! Ive got my rights. Shes obliged!
And what do you owe her? Ellen couldnt help shouting and clapped her hand over her mouth so as not to wake Lara. I think you should leave, Gail. Mollys not paying you anything!
Well see! Gail narrowed her eyes, arching her manicured hand under her chin. Playing the mother, are you? Shell never call you that, get it? Im her mother. Youre just the in-law! Thats how itll stay!
Well see, Ellen banged about clearing up. Go to bed, Gail. Youve got fresh sheets.
Bravo! Gail brushed crumbs to the floor and heaved herself from the kitchen.
Ellen finished the washing up, drained two glasses of water, and decided there and then: she would do anything so Molly never had to see her mother again.
Next morning, Gail called Molly out to the hallway; they spoke for ages, then, by the time Ellen woke up, Gail had gone, leaving nothing but tears and uproar.
After catching up with Molly, Ellen stepped out, phone in hand.
Granddad! Hows life?
Still alive. Why?
Old fool! We need to talk!
Whats up?
How much is left in our savings?
A week later Ellen went away, returning two days after with a determined look.
Ive bought you out, she told Molly, sitting her down across the table.
What? Mollys eyes grew large and blue as lakes.
Your mother wont bother you again.
I dont understand! Is it true?
There was so much hope in Mollys voice that Ellen forgot every social rule and drew her in, hugging her tight for the first time as she had her own son.
Its true, love. She wont be back. Shes got what she wants. Thats enough for now. And well be off to sort out the paperwork and see a lawyer. I visited your old care home. Found something out.
What? Molly murmured, resting her cheek on Ellens shoulder, feeling a strange, new comfort.
She never paid child support all those years you were in care. So we have a good chance of freeing you from any obligations to that woman.
Then why pay her now? Molly pulled back to look in Ellens eyes.
Because nobody gets to upset my children in my house! She would have kept onwriting, calling, tormenting us all. Enoughs enough!
Molly only heard two words in all Ellen said. Her face stiffened, then she whispered, Your children?
Oh, Molly! Youre still not getting it. Who do you think you are? My child now, just the same as Oliver! Havent I managed to make you feel you really belong? If not, Im a rubbish mother
Not true! Youre the best mum ever! Molly shook her head so fiercely Ellen burst into tears laughing. The very best
Well, call me that then, if youre not embarrassed. None of this Ellen Mrs Thomas businessits like Im your boss!
Thank you Molly shut her eyes for a second, colour flickering behind her lids, so sharp it hurt. Then she opened them, calm and sure, and said, MumThe room was peaceful, Lara gurgling softly in the corner, the late afternoon sun spilling gold stripes across the kitchen floor. Ellen wiped her face, chuckling. Molly looked at her, freckles dusted with tears, and reached out for Ellens hand. They sat, fingers interlaced, a silent pact settling between them stronger than any paperwork.
At that moment, the front door bangedOliver, cheeks flushed from the cold, strode in, shaking off his coat. What have I missed? he called, seeing the flushed faces of his wife and mother. Girls meeting?
Family meeting, Molly answered steadily. She stood, smoothing her jumper, then scooped Lara up and handed her to Ellenno hesitation, only trust. Go to Granddad, show him your new teeth, poppet, she cooed, as Ellen laughed.
Ellen pressed the warm baby close, rocking on her heels. Everythings all right now, son, she said to Oliver, her voice both shaky and proud. Your wifes found her feet at last.
Oliver grinned, wrapping an arm around Molly, nuzzling her cheek. Told you she would, he whispered.
Molly stood between them, feelingfor the first time in her lifeanchored. The pain from the past ached, but softer now, surrounded by love. Out the window, the old apple tree cast lace shadows across the garden. She glimpsed Grandpa Roger outside, waving a bee smoker, looking up at the house. He caught her eye, winked, and tapped his heart.
In that instant, Molly knew: this would always be homewhere love was chosen, made, defended. Not handed down like an obligation, but given and received, quietly, fully.
She looked at Ellen, at Oliver, at the child gurgling in gentle arms. The old wounds were fadingslowly, stubbornly, but surelyreplaced by laughter, by cups of evening tea, by a name spoken without fear.
Thank you, Molly whispered again.
For what, love? Ellen asked, hoisting Lara higher.
For letting me belong.
Ellen smiled, eyes shining. You always did. Some things just take time to believe.
Molly believed now. And as evening settled, filling all the rooms and corners with warmth, she finally felt what she had never dared hope for: whole, safe, andat lasthome.
