The days lived cannot be turned back
Sitting at the kitchen table, Elaine couldnt seem to warm up, even with a steaming mug of tea between her hands. There was a chill in her heart, not from the cold, but from the conversation shed just had with her father. For the past few hours shed replayed every word, her mind stuck on the tremble of his shoulders as he spoke.
How could you, Dad? shed said, voice edged with hurt and tears, before rushing out of the room.
Her husband, Oliver, entered the kitchen quietly.
Ive settled Charlie, hes asleep.
Elaine nodded and let her tears fall, speaking through the sobs, Olly, how could he do this?
Oliver laid a comforting hand across her back. Your father must care for youand your mother dearly. Hes already lost your mum, and I imagine he worried shed take you away, too Youre all he has, he said gently, not one for seeing his wife sad.
All her life, Elaine had been her father Edwards pride and joy. She was the centre of his world, and he made room in his schedule for every parents evening at her school. When shed wanted to see the sea, hed taken extra shifts and worked late, just to afford the trip. Elaine would come back, cheeks sun-kissed, classmates jealous of her holiday.
At university, her friends marvelled, Elaine, how does your dad know which lipstick is so in demand? And the perfumehes a genius, and hes a man!
Even baking birthday cakes became their tradition. Elaine thought her dad could do anything. Yet, she always wished for her mum.
One of Elaines earliest memories was at six years old, her mum cuddling her, crying, Im sorry, darling, forgive me Elaine hadnt understood why her mum was upset, or why the suitcase stood ready at the hallways edge. But soon, her mum set her down, dried her tears, picked up her luggage and left, door slamming shut.
Mum, wait, where are you going? cried Elaine at the door, desperate. I want to come too!
But her mum never returned. Her dad tried to comfort her, distracting her with trips to the park, carousel rides, ice creamsweekends filled with laughter and fun.
Years later, once Elaine settled into school, Edward brought home a woman. Elaine disliked her instantlyshe wasnt at all like her mum.
Elaine, this is Auntie Carol from work, Edward said. Shell be living with us now. Look at the doll she brought for you, handing her the box.
Elaine accepted the doll, thinking, Dad doesnt understand. I dont want this doll, and I certainly dont want Auntie Carol. I just want Mum. Elaine noticed her fathers guilty glance.
Days blurred together. Elaine and Carol couldnt get on, and often, Elaine overheard them arguing. As the quarrels grew more frequent, she once heard Carol shout, One needs mountains of patience to live with you and your girl.
Eventually, Edward asked Carol to leave. Elaine overheard and secretly cheered, Hes right, its better with just us.
Carol cursed, slammed the door, and was gone for good.
Edward was calm and rational, always siding with his daughter. Carol resented how he focused his money and attention on Elaine, buying her chocolate or new clothes.
Elaine started dwelling on thoughts of her mother, asking her father to find her. She hadnt forgotten. But one day, exasperated, Edward told his now grown daughter, Enough, Elaine. Your mother left usshe did! She didnt want us anymore. She went to another man with a daughter of his own.
Elaine cried privately and started to accept, If I mattered to Mum, if she truly loved me, shed have found a way to see me. If she hasnt after all these years maybe I really wasnt important to her.
Edward never married again, never brought another woman into their home. Heartbroken, Elaines mum had confessed shed fallen for someone else. Edward, I love John now. I finally know real love. Thats why Im leaving.
So what was our marriage? hed asked.
Not real, at least not for me, she answered.
After the divorce, Elaine stayed with her father, whod loved her mum since school days. Hearing such words from his wife was shattering, but Edward did everything he could so Elaine would remain with him.
Elaine grew up, recalling every trip to the zoo, choosing their puppy Buddy together, and going to the cinema for animated films. Edward fretted when she fell in love.
She confessed, Dad, I think Im in love. Olivers a good manwe study together at uni.
Well, Elaine, youre an adult now. I only hope you dont choose wrongly. Im glad you told me honestly.
Elaine noticed her father waiting, watching discreetly from behind the curtains as she returned from dates. Nearing graduation, she revealed, Dad, Oliver asked me to marry him, and I said yes. I love him, and he loves mewe want to start a life together.
He smiled. All right, Elaine. I approve Oliver is decent and kind. Hell make a fine husband.
Edwards joy overflowed when Elaine and Oliver gave him a grandson, Charlie. He doted on him. This Sunday had begun like any other. Elaine, Oliver, and Charlie visited Edwards house, had a meal, then Charlie asked his dad to take him outside to play. Elaine helped her father clear up and washed the dishes.
She still couldnt fathom why her father suddenly decided to speak, pausing often, gathering his thoughts. He confessed that many years ago, hed lost Elaines mother. Shed moved to the remote north with a widower and his child. Sometimes letters arrived from her, begging him to read them to Elaine, to remind her of her mothers love despite their separation.
After four years came a final letter: I am very ill, in hospital. Edward, please, bring my daughter to see me one last time.
But Edward replied, You made your choice. I dont want Elaine hurt again. You wont see her.
Soon after, Elaines mother died. Her father recounted it all.
I know, love. It was cruel of me. I was afraid for you. I thought it best.
Dad, I always thought Mum just abandoned me, that I didnt matter to her, Elaine whispered, shocked, Why did you decide for me? Why didnt you let me choose? Dad, I cant look at you right now
Elaine threw on her coat and burst out of the house, the door slamming just as it had when her mother left long ago.
Edward sat at the table, head in his hands. He understood why Elaine was angry, but hed couldnt carry the secret any longer. Telling the truth was painful but necessary. He knew this moment was hard for Elaineher world upended.
Though hed tried his best to be both parents, his soul found no peace. Hed made the wrong choice; he shouldve let Elaine see her mother before she passed away. But it was too late.
Now, Elaine was left with a wisp of a memory, barely recalling her mothers face. But her father was close byjust half an hours drive away. An old man, whose life had revolved around his daughter.
Sitting alone at her kitchen table, Elaine reflected, Dad could have kept silent, as always. But he couldnt. This truth tormented him for years. He wanted me to know everythingto trust me, because Im all he has. Right now hes probably sitting alone, anxious and hurt after what I said. Ive been unfair to him. I truly hurt my father, decided Elaine.
Olly, she called, I cant leave things like this. Im going to Dadsplease order a cab.
Of course, Elaine. Youre doing the right thing. Ill look after Charlie, Oliver replied gently.
Elaine and Edward talked all night. With no secrets left between them, they finally felt relief. That night, Elaine fell asleep in an armchair, and her father covered her with a warm blanket, just as he had when she was a child.
Some truths are hard to bear, and some losses remain, but only through honesty and compassion can families heal. In the end, forgiveness makes the heart stronger, and loving those we have is lifes most meaningful choice.
