Envy of a Best Friend
The friendship between Alice and Emily is a story that begins almost as soon as their lives themselves. They bonded as little girls, scooping sand in Londons Garden Squares, where their mothers would bring them for playdates. There were squabbles over buckets and spades, then their reconciliations, licking the same lolly and sharing everything from secret crushes in Year Three to the drama of parents and teenage skin crises. You rarely saw one without the other; they were inseparable, two halves of a whole.
When they were younger, they were equals: matching knees covered in plasters, identical jeans from Primark. But by the time they hit sixteen, the girls began to drift apart in subtle ways.
Alice seemed to bloom overnight, as if shed been watered with something magical. Tall and slim by nature, with a cascade of thick brown hair her mum let her dye a lovely toffee shade, and skin that seemed immune to hormones or harsh makeup. Her parents liked to spoil her, seeing nothing wrong in buying a nice dress or a good mascara.
Emily, though, became a muted backdrop to Alices sparkle. Her mum, a no-nonsense woman, insisted short boyish hair was best for Emilys fine, straw-coloured locks. Her dad, a foreman at a factory, rolled his eyes at the very mention of make-up: Only loose girls paint themselves. My daughter will be sensible. Facials and beauty treatments were dismissedwaste of money. So Emily turned up to school with a blunt cut, baggy jumpers, and the marks of squeezed spots on her cheeks.
Alice, devouring issues of fashion magazines by seventeen, became convinced there was a star inside every girl, waiting to be woken. One day she brought her hairdryer to Emilys, transforming her friends shapeless mop into a spiky pixie cut. Alice spent her money on effective, affordable skincare for Emily and picked a simple black rollneck and skinny jeans from her own wardrobe. Emily, catching her reflection, could hardly believe what she saw: long legs, expressive grey eyes now revealed from behind her fringe and shyness.
Look at you, Alice laughed, Youre an absolute stunner!
Emily blushed and turned away. The word stunner sounded patronising and sharp.
They both got into the same university in Manchester to study economics. Parents let go a bit, and Emily finally breathed easy. She let her hair grow, perfected her eyeliner to bring out her eyes, swapped the jumpers for more feminine clothes. Her hair, now dyed a warm honey, gave her a glow. Suitors even started to appearnot many, but some.
Yet, the unattractive friend reputation stuck. She was never the object of group admiration but rather an afterthought for any boy who realised they stood no chance with Alice. Alice was the butterfly, adored; her suitors competed to bring bigger bouquets, fancier coffees, funnier jokes. Alice accepted the fuss as her due, smiling with gentle, amused thanks.
Emily, meanwhile, swallowed lumps of envy every time she watched Alice turn down another poor lovesick lad. Just once, she longed to be in that placeto bask in that dizzying attention. As small compliments and steadfast Alices presence were all she seemed allowed, Emily uprooted her dark thoughts whenever they took root.
Everything changed on a September night in second year, when two older students from the journalism course joined their group: tall, intelligent Markglasses, sharp witand his mate Jamie, loud and mischievous. Sparks between Alice and Mark were instant, palpable, as if the universe itself paused to watch them exchange glances.
Jamie, less complicated, set out to charm Emily. He was funny, friendly, but Emilys envious heart, from the first moment, had already been stolen by Mark. Each glance he cast at Alice, full of adoration and affection Emily could only dream of, made her ache.
When their group made plans, Emily would spend hours preparing: concealer, her most daring dress, heels that cramped her feet.
Emily, why so dolled up? Trying to impress Jamie? Alice laughed, zipping her up. Hed be thrilled to see you in your tracksuit bottoms.
Emily would force a smile, catching her reflection in their cramped corridor mirror, thinking, If only you knew, you fool. If only you knew who these shoes are actually for.
Even at her most polished, Emily was recognisable as merely pretty. Alice, meanwhile, was inexplicable; in ripped jeans and a saggy jumper, she still drew every glance. Emily, with a bitterness she couldnt banish, knew it was true.
She obsessed over every word Mark said directly to her, looking for hidden meaning. Did you like the macro lecture? became, in her mind, a coded overture. A passing compliment on her bag was romantic longing. But logic reminded her: Hes just polite. He only has eyes for Alice.
Jamie soon saw through Emilys lack of interest and moved on to an exuberant fresher. Shame, really, Alice sighed one afternoon over pizza. Jamies actually greatfun, reliable. You two would have made a good couple.
Oh, forget it, Emily replied, biting into her pizza. Hes as shallow as your precious Mark. Out for a good time, and thats it. I spotted it straight off.
Alice bristled, pushing her plate away. Dont talk about Mark like that. Its different with us.
Yeah, well see, Emily muttered. But inside, she nursed a malignant hopedreaming Mark might betray, break Alices heart, so her friends radiance might finally fade. Then, maybe, Mark would see Emilyher devotion, her silent love.
The usual ups and downs for a couple followed: rows about jealousy, time apart, petty quarrels. Emily, breathless, waited for one argument to end things for good. But Mark was resolute. After each row, he made some simple, thoughtful gestureher favourite chocolates, a midnight drive out into the countryside to watch the starsshowing he cared.
Hes only pretending, Emily would mutter, watching Alice glow. Just buttering you up so youll lower your guard. All manipulators do that.
Alice frowned. You dont even know him. He just cares about our relationship.
He loves his own convenience! Emily snapped, almost shaking with her jealousy. Hell have a girl like you in every university. Youre just a trophy for him.
Alice stared in disbelief. What are you on about?
Remember how he said he wanted to do work experience in London? And hes fine with moving hundreds of miles away?
Of course I remember! Its a brilliant opportunity. Ill join him, as soon as I finish my degree. Makes perfect sense.
Emily only shrugged, planting her seeds of doubt. Sometimes it workedAlice would start digging, prodding, and soon enough another row erupted. But Mark only seemed to grow fonder after every storm.
Eventually, Mark really did leave. The work experience was too good to pass up: a job with a big media firm, real prospects. Hed start building a futurefor them both. Their sleepy northern town simply had no such chances.
Im going to miss you so much, Alice sobbed before he left, clutching his jacket. Londons hours away, the trains are expensive
Ill come back every weekend, he kissed her tear-soaked eyelids. And Ill save up for our place. Just wait for me, my love.
And so he left. Alice threw herself into waiting. Emily, to her surprise, found her own life settled into something smoother; not seeing Mark all the time was a relief, and her envy smouldered, a dull ember. She even dated a postgraduate, a slightly boring but well-meaning chap called Nathan.
Then the storm finally hit. Alice, white as a sheet, confided news that froze Emily: she was pregnant. Only a few weeks along.
You have to have a termination, Emily said instantly, voice flat. Mark is a career man. Hell despise you for ruining everything. A baby will destroy his plans.
But Alice did call Mark. He panicked, briefly, but quickly rallied: theyd tell her parents, Alice would come to him after the birth, and until thensave money, look for somewhere to live.
Emilys first feeling on hearing this was not relief but total, crashing pain. He accepted the babyproof he really loved Alice. This child, this new bond, would tie him to Alice forever. Envy turned into wild, consuming fury.
From then on, Emily had only one aimto break them up, no matter the cost.
While Alice and Mark entered that anxious limbo, Mark threw himself into worklate nights, endless projects, and overtime, all to save for their future. They spoke less; Mark often rang at midnight, when Alice, worn out and nauseous, was already asleep. Still, she tried to understand.
Emily poured fuel on the fire. So, your fiancés gone quiet again? shed ask, full of fake pity. Does he even know what youre going through? Classicabsent dad, cant even pick up the phone.
Even pregnant, Alice was lovely, glowing with gentle tenderness. Suitors circledmost persistent was Stephen, a mate of their friend Tom. He backed off when he learned about Mark and the pregnancy, but stuck around as her shoulder to lean on. He had a carhed spin Alice around London, carry her heavy bags, keep her company.
Thats a real man for you, Emily would whisper, sitting on Alices bed. Hes here for you. Mark could never be so thoughtful.
One day, Stephen got a little carried away and tried to hug Alice longer than was necessary. She pulled away, gave him a piece of her mind. Emily, lurking with her phone, caught a photo that looked incriminatingStephens arms around Alice, Alice not pushing him off (the angle worked in Emilys favour).
Delete it right now, Alice demanded, cheeks burning with anger.
Of course, of course, Emily nodded, tucking the photo away in an album of evidence.
Emilys collection grew: shed drag Alice on group outings, always inviting Stephen, always snapping shots where Alice just happened, innocently, to look close to him. A perfect picturepregnant, abandoned, finding solace in a faithful friend.
Then her moment arrived. Emily announced her cousin in London had been in a car accidentshe had to visit urgently.
See how Mark is, Alice pleaded, her eyes hollow. Tell me how hes getting on
I will, Emily promised solemnly. If hes lying to you, Ill find out. Youll be the first to know.
Emily was precise in her preparations: a chic but understated dress, hair and makeup carefully done to make her eyes big and sorrowful. For oncewithout Alices lightshe could claim the full attention.
Mark, frantic with work and homesickness, greeted her warmly: a piece of home, a bit of Alice. Dinner together, and over dessert, Emily adopted a dramatic face, looking down.
Mark, I hate to bring this up but you should know. I cant bear to watch you look like a fool.
Calmly, methodically, she painted Alice as wayward since hed left, letting male attention boost her egoespecially from a certain Stephen. She scrolled through the gallery of group photospicnics, dinnersleaving the impression: pregnant Alice and her stand-in man.
She never even mentioned Stephen, Mark muttered, shock and pain etched on his face.
Of course not, Emily sighed, placing a thin hand on his arm. Its serious. Hurts me to say itIm like her sisterbut to see her betray you
She was flawless in her role: suffering but trustworthy friend. Mark, alone, tired, cut offbelieved her. He couldnt imagine quiet, loyal Emily lying like this.
He wanted to call Alice and demand answers straight away, but Emily stopped him.
Not now, Mark. Not when youre so angry. You could say something youll regret. Give it time. See if she calls you firstwatch her reaction.
That evening, back at her hotel, Emily phoned Alice.
Alice I hardly know how to tell you her voice trembling with tears she didnt feel. Mark theres another woman.
What? No! That cant be! came Alices strangled wail down the line.
All those late nights? Its not work. I saw themso close. Im sorry, love, you needed to hear it.
When Alice, crying, tried to call Mark, Emily advised the same: wait, dont humiliate yourself.
Next day, Alice rang. Mark, coached not to lose his head, full of hurt and accusation, saw her number. And didnt answer. Just flipped his phone facedown, staring at the wall. For Alice, this was silent proof of betrayal.
Emilys plan worked perfectly. The next day, she returned to Markthis time with red eyes.
Shes had an abortion, Mark, she whispered, pride swelling inside her. And moved in with Stephen. She said the baby was a mistake that you belong to her past.
Simultaneously, Emily rang Stephen, posing as Alices mate, asking him: If Mark calls, dont let him speak to her. Shes too fragile. Stephen, revolted by rumours of Mark ditching Alice, promised to screen all calls.
So when Mark, desperate, finally called, a mans angry voice answered:
Dont ring here again, you bastard. Youve done enough. Leave her alone.
Emily was there to comfort Marktea, murmured sympathy, silent support. And she was a womanpresent, adoring, loving him when Alice was gone.
Mark didnt love Emily. What he felt was bitterness, betrayal, emptiness. But her gentle affection, her flattery, was a soothing balm. Physical closeness followed; not love, but a primal escape from pain. A week later, Emily, forced out of her hotel, stayed over, and never moved out.
She dropped out of uni, landed a job as an office manager in the next building. Inside, she was jubilant; outside, she played the grieving, devoted partner, patching up a broken man. She even thought about wedding dresses.
Alice, meanwhile, faced her pregnancy alone. Stephen, loyally by her side, offered friendship, not romance, seeing her devastation. Alice was convinced Mark had run away, using a story about her cheating as an excuse. Most hurtful was his apparent indifference towards their unborn child.
Crying one night, she told Emily as much over the phone. Emily, now living with Mark, sighed,
Hes told me the same, Alice That the baby is your business. He wants nothing to do with it. Sorry, but you need to accept that.
And so Alice did. What could be more convincing than the word of your oldest friend, repeating rumours firsthand?
Mark and Emily handed their notice in for a marriage registry appointment. A quiet wedding, in a month. Mark acted numb, as though underwater. He forbade Emily from telling friends, especially mutual ones; he was terrified of gossip, of accidentally hearing Alices name.
He did, however, pour his heart out to Jamie, his old mate. Shocked but wishing him well, Jamie, after a pint too many, sent Alice a drunken message: Hey, you know Marks marrying Emily?
It was the final nail in Alices coffin. She cried for days. If shed kept some hope that thered been a mistake, it died right then. He hadn’t just left her; hed left her for her best friend.
Stephen, summoned by her sobs, listened carefully as Alice recounted everything. His clear head started lining up factshow convenient, how quick, how Emily benefited. He tried to share his thoughts, but Alice wouldnt listen, her face buried in her pillow.
What difference does it make, Stephen? Theyre together now. Hes marrying her. Its over.
But Stephen wouldnt let it be. He cared for herenough to want justice, not Alice herself. He found Marks number through friends and began ringing. Mark, busy and uninterested, ignored the callsuntil one night, Stephen got through.
You absolute scumbag, Stephen seethed. Living the life with your new lover, while Alice is here carrying your child. You havent even asked if shes okay! Or is it just your career and your new woman that matter?
Mark was about to hang up, but the words your child stuck.
What child? Marks voice was dangerously quiet. Shes shes had
A tense silence.
Had what? Stephen retorted. An abortion? Are you insane? Shes five months gone! She spends every night crying because she thinks youre a coward, running from responsibility. When its youan utter fool!
They spoke for forty more minutes. Each one spiked with horror, revelation, and a mounting furydirected at one person. When Mark hung up, he was shaking all over. The sight of Emilys things in his flat made him physically sick.
He waited for Emily to return from work. She arrived with bags, babbling about dinner, and saw him sitting unmoving, cold-eyed.
Pack your things, Mark said evenly. Leave now.
Emily froze.
Mark? Whats wrong?
I talked to Stephen. I know everything. Your loathsome, disgusting game. Get out.
She paled, lips trembling, tears finally real.
Mark, I I can explain. I always loved you! You know that, right? We were good together
He recoiled like she was a viper. Dont touch me. You make me sick. Properly sick. Youre uglyinside and out. Beside Alice, you were always a pitiful shadow, but thought removing the light would make you someone. But a shadow without light is just dirt. Go.
Every word hit home, shattering her lies. She started to sob for real.
Where will I go? Its night
Anywhere you like. I dont care. Sleep in the stairwell if you want.
Emily stumbled out, dazed. The door clicked shut behind her. Alone, on the cold steps, suitcase in hand, she collapsed and sobbed with pure ragenot repentance. At Mark, at Alice, at Stephen, at the world that had yet again given the biggest slice not to her.
Meanwhile, Mark frantically packed a duffel bag. He booked a flight on a whima seat on a plane in four hours. Then he rang Alice. Hearing her voice, wary and subdued, made his chest ache.
Aliceits me. Please. Dont hang up.
What do you want? Her voice was empty, lifeless. Want to invite me to congratulate you and your fiancée?
She was never my fiancée. Alice, it was all lies. Emily set it all uplied about an abortion, about Stepheneverything. And I I was an idiot. I let myself believe her.
A long pause. Then Alices breath, shallow, tearful.
Why are you telling me now, Mark? To make yourself feel better? I dont care. You know the worst bit? Even if its true I dont care anymore. Im too tired. Leave me alone.
I cant. Im coming to you. I have to see youto explain face to face.
Dont come. I dont want your explanations. Honestly, just vanish.
And the line went dead.
Alice lay in darkness, a protective hand resting on her rigid bump. Jamies wedding text, Marks callher brain struggled to make sense. If Marks telling the truth, then Emily? Snippets of conversation, coincidences, Emilys relentless Mark-bashing, the Stephen photoshed begged Emily to delete it. Alices heart tightened with a new, keener pain: this wasnt just betrayal; this was a methodical destruction by the person shed trusted most.
She didnt want to see Mark. If she set eyes on him again, shed shatterfrom love, hurt, self-pity, and the terror of knowing how close malice had come.
The next morning, her doorbell ranglong and impatient. She ignored it. Then it was hammered; familiar, anxious shouts from Stephen:
Alice! Open up! Quickly!
She let him in. Breathless, elated, he announced, Hes coming! I just spoke to him. He knows! All of it! Emily twisted everything. The photos, the storiesit was a plan!
Alice slumped at the kitchen table.
So what, Stephen? He knows. Now what? He called last night, said he was an idiot, that hed fly up here.
Thats good! Youll talk, sort it out
And what, Stephen? Like nothing ever happened? After he believed Id have an abortionwould cheatwith you? This isnt something a chat will fix.
Stephen faltered. He just wanted justice, but the work of repairing the trust was daunting.
I dont know if it can be fixed, he said honestly. But you should let him talkto your face, not over the phone. If only for He nodded at her belly.
Alice closed her eyes. For the baby. That was the anchor in all of this.
Mark arrived late afternoon. Duffle on shoulder, he hovered outside her door, knocking gently, then harder.
Alice Please. I know youre there. I wont leave.
At last, the lock clicked. She cracked the door just wide enough. He saw her facewan and empty.
He didnt wait. He went in. There in the small hall, face to face, the air crackled between them. He dropped his bag. His hands reached for her, stopped, hovering.
I his voice caught. Im not here to ask forgiveness. I dont deserve it. I came to say Im a fool, that I believed Emily because because I was afraid youd stopped loving me.
He stumbled over his words. Alice stared past him. Finally, her gaze dropped to his chest.
She lived with you?
He nodded.
And you slept together?
He nodded. Yes. But it meant nothing. It was a way of numbing myself. Like drinking. I remember hardly any of it.
Thats enough, she stopped him. No details. Its clear.
She hugged herself. And do you know whats worst? I believed it, too. When she spun her story about you, I cried, and thought you a wretched bastard. Because we trusted Emily like gospel. She knew thatand exploited it.
She finally met his gaze. So what happens now, Mark? With this story forever between us?
It wont ever be the same, he said quietly. But if youd let me Ill quit my job in London. Move here. Share a bedsit if I must. Ill take you to the doctor, carry your shopping, let you yell at me all you likebut Ill be close. Because without you and the baby, I have nothing left.
Alice said nothing. She went into the living room. He stood, not knowingleave, or stay? She soon returned, pressing a duvet and pillow into his arms.
The sofa pulls out, she murmured. My antenatal checks at ten tomorrow. Come if you want. Now, I need some space.
He took the bedding, feeling as though hed won a reprieve.
Thank you.
No hugs or tearshe left her door open, just in case.
Their life shifted onto new tracks. Mark sent a formal resignation by email to his jobsurprisingly, his bosses understood and even offered freelance pieces. He got a temp job at the local paper. And every morning, he was there to drive Alice: appointments, shopping, anything.
At first, they barely spoke except for practicalities: Pass the milk; Doctor wants me to get vitamins. Emilys name was taboo, a foul spirit they refused to summon.
Until one night, half-watching a sitcom, Alice asked flatly, What did she actually say? How did shedo it?
Mark shifted. It started off carefully: Alice is so lonely, spending lots of time with Stephen. Then, theyre getting close. Then the picnic photos. Then finallyan abortion. Plus that hug photo. After, she called Stephen and told him to block my calls.
Alice nodded. Clever. Too clever. I always knew she was brighter than mejust never imagined shed use it like that. She was silent. So, what did you say to her, after you learned the truth?
His jaw tightened. Told her she was hideousinside and out. That with you, shed only ever been a desperate shadow.
Alice shut her eyes. Harsh.
She earned it.
Yes. But it doesnt help. I saw how she looked at youI thought it was hero-worship. It was an illness.
Thats not on you, Mark snapped. You were a sister to hershared everything. Only one persons at fault here, and its Emily. Youre not responsible for someone elses envy.
Time healed. Slowly, they started discussing the futurejobs, nursery, possible names. They walked on eggshells, but forwards, at least.
One day, after a walk, Alice found a text from an unknown number: Forgive me. I ruined everything I valued. Just know. She showed it to Mark.
Delete it. Dont reply. She needs to believe youre still wounded by her, he said.
Maybe she is sorry, Alice whispered.
No. Shes sorry she got caught. If shed succeeded, shed be in your wedding dress, feeling like a queen. No remorse.
Alice deleted it. He was right, and that stung.
They filed marriage paperwork. The wedding was quietjust parents and a couple of close friends. Stephen was Alices witness, his girlfriend clutching the bouquet.
Not the wedding of dreamsmore a ceremony, binding their fragments together as family. When Mark slipped the ring onto Alices finger, his hand trembled. Alices smile was brittle, not the unreserved joy of old.
Afterwards, in a small café, Stephen toasted:
To truthmay it always outlast lies. And to youmay your family never break.
Alices smile, finally, was genuine.
A month later, they movednot to London, but to a larger town where Mark found good work. They rented a small two-bed flat.
The birth was tougha full day of labour. Mark held her hand through everything, mopping her brow, whispering fractured encouragement. When their daughter arrivedred-faced, yelling, dark hair already sproutingMark wept, more than he had at any other point.
They named her Harriet. Hattie.
They never heard from Emily againher social media vanished, friends said shed moved south with a new surname. In Alices darkest moments, she wondered, What if not for Stephen piecing it together? She and Mark would have lived out their lives estranged, thanks to the friend always by her side. That thought haunted her more than any nightmare.
One day, when Hattie was half a year old and the family strolled in the park, watching her reach for pigeons, Alice said, You know, I think I understand now. Emily didnt take love from usshe tested it. She broke what could be broken. Whats left, must be real.
Mark slipped an arm around her, drawing her close. Between them, Hattie gurgled, tiny hands reaching for the sky.
