Testing His Feelings
9th October
Is it a bad sign if your husband doesnt get jealous at all? Charlotte asked us, circling her fork through the remains of her Victoria sponge. She pushed her cake around absent-mindedly, appetite all but gone. I used to see it as a positive, you know? That we trusted each other so much. But now Im starting to wonder if its more complicated than that…
Samantha, sitting opposite, tipped her head, narrowed her eyes, and regarded Charlotte as if trying to work out a puzzle.
Not even a hint of jealousy? she pressed, shifting forward on her chair. Doesnt ask who youre meeting, what time youll be home, nothing when you work late?
Charlotte let out a short, humourless laugh and raised her shoulders in a defeated shrug.
Nope, she sighed. Exactly that. I come home he greets me at the door, like I havent been gone. Always with a smile, always warm, makes me a lovely tea, asks about my day, then puts something on the telly for us to watch. Not even the tiniest flicker of jealousy, not a trace of worry.
She glanced into her mug, as though hoping the answers might swirl up from the dregs. Her voice was soft, and I could hear genuine confusion.
And honestly, it used to seem perfect, something to be proud of. Our trust. But now now I cant help but think: what if its just that he doesnt care?
Emily, ever the pragmatic one and all too recently divorced after her exs constant possessiveness leaned back, arms folded and eyebrows raised in gentle nostalgia.
Im telling you, Id have given anything for that level of trust, she said, shaking her head, half-laughing. Treasure him. Hes a rare breed these days, practically an endangered species. Try living every day with a bloke who wants a full report on your every move, who youre talking to, exactly why youre home five minutes late. If your bloke trusts you, thats worth more than gold.
Charlotte only sighed, swirling her spoon absentmindedly in her cooling tea. Before she could say more, Samantha broke in, her face set, almost stern, like she was about to give a lecture.
Nonsense, she declared, determinedly. If he loves you, he ought to be even a bit jealous! Of course she glanced apologetically at Emily, maybe not overboard like your ex. But a littles natural! Otherwise its as if he couldnt care less where you are or what youre doing.
Emily opened her mouth to argue, but Charlotte said quietly:
So maybe George doesnt love me after all
Her words hung in the air, thick and heavy, waiting to drop.
Dont jump to conclusions! said Samantha, leaning in. Maybe you just havent given him reason. Men, they sometimes need a nudge to show their feelings. Why dont we do a little test? Then youll know for sure.
Charlotte blinked at her, surprised. A test? What sort?
Samantha grinned conspiratorially, her eyes shining. Tell him youre meeting up with an old friend. Or stay late at work any excuse. If he cares, hell at least show some concern. If not She paused. Well work out what to do then.
Emily shook her head in disapproval. Honestly, Sam, not this again. Why not just talk to him? Just be open and straight?
But Samantha waved her off. Talkings all very well, but actions talk louder. Trust me, after this test, all will be clear.
Charlotte stared, uncertain but curious. She really did want to understand her husband.
So what do you suggest? she asked, leaning in.
Samantha brightened, launching into ideas with a rush. Well was it true you got a promotion? And now youre in charge of five blokes? Tell George drop it in that its difficult working with them because theyre young, quite charming, always flirting with the women. Tell him you struggle with it. That ought to make him at least a bit uneasy!
Charlotte frowned, recalling how shed already mentioned her promotion to George.
He knows, she said, puzzled. He was chuffed for me even took me out to dinner to celebrate. Everything was just normal. Almost too normal.
Samantha wouldnt be deterred. Well, next time, mention that the lads working under you are all quite good-looking and always chatting up the girls. Try something like: George, honestly, its exhausting. All these young blokes, heads full of dating and flirting at work! See what happens.
Charlotte twisted her spoon, watching the sun catch its gleam. She weighed the idea half thinking it silly, like something from school. But, secretly, a part of her hoped it might work.
She looked up at Samantha, uncertain but ready to try something.
Ill give it a go, she said tentatively. Though Im not sure its the right thing.
Emily spoke, gentle but concerned. Sam, maybe dont. What if he takes it the wrong way, starts worrying over nothing? Maybe you really should just talk to him?
But Samantha remained unfazed. Emily, you always play it too safe. Sometimes you have to stir the pot. Give it a go, Charlotte, youll see
************
Samantha practically burst into the café, and spotted Charlotte straight off. She tossed her jacket onto the chair, barely sitting down before blurting, Well? Did it work? Did George react to the bit about those attractive colleagues?
Charlotte set her cup down. Her shoulders drooped, confusion in her eyes. She took a moment before answering.
He just said he felt sorry for me and advised I be more firm with them, she said with a sigh. Actually, his advice was brilliant. I tried it at work yesterday, and it worked.
Samantha pursed her lips in disappointment, thinking. But thats not the reaction we wanted, is it? Right on to phase two. Act a bit shifty. Set a password on your phone let him see youre hiding things. When youre on calls, hush as soon as he enters. Constantly text you can just message us, so well know how its going in real time!
Charlotte ran a nervous hand through her hair, fingers trembling. But what if he ignores that too? she whispered. Maybe maybe hes just a calm bloke.
Samantha shook her head, eyes bright with determination. Well see. But until then, we stick with the plan. You want to know the truth, dont you?
Charlotte gazed down at her cup, torn between fear and curiosity. Maybe, she thought, Samantha was right maybe it would reveal something hidden beneath his steady exterior. But deep down, she was afraid. Afraid of what she might learn.
She nodded at last. Alright Ill try. But if nothing changes
then well decide what to do, Samantha said kindly. Dont give in. Well sort it out.
And so Charlotte followed Samanthas advice. At first she felt like a child, playing at secrets. But worry and curiosity about George eventually won out.
Charlotte started leaving her phone about, screen up, so new messages were obvious. Her friends sent her smiley faces and quick hellos, just to keep notifications popping up.
Whenever George came home, shed watch him. Hed glance at her phone, sometimes frown, and at times hed ask about the messages.
One evening, after another late-night alert, George asked calmly, pouring himself a cup of tea, Who keeps messaging at this hour?
Oh, its just work, Charlotte replied breezily. Sorting something out.
He only nodded. Well, dont stay up too late.
The next day it happened again. George, walking through the lounge, noticed her phone buzzing. Still work?
Yeah, Charlotte answered, the disappointment building. Something urgent.
Alright. Let me know if I can help, he said, not even slowing down.
Watching him disappear down the hallway, Charlottes heart sank. Shed hoped for a bit of worry, some sign of jealousy even the lightest irritation. But there was nothing. Just that same warm, gentle indifference.
He really doesnt love me, she thought bitterly, staring at the screen as Samanthas next message came through. Her friends gave it their all, coming up with more ideas, but it was all for nothing. George remained as calm and unruffled as ever.
Charlotte put her phone on the table, chest hollow. What started as an amusing test had become a painful, pointless game. Instead of answers, shed only found more doubts and a deepening sense of insecurity about her marriage.
**********************
Samantha sat, legs crossed, gesturing energetically as she went over her latest plan. Her face was lit up, loving every minute of her part as strategist in chief.
We need to take this up a notch, she declared. Stay over at mine once a week. Better yet, twice. Tell George its because I need emotional support say Ive broken up with someone, really play up the drama. Key thing: make sure you seem anxious, avoid his gaze, tell him as little as possible.
Charlotte uncertainly twisted her teaspoon. The idea of not sleeping at home didnt sit right it felt like crossing a line.
She opened her mouth to protest, but Emily cut across her in that gentle, firm voice.
Quick question, Charly, she said. Who owns your house?
Charlotte blinked, not understanding. George does why?
Emily leaned forward, her face serious. Just wondering if you should start looking for somewhere else to live. Youre playing a dangerous game. People keep things in until, snap! The dam bursts. Imagine what happens when he finds out what youre up to. How will you convince him you were just trying to provoke a reaction and not well, something worse?
Charlottes stomach knotted. Words caught in her throat. Emily went on:
We cant really back you up if George comes to us, hell just think were covering for you. Are you sure you want to risk all this?
Samantha, undeterred, waved her worries away. Stop being so dramatic! He wont accuse her of anything without proof and there isnt any. Charlotte never gives real cause for doubt, just hints. Its just a way to get a reaction, nothing more.
She folded her arms, her confident smile returning.
So, are we pushing ahead or are you backing down? she challenged, chin up, eyes shining with encouragement.
Charlotte froze. The sensible option was clear, but the quiet, growing ache inside her wouldnt let her rest. Samantha seemed so sure. But could she really gamble her marriage on a game?
Her fists clenched under the table. Both her friends faces flickered through her thoughts Samantha all drive, Emily all caution. In the end, she realised, it was up to her.
Breathing deeply, she looked up.
Lets do it, she said. Not confidence, exactly, more a desperate resolve. Samantha lit up, clapped her hands. Brilliant! Ill text you what to say.
Emily simply sighed and stared down at her tea, worry etched across her face, as though she already knew how it would all end.
*************************
Charlotte sat outside their semi in a battered little row of suitcases, hugging herself tight against the chilly evening. She stared at the cases and still couldnt quite believe it had come to this.
What on earth went wrong? she thought, reliving her last conversation with George again and again.
The trouble had started when Charlotte, following Samanthas instructions, stayed the night at Sams a few times, claiming a friend in emotional turmoil. The first couple of times, George simply nodded, urging Charlotte not to fuss too much about her mate. But the third time, Charlotte came home and stopped dead in the hallway.
Three suitcases. Hers.
George stood nearby, leaning against the wall, watching her. There wasnt any anger in his eyes, just a sad, tired smile.
Ive known you for five years, Charlotte, he began as she stumbled through explanations. Youre not daft enough to pull a stunt like this for no reason. Faking jealousywhat for? You should have thought up a better excuse.
Charlotte tried to protest, but the words wouldnt come. She just wanted George to understand that she only longed to know he cared, that shed grown anxious about his calm. But George had already turned away.
Its all packed, he said over his shoulder. No need to lie to me.
Im not lying! Its the truth! she cried, eyes stinging with tears. It felt like you didnt care anymore, and I just needed to know
George faced her, hands in his pockets, expression unreadable but for the tension around his brow. He shook his head.
I dont believe you. Acting like a teenager, not an adult woman in a leadership role. I dont want to discuss this. If Im too unfeeling for you, maybe find someone who wants drama. Emily left her ex for being jealous, as I recall.
His words hit like a slap. Charlotte wanted to beg him to understand that she wasnt looking for someone else, that shed simply lost her way. But George just picked up her cases and took them outside, moving like someone finishing a long-concluded chapter.
By the doorway, he paused without meeting her gaze.
Ill file the divorce papers, he said, then stepped back inside and softly closed the door.
Silence. Charlotte slumped to the floor, pressing her back to the wall as tears finally spilled over. The same thought circled endlessly through her mind:
Why did I need his jealousy at all?
She remembered how harmless it had seemed at the start just a suggestion from friends, just a bit of curiosity. But now, sitting alone in the empty hallway, Charlotte knew she hadnt reawakened her husbands feelings. Shed buried them.
If only Id been honest with him from the start, she thought bitterly, told him I felt neglected, needed reassurance But it was too late. The night grew darker, and the world outside continued on childrens laughter, barking dogs, the hum of traffic. The ordinary noises of life, now impossibly distant.
I learned something tonight, as I sat and listened to my own regret echoing against the front steps. Sometimes, in demanding proof of love, you only end up destroying the very trust that keeps love alive. If Id chosen honesty, maybe Id be home tonight. Now all thats left is the lesson and the hope that, next time, Ill recognise the value of quiet love before trying to test it to destruction.
