Give it a miss! You promised youd quit!
James, have you lost your mind? I snapped, trying to pull myself together. Who walks away from a job like that? Do you even know the salary?
Everythings about the money, James sneered. Or have you gone mad for power?
You know how readers hate those melodramatic scenes where the heroine sobs over a cold cup of tea. But weve got to stick with the tea, because thats what we imagined her holding while shes lost in thought. We could swap it for a glass of orange juice or a mug of milk, but it wouldnt take away the weight of her worries.
There I was, perched on the edge of a plush armchair, head bent over a steamingthencooling cup of tea, feeling miserable. The only thing that kept me from breaking down completely was the fact my son didnt see any of this. He was away at a sports camp for a month, promised to come back happy and healthy.
The camp contributed a little to my stress, but the real cause was James. He was my husband. The word was is tricky does it mean hes still my husband or not? Its a bit of a Schrödingers husband situation, and Ive been wrestling with whether hes still around or already gone.
Then James stormed out, slamming the door behind him, and shouted:
Enough! I dont want to see you ever again! Youve ruined my life! Im leaving!
Was it permanent? Temporary? Until midnight? He never gave a straight answer. I tried to pin the blame on the sports camp that took Harry away. Id paid for it with my bonus, not even spending the whole thing. James ranted about the cost:
To throw forty thousand rubles out of the family budget doesnt take a genius, but you should have discussed it first! Maybe we have other priorities?
I shrugged. Weve got the money. If we need something, lets just buy it!
He kept yelling until I finally had enough. He burst through the door again, screaming that I was the worst wife ever, that if I loved him Id stay quiet and enjoy life, not jump at everything, that I only thought of myself, not of our family. I tried to explain that I was juggling work, the house, Harry, and still found time for him, but he only threw more accusations at me.
The commercial office block we worked in was a maze. Without a map, youd never find the right department. After a while, though, we all learned the buildings layout like a hive of busy ants. Thats where James and I first met two freshout managers on the sales floor, handed a phone and a cold client list, expected to coldcall all day. Wed proved ourselves enough to stay on staff, but the pressure was relentless, so wed escape to the little park for lunch.
We were at different firms, so if it werent for that park, who knows if our paths ever crossed. When two people share the same headaches and can finish each others sentences, theres a spark. Our romance was quick, but it felt inevitable, and we didnt rush into having kids. I had a flat left to me by my grandmother, and I wanted it filled with more than just love I needed a stable career too.
Three years into the marriage, I got a promotion offer, and I was also pregnant. James cheered, Wow, thats brilliant! I teased him, Whats making you so happy? He grinned, The baby, of course! The promotion isnt going anywhere, but we need to welcome the little one!
At that point James hadnt actually been offered a raise, so he chose the baby over any career move. While I was on maternity leave, he became the familys sole breadwinner. His salary was a base plus commissions, so the more deals he closed, the fatter his pay packet. He managed, but the promotion never materialised.
When I returned, the same promotion was on the table, the one Id declined because of the pregnancy. Since then, a nervous edge has settled over us. I blamed it on jealousy over Harry, while James started staying later at the office.
Both of us got promoted around the same time James became senior manager, and I took charge of a whole department. He was cheap with congratulations but generous with thanks. Then he started nudging me to focus more on home and less on the office:
Soon Ill be heading a department. Why waste your time in dusty offices? You know its better for you to be at home with the kid while I take care of the bills.
I argued, I cant quit now, everyones counting on me. Ive earned this trust. He pressed, So work is more important than family? The question stung, because Id been balancing everything just fine.
I suggested a compromise: finish my current projects, then step down. James agreed, not knowing what my boss had planned. When my boss handed me the promotion letter, I was stunned.
I didnt even ask! The head office just dropped it on my desk with flowers, I said, bewildered.
James burst back in, furious. You promised youd quit! Come back on Monday and refuse the promotion!
James, are you out of your mind? Who walks away from a role that pays well? Do you know the salary? I pleaded. We could finally remodel the house, buy a new car, send Harry to a good school, even take a proper holiday without saving for three years!
He scoffed, Youre just after the money. Or is power making you dizzy?
I shot back, I think about the family first. Im handling work, the house, Harrys school, everything. I always find time for you. The argument cooled when I bought us a new car and handed the keys to him, and things started looking up again renovations finished, Harry thriving at school, two vacations a year.
Then a new problem popped up.
We need a second car, I said, and Id love to drive the one we have again.
Do you think Im no good as a driver now? James snapped. We were still sharing the same building.
Im being transferred to the head office in the city centre. If I keep driving you there, Ill be stuck in endless traffic and always late, I replied.
He sighed, If its necessary, fine. But is it really necessary to move to the head office?
Weve done it before, I reminded him. And while youre still in favour with senior management, you should take every advantage they give you. Young, ambitious people will replace us eventually, so we need to save now, not miss out on profit.
He muttered assent. Meanwhile, the sports camp cost about £500. Id transferred the money calmly, thinking it would be good for Harrys health and fun. It wasnt even half my bonus. The cold tea on the table finally helped me see the pattern.
Envy hit me like a revelation. James never moved beyond senior manager, stuck at the same rung while I climbed. Hed once tried to push me out so Id become a fulltime housewife, never to rise above him. When the gap between us became impossible to bridge, James finally snapped over something far bigger than money.
The sound of a turning key in the lock James returning jolted me. I leaned back, feeling a bit more relaxed.
Im home, he announced.
For your stuff? I asked.
He gave me a contemptuous look. Im home! Home!
No! I laughed. Youre back for your belongings! Im done living with you!
He muttered an apology and headed to the sofa. I cut him off, I wont forgive you! Youve already said everything you wanted to say. I dont need you. Im not responsible for your lack of progress, and I certainly didnt earn more money because of you. I handled work, housework, Harry, and still gave you attention!
He shouted, Feeling superior now? Everyone knows how you got those promotions! Youre the boss, you little
The tea had long gone cold, and I imagined how much more dramatic it could have been if it were still steaming. James wiped his face, and I realized that from the moment we met, hed been driven by rivalry, trying to outdo me at every turn. The bigger the distance grew, the more it tore at his love. Whether love ever existed, Id have to think over another cup maybe a hot one, because teas meant to be enjoyed warm.
