Mens Joys
Five-year-old Harry has spent the past week at his grandparents house while his mum and dad are away on holiday in Spain. Now, its Monday morning and he wakes up in his own bed, in the familiar comfort of home. He wanders thoughtfully through all the rooms, taking in the sights, before finally heading off to wash his face.
Once hes freshened up, Harry makes his way to the kitchen, where his mum is bustling about with the pots and pans. When she spots him, she breaks into a warm smile, gives him a kiss on the forehead, and gets right back to her morning routine.
Harry climbs into a chair at the table, expecting his mum to set a bowl and spoon in front of him the way his gran always did when he came into her kitchen in the mornings. But his mum doesn’t seem to be in any rush.
Well then Harry fixes his mum with a thoughtful look. So whats on the menu for the man of the house today?
His mums hands freeze mid-air, mouth open in surprise at his words. After a few moments, she regains her composure and turns to him.
And who do we have here, calling himself the man of the house?
Who, me? Dads gone to work, so that just leaves me, doesnt it? Harry shrugs, in perfect imitation of an adult.
His mum cant help but chuckle, but tries to sound stern. And where have you been picking up talk like that?
Where else? Harry squirms in his seat, props his head on his hand, and sighs, Lifes just taught me, mum. Thats all.
What life?! she demands.
You know, as Uncle Fred says, its a hard life.
Whos Uncle Fred now?
Grandads mate. Hes always playing chess with Grandad and having deep conversations. So Ive started having a few of my own.
And what do you think about? she asks.
About how tough life is.
Tough? You? Youre still just a child! Youve got the happiest life in the world!
Yeah, right Happy Harry picks up his dads big spoon from the table and gazes mournfully at his mother. You try living a life like mine, mum.
How exactly do you live it then? Now his mums curiosity is well and truly piqued. Go on, tell me.
How? Like this. Sent off to bed early, dragged up for nursery at the crack of dawn. Im always being woken up, its exhausting. You didnt make me go today, but tonight youll pack me off to bed early anyway.
Of course! You need a good nights sleep if you want to grow up strong!
But I am already grown up. Grown up and then some! Everyones always asking something of me, at home and at nursery. Theres no peace.
No peace? Howd you work that out?
Well, I never get to watch all the telly I want, Im never allowed at the computer. It really worries me, you know.
Thats whats bothering you? his mum tries not to laugh.
Of course. And you feed me like Im not up to anything! Always porridge, like I do nothing all day. But I work hard, you know. I get ever so tired. Absolutely done in by the end of it.
So, tell me, what is it you do thats so tiring? she asks, pretending to be shocked.
What do I do? I listen to adults, thats what! ‘Put away your toys,’ ‘Pick up a book,’ ‘Learn to read.’ Maybe I dont want to! Thats why, mum, being a man comes with a heavy burden.
Oh, goodness, his mum laughs. You poor soul. Fancy me wearing you out like this.
Yeah you women, youre all the same. Always taking it out on us men. Well, are we going to have breakfast then, or what?
We are, we are His mum is fighting to keep a straight face. I suppose I should give you a full plate now, like I do for your dad?
Ooh, no Harry eyes the pot his mum places on the table with caution. Im not that tired yet. But, if theres cake, I could manage two slices.
And do real men eat cake? his mum grins.
Course they do, Harry says firmly. As long as theyre not too grown up yet.
Not too grown up? she teases.
Yeah. Because, once men are really grown up, they have different joys in life, dont they, mum? Uncle Fred said so.
His mum stares at him, wide-eyed, then silently ladles him a bowl of tomato soup. She decides this is one conversation about other mens joys shes not yet ready to continue.
