Are you home? Ive made some lovely fishcakes. Look, all golden and crisp, they turned out really well tonight. Ive told you so many times, we dont eat fishcakes. Why are you bringing them over again? I made a whole batch, couldnt finish them myself, so I thought Id bring some for you lot.
This sort of thing happened all the time. Shed bring over fishcakes, baked fish, sometimes even raw salmon. Wed told her a hundred times that we dont eat those sorts of fish, but its as if she just doesnt hear us. Its all because her husband (my father-in-law) cant go a week without fishing. He catches a bucketful, leaves my mother-in-law wondering what to do with it all.
My wife says she cant stand the sight of fish anymore, let alone eat them. Years of living with her dad put her right off. Yet, my mother-in-law brings them to our place, and then helps herself to whatever she fancies from our fridge. Shell come in, open the fridge and say:
Oh, youve got Cheddar? Ill just cut myself a piece. And, whats this, some dry sausage? Ill have a slice, I did share my fishcakes with you, after all.
Then things got even more ridiculous. Mother-in-law started popping round with her mate, pretending they just happened to be passing.
Whenever she came over, shed put the kettle on, rummage in the fridge and put whatever she wanted on the kitchen table. On top of that, theyd gossip about me, complaining that todays younger generation doesnt cook anything themselves and only eats ready meals or calls for takeaway.
I managed to put up with these visits for a month, but finally my patience ran out. Not wanting to stir up a row, I came up with a clever plan to keep my mother-in-law out of our fridge.
The next day, I showed up at her place with a friend. I took out some shopping bags and announced Id brought snacks, even though I knew she cant stand Japanese food.
Mother-in-law looked baffled. Then I took a pot of soup from the fridge, put it on the hob and started warming it up. There were fishcakes and a herring salad in the fridge. I said Id take half the salad home, as we really liked it and didnt have the time to make it ourselves.
She didnt say a word, but I could see she wasnt happy. The only thing stopping her from saying anything was my friend being there. My friend and I ate, thanked her for the tasty food, and headed home. Nearly two months have gone by since. She doesnt come round anymore, never brings fish, and keeps out of our fridge. Im glad I managed to settle things without causing a scene. The lesson I learnt? Sometimes, a quiet change of tactics speaks louder than words.
