Sweetheart
Love, my mum seems a bit better now. Shall we go home? Let her rest.
Emilys words sounded like a question, but it didnt feel like one. And Ill have to live like this for the rest of my life… all of it.
Emily, didnt I say Id be staying the night at my parents? Why are you here? Checking up on me?
Perhaps Emily heard something in my voice. Something unusual, like a gentle alarm bell. The whole situation felt off…
Nathan, pass me the screwdriver! I called down from the top of the step ladder.
We were fixing the lights at the local primary school. My mate, Michael, was supposed to be at the bottom, keeping me steady and handing me tools when needed.
Here you are, came Michaels reply, but the voice was unmistakably female, and suddenly a screwdriver pressed into my palm.
The shock nearly sent me tumbling to the floor.
Having fastened the light fitting, I hurried down as soon as I was able. Lucky for me, she hadnt leftthe woman with a voice that rang like a bell. I couldnt see Michael anywhere.
Wheres Michael gone? I asked her.
She offered a mysterious smile. I asked him to fix a socket in my classroom.
Hell catch it from me, I said sternly. Wasnt supposed to leave me on the ladder.
Im Zoe, she said, her blue eyes fixed on me. And you are?
A little flustered by her boldness, I quickly composed myself. Alex.
I wanted to ask youcould I have your number? I hear you do private work?
Our firm had been rewiring School Number 27 on a council contract. Zoes question threw me. Maybe it was her looks that made my mind wander, but instead of listening, I found myself gazing at her. Maybe even a bit captivated.
She simply waited, expectantly, her gaze not wavering. Oh, I was meant to answer.
What do you mean by private work?
Repairs in peoples homes, Alex, she said, flashing another smile. Like in a flat, for instance.
I mumbled something about needing to sort it through the boss, paperwork, and discussing rates. Just then Michael returned.
Your sockets all sorted, Miss Reed, Michael said. Would you like to check my work?
Zoe listened to my rambling, then turned to Michael with a knowing nod. Lets go, then.
Michael followed readily. Well, well, I thought. Somethings brewing here. They must like each other. Thats how it all starts for us electricians, with a dodgy socket.
Michael was alone. He could do with a woman like Zoe. I already had a fiancéeEmily. Not that my mother thought much of her.
Why is she a mistake? I used to ask.
Emilys too practical. Too controlling. Shell run your life. Plan everything for you. Why havent you found a gentler girl? Youre such a kind soul, Alex.
Emily didnt have many fans in my life. Mum actively disliked her; Dad simply agreed. My mates, if I brought Emily along, would say next time, Come alone, yeah? Because all my free time went to Emily, I rarely saw friends anymore.
Michael and I finished up, packing the van with tools and spare cable.
You really left me up there today, I said, not hiding my annoyance. There were kids running aboutcouldve ended badly. If you fancied the teacher, you couldve told me. Dont leave me hanging off the ceiling!”
Michael just shook his head. Its not me she likes. Its you! She called me over to distract me, said shed hand up your tools if you needed them.
Are you serious?
Yeah, mate. It was just a loose screw in the socket. Barely worth it.
Blimey. Thats why she was rattling on about private jobs. Meanwhile, I give her a speech about regulations like a mug.
I fell quiet. Shes nice. But Ive got Emily.
Michael just shrugged, waving me off. Idiot, what can you do.
That night, I was sleeping next to Emily and dreamt of Zoe. She stood at the front of the classroom, pointer in hand, looking differentmore alluring, like a page three teacher. Rapping the pointer on the first desk, she said sharply:
Parker, to the front!
Guiltily, I mumbled on about regulations and contracts. Zoe raised an eyebrow, silencing me.
Enough, Parker. Sit down. Fail. Clearly havent learnt your lesson. Ill have to keep you for detention.
What will we be doing, Miss? I mumbled, utterly defeated.
She leaned towards me, and I couldnt help but stare at her chest.
Changing lightbulbs! she barked, jolting me awake.
Alex, what are you shouting for? Emily snapped, half-asleep. I need to be up for work. First you watch horror films at night, now youre yelling in your sleep.
Apparently, I hadnt just twitchedId screamed.
As she drifted off, Emily grumbled that once were married, wed only watch nice romance films, like proper couples. Suddenly, dread set in. I remembered Mums wordsShell plan your life for you. Already shed planned what wed watch after marriage.
Next day, rather than eat lunch like a normal person, I raced to School 27. The caretaker on the door eyed me up.
Forgot some tools, I explained. Need to collect them urgently.
He reached for the phoneprotocol, no doubt to call someone senior before letting me in. Itd nearly fallen apart, when I heard that now-familiar bell-like voice. In my dreams, itd sounded rather different.
Let him through, Fred. Ill escort him out afterwards.
All right, Miss Reed, he said, hanging up.
We went up to her classroom. The walls were lined with posters of flora, fauna, the world, evolution. I wandered aimlessly, unsure why Id come, or what I even wanted.
Alex, was there something you wanted to say? Zoe asked, eyes searching mine.
Idiotically, I broke eye contact. Just as wellnothing about her was showy, but she brimmed with softness and beauty. I swallowed.
The socketworking all right?
It is. So are all the lights you fitted. Thank you, she smiled.
Michael reckons you liked me.
Her expression softened. I rather hoped youd notice on your own…
So its true
Silence.
What needs fixing in your flat, then? I asked, almost desperate.
Zoe squeezed my hand. Say it plainly, Alex. Dont drag it out.
Im getting married… soon. It was barely a whisper.
I see. Lifes like that. Theres even an old songBlack and White, do you know it?
Not sure I do
Bet youve heard it. Old film. My mums favourite. Its about choices. She always said life was too. I suppose it is.
I understood. Choices. My mother had often watched that film, singing along. Id never managed to watch it through.
If things were different… maybe wed have matched.
But youre getting married, she said, slinging a bag over her shoulder. My lessons are done for today. Ill be off.
Ill give you a lift, I managed, voice rough.
Zoe lived just three houses from the school. She could have refused, but she didnt. We sat in silence in my car. Just being next to her, not speaking, felt peaceful. But lunch was nearly overI had to get back to work.
I should go, I forced out.
She turned to me. Thank you.
Honestly, it was nothing. Just a lift.
No, Alex. Thank you, she said softly, for your honesty.
And she left. For the first time, I truly regretted getting married.
That evening, I rang Mum and asked her to cover for me, in case Emily called to check on me. I told Emily my mum was unwell, and Id be staying. Then I headed to my childhood home.
Whats wrong with you now? Mum asked, touching my forehead like I might be ill.
I just need to think, Mum. Is it all right if I stay in my old room?
For me, you can move back in for good! she teased.
I hugged her tight and pecked her on the cheek. Sorry, Mum, for using your health as a pretext. Be well, all right?
I get it! Otherwise youll never get away from that girl, will you
Mum never liked Emily.
I lay on my old bed, staring at the ceiling. Why does life love to drag us into its mazes? Id always been shy around women, and naturally Emily swept me off my feet. Well, why not? I barely drank, had a steady jobelectricians never go hungry. Id even been made deputy manager at work. Decent enough groom, I thought.
And I figured Id been lucky with Emily: attractive, also hard-workingreliable. Sure, her character could run an army division, but was that so bad? Loads of blokes live under the thumb and dont complain. Emily wasnt hysterical. Shed shown her true self before our wedding. Or had she shown it all?
No, this isnt about her. Its about how we seem to be on a set path, until suddenly, somethingor someoneblows it all apart. Meeting someone with whom you can share a comfortable silence and what do you do then? Forget, pretend it meant nothing? Or destroy what you’ve built, just for that magical, wordless peace by her side?
Mum poked her head in later. Will you be joining me for tea? No appetite.
Want to share whats on your mind?
Not now, Mum.
Maybe I could help?
Mum!
All right, Ill leave you be, she chuckled, backing out.
A loud knock came at the door, and I recognised Emilys voice. She fussed about prescriptions, groceries, the doctor. A hot, furious anger thumped in my chest. This isnt a maze, this is a trap!
I walked to the sitting room.
Love, your mum seems better. Lets go home? Emily asked, as if it were a suggestion. It wasnt. And this was my lifeforever.
I told you, Im staying here. Whyd you come? Checking up on me?
Perhaps she caught something odd in my tone. She froze. I used the moment, slipped past into the hallway, pulling my boots on.
Will I get time to think tonight, or not?
And I left.
Later, Mum said shed only just managed to usher Emily out. Shed kept trying to suss out what had happened, what could have changed overnight.
Emily, dear, go home. I need my rest, Im under the weather.
Im not in the way, am I? Better Im here if you take a turn for the worse.
Mum did feel sorry for her. She hadnt understood what changed in me, either. I never said a word to anyone.
I drove to Zoes house. Wed never exchanged numbers, and I wasnt sure which flat was hers. Lucky for me, the block was small and Id seen her go in. Only three wrong doors before I found the right one. Nosy neighbours refused to reveal where Miss Reed lived, and an older lady even threatened to call the police. Just as my faith in humanity wavered, Zoe herself opened the next door.
Thank God! I exclaimed. Couldnt have faced one more neighbour.
Zoe yanked me inside, locked the door, and sniffed.
I havent been drinking! I protested. Stone cold sober.
I can see. Whats wrong?
Are you alone?
No.
No? I stammered.
Im with you, Zoe smiled. I was alone. Then you arrivedand now Im with you.
We kissed for ages in her narrow hall, then the sitting room, then the bedroom. No words, just feeling.
Tell me I insisted.
What?
What did you think when you first saw me?
Zoe turned, facing me in bed.
Are you a narcissist?
Im an electrician. Youre a teacher.
What an odd pairing! Zoe gasped.
We both burst out laughing.
She told me everything. How her heart started racing when she saw me, pushing Michael to the socket just so she could hand me that screwdriver. How Michael had guessed and winked, terribly but genuinely, so it was oddly sweet. How I, oblivious, launched into a speech on how to book a job at our firm.
We settled back into blessed, meaningful silence. This peace wasnt fleeting. It was real. The joy of talking, the joy of saying nothing. Sleeping close, waking up together.
I broke things off with Emily the next day. Fair play to hershe didnt explode, just said she hated me and that Id ruined her life.
I never meant to. Im sorry, I said.
Yeah, she replied, closing the door in my face.
Mum warned me not to get comfortable. Dogs like Emily dont give up, she fretted. Shell find Zoe and chuck acid at her.
But Mum liked Zoeso did all my friends.
Six months later, Zoe and I wedteacher and electrician. Were happy. Unlike Mum, Im not waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe Im just one lucky fool, or maybe Emily was better than anyone gave her credit for. She was goodjust not my good. Zoe is. My one and only. My beloved.
