You cant fool your heart
Emily stepped into the entrance of the building, pressed the lift button, rode up to the sixth floor and walked towards the flat where shed spent all her childhood and teenage years.
Out of habit, she rummaged through her handbag for her keys, then paused, glanced at them and at the door, before slipping them back inside. Instead, she rang the bell.
Her mum answered.
Oh, why are you ringing? Forgotten your keys, have you?
Emily nodded and cheerfully replied, Hello! How are you both?
Hello, love, her mum stepped forward and gave her a warm hug, and Emily planted a quick kiss on her cheek. Were fine, come in.
Emily handed over the bags of groceries and medication shed picked up for them and breathed a sigh of reliefher mum seemed to be in a good mood, so there would be no lectures today.
Then her dad poked his head out of the living room.
Oh, our Emily! At last! Are you on your own? We thought youd come with Matthew.
Er, well Emily realised she hadnt planned an explanation for coming alone this visit. Hes got things on.
What else could she say?
The last time theyd come over together, her parents had bombarded poor Matthew with questions about when theyd finally tie the knot, so much so that hed promised there and then to propose to her as soon as possible.
Afterwards, they walked home in silence, and when they stepped inside Matthew exploded.
As if Ive never proposed to you! he fumed. I have! But you keep stalling on setting a date so we can tell everyone!
Hed acted as if he was hurt, and maybe he really was. Emily could see how her inability to make up her mind might eat away at him.
Shed hugged him tightly. You are the best! I love you! It was all she could say.
And she truly thought Matthew was wonderful and loved himbut he wasnt her soulmate, somehow. Something was missing. She simply couldnt put her finger on what it was, and she hadnt the faintest idea what she should do.
Right, well, go and wash your hands and come sit down. Tell us your news.
Everything fell into the usual pattern. Emily chatted with her parents, they fed her a hearty lunch, and she was about to leave for her other errands when her parents exchanged glances, and her mum spoke up.
Tell me, Emily, do you love Matthew?
I do.
And hes asked you to marry him?
He has
He has?! And…?
I asked for some time to think it over
Emily dropped her gaze and began tracing patterns in the tablecloth as if shed only noticed them just now.
Emily! Her mum might have thrown her hands up in the air, Emily wasnt sureshe still didnt look up. Emily! Last week your dad and I went on at poor Matthew so much but it turns out youre the one slowing things down! What are you thinking about?
I just dont know
My darling, I do understand you
Emily was surprised by this admission and lifted her eyes to her mum.
Really?
Of course! I also worried about picking the wrong date for the weddingthe weather, the entertainment going wrong, guests being awkward, the bridesmaids not wearing what Id hoped But in the end, love, everything went perfectly.
Emily smiled.
Of course her mum wouldnt even suspect that her hesitation had nothing to do with weather or dresses.
In any case, love, you and Matthew are just perfect for each other. I saw it the moment I met him, which is why I was all for it when his parents suggested you meet
Wait time seemed to slow for Emily.
When you say they suggested we meet?
Just that. First, Matthew saw your photohe liked you. Then you two bumped into each other, and he completely charmed you.
How extraordinary! So their chance meeting hadnt been so chance after all.
Of course, we could have done a more formal introduction and had his parents around with him but that wouldnt have been nearly as romantic!
..
On her way home, Emily couldnt stop replaying that line in her head:
we could have introduced you through the families but it wouldnt have been so romantic!
Not so romantic! Not romantic at all!
At first, she was cross with her parents, but by the time she got off the bus, shed calmed down.
After all, that she and Matthew hit it off did show her parents had an idea of her tastes.
And yet, something was missing between her and Matthew. If only she knew what!
Emily! Youre late! Youve missed everything, you know! As soon as she walked into her office at work, her colleague Hannah caught her at the door.
What did I miss? Emily smiled.
Not whatwho. Weve got a new guy. Bet youll like him.
Emily burst out laughing.
Me? Are you sure its not you thats already interested? Youre marriedplus two kids!
Hannah blushed fiercely.
Thats it, Emily! Im not telling you anything again, she muttered, turning back to her computer.
Emily started up her own and got buried in work.
Lunchtime approached.
Well, Im off to lunch.
Emily grabbed her bag.
You coming? She paused at the door with a glance at Hannah, but Hannah shook her head.
No.
Emily shrugged, stepped out, and wandered the corridor, feeling oddly short-tempered. Why had she mocked Hannah just then? Maybe it was just a joke, but it wasnt a kind one.
Just then, a man walking ahead suddenly stopped and Emily cannoned right into him.
A classic, really.
Oh, sorry! he saideven though it was Emily whod bumped into him.
Emily opened her mouth to protest, but then thought better of it. This must be the new guyshed not seen him around before.
Im Emily, an analyst here, she introduced herself.
Im Tom, software developer.
Pleasure.
Likewise.
Tom smiled. At that moment Emily realised she was a goner. When hed turned towards her, shed already thought him attractive, but that smile wow. Her heart did a small somersault. Those little dimples! The mischievous spark in his grey-green eyes!
An awkward silence.
Im off to lunch, Emily blurted out the first thing that popped into her head.
Enjoy.
She smiled back at Tom and carried on down the corridor.
From the outside, she mustve seemed perfectly normal, but inside, she had to force herself to walk awaynot run back and talk to him more.
At lunch, Emily hardly ate a thing. Her thoughts kept circling round Tom.
No, this is nonsense. Love at first sight? Come off it Yes, hes good-looking. Fantastic smile And those eyes! But thats all just on the surface. Who knows what hes really like?
She decided it would be wise to just be friends with him for now.
When she returned to her office, Hannah greeted her with the latest news:
Dont bother, I already checkedhes got a girlfriend. So neither of us stands a chance.
Emily sat at her desk.
I see, was all she could manage. But inside, she felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment.
Actually, Ive got a boyfriend, so Im not thinking about the new guy, she added crisply.
Had Hannah answered, theyd probably have rowed, but Hannah said nothing.
Time passed.
Emilys parents kept waiting for news of a wedding date; Matthew was waiting for her decision, and even his parents gazed at her expectantly whenever she dropped by.
She felt under pressure. Everyone smiled at her, but the real question was plain in their eyes: when?
I have to do something about this, Emily thought, and yet she couldnt bring herself to make a single decision, so she did nothing at all.
Maybe she was waiting for something with Tom. By now, theyd become good friends. She knew everything about his relationshiphed been with his girlfriend for five years, but it was on and off. He still wasnt sure if she was the one or not.
Its strange, really, Emily thought. Hes in limbo, just like me.
Emily, you do know its nearly summer? Matthew said at breakfast one day.
Of course! I cant wait. I absolutely love it, you know that.
She felt a rush of happinesslike she might sprout wings at any moment.
I reckon we should get married in summer. July or August. Itll be warm and lovely.
Just like that, Matthew took the wind out of her sails.
Here we go again with the wedding! Why do we need to get married? Cant we just carry on as we are?
So, what do you say? Matthew asked.
Couldnt we do it in the autumn? Emily ventured. Its mild, beautiful. Besides, if we honeymoon in summer, its crowded and expensivepeak season.
Thats not the point, were talking about the wedding, not the honeymoon. No ones giving us leave in summer anyway. So pick: July or August?
Matthew fixed her with a look, and Emily realised shed run out of room to hide.
August, she said.
Brilliant! At last. So, in two months well put the notice in.
For the next several days, Emily felt out of sorts. Matthew had basically dropped the whole thing in her lappick one month or the other.
I have to do something, she told herself for the hundredth time. But what? Just leave Matthew? Go whereher parents wouldnt take her back, shed already worked that out. Move in with a friend? Maybe. She ought to put some savings aside, just in case.
She headed to lunch, and predictably bumped into Tom. They chatted a bit, harmless flirting, and then Emily suddenly said:
Im getting married in August, by the way.
So youve decided at last?
Emily nodded.
Fair play to you. I still havent sorted myself out
Is that all you can say? Emily thought.
Maybe she really had imagined the whole thing with Tomit might be that he didnt even see her that way All the same, they always smiled at each other, there was that spark some colleagues even assumed something was going on, though nothing ever had.
Are you coming to the party tonight? Tom suddenly asked.
What party? Emily was surprised.
There was an emailthe companys celebrating something. Everyones invited.
Ill come.
Send me that email, would you? Maybe Ill go too, Emily replied.
Why did I come to this party? Its dull as dishwater, Emily sighed inwardly.
She scanned the roomno sign of Tombut spotted some girls from accounts and headed towards them.
Why is it so quiet tonight? she asked.
Oh, a mix-up with the invitations. Programmers got the list wrongnever mind, more space for us!
I see.
Emily glanced roundno sign of Tom.
Looking for Tom? Hes not coming. His girlfriend rang, he dashed off straight away.
Emily shrugged.
Why would I be looking for Tom? Ive got a boyfriend, havent I.
She tried to sound light.
The girls quickly changed the subject; Emily listened and joined in, but deep down, she was dejected.
Well, what now? Shall I go home?
She could have just left, but would Toms absence spoil her night? No, it shouldnt.
She decided not to think about Tom, and threw herself into the conversation. Later, she moved to a new group, then another.
Before they knew it, theyd moved from one bar to another, and then all traipsed through Hyde Park.
Naturally, people began to peel away, but Emily had no desire to head home.
Emily checked her watch.
Six in the morning! Crikey!
She pulled out her phonea dozen missed calls from Matthew.
She looked up. Of the whole crowd, it was just her and the managing director left, and theyd talked the night away about books and films.
Suddenly self-conscious, Emily blushed.
Blimey, weve lost track of the time, she said.
We have, Peter laughed. Let me call you a cab.
The taxi arrived and Emily tried to seem calm and composednothing odd had happened, after all
Its been grand, she said, trying to sound casual. Well have to do this again.
She almost bit her tongue in surprise.
Peter grinned, Definitely, anytime you like.
She blushed again.
And where have you been? Matthew asked, voice sharp.
At the party. I did text you
Some party! Gone eight in the morning!
Yes, I know, Im sorry. It wont happen again.
Hm no need. Just pack your things and go.
Maybe Matthew thought Emily would beg and plead, but if so, he was wrong. She was so stung by his tone that she gathered her bits together and left for her parents place.
What do you mean, you broke up? How could you break up? You two were perfect together! Emilys mum all but raised her hands to the ceiling.
Oh, Mum
What do you mean, oh Mum? We picked you the perfect man, and you
Exactly*you* picked him, not me! Emily thought, but said something else instead.
So, can I move back or do I need to rent somewhere?
Of course you can stay. What else can we do her parents sighed.
Emily sat at her desk, brooding. Ever since the party, her fascination with Tom had fadedshe saw clearly now he wasnt her person after all.
But who was? Would she ever meet them? Did she even need to?
Her phone rang on her desk.
Must be the girls from accounts again, Emily thought, and snapped, What do you want now?
Ahem Nothing much. Emily, pop round to my office, please.
Then the dial tone.
Emily stared in horror at the receiver, then replaced it on the cradle.
Whats with the death glare at the phone? Hannah teased.
That snapped Emily back to herself. She mumbled a reply, stood up, and headed to the MDs office.
Hi! she greeted Peters PA, Helen. He called me in.
You? Helen looked surprised.
Emily nodded.
Helen dialled through: Peter, Emily from Analytics is here Yes, right. She eyed Emily again. Go in. Hes waiting.
Emily drew a breath and pushed open the heavy door.
Hello, Peter, she said, keeping things strictly professional. You wanted to see me?
Hi, yes, I did. Emily, Id like to take you out to the cinema.
She could have sworn her eyes popped out. She stared speechless.
What? was all she could say.
Were on first name terms now, arent we? I want to take you to the cinema. Will you come?
She ran her tongue over dry lips, braced herself to say no, but instead, out came, Yes.
Excellent. Ill pick you up after work.
No need! she hurriedly protested. Lets meet at the café next to work. Ill wait for you there
Fine by me, Peter smiled.
Emily left his office.
All all right? Helen asked.
Fine, Emily replied. Apparently not getting sacked yet!
She had to say something. She knew full well Helen fancied Peter and was determined to marry him herself, and yet, look how things had turned out!
Afterwards, Emily and Peter went outa few times, then more and more
Will you marry me? he asked.
Of course, she replied.
And inside, she thought how glad she was Tom hadnt turned up that night at the party, because if he had, shed never have noticed Peter at allher mind was so full of Tom back then. And she was grateful Matthew was the one to end things because she knew shed never have had the courage to make the break herself.
In the end, my heart led me where I needed to go. Sometimes, even when its hard to explain or to make the right move, you have to trust what you feel rather than what everyone else expects. Thats the only way to truly be happy.
