Ellie
Ellie, look at these ribbons Mum got me! Sarah did a little spin in front of her friend. Soft pink bows bloomed like big flowers on the ends of her long plaits. All the girls in the neighbourhood wished they had hair like Sarahs thick, ropey, golden, with ringlets at the tip. Sarahs mum, Margaret, had pampered and brushed her hair since she was tiny.
Hair is a girls pride. Look at that gold! Margaret would loop a strand around her wrist and show Sarah. Who could possibly walk by without admiring such beauty?
So Sarah endured it all. The long hair washes that were like little ceremonies, her mums careful but sometimes painful detangling. Shed sit perfectly still, not even whimpering when her mum tugged too hard. Beautys worth a bit of suffering, after all. And thenoh, the sparkle in Ellies eyes whenever Sarah casually tossed her plait over her shoulder and played with the ringlet at the end!
Ellie did envy her, if she was honest. To her, Sarah was simply the prettiest girl around. What chance did she have, with her head of eternal frizz? Ellie had the sort of fine hair that puffed up and flew away in the wind, the kind you could hardly even call hair. No matter how much her mum, Pauline, tried to tame it, nothing helped.
Ellie, love, most women would give their right arm for hair like yours, you know that? Imagine, women pay a fortune at the salon to get curls like yours and youve got them for free!
But Ellie would frown. Mum, I want plaits, like Sarah.
Love, theres no way I could manage long plaits with your curls. Little braids, maybe, but why hide those beautiful ringlets, my flower? Pauline would tie ribbons on her daughters puffy ponytails and kiss her head. Want to know a secret?
Ellies eyes lit up. Yes!
Theres never been a woman who truly likes everything about herself. Straight hair, she wants curly. Curly, she wants straight. Noses too big, legs not right… its always something. We all want to be perfect, and thats okay. But if everyone was made the same, wouldnt life be boring?
No! Ellie laughed.
Exactly. Each of us is beautiful in our own way. You can make the most of what youve got, or you can waste your time wishing it away. Its alright to admire Sarahs plaitstheyre wonderful! And trust me, shes just a bit envious of your curls too.
Really?
I know so! She may never say it, but believe me, Ellie.
Why wouldnt she say?
Shes a bit sly, that Sarah, just like her older sister taught her. If she admits youve got something better, you might stop looking at her like shes your favourite treat, hmm? Pauline chuckled and gave her a squeeze. Go on, love, your friends waiting.
Sarah and Ellie had been close since before they could walk. Same nursery, same school, spent nearly every minute together. Yet always with that silly, unavoidable competition bubbling under the surface. They didnt argue or fall out but both sensed something off now and then. Ellie, being an only child, was pretty chill and never held a grudge, while Sarah, trained by her big sister Sophie, knew all the little games and used them with Ellie without shame. She called it keeping you in your place, a phrase shed heard her sister use, though she never really understood it.
Their childhood was a happy one. Their parents worked hard to make sure Sarah and Ellie wanted for nothing. Margaret worked at Debenhams, so the girls were always dressed a cut above the rest. Pauline was forever grateful, though the girls quietly grumbled that their clothes were far too often identical. It didnt bother them too much until at fifteen, they turned up to a birthday party in matching dresses and everyone laughed. That was the last straw. Pauline, who worked at the local theatre, soon sorted it out: from then on, Margaret got the fabric and Paulines friend the seamstress made the girls different outfits. Drama resolved.
So, Ellie, have you decided what you want to do after school? Sarah asked, already knowing. As long as shed known her, Ellie was always nursing some injured animalcats, dogs, birdsany creature in need found its way into their house. Pauline, seeing Ellies tender side, just let her crack on.
Im going to medical school.
Thatll be tough. Sarah shut her biology textbook with a snap. Youve got to know all this stuff!
And more. Mums already got me prep questions.
But youre only in Year 9! Sarah stared, amazed.
So? Ill need every spare minute if I want to make it.
Ill be a buyer, like Mum. I never want to hear the word shortage in my life. Sarah had no idea the shops would soon be full of everything you could ever want, but the profession would stay valuable. When she eventually sold her nans flat, shed go on to open three different shopslose it all, yet build it up again thanks to her usual stubbornness. But that was years away, and right now the girls sat in Ellies familys garden, mugging up for exams.
Ells!
Yeah?
Did you notice the way Tom looked at me yesterday? Sarah lounged back and her plaits swept the floor behind her. I reckon he likes me.
Ellie said nothing. How could she explain that Tom actually wasnt looking at Sarah at all? Sarah was certain everyones admiration belonged only to her. Who could possibly prefer sturdy, sensible Ellie over her slim figure and pretty face? It was laughable! Sarah thought Ellie looked like a clownwith those bouncy curls and size-eight shoes, even though she was still slim… not for long, Sarah reckoned. Sarah, meanwhile, was convinced shed inherited only the best bits from her parents: her dads height and striking blue eyes, mums fine features and those goddess-like tresses. Ellie once gasped while staring at a Botticelli painting:
Thats you! Look, Sarah!
Sarah had never been more flattered in her life.
Ellie stood up and laid her textbook on the table. Want some squash?
Yeah! Sarah called after her, then, Ells, do you think I should tell Tom I fancy him?
Ellie sighed. Shed avoided this chat for as long as she could.
Actually, Sarah, he wasnt really looking at you…
Sarah burst out laughing. Oh, really? Was he meant to be looking at you, then? But she stopped, eyebrows knitting. Was he?
Yeah. He told me a couple of weeks ago, said he liked me and wanted to go out.
Oh, said Sarah, getting up. She went to the window. She felt all sorts of thingsnone she could really name. It wasnt that she needed Tom too badly. But the fact hed chosen Ellie over her? Outrageous. Unthinkable.
So what did you say? Sarah tried to keep her voice steady, channelling everything her sister had taught her.
I told him I was too busy, with exams and everything. Ellie left out how she actually liked Tom too, but shed told him the same.
Sarah shot her a look. Lying was never Ellie’s thing, and seeing her friends honest, nervous face, Sarah made up her mind then and there: if Tom so much as dared take a walk around the village, itd be with her, not Ellie.
Sarah never got her chance. That same evening, Ellies dad came to pick them up.
Mums in the hospital, love. We need to get back to town.
Pauline never made a fuss about her health, but this time shed collapsed during a rehearsal at the theatreparamedics rushed her in, thinking it was a heart attack.
Im fine, love! Its sorted! Pauline hugged Ellie, whod sat all night waiting outside the hospital ward.
Mum! You scared me.
Oh, dont be daft! Where would I be without you? Pauline kept it light, but Ellie could see the strain in every word.
For two weeks, Ellie lived between home and hospital. She let her revision slide until Pauline gave her a proper talking-to.
My health will pick up, but lost time won’t. Youre here anyway, so sit and read!
So Ellie read. She hardly saw Sarah or Tom, just the odd evening glimpse. Tom saw her to hospital sometimes but never once mentioned Sarah, or her endless texts. He tried to explain to Sarah that Ellie was the only one for him, but she didnt seem to hear a word.
Pauline was discharged just as Ellie’s last exam finished.
Girls, said her dad, beaming, youre off to the seaside. Mums going to the health centre, and you, Ellie, youll be staying in a cottage near by. My friend sorted it. His sister will be looking out for you. Youll have a lovely time. Ill come down as soon as I can get some time off.
Ellie instantly fell in love with the little cottage in Bournemouth. The owner, Mrs. Nicholson, gave her the full tour, and then opened the door to a tiny, sunlit bedroom.
This ones yours, dear. How do you like it?
Ellie liked everything. The fresh air, the little garden overflowing with flowers, the clean tap water Mrs. Nicholson bragged you could drink anywhere, even from a puddle!
Days were for seaside walks with her mum. Evenings meant tea and stories with Mrs. Nicholson, tales of every cousin and niece. Then, one day, Mrs. Nicholsons nephew, Arthur, arrived for a visit. He was only a year older than Ellie and, as soon as he mentioned hed just finished his first year at medical school, the two got on like a house on fire. Mrs. Nicholson, watching over her tea, smiled approvingly. Shed raised Arthur as her own, and dreamt of finding him the right girl. She could see he liked Ellie, but, alas, Ellie just saw Arthur as a friend.
Ellie, sweetheart, Mrs. Nicholson prodded her one evening, Is there someone you like? Are you in love?
Blushing to her roots, Ellie whispered about Tom.
Oh, what a shame! Youd have made a fabulous niece, you know! But Im glad for you, darlingall the happiness to you.
That night, she kissed Arthur and whispered, Her hearts taken, Im afraid. Arthur looked downcast but just shrugged.
Has she said shes engaged? he asked.
Not quite.
Theres hope then, he grinned, hugging his aunt. Im not giving up yet!
Back home, Ellie dived into her studies. And then came the letter for Tomhe was conscripted into the army.
What? Already?!
Thats how it is, Ells. Dont worryI’ll be back before you know it. When I am, well get married, alright? Will you wait for me?
All Ellie could do was bury her face in his chest.
At Toms send-off, Sarah was laughing loudest, pointing at Ellie and shaking her head, Honestly, thats love for you! Cant even spend a few days apart?
Ellie just shrugged. She couldnt imagine life without Tom.
After he’d gone, she poured all her thoughts into long letters, telling him about everythingher embarrassing anatomy mishaps, the disasters at exams, how she missed him and counted the days until he was home.
Then something changed. No letters for weeks, then one arrivedangry, curt, saying he was breaking things off, telling her to get on with her life.
Mum! Whats going on? I dont understand!
The letter was painfully brief. Tom said nothing more.
Youve got to go, love. Nothing like this just happens. See whats going on! said Pauline, instantly ringing the train station.
The trip solved nothing. Tom refused to meet or even speak. Nothing left to say, he told his sergeant.
Ellie went home bewildered, deciding to leave it for now. But thered be nothing to resolveTom never returned from the army. He signed up for a contract up north, disappearing without even saying goodbye to his family. When his mum saw Ellie in the street, she just shook her head.
I thought you were a good girl. How could you? She wouldnt say another word to Ellie, no matter how much she pleaded.
Ellie cried herself sick into her pillow. The unfairness and confusion were staggering.
Mum! Pauline all but dragged Ellies face out of the pillow. This isnt right, you hear me?
Whats not right?
All of it! If he could leave you like that, then youre not what really mattered to him. You dont just cut someone off and not even explain. Think about it!
I cant! I dont want to! Mum, what do I do now?
I dont know yet. But you do keep going. You will. It hurts now, but it wont forever, trust me.
Really?
When have I ever lied to you?
Mum… Ellie hid her face in her mothers hands.
Ellie didnt see much of Sarah after thatjust out of old habit, really. They might meet for a chat and a cup of tea, but never really said anything. Sarah, on the other hand, was busy sorting her love life. By the time Ellie finished university, she was Sarahs bridesmaid, watching her friend, tipsy and starry-eyed, hugging her and whispering, Itll all work out for you too, Ellie. Youll see!
Ellie wasnt so sure. Not knowing what truly happened with Tom, she just assumed hed seen through her and wrote herself off. When her hospital colleagues looked her way, she put it down to curiosityrare to see a woman cardiac surgeon, after all. And tucking her wild curls up under her scrub cap, she always half-planned to chop her hair off for good.
Life wasnt easy until the day the visiting professor from London noticed her.
My dear, youve got brilliant hands! Solid as a rock, hands like a mans!
Ellie glowed. That was high praise.
Well have to get you up to our hospital. Immediately!
She didnt even hesitateof course she said yes.
Ellie! This is amazing! A chance like this is one in a million! Pauline went crazy with excitement, bustling around the flat. My girl, working in one of the countrys best clinics!
Only Ellie realised what it really meant. If things were tough here, in familiar surroundings, what would it be like in London? And she was spot on. When Arthur, who by then was a regular part of the family as a friend, came round to visit, he was furious.
Ellie! You cant keep going like this! When did you last get a proper nights sleep?
I honestly cant remember! Ellie grinned, waving him off. Arthur, youre a doctor, for goodness sakedont ask silly questions!
He would grumble, head off to the market and stock the fridge, cook a huge Sunday roast, and Ellie would groan after stuffing herself.
I wont let you come next time! Youll be the death of me! she laughed.
Arthur only smiled, pulling out her favourite cakes from the fridge.
Afterwards, as Ellie told stories about work, Arthur just listened, then quietly got on with thingsfixing a leaky tap, sorting forgotten paperwork, giving her car a much-needed tune-up. His silent care became a part of her everyday.
Mum, I feel bad. Arthur does so much for me. Hes always there. And I…
And you what, love? Pauline pressed her nose to Ellies curls, just like when she was little.
I just dont know.
Are you still comparing him to Tom?
Yes. And theres nothing similar.
You know, sometimes love isnt all grand gestures and fireworks. Sometimes, its peacefula gentle sort that takes its time. Maybe its worth looking forward instead of back? Tell me honestly. Do you love Arthur?
Im not sure… Ellie stared at her mum. What does love mean, Mum?
If anyone knew, everyone would be happy, darling! I think its different for everyone. For some, its wild and stormy, for others, its a safe harbour. What do you want?
Ellie thought hard.
Probably peace.
Well then, answer for yourselfwho gives you that?
She thought about it for more than a year. Every time Arthur popped round, shed catch herself studying him.
Whats with the look? hed ask.
Just want to remember you when youre gone.
Do you want a photo? Arthur would laugh, dishing up a second helping. One day she surprised herself and said,
Better yet, just give me you. Even she was startled by her own words. Arthur stood frozen, unsure, and Ellie suddenly knew it was right.
She took away his plate, put it down, stood on tiptoes to meet his eyes.
Is that a deal, then?
The look on his face told her: shed made the right choice.
Eighteen months later, they had a son, and two years after that, a daughter. Her parents moved down to London to be near their daughter and grandchildren. Ellie, at ease, left the kids in their grandmothers care and slipped back into theatre. By then, she worked at the children’s heart unit of the most prestigious hospital in England and was high in everyones regard.
Dr. Elliot, my dear! I knew you were something else, the professor would say, waving a finger. One day, youll take over here when I go to my cottage in Cornwall!
Hold your horses, professor! Theres so much work to do.
You cant heal everyone, but well do our bit! Come on, todays surgery is a special one!
A woman rushed at Ellie in the corridor, looking oddly familiar.
Oh, its you! Ellie Sarah froze, just a few steps away.
Sarah! Ellie smiled and gave her a hug. What brings you here?
My son. Joe Roberts.
Aha! said Ellie, understanding. Ill be operating.
Ellie
Dont worry! Its a tricky one, but weve managed tougher cases.
Promise me hell be alright?
We dont make promises, Sarahbad luck. But Ill do my best. Ill do everything possible, and, if I have to, the impossible. Wait here. Itll be a while. When its over, Ill come find you.
Ill be waiting.
The operation was a success. Knackered, Ellie slumped beside Sarah, whod nodded off on the worlds most uncomfortable chair.
Sarah! Ellie nudged her friends shoulder.
What? Ellie! How is he?
Fine! Why are you so jumpy? Op went well. Now we wait.
Wait for what?
To see how he recovers. Joes a strong lad.
Strong Sarah slumped down and started to cry.
Youre always the same! The minute its alright, you have to sob. Come on! Let’s have a coffee and something to eatIve still got hours here, and Im dead on my feet.
I cant Sarah glanced at the ICU door.
No need. Soon as he comes to, theyll let you in. Just no tears, alright? He shouldnt get upset.
I know. Sarah nodded.
They sat in the hospital cafe, and Sarah, as ever, complained about how Ellie ate.
Youre still a little greedy!
Id like to see you try thistwenty-four hours without a morsel, two tough kids, three surgeries. I deserve it.
Fair play! Youve changed…
That obvious?
A lot. I didnt even know you at first. How are you?
Im goodwell, youve seen my work. Youll meet my lot later. Where are you staying?
Sarah busied herself shredding her napkin and didnt answer. Instead, she asked, Are you married?
Yes. To a wonderful man. Do you remember Arthur?
No. But I remember Tom
Sarah, Toms in the past. I remember him too, but only as a bright patch in my teens.
Ellie… Im sorry.
For what? Ellie sipped her coffee, eyes trained on Sarah.
About you and Tom. It was my fault. Sarahs voice was shaking, and something twisted in Ellies chest.
II used to take Toms letters before you got them. Id read themI was so jealous, couldnt understand how he could choose younot me.
Ellie smiled sadly. Not you?
I even wrote to himtold him youd moved on, that you were marrying someone else.
Sarah stopped. Ellie stirred her coffee quietly.
Im so sorry, Ellie. Youre a good person and I You saved my son, and I
Oh, come off it! Ellie got up and brought Sarah a glass of water. Always so dramatic! Did it ever cross your mind I might actually thank you?
For what? Sarah stared up, shocked.
For the favour. I mean, think about ithe believed you, ditched me straight away. I went to see him, did you know?
No.
He wouldnt even talk to me. Some love, eh? If you hadnt meddled, who knows where Id be now? I might never have met Arthur. Ive got two kids, Saraha boy and a girl. And I dont regret a single thing. If it werent for all that drama, Id never have understood what love really is.
And what is it? Sarah asked softly.
Its when you breathe and realise your breathing matters to someone elseand theirs to you. Your rhythms match. If one stops, how could the other go on?
Did you come up with that?
My husband did. Hes the romantic in our house. I cant always put my feelings into words, but he canfor both of us.
He must be a good man.
The best! Ellie checked her watch and stood up. Come on.
Where?
To Joe. Its time. And remember, no drama, yeah?
Sarah nodded, clutching her bag and following Ellie to the lift. At the door of the ward, Ellie straightened her friends gown, gave her a gentle nudge.
Go on, in you go.Sarah gave Ellie one last searching look, as if she was seeing their entire childhood mapped out in the shape of her friends smile. Inside, Joes eyes fluttered open at the sound of his mothers voice, and Sarah forgot everything but him.
Ellie watched through the glass as Sarah settled at her sons sideher relief echoing the gratitude on Sarahs tear-bright face. The years of silent competition, of hair ribbons and tangled misunderstandings, drifted away like afternoon sunlight through hospital blinds, leaving only a rare, enduring clarity.
Ellie let herself breathe in the momenther wild curls, her tired hands, her world so far from what shed once imagined as a girl. The joy wasnt loud or showy. It was wrapped in the steady pulse of childrens footsteps running to her as she stepped outside at the end of her shift, in Arthurs warm hand closing around hers, in the knowledge that love had grown where loss tried to root sorrow.
She smiled, waving to her family waiting beneath the trees, and for the first time, felt nothing but gratitude for every twist of fateto rivalry, to heartbreak, to healing, and to the impossible, shining hope that every ending is only the next beginning.
