Where Hope Lives
Holly! Hols!
Anna jabbed at the buzzer, irritation fizzing beneath her skin. Silence behind her sisters flat door was not part of her planshe needed Holly right this second! Far too much had happened in the last two hours, and there simply wasnt anyone else for advice and sisterly intervention.
Giving up on the stubborn button, Anna pounded on the door.
Oh, for heavens sake! I know youre inwhere else would you be at this hour?
The door opposite creaked open and Mrs. Thompson, Hollys friendly neighbour, popped her head into the landing.
Anna, love, whats all this racket? Holly isnt inmy Harry took her down the surgery a few hours back.
Surgery? Why? And what about me, then?
Oh, Anna! You really are a one. I come out here and wheres the curtsy, eh? Well, they left ages agoshouldnt be long now. Pop in for a cuppa if you like.
No time, Auntie Vera. Pleasewhen Holly gets back, tell her to ring me straightaway. Tell her its urgentlife and death, got it?
Mrs. Thompson nodded and watched Anna dash down the stairs with a weary sigh. Ah, life did love to throw a fine high-kick now and then, sometimes so jumbled you couldnt tell if you were dancing a quadrille or a gallop.
Mrs. Thompson had known the Wallis family forever. John Wallis, father of Holly, Anna, and Nick, was her school friend and neighbour. His mum brought him up alone, and Veras dad provided the manly advicehow to stand up for yourself, solve problems, read a decent book, and all that.
Reading was a point of pride for both Vera and John. They devoured every book on Veras well-stocked shelves before getting a library card and inventing a reading race. Who could finish a book fastest? It wasnt just about speed, mindVeras dad insisted on proper, thoughtful reading.
What goods skimming? Even the cat could do that! Old Mr. Thompson would lecture. Use your head! Think about what youve just read!
Dad, theres no such word as peoples, Vera laughed.
Check the dictionaryblue cover, top shelf. Off you go, dragonfly!
Vera always claimed shed only get married if she found a man like her dad: clever, thoughtful, and a lover of books.
It was only in her final year at university that Vera met her matchby then, John was already married, cradling baby Holly.
Found your Prince Charming? John teased, planting a kiss on her cheek and handing her a present.
Everything I dreamed of! Were heading to Africa in a monthDavids got a job there. John, Im going to see Kilimanjaro!
How could she know how those words pained her old friend? John had dreamt, not of mountains, but of captaining ships and seeing the world. But with Holly, then Anna, and finally little Nick, Johns world became the Thames and his servicing of riverboatshis own Discovery. What else could he do? Children grow up
Trouble started for Holly nearly as soon as she started school.
She needs a proper check-upsomethings not right.
Hospitals, endless doctors visits, but a diagnosis eluded them. She tired easily, often needing to nap all afternoon. Academic stardom was out of reach, but Holly worked her hardest regardless, her pride swelling when she brought home all As at the end of her first and then second year.
Clever girl, arent I, Dad?
I dont even have words for how brilliant you are!
John would hug her, heart aching with a sense of looming doom. He was right. Hollys first major episode happened at school.
She needs surgery, and urgently, or she may not see adulthood.
Holly had the kindest heart in the world, but it was, unfortunately, quite unsuited for the life she should have had. Annathree years youngerwould dash outside to play with friends and tease her sister.
No, Hols, not allowed. Books are your only friends! Off you go, enjoy them! Bye!
The first time John overheard this exchange, he reached for his belta first. It made no difference; Anna sobbed in a corner, then stuck her tongue out at Holly.
Youll get your comeuppance!
Holly just sighed and buried herself back in her book. No point explaining the obvious to Annalike Dad always said, you cant force anothers understanding. You only hope shell come round in her own time.
So life went on: Anna out in the centre of attention, Holly a gentle elf in the corner, forever hugging a book.
Hollys operation was a success. There were limits, sure, but now the world was suddenly open to herher parents no longer panicked when she left the house, and she could finally attend school like a normal child, instead of mostly studying at home.
Alas, reality was anything but dreamy. Holly, fine-boned and even in adolescence never the ugly duckling, irritated her classmates immensely.
Look at Miss Prissy! Silly blonde hair, lips like a bow, pale as a ghost. Princess, is it?
Holly had no idea what shed done to offend them or how to deal with it.
Anna, fearless as ever, didnt recognise rules or obstacles. So what if those girls were a bit older? Nothing she couldnt handle.
The epic brawl Anna stagedeven emerging a bit worse for wear, but victoriouswas a revelation for Holly.
Anna, why did you do that?
Youre my sister! Soppy or not, youre still mine! No one gets to mess with a Wallis. Got it? If you ever need helpjust ask. Ill sort them out!
John spoke to the headteacher at school, but didnt punish Anna. He bought the girls ice cream and asked, Try to hold it down, eh? Prides well and good, but use your brains too.
Hollys mothera quiet, gentle souldied after giving birth to their third child. She never did see the son shed wished for.
John, broken with grief, brought baby Nick home from the hospital.
Nick
Holly, just turned fifteen, accepted her brother from their grieving father.
Hes so handsome
Just like that, she became a motherif not in name, then in deed. Dad worked two jobs, and Holly switched schools so she could study in the afternoons, while Veras elderly but spry mother agreed to help with the baby in the mornings.
Well, now. My grandchildren are miles away, so Ill look after your boy, John. Itll help Holly. Youve raised a good girl.
Easy enough to accept, but John shook his head.
Shes grown up well, but I cant seem to give her any happinessalways something holding her back. Its always the next thing, and the next, and shes always picking up the pieces. I know, but what can I do? Send Nick into care? Hes as much my child as the girls.
He made sure these chats were never overheard by Holly. Just oncethree months after Nicks birth, when Holly, dangerously ill, staggered out of bed at the sound of her brothers cryinghe asked her, voice trembling:
Maybe it would be better to let someone else take care of him, for a bit? Until we get back on our feet?
Holly, feverish and near-collapse, glared at her father.
Dont you dare! Or youre not my father anymore!
John, tears threatening for the first time in his life, murmured, Its all my fault Shouldn’t have
Shouldnt have what, Dad? Had us? Let Nick be born? Listen to yourself! Stop pitying yourselftry worrying about us instead! We need you. I cant do this alone.
She slumped against the doorframe.
Im dizzy. Let me sit a minute. You go to Nickdont let him cry so long. Put a warm towel on his tummy, that helps.
John carried her to bed.
Dont worry, love. Ill sort it all.
Anna, meanwhile, floated through life like a carefree swallow, relying on Holly for everythingand knowing it. Even when Dad split chores equally, Anna was hopeless at sticking to schedules. She knew Holly would cook and greet their father home, and even cover for her. What was the big deal sorting dinner or sweeping up? Nick slept nearly all the timewhat else was Holly to do? Dad had already sworn never to shout over grades. No point stressing! If there was time for homework, great; if notno disaster!
Holly never blamed her. Let Anna have the childhood she herself had missedwith suitors picking tulips (and old Mrs. Parker, their neighbour, cuffing them for making off with her blooms), secret doorstep kisses, giggling songs in the courtyard with friends taking requests from neighbours leaning out of their windows, and Annas clear voice floating over the village green.
Your Anna ought to be a singer! neighbours would say as John walked home from work.
Music school was just next doorbut Anna couldnt be bothered.
Oh, Holly! I already sing better than those TV types!
Holly would rock Nicks pram, head shaking.
Anna, you need lessons. You might be good now, but someone will come along, schooled and trained, and put you to shame.
Anna waved her off, but Holly persisted. One day, leaving Nick with a neighbour, Holly took Anna to the local theatre to watch an opera rehearsal.
Thanks to Dr. GreenNicks paediatricianher daughters a director here and let you in. Please, Annabehave!
Of course Anna didnt listen. At the end, she ran to the stage and tugged at the sopranos sleeve.
Show me that bit again! she sang out a few notes. The soprano stopped, surprised.
No, not like that. You ran out of breath at the end, didnt you? Stand tall. Not so loudfollow the line, like drawing with a marker. Lets go together, then by yourself.
Holly watched as Anna was stopped repeatedly.
There! Nearly! You’re talented, but you need training.
I have lessons! Anna bristled.
Where, the music school? Not enough. You should be at the conservatoirethats where youll learn to really sing. Theyll work you hard, cut you down to size, and youll thank them for it. Don’t scowl at me so! I was just like youcocky and clueless. Had to work for it, just like ballerinas at the barreeight hours a day and more.
Eight hours singing? No ones got time for that! Youre making it up! Anna protested.
You think singing is just about voice? No! How will you sing an aria in Italian or German if youve never heard those languages?
Why would I sing in Italian?
Because all top singers want the best roles, and those arent always in English. La Scala, Italythe birthplace of music.
La what? Anna gawped.
And you say youre in music school! Girl, youve far to go. You need to actually study. Dont sulkI mean it as advice. Skiving off classes is pointlessset a goal instead.
How do you know I bunk off?
Hardly a secret! The basics are so important. No one will want to work with an uneducated singerunless of course you fancy belting it out in restaurants, and then who cares if you know what aria Pavarotti sang or who Cecilia Bartoli is.
As the soprano left, Anna stood frozen on the stage until Holly dragged her off.
Hurry up, Anna!
No! Ill sing here, youll see, Holly. Ill sing at La Scala too! And Im not that foolish, you know.
Holly smiled quietlywhy squash a dream, no matter how fragile? Let it soar.
She remembered a hot summer day when Mum was still alive; Dad had whisked them out for a picnic outside London, through the woods to a lake on the edge of a field. Theyd splashed in the water till Mum called them for breakfast. Afterwards, stretched out on the blanket, Holly watched the sky, listening to a bird warble high above.
What bird is that, Mum?
A skylark. Up therejust a speck. He sings loud for such a tiny thing.
How can he be so tiny and still so loud?
Thats his power: a strong voice and small wings that lift him so high everyone can hear.
Anna looked so much like that scruffy chick now that Holly stepped forward and hugged her.
Course you will sing. Well all be there to listenme, Dad, and Nick!
Anna sniffed, finally melting into her sisters shoulder.
What if it doesnt work out?
You? When has anything stood in your way? Its up to you to carry on the Wallis name, got it?
Anna nodded, lost in thought.
She did make it into the conservatoirenot the first try, but the second. She refused, once she was eighteen, to live at homesaid it was impossible to study with a child in the house.
By then, Vera was back from Africa and always busy with her grandchildren, so Holly, left without a sitter, handled Nick aloneno complaints, just determination. She worried about Dad, who suddenly seemed to be fading.
Dad, maybe you should see a doctor? Holly would say quietly, shutting the kitchen door so Nick wouldnt overhear. The child grasped a lothed come home from nursery helping out, trying to wash dishes or sweep.
I can do it! Let me help! hed protest.
Holly would grab his lop-eared head (just like Dads) and kiss him.
Thank you, Nick! What would I do without you?
Anna moved to London when Nick turned ten. John passed away quietly a year before, and Holly took guardianship of her brother, seeing Anna off at the train station.
Goeverything will work out!
And you? Anna sobbed into her sisters hands, ignoring passers-by.
Well manage! We always do. Just dont disappear, promise?
Anna nodded, but both knew she wouldnt keep it. She stopped writing or calling, swept up in Londons glitter. Holly sent letters, never received answers; Annas rare phone calls were curt. If she needed help, shed come homeHolly was sure of it.
And she was right.
The moment Nick left for the army, Holly came home one evening to fetch bread and walk the dog when she found Anna on the stairs, glaring at the familiar front door. Her face had lost its sparkle, her hands trembled on a cigarette.
Anna Holly leaned against the lift, tugging at the dogs lead. Not now, Basil, its family.
Family Annas voice was so flat that Holly shivered.
Whats happened to your voice?!
Its gone, Holly. Used to have one, now its gone Anna rose, picked up her bag, and swept into the flat past her sister.
Help yourself, Annasoups on and shepherds pie. I need to walk Basil or disaster will strike.
Disaster? Anna snorted dryly. You dont know the half.
Holly hurried home but was too late. Dragging a half-conscious Anna from the bathroom, she let loose such a ferocious lecture that even Basil hid under Nicks bed to escape the hurricane.
What on earth do you think youre doing?! Is this what life gave you forto chuck it all away? Wake up, Anna, open your eyes! Look at me! What has happened that you think THIS is an answer? Bloke dumped you? Lost your voice, career over? Is that all there is? Is it worth saying goodbye over? I swear, Anna, if you try this again, Ill follow you myself and give you a proper hiding with Dads belt, no matter your age or achievements!
Anna, wet and shivering, blinked at her sister and burst into tears.
Mrs. Thompson arrived at the commotion, helped dress Anna, and made arrangements with the ambulance crewno one argues with the chief matron of the local hospital.
They didnt admit Anna. Gave her a few jabs, muttered about crazy youth, and left. Holly, after her own injection, felt slightly better and sat brushing Annas hair.
Why, Anna? Just tell me.
Holly, dont start. Theres nothing left. No voiceso Im nothing. No La Scala, no even some piddling local theatre. Nothing! Im zero.
Holly threw her head back and laughed so loudly Anna flinched and Basil barked, perplexed.
You? Zero? Anna, have a heart! Youre the only one in this whole family who never even flirted with failure! Dad, me, Mumall the rest, but not you! You, like Nick, are too stubborn to give up… except you go for the dramatics.
Holly!
WhatIm wrong? Nick would never pull something like this. He knows life isnt all jam doughnuts! Sometimes you get dry toast too. You, soon as things dont go your way, you throw your paws in the airLook at me, poor me! Since when did you ever let anyone pity you? So whats changed?
Everything, Holly! When I got ill, he dumped me. Said he didnt have time for that sort of rubbish! Is that what love is?
Wheres the love in that? It was never there. You made it up and picked a fight with yourself. No way he only showed his true colours when you got sick. Deep down, you liked having him around because you loved him. Its always been your waywant, get! But sometimes we dont. Sometimes fate serves you sprouts instead of pudding. Bin him and move on. Why waste tears over a man who disappears at the first real problem? Next youll be hanging yourself for spite! Do you think hell care? Hell dust it off and never give you another thought.
Holly youre so harsh.
No, AnnaIm just doing what you always did for me. You were pig-headed and impossible, and thank goodness for it. Maybe I wouldnt have coped with Nick alone when Dad died without you to toughen me up.
Visual aid
What?
Just came to mind. Cant think where its from
Quentin Blake, Anna. I read you those stories as kids. You two were MY visual aids. Nobody taught me how to be your parentDad was clueless, could hardly help.
Anna propped herself up, peering at Holly in the dim light.
How did you cope? Didnt you ever want to run off and start your own life? Find a boyfriend, have a proper go at being happy?
Oh, youre funny! Of course I did! Watching you snogging Jamie by the binsI was green with envy! But it was a weird kind of pride too, Anna.
Why?
Because I was happy for you. Even if it couldnt be me, at least you had it all. You were my skylark.
My what?
My skylark. I wanted you to soar, sing so loud everyone would wonder how a girl could do that. So Id know every bit of yours was a bit of minethat Id helped that Id managed…
Suddenly Holly bowed her head and began to cry so bitterly that Anna forgot her own miseries. Shed get her voice back in time, blokes would come and gobut what to do about Holly?
They drifted to sleep, clinging to each other, neither daring to let go, even for a moment.
A month later, Anna got a job teaching at the conservatoire and sent Holly a letter, telling her not to worry.
Time passed. Nick came home from his service with a surpriseIm getting married! The wedding was modest but joyful, with Anna singing for the first time in public since her returnso dazzling, the restaurant manager nearly begged her to perform regularly.
I dont even live in this town! Anna hesitated, realising shed finally beaten back those old fears. She was singing again. Maybe not on the West End or the Met, but there are other roads, and perhaps it was time she tried walking one.
Hollyglowing, radiant, in a new dressdanced the twist with her brother and beamed.
Anna’s first album came out just a year after Nicks wedding. Six months latershe married herself, delighting Holly.
Now I can relax at last! Holly hugged her, careful of the massive dress. Maybe Ill have some time for myself!
Easy to say! First Nick had a daughter, then Anna had twins. Holly was busier than ever, dashing between their homes to babysit and help at the drop of a hat.
When Holly did marry (shockingly, only half a year after the event did Nick and Anna find out), both stared in shock.
What? You didnt tell us, Holly? Arent we family?
You dont get much closer! Now come on, Nick, stop gawping and set the cutlery. Come onchop, chop! The in-laws are coming, and Annas lot too. No dawdling! Am I the bride or arent I?
Nick, still sulking, set the table as Holly plopped into her armchair, fanning herself with her apron.
When was I supposed to tell you? One or other of you was always up to your eyeballs. First your Molly was ill, Nick, then Annas twins appeared. Who had time for weddings? Besides, what does it matter when we married? Me and Harry arent exactly spring chickens. Didnt know how youd take ithes younger and all Remember, Anna, when you stormed in like a hurricane because you found out you were pregnant? Nearly broke my door! Poor Vera was so worried she called the hospital. You werent thinking of me, were you? Just as well! Besides, what matters is were togethershouldnt that be enough?
Suddenly, Holly gasped and clutched her stomach.
Whats wrong? Nick dropped the cutlery and rushed over.
Hes kicking! Holly smiled, so radiantly that Anna stared, amazedshed never seen Holly so happy.
Who? Nick stared, nonplussed.
Oh, Nick, really! Hold on She grabbed his hand and placed it on her belly.
Oh!
There you go, uncle! Holly wriggled, trying to stand. Let me finish that salad!
Oh, stop! Anna finally recovered, Sit down, Missus! Well manage!
Then, unable to keep a straight face, she threw her arms round Holly.
Oh my goodness, its about time you got your happiness, Holly! Youve given so muchyou deserve it more than anyone!Holly laughed, tears springing to her eyes. For the first time, they were tears of pure, unclouded joy.
Im only following your lead, Anna. Thats what sisters do.
Nick knelt beside her, hugging them both tight. Were together. Thats what matters. Always.
Outside, Mrs. Thompsons laughter drifted up the stairwell as grandchildren barreled past her on their way in, all squeals and giggles and puppy paws on the linoleum. Through the window, the sun fell over the old houses and their battered gardens, gilding the washing lines with light. From somewherea neighbours radio, perhaps, or maybe Anna herselfa song rose up, bright and beautiful, echoing off the rooftops and swirling in through the open kitchen.
For one shining, ordinary moment, every heart in that warm, crowded flat pulsed with promise: old sorrows and new hope weaving together like sunlight on river water. And Holly knewno amount of worry, waiting, or wounded years could ever break what theyd built here. Every burden borne, every hand held, every laugh and lullabytheyd been the bricks of this fierce, unlikely happiness.
She felt the baby turn within her as if to say, Im here, too.
Familymessy, mended, unbreakablehad carried them all this way. And for the first time in forever, Holly let herself lean into their love, sure that whatever tomorrow brought, this would always be the place where hope lived.
