And then, everything would be different…
Ellie, we need to talk.
Just a sec, Andrew, let me finish this, all right?
Ellie swiftly chopped the parsley for the salad, popped a lid on the nearly-done stew, and turned around to face her husband.
Done. What is it, Andrew? she looked at him more closely and realised something was wrong. Andrew was leaning against the cramped kitchens wall, gazing at the floor, silent. Come on, out with it, youre making me anxious.
Andrew sighed. He knew he had to say it, but it was the sort of news that would shatter the cozy world Ellie had crafted over the past two yearsa world he lived in every day, always half-afraid he’d wake to find it was just a fabulous dream. What would come after, he couldn’t predict.
You know I have a son?
Ellie sat down and squeezed the tea towel in her hands.
I know.
My ex-wife called today. She said either I take him in, or shes putting him in care.
Hang on, Andrew, I don’t understand. Care? How old is he nowsix?
Nearly seven. Shes taken a job abroad, but there’s no one left to leave him with. Liz’s mother… well, she passed recently. No other family.
I still dont get it. Couldnt she work somewhere closer to home, not abandon her child?
Didnt give details. Just told me how it was.
Ellie fell into thought. It was strange, all of it. But a child Shed always known Andrew had a son. Hed never kept anything from her.
Shed met Andrew at work: a tall, thin fellow, ducking into her office, bending his head so as not to knock it on the door frame. No, not so much entered as hopped in, leaning on a comical stick that obviously didnt fit his reach, but he clearly couldnt get about without it. His right ankle so swollen he couldnt wear a proper shoe, he turned up to clinic in a ridiculous bulldog-faced slipper.
What happened?
Ice. Slipped right outside my building.
When?
Yesterday.
And youve only come today?
Had too much to do yesterday, muddled through somehow, but this morning it ballooned up, hurts to even touch.
Thats how they met: Ellie the GP and Andrew the science teacher.
Doctor and a teacher perfect pillar of society, Ellie laughed later.
Andrew was already long-divorced by then, the break-up having left him with a deep distrust of women. Ellie never asked what happenedAndrews gran told her the story in the end. Shed raised him herself, and did what she could to quietly protect her beloved grandson.
You go gentle with him, Ellie, if you can. Hes been through so much with Liz. She was good about the house, calm enough, but rough, never gentle. Everything a command or a snap. Poor Andrew, always soft-hearted, even as a lad. Hed toddle up to me, press close, and when I asked what he wanted, hed say, Nothing, Gran, just love you. Liz would tell him he was too soppy, not manly, all this hugging. Wouldnt let him coddle his own son, said Hes a boy, dont spoil him! Baby Max would scream, you couldnt pick him up. Liz thought itd harden him, but Andrew would argue with her. Hated hearing his son cry. When Max got bigger it calmed down, but Liz was always chasing self-development. Read books, go to courses, meet with people. I stopped asking. My job was to look after Max while she was off. Thats when she met the man she left Andrew for. Told Andrew he didnt help her grow, didnt want to waste her time, took their son and went.
Did Andrew see his son after that?
At first Liz said no, but relented later. Hed visit Max, sometimes took him on seaside trips when allowed.
And now?
Well, things changed. Now Andrew pays maintenance, and they had to go through court to agree on visits. Liz said he set a bad example.
How so?
Max wants to stay with his dad whenever hes been there. Kicks up a fuss. They found a compromise, but then Liz moved to London. Much harder to visit, you see. Andrew saves all his leave for London. Never goes anywhere else. Has to take up tutoring to afford these trips.
Sad business, Ellie murmured, clearing away the tea things, then paused, Did they love each other at all, when they married?
Must have. Only young, hed just come out of the army, she was still at college. Max came sooner than planned.
Thanks for telling me. I wouldve hated to ask Andrew outright.
Ellie understood everything better then. Why Andrew sometimes half-reached to hug her, but withdrew his arms as if hed changed his mind; why, lost in thought, hed take her hand, then pull away as though remembering he shouldnt. It took her patiencea whole year of itbefore Andrew truly relaxed with her. Then, one day, he noticed he was walking hand-in-hand with Ellie on the street, hugging her in public. It made him giddy with fearnot of Ellie, but that shed turn into Liz. He knew in his mind they were totally different, but dread is illogical. When Andrews gran, quite ill by then, asked him why hed not made things official, Andrew told her honestly:
Im afraid, Gran. If she ever leaves, Ill never want anyone again. Shes mine, you see?
Then dont dawdle, lad! Wait too long, someone will snatch her up! You cant just sit about, blinkered like a ploughhorse. If you love her, marry her, and stop comparing her to anyone else. No ones the same.
He listened. After a couple of months, they tied the knot, moving in with his ailing gran to help her, before eventually returning to Ellies tiny flat when the old woman passed. But it suited them fine.
Now, as Ellie looked round their snug kitchen, she imagined what itd be like with three. A boy in their world. Things would have to change.
Did you get the tickets? she started laying the table.
Not yet. Hang on, youre not against the idea?
Andrew, why would I be? Hes your child.
She watched him let out a breath, tried not to show shed noticed.
Lets have supper. Ill pack your bag afterwards. And work?
Ive got three days leave. Sorted cover at school; told my students. Couldnt get hold of Natashas mumcan you ring her tomorrow and explain?
They dined, talking over everything to be done. Ellie saw Andrews nerves settle, saw his shoulders unclench, and watched as he began to smile again.
Two days, while Andrew travelled to London and back, Ellie rushed about like a whirlwind. Cleaning, sorting out the spare room for Max, arranging everything for his arrival. At last all was ready.
She slipped a pie into the oven and peered out at the soggy English spring. Everything was grey, the whole world reluctant to budge from beneath its cloud. She longed for warmth and holidaysoon, and this year, Andrew wouldnt leave as usual, and thered be time for a longer stay in the countryside with her parents.
The bell rang. She opened the door and found a sullen boy on the doorstep, standing apart from his father, staring her straight in the eye.
Hello, Max! Lovely to meet you!
Good afternoon… Max, clearly not the shy sort, still eyed this unfamiliar woman warily.
He remembered what his mum had said before Dad picked him up.
You’ll be staying there for a bit. Dont get ideas above your station, dont try to get attached. Its only temporary. You dont need to love those people, right? Theyre just obligated to look after youits time your father pulled his weight. Listen to him as much as necessary. Dont bother with her. Shes nobodyjust someone wholl wash your things and cook your meals. Remember: I am your mum.
Max had nodded, hiding his feelings (Mum didnt like emotions). He already knew that: boys dont cry, dont whinge. No point trying to convince her. Best to settle in, wait it out. He tried to ask how long a bit meant, but she only started on about how much money she needed to give him a decent life. Whenever she said that, he knew not to ask any more. Everything would change, that much was certain. Everything would be different now.
Ellie showed Max his room, shooed a huge black cat off the sofa and laughed:
Shoo him off if hes in your way, else youll never be free of his purring.
Whats his name? Max tried hoisting the cat, who hung limply, eyes like golden honey, purring a thunder.
Hes called Bramble, usually just Bram. Loves laps, but too heavy. Want him nearby, just call and hell come.
Ellie smiled as Max stroked the cat, who promptly melted into a big puddle of happiness, purring loud as a lorry.
Do you like cats?
And dogs. But Mum never allowed pets in the house. Max faltered.
What about pies? Ellie pretended not to hear his awkwardness.
Depends what kind. Head down, Max busied himself with the cat.
Meat, or apple. That do?
He nodded, grave.
Guessed right, then.
They learned each other slowly, tiptoeing around invisible boundaries, hiding their worries. Max was less guarded with Andrewquickly realising what having a father meant. But with Ellie he played it safe, haunted by his mothers words.
Summer slipped by into autumn; Max started Year 1. Ellie helped with homework, tried to ease him into routine.
One day, collecting him from school as Andrew had classes, Ellie noticed his collar was torn. Max, boots kicking the stone step, looked cross.
Mrs. Elvira Williams? Maxs teacher called her aside.
Is something the matter?
Ill speak to Mr. Andrew later, but wanted to askhas Max ever mentioned trouble at school? Miss Howard spoke quietly.
No, always says alls well when I ask.
Not quite true. He struggles to join in with the other children. Today, he fought with two boys.
Over what?
Something about his family, his mum, I think. I had to take the register, didnt hear it all. And Max keeps telling everyone he isn’t staying for long, which makes it hard for him to make friends. Is it true? Will he leave soon?
I dont know. I doubt it. Best speak to his dad.
Miss Howard nodded.
Understood. Ill do that.
Is there any way we can help Max settle?
Hard to say yet. Hes a lively boy, really needs company. Maybe consider a sports club? Be careful whos in charge, though.
Thank you! Great idea. Cant believe we hadnt thought of it Ellie beamed.
On the way home, she watched Max sulk and kept quiet. After tea, she sat with her mug and studied him, trying to work out what he wanted.
Do you like any sport, Max?
He stared, surprised.
I thought youd tell me off.
For fighting?
Um, yes.
I trust you know that wasnt really right, eh?
Yeah. He dropped his head.
Butsometimes, youve got to fight, if it really comes to it. Can I ask why, today?
He hesitated, then looked up at her:
They called my mum names. Said shed dumped me. Left me with you lot. Said I dont have a mum anymore.
Nonsense! Ellie slammed her cup down, tea slopping over, soaking the table. She snatched a towel and mopped up fiercely.
Wow! Max raised his brows in surprise, a flicker of a grin.
What? Thats not a swear! Dont tell your dad, or Ill be for it.
She put her cup away and sat again.
Look, Max. What they saidrubbish. A child can live with mum or dad, all sorts happen. Its really none of their business! I probably shouldnt say that, its not very teacherly… but they deserved it! Next time Ill bite my tongue. But… Max, havent you any friends in class? No one you like at all?
I like some. The boy I foughtBenhes all right. Loves aeroplanes, showed me a model.
So you wouldnt mind being friends?
We are friends, really. He asked me to go camping next year, but I said Id be gone by then, my mum would come fetch me.
I see. Ellie stood to feed the cat, whod been winding himself around their legs for an hour. Maybe you dont have to say no so quickly?
You mean… you dont think shell come for me?
Not that. Just maybe your mum would let you go camping if youre still here?
Max thought about that.
Anyway, what sport do you like?
Dont know. Boxing, maybe. Its for lads. And you have to use your head, too. Dad and I watched a film about it.
Would you like to try it yourself?
Could I?
Why not? Ill speak to Dad tonight. Bet we can find a boxing club.
And so they did. Max went happily, soon dragging Ben and a few classmates along. Miss Howard later told Ellie things had smoothed outfights stopped, the boys got on, and Ellie and Andrew relaxed.
Max stayed for almost six years. He settled, opened up. Ellie saw that he, like his father, needed a fuss and praise. At first timid, she gradually hugged him more, glowing at his triumphs. Max, delighted, would drape his medals from tournaments round her neck, hugging back.
Its your medal, too! Youre the one who brought me here!
Soon they needed a second shelf for his trophies.
When Ellie found she was expecting, her first reaction was fearwould Max be put out? But to her surprise, when Andrew explained hed have a little sister, Max was thrilled.
Brilliant! Everyone at school has brothers or sistersnow I will too!
Not bothered shes a girl? Ellie smiled as Max, tongue out, hurried over his homework.
Thats fine! Max slammed his exercise book shut. Girls are great! Shell love me, Ill protect her, Ill be the coolest big brother, yeah?
Absolutely!
Itll be brilliant. Right, Im off! Ellie, you need anything from the shop?
Oh, thanks for the reminder! Were out of bread.
Little Sophie did indeed become the apple of Maxs eye.
You see, Dad, youve got Ellie, Mums far away… but Sophieshes only mine… I cant explain it, but Im glad shes here, Max would whisper, stroking her tiny fist.
Ellie marvelled at the boy, watching him help between boxing club and school, minding Sophie, who soon worked out how to get her own way. Ellie watched her toddle to her big brother, who came bursting home, bag dumped, scooping up his little sister in a huge embrace, and Ellie would quietly hope it could last.
But perhaps Heaven had too many letters to read, or perhaps their portion of ordinary family happiness ran outbecause on Sophies third birthday, everything changed. Liz showed up at the door, out of the blue, intent on taking Max back to London.
Its not negotiable! Liz pushed aside her untasted tea, frowning. We agreed from the start this was only temporary, didnt we?
We did, Andrew had been coaxing, but his reasons all skidded off Lizs relentless no.
So I dont see why were having this discussion. Tell your wife to pack Maxs things. Im short on time.
This wife happens to be very much alive and well, and, for the record, here in her own kitchen, in whats been your sons home for six years, not two. Ellie removed the teacup So maybe I get a say. And what about your sons say? Have you asked him who he wants to live with?
Liz regarded Ellie with such a storm of feelings that Ellie stifled a laugh.
Surprised the other woman speaks? This isnt your ground, Liz, so dont behave like were your staff. You, of all people, know what that feels like.
Liz flushed. Shed spent the last years as a cleaner in Spain, stripped of her illusions when shed been left in the lurch, broke and alone.
Why should I ask the child what he wants? Im his mother, I know best.
Liz, you seem sensible and youve seen a bit of the world. Can’t we keep the drama out of it? You havent seen your son for years. Hes changedmade a whole life here. Surely youll at least talk to him, listen to what he has to say?
What for? I dont repeat myselfI hate that. Either way, itll be as I decide.
Ellie sighed, looked at Andrewhe was about to blow, she could see it in his face.
Heres what will happen, Liz. Youll talk to Max, listen properly to what he says, and accept whatever he chooses. Or Ill go back to court.
And say what? Liz sneered.
That he should stay with us.
Children stay with their mother! Liz bristled.
Not sure thats so certain. You have no home, no job, youre alone. Were a stable familyboth respected here, Max is thriving, at school, at his club. Which way do you suppose the court will lean?
Liz turned pale.
You wouldnt dare!
I would. You tore my life apart onceI wont let you do it again, not to me, not to Max.
Youve changed… Liz looked at him, curious I hardly recognise you.
No need for a row. Just hear him out, please.
Liz nodded, mute. Ellie and Andrew stepped into the hall and called Max.
Go on, son, your mum wants a word, Andrew squeezed his shoulders. Remember, were right here, no matter what you decide. All right?
Kay, Dad.
The talk with Max was hard for Liz. She saw, with a sting, that the obedient little boy shed left was gone. Instead, a new Maxconfident, calm. Qualities she wished shed given him, but knew another woman had. It hurt so much she could barely breathe.
So, you want to stay with your dad?
If youll let me, yes. I could visit you on holidays, Mum. But everythings hereSophie, my friends, school… Everything. I dont have any of that there.
The kitchen door creakedSophie peeked in at the strange, pretty lady who had sat for ages, refusing to leave. She sensed it had something to do with Max, so she sidled up to her brother, pressing her face into his hands.
Whats up, Soph? Ill be with you in a sec, alright? Go and see Mummy.
Sophie shook her head, refusing.
Liz regarded her son and, after a moment, nodded.
All right. Stay here. But youll visit me in London in the holidays.
Thatll be brilliant! Thank you, Mum! Max started forward to hug her, halted, remembering she didnt like that.
Come here, you, Liz pulled him close and, unseen, wiped her tears. Ill be waiting for you.
Ill come, Mum. I promise.
